You should come first, then your SO and then your children..

I was listening to the radio yesterday and the subject was why sex fizzles after being together for a long time....and after all the calls the woman who was hosting the show says the above statement and says that this is what she believes the order of priority should be when you have a family...

so what do ya'll think...? agree or disagree..

Yes I do believe in it..Think for one second...if you don't love yourself first how are you going to love someone else...If you feel good then you are going to treat people good..When you feel crap you are going to be rude or passive aggresive towards them. My sis and I were talking about this the other day, so many women after having kids stop taking care of themselves, their lives revolve around the kids and husband the whole time. Which is nothing wrong, but what happens to your identity and your self? We know you are a mother but you are also a wife and you are also 'insert name. You need your own time to spoil yourself like once a week manicure or massage, or just alone at home with no kids for one hour. KWIM. I have DS but I still take care of my appearance when I go out. Thats what makes me feel good about myself and makes me happy.

In the beginning I always thought to put my children first and then my husband..But then I saw the Oprah show with Seal and Heidi Klum, and he actually said something that make sense...You kids will always be part of your life but they grow old and they move with new family and children, etc...Whereas your husband will always be there till end of time...And you need to think that after the kids are gone, there is only going to be 2 of you. So you should put your husband second after you.

If this offend anyone, am sorry but its just how I view things.

my kids come first.

Kids, Dh, me... My kids will always come first.

I put Tony first. Then Bailey. Then myself. I believe that Tony and I have to have a strong,loving relationship. And that Bailey will benefit from our relationship being that way. Bailey seeing her parents happy,in love,stable, and committed will teach her about how relationships should be.

Putting Tony first doesnt mean that either of us neglect Bailey. Just in case some people want to think that.

I am beginning to believe it, yes! Before I did not! I ALWAYS put the kids first! But now that they are a tad older, I know I need to put myself first above all! It took a lot for me to see that!

Yes I do believe in it..Think for one second...if you don't love yourself first how are you going to love someone else...If you feel good then you are going to treat people good..When you feel crap you are going to be rude or passive aggresive towards them. My sis and I were talking about this the other day, so many women after having kids stop taking care of themselves, their lives revolve around the kids and husband the whole time. Which is nothing wrong, but what happens to your identity and your self? We know you are a mother but you are also a wife and you are also 'insert name. You need your own time to spoil yourself like once a week manicure or massage, or just alone at home with no kids for one hour. KWIM. I have DS but I still take care of my appearance when I go out. Thats what makes me feel good about myself and makes me happy.

In the beginning I always thought to put my children first and then my husband..But then I saw the Oprah show with Seal and Heidi Klum, and he actually said something that make sense...You kids will always be part of your life but they grow old and they move with new family and children, etc...Whereas your husband will always be there till end of time...And you need to think that after the kids are gone, there is only going to be 2 of you. So you should put your husband second after you.

If this offend anyone, am sorry but its just how I view things.


Oh honey NO offense taken here.. It makes sense what you are saying, especially the bolded part.. I guess I never looked at things like that. I guess for me RIGHT NOW I put my kids first because that is my job as their mother..

personally i dont feel that way but i think thats because i am one of those peopl who wants to take care of everyone and everything. dont get me wrong i think taking car of myself is important and do things just for me when i know i need a little special attention... JMO

People who put their kids first tend to be the frazzled, stressed-out, depressed people in the end.

If you put your husband before yourself, what happens if he ever leaves you? Will you still have your identity?

I just don't get that way of thinking.

I sacrifice a TON for my family, but I never come last, it wouldn't be fair to them.

Oh honey NO offense taken here.. It makes sense what you are saying, especially the bolded part.. I guess I never looked at things like that. I guess for me RIGHT NOW I put my kids first because that is my job as their mother..

Oh you will always be a mother to them and they will always know you are their mother. That will never change. But remember whereas you are a mother to them only. You also have 2 other roles.

People who put their kids first tend to be the frazzled, stressed-out, depressed people in the end.

If you put your husband before yourself, what happens if he ever leaves you? Will you still have your identity?

I just don't get that way of thinking.

I sacrifice a TON for my family, but I never come last, it wouldn't be fair to them.

I agree

A strong, healthy marriage makes for a strong happy family... and stable confident children.

My husband will therefor come before my children, because if WE aren't happy together... they suffer from it... but he will BARELY come before them

If I am not happy with myself... it will effect the marriage... if I'm not happy, DH knows it.. and gets frustrated... resulting in an unhappy marriage

therefore, I will come before my husband.. but i will BARELY come before him.

