Could you forgive your So for cheating?
Would it depend on the circumstances?
WHat would those circumstances be?
Would it be easier to forgive him for having phone sex vs physically cheating?
What would it take for you to forgive him?
Could you trust him again?
:unlove


incoming poll......

Nope. and that's a big FAT nope! We have already made an agreement. NO CHEATING. It's not an "excuse" for us. Mistakes like that don't happen for us. Either your with me or not. and vice versa.

Do I think I could ever forgive him? No. But would I try my damndest to make our marriage work if it was what he still wanted? Yes. Trust would be a long time coming.

there is no excuse for cheating... if you even have the urge.. then ya.... you better just end things with me...

No, sorry but I have been there and done that in my 1st marriage and I can't put myself through that again.

No. I wouldn't stay with him, I wouldn't trust him again, I wouldn't give a second chance.

If he were to cheat then there's obviously no respect for me from him and that just doesn't work with me.

I know people are going to say "You NEVER know until you're in that situation ... blah blah" Yes, I DO KNOW that I would leave in a heartbeat. I love him more than anything in the world but for him to cheat on me? That means that love isn't there.

Dbl post!

Depends

No second chances, he and I have talked about what we both expect and won't tolerate and cheating is definately not a second chance, I'm sorry thing.
Phone sex, chatting/flirting online yes it isn't physically cheating, but it is still wrong to lust after someone else if you are married and supposedly committed only to your spouse. And even though doing those things isn't cheating physically I would have trust issues and doubt put in my head that it could lead to that which would cause just as much problems as if he had done it. Long story short any of it to me is wrong if you are committed.

No way.. I'm a firm believer in "once a cheater, always a cheater." So if he was dumb enough to do it once, I couldn't trust him not to do it again.

My stance has changed with this over time. I've always said, that the only time I'd ever divorce would be if two things happened...cheating or beating.

When you love someone you will try everything before throwing in the towel. I have met women who have went by this philosophy(cheating=divorce) but ended up eating their words b/c it was easier said than done.

I think I could forgive one time, if there were no emotions/attatchments involved, but if it ever happened a second time, I'd be gone!

Do I think I could ever forgive him? No. But would I try my damndest to make our marriage work if it was what he still wanted? Yes. Trust would be a long time coming.

That's me too.

I'd never be able to trust him again and it would devastate me, so no.

I have no idea.

We have so much invested in our marriage and life for me to say I'd leave if something like this happened. I'd stay and try to work it out......but alot depends on the circumstances you know?

I forgave. Did I forget nope. I still have moments of small panics but really they are gone. I can say that I fully 200% forgive my husband for cheating on me. I forgive him for the hell he put us through and his lack of judgement.

Why??

Because I loved/love him. I knew/know what I wanted/want. It's simple. My marriage. And we both worked our asses off putting us back together again.

You can only forgive if there is room to mend and move on IMO.

I have no idea.

We have so much invested in our marriage and life for me to say I'd leave if something like this happened. I'd stay and try to work it out......but alot depends on the circumstances you know?

I agree
circumstances would be a huge part
what exactly happened
where we are in our relationship
and
Is he willing to work to earn my trust back???

he'd get one chance
If ever did it again:smackup:shoot:spank:flamethrow:voodoo:angrywife:ticked

Out of my life forever
:getout

Could you forgive your So for cheating? Yes in the past I have
Would it depend on the circumstances? Yes
WHat would those circumstances be? Very long story and not anyones business
Would it be easier to forgive him for having phone sex vs physically cheating? No cheating is cheating, and emotional affair would be harder to forgive no matter how they were having sexual relations or even if they were not.
What would it take for you to forgive him? It took a lot of yelling, a lot of arguements, a lot of talking, and basically just a lot of hard work
Could you trust him again? Yes I do trust him now. If it happened again I am not sure.

My trust would be premanently broken. Been there, done that. Never again. It's all hypothetical though. I feel certain that DB would never cheat. It's just not him.

I forgave my ex more than once. After the third time, I gave up and got divorced.

I would forgive my husband now too. It wouldnt be easy, but I just couldnt throw away everything b/c of a mistake

Cheating is cheating to me, doesn't matter how it was done.

I don't accept cheating and I don't tolerate it. So my answer is a big NO!

Once a person loses my trust they can never regain it back.

No. I could not and would not forgive him.

No, I would not. I would be gone for good and he is very aware of that.

I don't know. Honestly, until I am in that situation (and hopefully I never am) I am not 100% sure what I would do. My gut tells me that it would be a deal breaker for me, but I just don't know.

