So this is a heated debate in my home right now - of all the stupid things to cause a problem.

I am a Sahm - we have 5 kids.
My husband works shitty 12 hr shifts alternating Day/Night. - He has a 4 day weekend so his days on/off never match up with the kid's school days or the weekends, etc...which makes it suckier.

________Debate:_________
When he's on his days-off from work (after having plenty of sleep!) I REFUSE to take the kids with me when I have to go out to the store for some milk or bread (the simple things you know)

I wake at 5:30 every day - go to bed whenever I finally go to bed and often I don't even see my hubby (example - when he works the night shift) and after endless days of nothing but the kids and me I DON'T want to turn a quick 30 minute trip (on his day off) to the store into a dramatic hour and a half of getting kids dressed-out-and then battling the questions of "can I have this? Can I have that?" The whole time. (I do this all the time when he's at work! I hit the commissary, shopette, BPX, and even all the Dr's visits WITHOUT my hubby - WITH all the kids - at the least I always have 3 kids with me. At most I have all 5 - only the two older ones are in school)

I think I deserve a bit of a break every now and then - especially since the only break I ask for is a total of 30 minutes every now and then.


_____________Vent:_______________
Well - my hubby's pissed with me right now because he woke up (at 10:00 am - he's welcome for me allowing him to sleep in, btw, though he'll never thank me.) And he realized we were out of milk - and so I was like "yes, now that you're up I'll go out and get some" because all we need is a gallon milk, right?
Right.
So then he proceeds to get one of the kids dressed 'cause she wants to go. (Mind you - he always takes one of the kids with him when he decides to leave the house because he doesn't get to see them that much, which is sweet)
So instantly I go "Oh, I guess he's going out" cool - fine.
And the next thing i know he's pissed with me because I'm NOT going out and I expect him to go out instead.

*edit*
I'll add that this is just a sudden issue - it hasn't always been a problem but suddenly he's annoyed with things being this way. LOL
:baby

Unless one of the kids wants to go with me i usually leave them with Dh when I go to the store. he has never complained. and if all the kids want to go then I make him go with me or he goes. lol

ha!!! Is your hubby PMSing?

ETA

My DH is pretty good with taking both kids so i can have some time alone when he has to do a grocery run. I hate to go shopping for food, esp when its just for little things. So i call DH at work to see if he can pick some up before he heads home. Works out for me.

When I worked three jobs, I still took Liam to the store, but he was tiny.

If I was in your shoes, with more than one, I would absolutely leave them with Dad for just a quick grocery trip. :yes If an older child is responsible enough, I would even *gasp* leave them to babysit.

I guess I'm a shitty mom, according to your man, huh? :lol

When I worked three jobs, I still took Liam to the store, but he was tiny.

If I was in your shoes, with more than one, I would absolutely leave them with Dad for just a quick grocery trip. :yes If an older child is responsible enough, I would even *gasp* leave them to babysit.

I guess I'm a shitty mom, according to your man, huh? :lol
when I go down the street my ODD will stay home if Dh isn't home. no way am i dragging everyone down to the store when all i need is a gallon of milk. and i guess i too am a shitty mom for doing that too. lol

LOL I only have one kid and I leave her at home with DH to go to the store whenever the opportunity arises. I'm usually like, "hey I'm going uptown" and walking out the door as I'm saying it. That way there is no protest.

I sometimes use our grocery trips as one on one time with one child. So, I try to take one and leave the other two at home. But there is no way in HELL I would take all three of them with me if Jason was just sitting here at the house. NO WAY :rofl One, MAYBE two, is my total limit. I'm here with them like 12 hours a day ALL day with ALL three of them by myself, AT LEAST five days a week. So, he can take over for me while I need to run to the store. If he dared to bitch, I would probably bite him where it really hurts :yes

I don't understand his beef. He's their parent too.

You definately deserve an occasional trip to the store in peace. :rolleyes

My ex-husband felt the twins were my responsibility 24/7, even though I worked the graveyard shift full time. He wouldn't watch them for me to do laundry, clean, go to the store, sleep, eat.. nothing. And they are HIS kids.

Needless to say, he's my EX husband. :rolleyes

My current husband, I give him a choice: Stay here with the kids or go to the store. He alternates which one he chooses, and if he does run to the store for me, he doesn't dawdle.

