I wasnt sure where to post this.
Ok, so my df and I are talking last night on the phone. He said he is going to get pick up and go on a meu in jan. Sorry if my military lingo is not completly right Iam new to this.
So we get to talking about Iran. We always talk about anything. He said he feels Iran will be popping off very soon,and it will be a tank battle. ( he is in the 1st tank bn) and alot of us wont come home.
I usually never comment I just listen. I try not to project my fears or concerns.
This time I said something. I said well I dont want to hear that. That scares me. I dont want to lose you. He says then dont talk war with me then. I said, I like to have intelligent conversations about the world and war and everything, but I can be concerned. I only say that becasue I love you and dont want to think about you dying. when you gret deployed thats the last thing I will worry about. Yes, I know it can happen but Iam not thinkining about it. He chilled out and said his mom says the same thing. Then we changed the subject. We never were fighting.
MY question is... whats the best response to him when he says that.
I dont want him to feel he cant talk to me. I actually dont mind talking about it, I just dont want to think about him dying. Iam not in denial that it can happen.

i'm kinda the same way. even if i know something bad could happen, i'd much rather not think about it. but i try to just say that it depends (to a certain extent) how you think about it. if you think you will be fine, you will be. that kinda thing. i guess the power of positive thinking. its a little naive, but it works for us.

Thanks for the response. I know its his job, and he loves his life and job as a marine. It makes him happy. I support him 100%. It just scares me. I just dont want to live scared. does that make sense. I know when the deployment date comes up we need to address things, since we wont be married until next year, we need to talk about how I need to be contacted if something happens to him and the savings account we are saving in. etc. Ugh...
He always says to me, that Tommorrow isnt promised. Yes I know this. I guess I feel like if we talk about we give it power and more chance to happen, but maybe Iam being silly
I just look at where your at you in wa and your marine is in sandiego. I am up here north and my marine is in 29 palms.

I feel the same way.I know my boyfriend loves being in the army.And it's his dream.And something he has wanted since he was very young.And I support him 100%.And Iam very proud of him for being a soldier and serving his country.But when it comes to talking about war and deployments.I know he is infantry and will be in lots of dangerous situations.But I much rather not think about him getting hurt.

Thanks for the response. I know its his job, and he loves his life and job as a marine. It makes him happy. I support him 100%. It just scares me. I just dont want to live scared. does that make sense. I know when the deployment date comes up we need to address things, since we wont be married until next year, we need to talk about how I need to be contacted if something happens to him and the savings account we are saving in. etc. Ugh...
He always says to me, that Tommorrow isnt promised. Yes I know this. I guess I feel like if we talk about we give it power and more chance to happen, but maybe Iam being silly
I just look at where your at you in wa and your marine is in sandiego. I am up here north and my marine is in 29 palms.

i completely see where you are coming from. i'm going to hate it when db is deployed because of just that (i don't want to live scared). and i know that you want him to be able to talk to you about it, but its like you'd rather live with your head in the sand. at least that's how i'd like to be.

oh that's funny, db's up at 29 palms for a little while too right now. i'm on the east side of wa for another month (finishing up the school year), what part of wa are you in?

I hate even thinking about it.....

Whenever the topic of death comes up it is always, "well that won't happen, you will be home before you know it." I have no room for "what ifs."

No one ever likes there SO getting deployed.But you can't live in fear.You have to keep positive.And think good thoughts.That yes they will be coming home to you!

Being with someone in the military, you'll always deal with the "what if I die" issue. It's not easy and there is never really a good answer to it. I think it gets harder when you get married because then you have to fill out the Will and the CACO paperwork and it's the worst feeling ever.

I can't really give you any advice because I don't know how to deal with it, even to this day with my Dad being a Retired Marine and my husband being in for 8 years now-I still don't know how to talk about it, so we usually don't. He knows not to mention it unless it absolutely needs to be.

I wasnt sure where to post this.
Ok, so my df and I are talking last night on the phone. He said he is going to get pick up and go on a meu in jan. Sorry if my military lingo is not completly right Iam new to this.
So we get to talking about Iran. We always talk about anything. He said he feels Iran will be popping off very soon,and it will be a tank battle. ( he is in the 1st tank bn) and alot of us wont come home.
I usually never comment I just listen. I try not to project my fears or concerns.
This time I said something. I said well I dont want to hear that. That scares me. I dont want to lose you. He says then dont talk war with me then. I said, I like to have intelligent conversations about the world and war and everything, but I can be concerned. I only say that becasue I love you and dont want to think about you dying. when you gret deployed thats the last thing I will worry about. Yes, I know it can happen but Iam not thinkining about it. He chilled out and said his mom says the same thing. Then we changed the subject. We never were fighting.
MY question is... whats the best response to him when he says that.
I dont want him to feel he cant talk to me. I actually dont mind talking about it, I just dont want to think about him dying. Iam not in denial that it can happen.

Well, I personally don't think we will go to war with Iran. JMO, we don't really have the man-power right now.

I don't know about bringing up him dying per say. I never bring it up though. I had thought about it when he was deployed and the base he was stationed at was bombed. But DB's job isn't very dangerous, so I guess I wasn't as worried. BUT, now that he's switched into a flight unit, I'm more worried. hmmm but we never really talk about death because it's kind of a depressing subject kwim?

I think you should live life in the moment and not think about it because you will only get sad...other than that I don't know what else to say..

We don't even go down the road of "what ifs"... that could be a very long road.

Whenever the topic of death comes up it is always, "well that won't happen, you will be home before you know it." I have no room for "what ifs."
I agree... I wouldn't get through a week of his deployment if we had that conversation. And someone reminded me the other day that more people are killed on car accidents than in Iraq (or Iran).

I agree... I wouldn't get through a week of his deployment if we had that conversation. And someone reminded me the other day that more people are killed on car accidents than in Iraq (or Iran).

This I think is true. In fact there was a car accident right in front of my house last night. The one driver didnt make it. :(
My df said to me once. " hell baby back home it was so bad I had a better chance of dying there then I do in war"
Like everyone here, I just dont want to think about it.
I think the next time it goes there, I am going to say lets not talk about what ifs.
I want to thank everyone for their response. Its appreciated all the advice.
I really love this place. Ia m so happy I found it. You all are my newest addiction..lol I dont even log in to myspace anymore..

HUGS

Everyone has adversions to the idea that their loved one is in harm's way.
But you have to just learn to live with those feelings and talk about things anyway.

Talking is the key to everything. You did well to explain your view and feelings. :yes That way he knows you genuinely are concerned and he won't take your adversion to the topic as "I don't care"
Because you DO care - you care alot - that just hurts sometimes.

Do what we do - get mad at the President :lol