I forgave. Did I forget nope. I still have moments of small panics but really they are gone. I can say that I fully 200% forgive my husband for cheating on me. I forgive him for the hell he put us through and his lack of judgement.

Why??

Because I loved/love him. I knew/know what I wanted/want. It's simple. My marriage. And we both worked our asses off putting us back together again.

You can only forgive if there is room to mend and move on IMO.


I have seen where it actually makes some marriages stronger. It takes a lot to forgive, and I say kudos to you. Of course there are those scenarios where the marriage was headed for the dumps anyway, and cheating was just the breaking point.

i honestly think id have a really hard time staying in the relationship and it would be next to impossible to trust him ever again. i kind of believe that if youre willing to cheat on a person once, youre willing to cheat on them again. but i would probably still try to fix it somehow bc idk what id do without him. i guess its hard for me to say because i cant see him ever doing something like that...
and yes, phone sex is definitly cheating, but i guess i might find it a little easier to forgive than if he slept with another woman.

IMHO if my husband loved me he wouldn't have cheated. So it wouldn't really be ME throwing in the towel it would have been him. In my relationship I don't believe in those weak moments. Especially as a military spouse, there has to be some slef-control there. Honestly for me it's not that hard. Same for DH. When he's on deployment we make sure that we are both sexually satisfied. We make it fun, we create sex stories, and email them to each other. In his care package before he leaves I slip nakie pictures in an envelop titled "open when alone". When we email each other it gets dirty sometimes. Who needs someone else when you have all that while they are deployed. Cheating is a no-no. With both of us being cheated on in the past, and his mom cheating on his dad and such...just no excuse.

No, I don't think so. Cheating is a symptom of a bigger problem in the marriage, and if he isn't able to work out the problem with me like an adult, then I don't want to be with him. But, I've never been in that situation, so I don't know exactly how I'd react.

NOPE! didnt even have to think twice about that one.

I put maybe just because until I am faced with a situation like that, I can't choose...in my head Im screaming NO WAY, but you just never know

No, I would not. I would be gone for good and he is very aware of that.

Same here...

No, sorry but I have been there and done that in my 1st marriage and I can't put myself through that again.
:agree

i don't believe in once a cheater always a cheater at all.
that being said.. it depends what you define as cheating. :dunno

that's a deal breaker for me :( so even if i forgave him, we could no longer be together.

Negatory. In my opinion, there is a deeper issue than just sex when it comes to cheating.

Could you forgive your So for cheating?
Would it depend on the circumstances?
WHat would those circumstances be?
Would it be easier to forgive him for having phone sex vs physically cheating?
What would it take for you to forgive him?
Could you trust him again?
:unlove


incoming poll......

Yes, I could forgive my SO

Could you forgive your So for cheating? I did forgive him for this while we were engaged. It was so, so hard though, and I would not go through it again.
Would it depend on the circumstances? The circumstances did play a large part in why I chose to forgive him for cheating on me a few years ago. And while I'm glad I forgave him and we got married, if it happened again the circumstances would not matter; it'd be over.
WHat would those circumstances be? The circumstances I forgave him for are too personal to get into, hehe
Would it be easier to forgive him for having phone sex vs physically cheating?No, they are both devastating.
What would it take for you to forgive him?It took so much fighting and crying and talking. He knows that he has to be 100% honest with me and there are no secrets between us; that's the only way I feel comfortable now that he has broken my trust.
Could you trust him again? I do trust him, although there are times when I panic and worry. He is completely open and honest with me now though, and I am comfortable with where we are at now. :)

no, i have in the past and it backfired. i will not put up with it with my new DB. he knows.

He forgave me [even though it wasn't full blown cheating] but i would hate to forgive him.

I put maybe just because until I am faced with a situation like that, I can't choose...in my head Im screaming NO WAY, but you just never know

Really, that's how I see it. We have an understanding- if there's a need/want to cheat, that means the marriage is over so just divorce first and then move on with you/our lives.

But in all honesty...... I really, really don't know. We're 24 years down the road though, so I'm pretty confident he won't be cheating any time soon. :D

I could forgive him once. After that we'd have to just end it.

I think it all depends. I know that it will break my heart and i know that i will never trust him the same, but after thinking about it, i think it will be hard to just say yes i will leave. I honestly don't know and it all depends on the circumstances.

Cheaters and Liars don't deserve forgiveness!

(not trying to offend anyone, but thats my PERSONAL opinion)

it depends.

if it was one isolated incident, i might be able to forgive him.

if it was a prolonged affair, or something that kept happening, i wouldn't be able to do it.