I have 2 and usually leave them home with DH when he is home. But when I have to take them with me right after work, it's always chaotic, and thats just 2, I can't imagine having 5 and having to take them. I see your point and sympathize with you. Maybe he's just having a bad day.

I always want to take the kids with me, My dh is like why? So he keeps them at home with him. It just bugs me that I dont know what they are doing. But it is nice to go to the store and not have 3 kiddos there asking for lunchables and a newborn asking for boobiemilk :giggle

I sometimes use our grocery trips as one on one time with one child. So, I try to take one and leave the other two at home. But there is no way in HELL I would take all three of them with me if Jason was just sitting here at the house. NO WAY :rofl One, MAYBE two, is my total limit. I'm here with them like 12 hours a day ALL day with ALL three of them by myself, AT LEAST five days a week. So, he can take over for me while I need to run to the store. If he dared to bitch, I would probably bite him where it really hurts :yes

:yes yep :yes yep and :yes yep
You deserve a break w/o the kiddos. He's Daddy he can deal. I used to take the kids all the time till a good friend was like, what the heck are you doing, if you do that now he'll (DH) always expect that. Take a little break. good luck, hope hubby see the light:giggle

I think him getting the child dressed for me to take her would be upsetting, not that he wanted me to go to the store,which i'm sure that's what you're talking about.

I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have my almost 13 yro,during this deployment. He comes in handy when I have to run a few errands!

I have the 2 kids and am preggo, DH works night shift. He normally doesn't mind me leaving the kids with him on his day off (well 1 kid) and during the week when he is sleeping, I put the youngest down for his nap and just take my 5yr old with me to go to the store, or I'll take YDS and leave ODS to watch TV. He is still home if something happens, so doesn't think it is that big a deal. If I'm going any further than the store (2min drive), I take both the boys with me. It does get hard and I can see your point of view. There have been times when DH is off and he'd rather go do stuff with his mates than do something with us, and I never get anytime to myself unless I am sleeping. :hugs I would just be leaving him with the kids one day and go out shopping or something by yourself, it'll let him know what it feels like.

I don't understand his beef. He's their parent too.

You definately deserve an occasional trip to the store in peace. :rolleyes
:agree 100%! He needs to man up and take on some responsibility too!

Kids always hang with Dh when I go to the store if he's home. I never get breaks from them, and he knows this. It's never an issue here.

I leave the kids with my DH to go grocery shopping when he is home. I can get done faster. He is their parent to not just me.

My husband usually goes WITH me to the store if he's home. We like to spend time together, and he also knows that I don't buy junkfood so if he wants it he has to go. Solves that issue I guess.

well, unless you made those kids ALL BY YOURSELF, i don't see a reason why he can't watch them for a few minutes. I mean, half their DNA is his, what's the deal, dude? When my DH was home i never took my kids with me anywhere. I went walking, shopping, running errands all by myself. He didn't dare say a word; i had those kids ever since they were born by myself. The LEAST he could do was watch the little ankle bitters for a few minutes. If i was in your situation, I would tell him to hock up his jockstrap and get with the program!

I usually have 4+ kids with me at my home, and if DH is gone, I go with all the kids. If he's home, he watches them, no questions asked. Now and then I take 1 for special time with Mommy, but other than that, he hates going with a goof troop, so he doesn't expect me to. Also, it's a moment to myself, even if it is running errands, it's so much quicker without all the car seat musical chairs and buckling of all of the kids. I guess I take how good he is about stuff like that forgranted sometimes :dunno He's never been a butt about watching his own kids. He's even watched ours and then some with about 9 kids running around :nutts

Thats never been an issue in our house. My husband understands that I'm on "mommy duty" 24 hours a day for days even weeks at a time sometimes. He gets time off and breaks at work even if he is at a hotel somewhere, I don't. Ever.

I always hated taking kids to the store......sometimes those trips are long, you need to really look at what you are buying and little people get bored fast.

My son is in preschool 5 days a week so I shop then. I actually feel guilty if I don't get all my errands done during the week.......I hate dragging them with me on boring errands. Before he was in preschool I sent him to hourly care when my husband was deployed and I'd shop in peace then.........

I always hated taking kids to the store......sometimes those trips are long, you need to really look at what you are buying and little people get bored fast.

My son is in preschool 5 days a week so I shop then. I actually feel guilty if I don't get all my errands done during the week.......I hate dragging them with me on boring errands. Before he was in preschool I sent him to hourly care when my husband was deployed and I'd shop in peace then.........

