So 2 weeks ago df wrote me an email and said he was going to call in a day or two and he never did. i figured he wouldnt have told me this unless he was 100% sure he was going to. i wrote in his letter and in an email that i was disappointed BUT THAT I UNDERSTAND that things come up and he gets busy and all that. The day he wrote me one line saying he would call me he wrote a mutual girl friend a lot more and i said that hurt but again I UNDERSTAND that he thought he was going to be calling me so he didnt need to write a lot. i just like to tell him whats going on in my head and how im feeling. if im mad at him, it lasts MAYBE a day and Im over it....

Well, he must have had a bad day/is stressed/took my comments the wrong way. yesterday i got a nasty email with sarcastic "im sorry" 's along with belittling comments like things come up..."this is a fucking war":oogle

I can understand that he gets a lot of people saying they want to hear from him and that they're disappointed that they're not getting to, i understand he gets busy and believe me i understand that this is harder on him than it is on me and he probably took everything out on me because he loves me blah blah i just need to bitch and to tell you something about df, this is how he always acts when hes mad at me, cussing unnecessarily, making me feel stupid, etc. I thought just maybe hed restrain himself. i get one email or one 20 min. IM session with him once a week if that and this is what i get for the week before my birthday :no (again, i KNOW im being selfish, me me me but i just need to bitch)

I know that a lot of it has to do with stress and the war and he will probably be that way when he gets back, but my question is when does it go from "ok i'll support him because i know this is mainly due to stress/PTSD" (whenever he gets back) to "ok hes just being a complete dick"? I will support him if the problem really is stress due to war but when is enough, enough. i cant stand being talked to like that and i want to support him but i want to stand up for myself.

i love him and i keep going in between sadness that i angered him when he doesnt need that (as he so eliquently told me) and anger that his dealing with his anger towards me hasnt changed....

one more thing, i send him letters EVERY DAY and yet all i hear about is the one that pissed him off - wouldnt that make you just want to give up? :dunno :sigh

Well I think he was being a jerk by making you feel bad and using vulgar language! That could be because of the stress though and I would give him the benefit of the doubt. He didn't treat you like that before he left though right? I hope not because a girl doesn't deserve that! As far as him complaining all the time in his letters I would just ignore it and change the subject when you write back. He may need to vent, and you should let him, but that doesn't mean you really need to care about some guy that is making him mad! I'm sure it will all work out! :hugs

i think i would be just as upset. what about all the other letters and things you did to show him how much you care!!?? i'm sorry girl. ::hugs::

:hugs :hugs :hugs

Aw :hugs

:giggle

I'm not laughing at you I'm laughing at how we handled this problem when it popped up with us. Basically I wrote the NASTIEST email about how I didn't know who the fuck he was talking to but he was NOT going to bitch me out everytime he had a bad day and I wasn't going to rip his head off all the time either. We loved each other, we were a team and we WERE going to behave as such. OR ELSE.

:lol It was like 2 printed pages long. He just said that made sense and he'd missed the real me and that he'd watch his words.

There's a way for him to vent without being nasty. Help him find it.

:hugs :hugs :hugs :hugs

Sometimes I think they lose sight that we are the ones that are there for them unconditionally, no matter what they say or how they say it. DF has made several ignorant comments to me in the past. I have learned to just blow it off. I know that it isnt easy to do and I am very sorry he acted this way. If you ever wanna talk dont hesitate to PM me:hugehug

Aw :hugs

:giggle

I'm not laughing at you I'm laughing at how we handled this problem when it popped up with us. Basically I wrote the NASTIEST email about how I didn't know who the fuck he was talking to but he was NOT going to bitch me out everytime he had a bad day and I wasn't going to rip his head all the time either. We loved each other, we were a team and we WERE going to behave as such. OR ELSE.

:lol It was like 2 printed pages long. He just said that made sense and he'd missed the real me and that he'd watch his words.

There's a way for him to vent without being nasty. Help him find it.

hah something simliar happend with DB and I last night. I just got really quiet and let him think about what he'd said then he responded and said he was sorry and then started talking about the things that have been bothering him and why he's been stressed. but anywho..

I'm sorry :hugehug

I went through this our first deployment. I felt that I was giving so much more than he was. Yes, it is a war zone and yes, their life is incredibly stressful but does not give him a free pass to be a royal douche bag to you. You deserve to be appreciated and loved regardless of what he is going through.

My best advice is to tell him that you don't feel like you are being appreciated and that you understand his situation but that you would really appreciate a little more effort.

I went through this our first deployment. I felt that I was giving so much more than he was. Yes, it is a war zone and yes, their life is incredibly stressful but does not give him a free pass to be a royal douche bag to you. You deserve to be appreciated and loved regardless of what he is going through.

My best advice is to tell him that you don't feel like you are being appreciated and that you understand his situation but that you would really appreciate a little more effort.

I went through this our first deployment. I felt that I was giving so much more than he was. Yes, it is a war zone and yes, their life is incredibly stressful but that does not give him a free pass to be a royal douche bag to you. You deserve to be appreciated and loved regardless of what he is going through.

My best advice is to tell him that you don't feel like you are being appreciated and that you understand his situation but that you would really appreciate a little more effort.

ahh sorry for the double post!

Thats ok Brittany! :) thanks a lot for your support you guys!!!! i was really afraid i was over reacting but just in typing it out and posting it i feel better, and i definitely feel better knowing some of you have gone through the same thing!

I probably wont confront him about it now because he said he probably wont even try to communicate with anyone for the remaining time so that he doesnt worry about finding time to get to the computer and of pissing anyone off, although i think that was just a heat of the moment statement, i hope!!! but i will deal with it when he comes back!! THANKS!!!! :thanks :grouphug

You just need to tell him your feelings. THat is the only thing you really can do. Yeah, he is in the war, but you are supporting him in the war. He needs to realize that sometimes we need some extra attention every now and a then :) Good luck!

sorry girl :hugs