Yes I could, strange as it sounds if he just went and f'd some chick that would hurt and I would be devastated but if he fell in love with another woman...It would be much worse something I probably would never get over.

I said yes, because I have. But I never will again. Ever.

BTDT (w/ my ex), will never play that game again.

NO...that would be a dealbreaker for me...

No I wouldn't be able to.. Dealt with that crap with my ex husband and I would never out myself through all of the pain..

Nope, this was something we both talked deeply about before marriage, and we both agreed, that if it ever came down to it, it would be better to tell the other, than to cheat.

Well, I'd probably break things off, as much for him as for myself. See, I hold grudges like 'Whoa' and he'd basically be on house arrest for the rest of his life... and thats not fair to either on of us, so, even though it would break my heart, there is no way I could be married to someone who I couldn't trust.

Until you are actually in the situation it is hard to say what you would do.

I think that I would forgive. I have been married and divorced for reasons other than cheating.

Define cheating... is cheating sexual only? I think that you can cheat without having sexual relations. In my opinion, mind cheating is worse than sex.

Definately a very controversial topic.

i put maybe. I'd like to be abe to think i would...it would take a long time, and i'd "forgive but never forget". Cheating is a huge no-no. And since we're married now, i'd try to make the marriage work and move past our problems, but you just never know until youre in that situation.

Do I think I could ever forgive him? No. But would I try my damndest to make our marriage work if it was what he still wanted? Yes. Trust would be a long time coming.

I agree. I don't think I would get a divorce immediately after finding out he was unfaithful. I would try my hardest, but obviously, the relationship will never be the same. However, I've never been in those shoes, knock on wood.

Could you forgive your So for cheating? Yes I could but that doesn't mean i wouldn't leave. It just means i accept his apologies and would be on my way.
Would it depend on the circumstances? No
WHat would those circumstances be?...
Would it be easier to forgive him for having phone sex vs physically cheating? They are both horrible forms of cheating. He wants to have sex in his mind to me is the same as doing it.What would it take for you to forgive him? just asking for forgivness
Could you trust him again? nope:unlove

Could you forgive your So for cheating? yes
Would it depend on the circumstances? no
What would those circumstances be? there aren't any circumstances because i will always forgive him for anything he's done wrong to me...i may not stay with him but i would forgive him.
Would it be easier to forgive him for having phone sex vs physically cheating? no. either one is sexual immorality.
What would it take for you to forgive him? he wouldn't even need to apologize to me. if i decided to leave him, i could still forgive him. it'd be necessary for me to have a clean heart.
Could you trust him again? i think you can do anything through prayer.

My initial reaction to this question was "NO WAY could I ever forgive him!" but I can honestly say, that as a woman who has never been in that situation, I guess I really don't know what I would do. I love my husband very much, and I would be devastated if he ever cheated on me, but unless it happened, I guess I can't really say how I would react. In my mind, cheating is unforgivable, but in my heart, I would never be able to judge anyone's decisions unless I was put in that position.

I can't see myself just leaving him. I think that he'd encourage me to leave him...I don't think that he'd want me to let myself stay in that situation, you know? But honestly, I love my DB, and I know that he loves me. If he were ever to cheat on me, the reasons behind the cheating would probably be extreme (as in, if he's under an unnatural amount of psychological stress and not in his right mind), and I'd want to talk to him about it. It'd be hard for me to trust him, but we love each other. It is not in his character to cheat. If he were to cheat, it would be a red flag for me that something was not ok with him. I'd want to help him through it.

I have actually always said that i would never forgive for cheating - but then my exDH cheated on me. I left but then after a while we started talking it out and decided to work on it - only to have him do it again just a few months later. And I finally wisened-up and kicked him to the curb! Now I am a firm believer that "once a cheater, always a cheater". If a person lacks the morals enough to do it in the first place - what is going to keep them from doing it again?? And "moment of weakness" is DEFINITELY an excuse!

As for phone sex and flirting - that is how my exDH started his affair - although they had met in person and carried the flirting on email and phone. There is such a thing as an emotional affair - it is all over therapist sites - and I can tell you from experience, that kind of "cheating" can be even more devastating to a marriage/relationship than the physical kind of cheating.

(wow - can you tell I have VERY strong feelings about this?? - hahaha)

eh. it depends on the circumstances. ideally, of course, i like to think dh would never do that to begin with. but i'm sure a lot of people start out thinking that. honestly, if he wanted to try and make our marriage work after that, i would try too. i hate to think that i would throw away our marriage because of one mistake.

now, if i forgave him once, and he did it again, it would probably be over. i say probably because i am one of those that thinks you never really know what you'll do until you're in the situation.

