SnarphBlat
05-21-2008, 08:16 PM
This is why women should not take men shopping
against their will.
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany
her on her trips to Wal-mart. Unfortunately, like
most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to
get in and get out.
Equally unfortunately, my wife
is like most women - - she loved to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter
from the local Wal-Mart.
Dear Mrs. Samsel,
Over the past six months, your husband has been
causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot
tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban
both of you from the store. Our complaints against
Mr.Samsel are listed below and are documented by our
video surveillance cameras.
2 . July 2 : Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares
to go off at 5-minute intervals.
4. July 19:
Walked up to an employee and told her in
an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it
right away.'
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to
put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to
a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping
department and told other shoppers he'd invite them
in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the
bedding department.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help
him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you
people just leave me alone?'
9. September 4: Looked right into the security
camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his
nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting
department,
he asked the clerk where the
antidepressants were .
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously
while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced
his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of
funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when
people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the
loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and
screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least.
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the
door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey!
There's no toilet paper in here."
'Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do not.'
~ Thomas Jefferson
against their will.
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany
her on her trips to Wal-mart. Unfortunately, like
most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to
get in and get out.
Equally unfortunately, my wife
is like most women - - she loved to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter
from the local Wal-Mart.
Dear Mrs. Samsel,
Over the past six months, your husband has been
causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot
tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban
both of you from the store. Our complaints against
Mr.Samsel are listed below and are documented by our
video surveillance cameras.
2 . July 2 : Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares
to go off at 5-minute intervals.
4. July 19:
Walked up to an employee and told her in
an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it
right away.'
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to
put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to
a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping
department and told other shoppers he'd invite them
in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the
bedding department.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help
him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you
people just leave me alone?'
9. September 4: Looked right into the security
camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his
nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting
department,
he asked the clerk where the
antidepressants were .
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously
while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced
his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of
funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when
people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the
loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and
screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least.
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the
door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey!
There's no toilet paper in here."
'Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do not.'
~ Thomas Jefferson