It is a picture finish between the three.

My kids come first but I also feel my marriage needs to come first as well LOL.

I believe in it. You have to have self worth in order to have a healthy loving relationship, which benefits the children. JMO

I believe that I come first. If I'm happy and content I can be a better wife and mother. I've always felt that way. My DD is now 28 and has a child of her own now and she is realizing the same thing. Don't get me wrong, I would give my life for my DD. I was married to my late husband for 26 1/2 years and we had a wonderful marriage because we both took care of ourselves and worked very hard on our marriage together. Our DD was happy because she had a secure, happy home. I remarried recently and I still believe that I come first. My DH understands and agrees with me. I realize a lot of women won't agree with this but it works for me.

well I look at it this way... if I was hanging off a cliff with my family, I would save my kids (they have more to live), then me and then my hubby. I need someone to look after my kids and I don't trust anyone to do as good a job as me (even though my hubby is a good dad, he is not me). JMO

well I look at it this way... if I was hanging off a cliff with my family, I would save my kids (they have more to live), then me and then my hubby. I need someone to look after my kids and I don't trust anyone to do as good a job as me (even though my hubby is a good dad, he is not me). JMO

well.. if we are looking at the statement as a matter of HAPPINESS, i stick with my original answer...

but if we are looking at the statement as a matter of LIVES... I would but my children before ANYONE... and then it would be a toss up between my husband and I... he would NEVER let me die instead of him... EVER! so i would probably HAVE to put myself before him.. or we would BOTH die arguing over who should die :giggle

I agree.

I don't always put myself first and am working on changing that. But my husband and I are first.......we function better that way.

Our child comes first, then my DH, then me - that's just how I feel comfortable with prioritizing my life and its what works best for me.

I absolutely agree with it 100%.

People who put their kids first tend to be the frazzled, stressed-out, depressed people in the end.

If you put your husband before yourself, what happens if he ever leaves you? Will you still have your identity?

I just don't get that way of thinking.

I sacrifice a TON for my family, but I never come last, it wouldn't be fair to them.
:agree

i don't put myself first but i do not neglect myself. This is a hard question be/c it really depends on "what" we are really talking about. this is a toughie and i don't think i can really answer it. I just take care of what is put in front of me.

I think to some extent you have to make your relationship a priority, and obviously you have a priority to raise your kids... BUT, relationships are inherently prone to instability, whether temporarily or otherwise, and kids eventually grow up and move on with their own lives, so if you feed everything you have into those two things, without any regard for yourself... you could set yourself up for bitter hurt and disappointment.

No kids yet, but our marriage comes first. I guess I won't know til we have kids...

Personally, I put my family before myself. I want to know that they are fine and comfortable and fed, and dry and happy before I can feel those things.

Of course if we're talking about the sexual nature of things...damn right I come first!!! :D :twisted

I put Tony first. Then Bailey. Then myself. I believe that Tony and I have to have a strong,loving relationship. And that Bailey will benefit from our relationship being that way. Bailey seeing her parents happy,in love,stable, and committed will teach her about how relationships should be.

Putting Tony first doesnt mean that either of us neglect Bailey. Just in case some people want to think that.


ITA. The way we do it in our home is each of our needs (medical, etc) come first because if we're not well we cannot care for Rhi. Her needs come next. As for our marriage, it comes before our child. I've seen too many friend's marriages end because the wives put their kids completely before their husbands. JMO though. We also put our family (the 3 of us) before either one of our extended families.

You should come first, then your SO and then your children..

I was listening to the radio yesterday and the subject was why sex fizzles after being together for a long time....and after all the calls the woman who was hosting the show says the above statement and says that this is what she believes the order of priority should be when you have a family...

so what do ya'll think...? agree or disagree..

I believe it and I agree!!! Part of what hurt my marriage in the past was because I was putting DS before DH...

We are a much happier couple and family now!!!

I can't really say...First I am not married and second I do not have kids...


So right now it is all about me :D

I always put my kids and my husband before me. But I do little things for myself every now and then too. I try to balance it out so I don't feel overwhelmed taking care of everyone else

God First, DH second, Kids third
I do not feel like I love myself any less for this. That is kinda the "rank" of things, but I still love myself as well. I belivie you are called to love your neighbor as yourself, in order to do that you have to be able to love youself. Don't know if that makes any sense but there you go.

