Which would be better/smarter/more logical/happier? Before a deployment, or after he's home??? Or does it not make a difference since you would love him the same when he's your boyfriend/fiance as when he's your husband? Either way, he's just gone. For a year. Ah. But db and I are talking about it and I can't seem to figure out which would be easier...or if it doesn't make a difference anyway. Help!

I dunno, if it were me, and you're both good with it... I would do it before hand. But that's just me!

I would do it before too...

but what would be the benefits of doing it before and not after?? he leaves sometime "starting this fall" says the pentagon...so it's really soon. and he's in basic till july. soo...would you still do it with that in mind?

but what would be the benefits of doing it before and not after?? he leaves sometime "starting this fall" says the pentagon...so it's really soon. and he's in basic till july. soo...would you still do it with that in mind?

Honestly, it's really up to your and your DB to decide. I know *I* would feel more complete being married before my DH left for a war zone and we had previously talked about marriage and the whole she-bang....

uh.. well, if he doesn't want you to have to worry up medical care, rent, etc.. better to do it before, also if he plans to put you as his beneficiary on life insurance if god for bid something happens... there are alot of ups, I can't see any reason not to if you plan on it anyway, unless you want a huge wedding, and aren't keen on just doing JP and then the big wedding..

ok ill share our situation and you can take from it as you wish! :D

me and df got engaged last feb (2007) after dating over 3 years, he was suppose to deploy a few weeks later so of course we planned to wait til he got back, then right before he was suppose to go they pushed his deployment back to august. we talked about it and since we were living in GA and wanted to have our wedding in our hometowin in AR we felt it better for me to plan the wedding while he was gone- since i would be living in AR, it would be easier. then his deployment got pushed back to november and we started to get aggravated and just wanted to be married so we thought about just having a wedding with the 2 of us but we were scared we would regret not having our family there, so decided to have a big wedding when he gets home next year.

well now he has been gone for 7 months and we honestly wished we would have gone ahead and gotten married.
the reason being is- we lived together the 2 years prior to him leaving, our bank account is shared so we feel like we are already married, so why not go ahead...

some of our reasons for not getting married before he left were: we would miss our 1year anniversary, and our 1st and 2nd christmas.
and yes, you would miss holidays and all that when he is your db/df but its different when its your first married christmas...(i think so anyway)

so now that i just told you my life story.....
i think it is different for everyone:D in our situation i think it would have been better to get married before he left, b/c now we are planning on going to the JP during r&r and having our big wedding when he gets home.

thanks! that definitely helps. whats the JP?

thanks! that definitely helps. whats the JP?

go to the court house and say "i do"

ETA: JP= justice of the peace

I personally would do it before hand. And DF knows that, I have told him and he actually agrees that before he ever deploys we are gunna be married.

Well, my dh and i were engaged for awhile. We talked before he deployed about doing a JP wedding. We talked to his mom about it. She didnt think it was a good idea. She wanted us to start off a marriage with both of us here together. It never left my mind or his. Right before he was supposed to get R and R it was all I could ever think about. So finally R and R arrived, and I asked him about it.

We thought about it for a week. We got married. Let me tell you I am so glad I did.

I am handling this deployment so much better. I dont know its weird I feel a lot closer to him. He tells me everyday that he is glad we got married the way we did. He feels safe knowing that I am safe and protected. He feels like we are connected now and i know it puts both of us more at a ease.

Every situation is different. I would think about what is best for YOU BOTH. Think about the effects, the benefits, how you will feel, how your family will feel.

I dont regret my decesion at all. I am still excited planning our ceremony wedding in May. I am so glad to call him my husband.

Keep us updated :)

i would do it before hand.

I PERSONALLY would do it before deployment because once I've decided I want to get married... then I do it :D

but you should do whatever makes YOU happiest.. whatever is best for YOU... because yes, either way, he will be gone for a year.

so...is there anything BAD about getting married beforehand? like financials or weird paperwork...i really don't know what i'm talking about, just curious if there are negatives to this idea besides the depressing christmas's all alone.

I would wait until he got home. I wouldn't want to miss out on that first part of the marriage.

This is gonna make me sound like a golddigger but I'm not. I would do it before so that you can save up the extra money he collects to go on a honeymoon or buy your new furniture or put a down payment on a home.

This is gonna make me sound like a golddigger but I'm not. I would do it before so that you can save up the extra money he collects to go on a honeymoon or buy your new furniture or put a down payment on a home.

Hey, that don't make you sound like a gold digger at all. Its what I was going to say! :grin:

I am glad to read this. DF and I were planning on getting married sometime next summer (maybe july), and we had talked about this. He told me to start planning now because he could get deployed, and if he did he would want to be married before then. I was so conflicted as to if it would be a good thing or not!

Ya I really think it would be a good thing. There are so many benefits this way and the girls that posted are right, you are more connected and closer that way. The only problem I have is time and not knowing when he leaves. Blah.

well the only reason we didnt get married when DF came home from his first our is becasue he got deployed again almost immediatle after he came home(he was home for 2 months) but hes coming back in june and the time he was gone i made all the plans and whatnot so we have a date in august..but if it were up to me the first time we would already be married.

we did a jop before and planning a wedding when he returns.. doing it before you get the benifets of knowing intel. if your not married they wont tell you because he could come home and yuall not betogether.. well thats how it was explained to me.. and u cant get a devorce on deployment.. idk. i did it before mainly for healthcare, intel, and so icould get on base.. sounds lame.. but i would have been lost without our frg meetings! and we were planning on getting married anyways right?! i say before.

when me and dh were deciding on when to get married at first we were gonna wait until he finished his ait and do it then, but since we wanted me able to move with him to his duty station faster we decided to get married when they gave him christmas exodus, we went and got married at the justice of peace and then has a "reception" at a restaurant with about 40 guest, we only had 6 weeks to plan it and it cost about $2000, but im glad we did it..... dh was suppose to graduate ait in early march go to airbourn for 3 week and be done by eary april... well dh finished ait on march 3 and he waited for 2 months to go to airbourn, he got so tired of waiting he just got it taken out of his contract, they let him come home for about 2 weeks and just sent in to alaska on 5/19.... so with all that said i think you should do it now while u have the chance because with the military you will never know when u will have the chance again

aw thanks! you guys are all getting me so excited! hah thanks for your comments:)

DH and I were already married but at the predeployment meeting the Marines frown on getting married right before and advised all the single Marines were to stay single until they returned i am pretty sure it had to do with paper work they wouldnt be able to get done in order to have her taken care of properly