Until you are actually in the situation it is hard to say what you would do.

I think that I would forgive. I have been married and divorced for reasons other than cheating.

Define cheating... is cheating sexual only? I think that you can cheat without having sexual relations. In my opinion, mind cheating is worse than sex.

Definately a very controversial topic.

I HATE when people say this! I KNOW what I will do!!! It doesn't take needing to be in that situation to know what I would do. Either you have a strong opinion about it and you will or you won't. I will leave my DH if he was to disrespect me like that. Its a cheap shot and uncalled for in OUR marriage.

btw- I'm not meaning to single you out...I hear this alot. Just quoted your thread to point it out.

i used to think 'once a cheater, always a cheater'
but i forgave my last db for cheating.

what i will say though, you will never think the same again.
trusting guys just sucks from then on out.

I have always told him NO WAY IN HELL. I have given him the option to let me know if he really wants to be with someone else and to do it as long as he lets me know first. There is no guarantee I will stick around and be there waiting for him if he changes his mind and decides to come back, and there will definitely be no two girls at the same time kind of thing, but I would rather him be honest about it than do it behind my back. Then at least we could talk about it, try and figure out what is giving him those feelings before he does it, and I can stop sleeping with him if he is going to sleep with someone else. If he tells me before he does something he runs the risk of me finding someone else while he is gone and deciding it isn't worth it with him anymore, but there is also still the chance that I will cut him some slack if he decides that he made a huge mistake. If he does it behind my back I know I can never trust him again and there will never be any chance of getting back together with me. I have always told him that if he thinks that someone else will make him more happy than I do, then obviously there is someone for me that will make me happier than he does, and we should pursue those options because happiness is the most important thing in life.

Giving him that option (and him giving it to me) has made it obvious to him that he will never find anyone that cares about his happiness as much as I do (and visa versa). Who else is going to care more about his happiness than their own, and actually WANT him to do whatever truly makes him happy even if I lose him? He would never do anything to screw that up, and neither would I. It works for us. I have no fear that he will ever cheat on me.

It would be over for shizzle. But if he found the balls to tell me before I had to figure it out or have someone else tell me...I would go easy on him. :)

No. I wouldn't stay with him, I wouldn't trust him again, I wouldn't give a second chance.

If he were to cheat then there's obviously no respect for me from him and that just doesn't work with me.

I know people are going to say "You NEVER know until you're in that situation ... blah blah" Yes, I DO KNOW that I would leave in a heartbeat. I love him more than anything in the world but for him to cheat on me? That means that love isn't there.

I agree, :noNo way in hell would I stay with him... I think cheating is more than just a physical thing... if you go back your relationship will never be what is was. :(

i chose other because he has cheated in the past when we were still just dating.i forgave him once and he hasnt done it again.it all had to do with circumstances.but i doubt id be so forgiving this time :dunno

Cheating is not an option, but like someone before me said I would still try my hardest to make it work out, but he must also want it to work out too.

Id NEVER forgive him.

I forgave. Did I forget nope. I still have moments of small panics but really they are gone. I can say that I fully 200% forgive my husband for cheating on me. I forgive him for the hell he put us through and his lack of judgement.

Why??

Because I loved/love him. I knew/know what I wanted/want. It's simple. My marriage. And we both worked our asses off putting us back together again.

You can only forgive if there is room to mend and move on IMO.

I love the way you worded this...I'm not as good with words... but I am with you there 100%...

Could you forgive your So for cheating? Yes
Would it depend on the circumstances? Yes
WHat would those circumstances be? I could forgive if we were having problems and he had a one night stand. There would have to be some serious problems in our marriage and if I was refusing to look at the problems.
Would it be easier to forgive him for having phone sex vs physically cheating? No it would be the same to me
What would it take for you to forgive him? Alot of work and counseling
Could you trust him again? Eventually I would have to or there is no point to the relationship.

Depends on the circumstances of the cheating, how long it went on, and how I found out about it... not to mention how sorry he was, and what he planned to, or agreed we should do together to make it better.

I don't think it has to be the end, especially if you have a lot invested, but I also do not think it is something to take lightly.

Depends on the circumstances of the cheating, how long it went on, and how I found out about it... not to mention how sorry he was, and what he planned to, or agreed we should do together to make it better.

I don't think it has to be the end, especially if you have a lot invested, but I also do not think it is something to take lightly.

Yeah, basically what she said. I mean, it would be DEVASTATING, and I do think that I would probably never find it in my heart to forgive him, but depending on the circumstances, I may try.

maybe depends. first time and if he admitted it to me versus multiple times AND i found out through the grapevine then i could probably forgive him