This is the oddest case in the world, I know, but I could really use your input.

DB, as most of you guys know, has been going through a lot of really high trauma situations. He's been through 4 emergency surgeries so far and is under a lot of pressure. It seems like he's always struggled with depression...

Anyway, now he's stopped talking. He'll only speak a few words to me, and he wont' tell me anything...he's showing symptoms like PTSD, honestly.

Is that even possible? Can anyone give me some advice on how I can be there for him?

I got upset earlier when I was talking to him, and I feel awful about it. I said, "hey" and he said, "um hey" and I laughed and said, "um?" And he said, "as in, I don't care."

I got really upset and asked why that was, why he keeps talking about not caring, and that I felt like it was really pushing it far to say that he doesn't care about me.

He said that he didn't care about anything anymore.

I just don't know what to do. I've dealt with suicidal cases before, and this doesn't seem like one. This really, really seems like PTSD. It's like he's being haunted.

I contacted him right after I said all of that stuff and I told him that I was sorry, that I was under a lot of stress, and that I if I were in his position maybe I'd feel the same way he did. I asked if things were ok, and he said,
"with us? Or with me?" and I said, "both." He said, "I don't know."

I asked him if there was anything that I could do to help him figure things out, and he told me that there was nothing to figure out.

He's been like this for a while now. We're all really, really worried about him. I asked him when he got out of the hospital if he needed a few days away, just not talking, to give him a break. He said that he didn't know...just that I should stop trying to cheer him up.

I can't think about this clearly, because I'm in the throws of finals week studying for biomedicine, and I'm trying to keep track of that and deal with the stress of him being in the hospital so much, with me at a distance.

I'm wondering if I should try to be lighthearted for him, or...I just have no idea what to do. He doesn't seem to want to talk. I just keep asking open ended questions for him, trying to give him lots of space, but...I don't know.

Is he still Deployed?

I know that when my husband deployed, even just being on a ship, he shut down and "didn't care" about or "didn't know" anything. He stopped really talking to me. I'd be lucky to get a 1 sentence email each day. And I had to beg him to call, and then the calls were so dead. I can only imagine how much worse it is for your DB being in Iraq and going through all that. My best advice is to just be loving and supporting. Don't push him to talk. And don't ask him if everything is okay, or show that you're worried about your relationship towards him. KWIM? I learned that that just pushes my husband away from me even more when he's stressed from the ship & shutting down, and I freak thinking something is wrong with us. Just keep what ever contact you have with him going. IE-I kept emailing my husband every day like normal, and just told him how much I love him, how proud of him I am, and that I am always here for him, ect. But if he wants his space, let him have it.

:hugs It's really stressful going through this.

i'm so sorry that you're having to go through this. i agree, i would try and continue to be as positive and supportive of him as you can. remember, you're amazing and strong and can get through this...good luck with finishing up your exams and PM me if you need to talk!

It looks like signs of PTSD to me too...and the first thing I can suggest is lovingly ask him to get professional help and talk to someone. Honestly, I believe that is the only thing besides showing your support and love for him that you can do.

My honey has PTSD & depression...brought him home from Iraq early due to its severity. Really, I just spend every day holding him, kissing him, telling him how proud I am, ... anything to let him know how I appreciate him. He hasn't shut down with me like your SO has but before I got to Germany he was damn near close to it. He's required by the Army to go through professional treatment and we are both very optimistic about the results we hope to see. So try suggesting that if you haven't already.

Other than that, I'm sorry I don't have much more to add. All I can give you are :hugehug Keep loving him. He needs it even if he doesn't realize it right now.

To the questions about deployment: That's why this is such a weird case. DB isn't deployed. He's suffering from a recurring infection in a chest wound...he's never been deployed.

I guess what I'm wondering is, could he develop that without being deployed? He's had stress from Army, from engineering and school, and from being in the hospital on and off in seriously dangerous situations for a year now. I know I've heard of cases like that in my studies of psychology before, where people develop PTSD for a number of reasons, not all of them on the battle field.

I just...yeah.

