I know it happens to all of us.

Deployment happens, they leave, you stay strong, and then there is just that day that you break down and just wish the world would just leave you the hell alone! I am having that day, today. What a wonderful day to have it.

It has been 9 days since DH has left and for some reason I can not stop crying, I am pissed off at the world today, the kids are driving me loopy, I wanted to mow the lawn this morning, but its storming out, a friend of mine is on his way over to take us to lunch for mothers day and I want to tell him to go fuck himself. To leave me the hell alone.

Why today? I actually had a good nights sleep last night. I fell asleep around 1130pm and didnt wake up until 1030am... You would think that i would be a ray of sunshine because its the first time in 9 days that I have slept. But no.

I am so sick of people telling me that I need to stay strong, that I need to be strong for DH and the kids. That I am suppose to be the backbone of the family.... I KNOW THIS ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know what is expected of me and fuck whoever wants to tell me not to cry, not to cry in front of my kids..... not to be upset.... I am only human and this is our first deployment. yeah we have been blessed and he has NEVER had to deploy in the almost 4 years that he has been in until now. It is hard.... Anyone that days it gets easier I believe to be a fool... If it gets easy then I think there must be something wrong. I cannot just go on with life... life has been directed around my husband.... Everyday my decisions were made with him... around him and now I am lost. I feel empty. Alone. My children are my backbone. (of corse DH is but Physically he isnt here and its so hard to explain to him what is going on) I don't want him to think that I am weak and that I can't handle life.

I am just lost today, and I dont want to move from my couch. all i can do is hope for a better day tomorrow.

:hugs
I am sorry you are having a rough day today. You can't be strong ALL the time.

I am soo sorry you are having a rough day. You will get through today. And tomorrow is a new day, just always remember the most healthy thing for you to do during this trying time is to allow yourself to cry if you need to cry and laugh if you need to laugh, it will help, believe me. I hope your day gets better.

It does get easier with time. Time never stops, as much as you think it's going slowly- it never actually stops. Every minute that goes by, is a minute closer to seeing him again. You will be ok, everyone has these days, but they too- pass.

:hugs Keep your chin up, this won't last forever. Happy Mothers Day!

You go right ahead and cry if you want to! IF I held it in every time I wanted to cry I'd have exploded by now.

I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes, it just gets overwhelming for no reason at all. It's not that you're not strong, it's just not having him around physically. Oh gah, with me, I've been just thinking so much about how the hell am I gonna take care of the house the dogs work a toddler and a newborn for at least two months before he comes home??

But, allow yourself to feel what you wanna feel! Sometimes, other people, just don't really get it until they're in YOUR shoes. I hope the day goes by faster so you can just fall asleep and wake up to a new and better day. :hugs

It's ok to cry, we've all been there. If anyone tells you otherwise they either haven't been where you are, forgot how it felt, or were to numb to feel anything. It is ok to have a bad day, the kids can see. They are upset too and if they see you cry every once in a while, and you tell them it's just 'cause your missing Daddy then they know it's ok if they feel like crying too. You are teaching them even through your tears how to be strong. You are showing them sometimes you just have to cry. :hugs It will get better, but today let it be what it is. :hugs

Ok, breath..vent..cry..then breath again, lol. You are in the thick of it and I hear the first month is the hardest. Like you my dh hasn't deployed in 5 yrs(we have been seperated twice tho due to non-wartime deployments)I think it's hard whether it's your first or second,third etc deployment. My hubby has only been gone 8days, and I haven't really had a real good cry yet. We have kids and they keep me so busy and focused that I haven't had time to go to "that" place. I do think I handle things differently than most, b/c I make a concsious decision when it comes to what emotions I let control me. I'm actually the type of gal that likes the encouraging "be strong, you are the backbone" advice, b/c believe it or not, it does actually give me strength and motivation. I have to realize that even tho people say cliche things-they have well intentions....well most times lol. However I know that we are all different and handle things in our own way, there's no right way and no wrong way to grieve. I will end by saying happy mothers day, and your children are dolls. Hugs!!

It's okay to cry and to feel the way you do! Don't let anyone tell you that you shouldn't cry! Me and my DB are on our first deployment and I know how hard it is and how you are feeling! Everyone tells you to be strong, but it's hard! You should let yourself cry and feel the way you do! Eventually it will start to get easier and you will feel better! :hugs

I'm sorry you are having a hard time and it's true we do all have "those days" once in a while...but, I'm not a fool because it DOES get easier in time. The first part of the deployment has been the hardest for me. I had to get used to him not being here with me and learning to do everything alone but, then you get into a routine you get used to having to do things on your own. The sucky days get fewer and farther in between.

Thanks ladies.

My day is still the same but I di have to admit that I smiled for about 2 hours today when we went out to eat... Then we came home and it started again... Maybe I just have to clean the house and plan on going home next weekend.... Maybe I just need to be around family and then come back and take care of life. I will just wait until next weekend... After all the doctor appointments next week, the open house and then I will pack my kids up and go.

I'm sorry :hugs
Sometimes a change of scenery helps out!

Dear, I am totally there with you. My ass has not left this couch, except to go to the bathroom and refill my coffee. Take this day to do whatever you need to do. I've been bawling watching Love Actually and writing DH letters. I say, just let yourself have a weak day and give in to your emotions. It's totally fine. :tu

:hugs

aww honey, i am sorry. Those days will become less frequent as time goes on. I still have them from time to time, even at 3 months in. I hope your day will get better. ((hugs))

:hugs Let it out when you need to. It is 100% okay to cry, even in front of the kids. It shows them that you are human, and let's them know that it's okay for them to be sad and cry too. And it does get easier. This is my first deployment, and the first month was the hardest for me. Now, at the 2.5 month mark, I've found my grrove and I know I'm going to be okay. You will get there. Really, you will. PM me if you ever want to talk.

Im really sorry you are having a rough day...they will happen once and a while, especially in the first month...the best thing to do is cry it out, feel every emotion you can and you will start to become stronger....you can do this sweetie....if i can you can!

Let it all out. You can't even attempt to keep it in. I'm sorry your having a rough day. Tomorrow is a new day. Hang in there sweetie. You can do this.

:hugs

:bigsadhug i never tell people that it gets easier for him to be away, i do say that i have become accustomed to it, did i want to be? no of course i dont want to be used to the absence of my love but thats what ive had to do to get through this. cry all you want to, i doubt anyone here can tell you that they are 100% strong all the time and if there is someone more power to you but i know thats definitely not me. sorry youre having a hard time i hope it gets better for you tomorrow

Sometimes you need permission to cry. You have mine!!

:hugs