I disagree

My children come first, my husband then myself.

I absolutely believe in it. If you want to be the best wife, mother and self you can be- you MUST take care of yourself before anyone else. If you don't- then the way you feel about yourself, will translate in your daily life.

It may seem "selfish" at the first glance, but really, it isn't. I'm not saying that you should go out and blow the budget on a new pair of shoes, or a pedicure, but just taking care of yourself- physically & mentally, will benefit everyone around you...

I put Tony first. Then Bailey. Then myself. I believe that Tony and I have to have a strong,loving relationship. And that Bailey will benefit from our relationship being that way. Bailey seeing her parents happy,in love,stable, and committed will teach her about how relationships should be.

Putting Tony first doesnt mean that either of us neglect Bailey. Just in case some people want to think that.

Exactly the way we approach it. DH and I put each other first, and our child is the subsequent beneficiary of that. I do not agree with putting the child in the center of a nuclear family. I prioritize my time, and putting DH first and child second to that I do make time for myself. I am a very fulfilled and happy woman. It's not a matter of either or.... it's a matter of balance.

Umm I personally think that putting oneself above their children is why today's society is so fucked. Again, just my opinion. For me DS and DH are on the same level of importance and then myself somewhere after house cleaning. lol

People who put their kids first tend to be the frazzled, stressed-out, depressed people in the end.

If you put your husband before yourself, what happens if he ever leaves you? Will you still have your identity?

I just don't get that way of thinking.

I sacrifice a TON for my family, but I never come last, it wouldn't be fair to them.

I put my ex first and the kids, i never did for me, I started to let myself go, I lost who I was. In the end when the marriage was over, I was lost, I didnt know who I was, my kids suffered I feel even more because I was so lost. If I would have taken care of me and the kids and him, then I would have been more together. MY kids come first, but I make sure I do to. I learned that its really about balance. Of course if my kids are in need I am going to do for them, I just wont let me go ever again. I hope that makes sense, I tend to ramble and not get to the point.

I absolutely believe in it. If you want to be the best wife, mother and self you can be- you MUST take care of yourself before anyone else. If you don't- then the way you feel about yourself, will translate in your daily life.

It may seem "selfish" at the first glance, but really, it isn't. I'm not saying that you should go out and blow the budget on a new pair of shoes, or a pedicure, but just taking care of yourself- physically & mentally, will benefit everyone around you...

exactly..

Exactly the way we approach it. DH and I put each other first, and our child is the subsequent beneficiary of that. I do not agree with putting the child in the center of a nuclear family. I prioritize my time, and putting DH first and child second to that I do make time for myself. I am a very fulfilled and happy woman. It's not a matter of either or.... it's a matter of balance.

Balance is where it is,,,

i believe
God
DH
kids

although it is very hard not to put kids first!

Me! If mama ain't happy - no one's happy! ;)

For years I put my dh and my kiddos ahead of me on everything!! Then about 8 years ago I realized that my kids were going to grow up/move out and where would I be? Yep, suffering empty next syndrome and wondering "what the hell do I do now?". So at that time I went to nursing school. It was the BEST self esteem boost I could of ever given myself.

Now I know I am capable of taking care of myself, which in turn means I am a better wife and mother.

I always concentrated on my marriage with my dh and then fit the children in the mix. If dh and I weren't happy then how would our children benefit from that? We show a united, loving, caring relationship and now as my dd's are older and in relationships they have a baseline to build from. They know what is acceptable male behavior and what it means to have a wonderful long term relationship.

Just my 2 cents.

My DS always comes first.

Should be yourself, your kids, then your SO

In general I agree with it. But it's a little hard to put it in a nice, neat little bubble like that. If I feel like crap and need to sleep and my daughter gets sick or some other issue, I will put myself second and be there for her. I demand me time and DH and I try to take advantage of the time we can get too.

It's the same with work and family - it I tried to make it equal ALL the time, I'd go crazy. When my family needs me more, I'm there - when work needs me more, i'm there.

If I don't take care of me, I won't have any inner resources to draw upon to take care of them. I've sorta lost track of this during this deployment and crazy time at work, and I've paid a price for it. So, yes, I agree. Take care of yourself so that you are able to take even better care of the ones you love.

I agree with it. Me, then Adam, and then kids (if/when we have kids). I think people confuse putting yourself and your marriage first as putting your kids on the back burner and that is just not the case. Putting yourself first only helps your marriage... If you are happy you are more likely to make someone else happy. Same with marriage and kids... If you have a strong healthy marriage it will benefit you when raising your kids.