Edit: I just did some research on this (I have some profs who have been amazing with helping me through this). Apparently, PTSD cand develop outside of deployment, particularly in cases of patients who have been through a series of traumatic life threatening situations medically, who are under a severe amount of outside stress as well. That fits DB's case...

mysoldiersjuliet: how did you bring it up? Had he acknowledged it already?

yes, any major, tramatic occurance can cause PTSD (i.e. rape, gun shot) I think all of these surgiries and setbacks could def. lead to PTSD if not severe depression...there seems to be a setback around every bend, he can't see the light because every time he does it's taken away so now he is just saying forget it all. I would see if the hospital can send one of the mental health professionals up just to evaluate the situation. Positive thoughts really can help healing. For you all I can say is I'm :pray and :hugs When will your classes be done this semester, can you go up there then?

yes, any major, tramatic occurance can cause PTSD (i.e. rape, gun shot) I think all of these surgiries and setbacks could def. lead to PTSD if not severe depression...there seems to be a setback around every bend, he can't see the light because every time he does it's taken away so now he is just saying forget it all. I would see if the hospital can send one of the mental health professionals up just to evaluate the situation. Positive thoughts really can help healing. For you all I can say is I'm :pray and :hugs When will your classes be done this semester, can you go up there then?

Thanks...yeah that's what my prof has been saying too...
I wrote his sister,, a good friend of mine, who's there right now, to see what she thought of it...I asked her if maybe we should consider talking to him about being evaluated. I was thinking I'd wait until she responded to me to move forward with anything.

I'm really close to his mom...but I don't know if I should talk to her about this...what do you guys think? Should I tell her about my concerns? I think that everyone probably is having similar concerns, honestly...he's just stopped talking for so long...it's scary.

I would def. let his Mom know...everyone there is probaly so concerned with him just getting better physically they may not even be thinking of the mentally (other than boy he's really down.) He needs to know he can and will get better, if possible he needs to have a way to get out how scared he is and try to focus on the positive. I really hope everythign works out. I know you must be so worried. You are doing a great job. You are being a wonderful girlfriend, and you can get through this too. :hugs

I would inform his Mom and continue to talk with his sister. Sounds like depression and that he needs a Psych eval and meds. When you talk to him address it head on....no puppyfooting around. He knows how he's acting, he may not know WHY he acts like he does but he knows what he's doing. I would strongly suggest to him to ask for help. He is still hospitalized? Because if he is I'm surprised that no one has noticed his depression.

This must be hard for you, I'm sorry that you are going thru this.

I would inform his Mom and continue to talk with his sister. Sounds like depression and that he needs a Psych eval and meds. When you talk to him address it head on....no puppyfooting around. He knows how he's acting, he may not know WHY he acts like he does but he knows what he's doing. I would strongly suggest to him to ask for help. He is still hospitalized? Because if he is I'm surprised that no one has noticed his depression.

This must be hard for you, I'm sorry that you are going thru this.

ITA. Someone in the hospital might have noticed what was going on, but if it's a busy place it's not surprising they haven't. If he would agree to an eval before he leaves the hospital, that might be easiest on him. The psychologist could just stop by and talk to him, he wouldn't have to go anywhere or call anyone, which in my experience is usually the hardest thing for someone with severe depression to do.
If it continues this severely I imagine his unit and his command will eventually notice as well.
I am so sorry you're going through this. What I can tell you with my own experience with depression (I have it and have had it for a long time) is that it causes you to push people away, especially the people you love: sometimes passively, sometimes by saying and doing mean things to reinforce your own sense of "no one loves me" etc etc. Totally irrational and extremely frustrating, but it is part of the illness and something he definitely needs to address... It also causes a numbness, a lack of feeling and emotion, that is very scary for the person who has it. You suddenly wonder if you really feel anything or if youknow your own emotions. I hope he realizes he might need help. Hang in there... :hugs :hugs :hugs PM me if you need someone to talk to.

:hugs I'm sorry I don't have any advice...but I am sorry you are going through this...you seem like an amazing girlfriend so he is definitly lucky to have you!!! I would just continue to support him and let him know how much you care and that you are there for him no matter what he needs!!!

Also I agree maybe "lovingly" suggest some therapy