Sorry this is long. Me and my boyfriend were best friends, then after a year he joined the army and I tried to talk him out of out for MANY reasons. We broke up for awhile when he was in basic and then he came back to me in October asking to please take him back, etc. Our relationship was better than ever and then he was deployed in December for a 4 month deployment.

Since back a month and a half ago, he has been excessively drinking, getting angry, smoking, etc. which he NEVER ever would have done before. He would go days sometimes without calling and we would argue because I asked him if he could just simply call me so we could communicate. He said he hates the phone, etc and wait until he gets home. Things have been really rocky and we went back and forth. He said he wanted to be with me when I have asked why he's not calling, but told me not to take things so seriously. In one coversation, he even said, "I wish I wouldn't have joined the f*cking army!" I've tried to talk to him but he won't talk to me about ANYTHING Iraq related.

So he came back on Friday and when I asked him if he wanted me to go to the airport he said he was going to go out with friends which REALLY hurt me. I called Friday while he was at the airport and ended up going down to his house to see him. He was really cold at first and then alone, hugged me, etc and said we would "TALK" about me and him for breakfast. Breakfast came, and he didn't call. His family (which I am VERY close to) had a BBQ and when I got there didn't talk to me much. He basically acted like I wasn't invited. He acted this way, then went out with a friend, and then still texted me with I love you. Then next day, acted weird again to me, etc. He told me it is really hard to have a long distance army relationship and he wants to be with me but he still wants me to live my life.

He said he has trouble sleeping, and I told him maybe you have PTSD because I've been researching. He said no. Then his crazy ex girlfriend drove up to his house and I had a run-in with her which she was making psychotic claims which made this situation a lot of drama. I felt like he didn't stand up for me, etc. Anywho, he called yesterday and I told him how I felt. I told him that since he's been back, he hadn't put any time aside for me after he made all these promises to me while in Iraq, that I've tried to be there for him and he said "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I HAD TO GO THROUGH IN IRAQ. YOU DON'T KNOW THE HELL I HAD TO DO THERE." I told him that I have tried to be there for him, but he has really embarassed me this weekend by not treating me like his girlfriend after waiting for him, supporting him, getting really close with his family, etc. I told him it's best that we just don't talk anymore or see each other and first he said not but at the end of the conversation, he said okay. That was the last time I talked to him. He left this morning back to Fort Bragg. I really love him and I can't believe things ended up this way, but I know I've been pushing him to call and see me, and if you love someone you can't push it. I just really wanted to be close to him again. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with all of this?

My boyfriend just got home and I'm still learning how to deal with this as I go but I will say that I know it takes patience and understanding. It also does sound as if he might be having some issues with PTSD. Let him know that you are there for him. Tell him you know you can't understand what he is going through but let him know you will be there for him and that you are willing to listen when he wants to talk.
Give him time. It could take a couple of months. PM me if you want and good luck!!

I'm going through the same exact thing with my "boyfriend." He says he has a loss of emotion, no feelings towards me and that its best we go our own separate ways which can be truly heart breaking. Sometimes you have to accept that no human power can truly help them, only time, space and themselves. Once they can accept what happened, I've heard that they sometimes come back to you. The best thing you can do for him right now is give him space to think. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be but pushing him is the worst possible thing. That's what I did at first and it made it worse. I realized that even a week of not communicating made him want to see me. It's gonna be hard but you have to be strong. If you want to talk about it, you can always pm me! :hi

Oh, oh. This is exactly my story too. As Ibuconn said - loss of emotion. No feeling toward me. Doesn't know if he loves me anymore. We broke up last week - his decision. I too have heard that sometimes they come back when they start to re-adapt. At the moment I'm still reeling myself. I'm also trying to wait for him to contact me - assuming he ever does again. Its painful all of this :(

wow this is horrible! I don't know how I would act in that situation. I cannot imagine the hurt you must feel after so long... I hope things get better for all of you because I'm sure as much as you get mad, you also feel so bad that they're not doing so well. Tough situation... you are all in my prayers tonight!