I don't think that putting yourself first means do whatever you want and screw everyone else no matter what. :P Sometimes putting yourself first is taking care of those people because of how it makes you feel. I know that taking care of Adam ultimately benefits me because I love him.

kids, dh then me.

I come first, then my kids, then my husband.


I know that my husband always says that if i am not happy no one is, and its sooo true. Not trying to be a snob or anything, but i bust my butt all day at work and I consider myself a full time mom, so i only deserve the best.

My kids are my life and I try my best to give them everything they need and make them happy.

My husband knows I love him to death, but he knows that the kids comes first and he rather it be that way.

God, My Marriage, Kids, then my DH and then myself as individuals. I truly believe without a strong marriage, what kind of parents or examples are we to our children.

I don't really know, honestly. I think we all come pretty equally, to be honest. I don't think any of us really come before or after the other.

I always believe that if you are not taking care of yourself you can't take care of your family.

My kids come first, always. I try to give myself time, but I don't always get it, kids needs trump mommy time.

God First, DH second, Kids third
I do not feel like I love myself any less for this.

i believe
although it is very hard not to put kids first!

God, My Marriage, Kids, then my DH and then myself as individuals. I truly believe without a strong marriage, what kind of parents or examples are we to our children.

I totally agree with all this. I'm not saying I don't need "me time," but if my DH loves me enough he will make me take my time. It's all a checks and balance thing. My DH and I are one in my eyes. We have date nights, we comfort each other, and make sure "we" are ok. The kids will learn and grow from us.

My MIL puts on child first in her life and it has caused strain in her marriage and with my DH because all her attention went there. Your children grow up and move away and many couples can't handle that because all their focus was scewed.

JMO.:grin:

People who put their kids first tend to be the frazzled, stressed-out, depressed people in the end.

If you put your husband before yourself, what happens if he ever leaves you? Will you still have your identity?

I just don't get that way of thinking.

I sacrifice a TON for my family, but I never come last, it wouldn't be fair to them.

oh. i like you. im glad were friends. i totaly agree. :D

I agree with it. Me, then Adam, and then kids (if/when we have kids). I think people confuse putting yourself and your marriage first as putting your kids on the back burner and that is just not the case. Putting yourself first only helps your marriage... If you are happy you are more likely to make someone else happy. Same with marriage and kids... If you have a strong healthy marriage it will benefit you when raising your kids.

I don't think that putting yourself first means do whatever you want and screw everyone else no matter what. :P Sometimes putting yourself first is taking care of those people because of how it makes you feel. I know that taking care of Adam ultimately benefits me because I love him.

thank you for saying what i was thinking. i know i need to put myself first a lot more than i do.

God, my kids, me, hubby.. You have your kids forever, not always your man.. sounds bad, but really true.. Even tho I love John to pieces.. My kids are my world.

Yes. I think I am a better wife and mother when I make myself a priority. And my son needs to be able to look at his parents marriage and find comfort in its strengh so, I def think that DH comes second. I mean my son is SO important to me, but for his sanity and my own he needs to not be my whole entire world. Everyone needs a balance that works for them. This is what works for me.

Since I've made myself first, it has improved my self-esteem immensely!!!!

I do agree with that statement because I do come first. If I'm all run-down, pissed off, tired, unkempt, etc, I'm not happy and subsequently, nobody around me is happy (unfortunately, I make sure of that :grumpy;)). The better I am, the happier my household is, it's that simple.

So yeah, I make time for my shower, I put my DD in daycare so I could go to school, I buy myself a new lip gloss when I need some retail therapy. And I don't feel guilty about it because in the end, I feel better about myself and I think that makes me a better wife and mother.

OP
It depends on what exactly you're talking about.

When you're purely talking about the more intimate details of your marriage (sex life, etc) then your kids shouldn't rank at all :lol
Yes - in terms of those things it's YOU (because if you don't care of yourself no one else will, that's for sure, and we all know a hairy woman is a scary *not sexy* woman) then your hubby then your kids (Example of when the kids get thrown into the intimate part of your marriage: having them sleep in your bed with you all the time = not much intimacy and definately not much sex.)

But when it comes to the welfare of your family then your kids come first.

The future of the family (retirement, welfare, etc) then You and your SO come equal.

So on and so forth - ti all depends on what exactly you're talking about.