:yes I have noticed that when I take them with me, I tend to spend sometimes as much as 50% more on groceries. It's a combo between not being able to take the time to really think and be selective as I need to, I miss sale items and things I have coupons for, the kids ask for and whine about certain things that end up in the cart, etc. So, it really does prove to be beneficial for me to go without them. It's a de-stresser for me and I also end up saving quite a bit of money.

And you're right, shopping tends to be very boring for kids, especially when you're doing a huge grocery trip like what we do every two weeks. I've taken them with me the last three or four times and it took us two hours to get through. By the time we were checking out, they were so bored and ready to go, it was just stressful for everyone.

I always hated taking kids to the store......sometimes those trips are long, you need to really look at what you are buying and little people get bored fast.

My son is in preschool 5 days a week so I shop then. I actually feel guilty if I don't get all my errands done during the week.......I hate dragging them with me on boring errands. Before he was in preschool I sent him to hourly care when my husband was deployed and I'd shop in peace then.........
ohhh yes. especially when I have more then one errand to run Littlebits gets her panties in a wad if she wants to be at home watching mickey mouse clubhouse. but we are at store number 4 in our 6 store list. lol and with summer already here and it being so hot. It makes the kids soo miserable to be around too.

Unless one of the kids wants to go with me i usually leave them with Dh when I go to the store. he has never complained. and if all the kids want to go then I make him go with me or he goes. lol

Same with me. I don't give mine options. If he wants to eat the kids stay with him or we all go.:lol

So this is a heated debate in my home right now - of all the stupid things to cause a problem.

I am a Sahm - we have 5 kids.
My husband works shitty 12 hr shifts alternating Day/Night. - He has a 4 day weekend so his days on/off never match up with the kid's school days or the weekends, etc...which makes it suckier.

________Debate:_________
When he's on his days-off from work (after having plenty of sleep!) I REFUSE to take the kids with me when I have to go out to the store for some milk or bread (the simple things you know)

I wake at 5:30 every day - go to bed whenever I finally go to bed and often I don't even see my hubby (example - when he works the night shift) and after endless days of nothing but the kids and me I DON'T want to turn a quick 30 minute trip (on his day off) to the store into a dramatic hour and a half of getting kids dressed-out-and then battling the questions of "can I have this? Can I have that?" The whole time. (I do this all the time when he's at work! I hit the commissary, shopette, BPX, and even all the Dr's visits WITHOUT my hubby - WITH all the kids - at the least I always have 3 kids with me. At most I have all 5 - only the two older ones are in school)

I think I deserve a bit of a break every now and then - especially since the only break I ask for is a total of 30 minutes every now and then.


_____________Vent:_______________
Well - my hubby's pissed with me right now because he woke up (at 10:00 am - he's welcome for me allowing him to sleep in, btw, though he'll never thank me.) And he realized we were out of milk - and so I was like "yes, now that you're up I'll go out and get some" because all we need is a gallon milk, right?
Right.
So then he proceeds to get one of the kids dressed 'cause she wants to go. (Mind you - he always takes one of the kids with him when he decides to leave the house because he doesn't get to see them that much, which is sweet)
So instantly I go "Oh, I guess he's going out" cool - fine.
And the next thing i know he's pissed with me because I'm NOT going out and I expect him to go out instead.

GIRL...LOL.. I HAVE 5 TOO...
I am divorced and the ex is an asss, so all alone, I do have help when df is here, but thats not often. anywho.. If they are of age, I say leave them alone. I DO. for all the grocery shopping. Oh hell no will I ever ever go grocery shopping with the mighty 5... Nope, nope, nope. Its your sanity time. My kids are 15, 14, 10, 8 and 6. I can now leave to get mu nails done now. YES...hehehe
sometimes I feel like awww, I will take one with me.. YEa, should have kept with the plan to go by myself. WE need time and if its at the glam grocery store then so be it.

Well I don't have kids but I do have an idea for a possible solution for this, based on what my parents did.

My mom was a SAHM and pretty early on I think I was three or four and my older brother was 5 or 6, (might have been younger,I don't remember, but my parents use this story to educate younger military families in their unit so I) My mom went away for a ladies workshop/weekend away through their unit. Prior to this my dad would always be upset if he got home and everything wasn't clean and perfect and things hadn't gotten done, etc. So my dad took the four day weekend, and had this whole list of things to do ALL weekend (like 20-25 couple hour projects) Well, when mom got home on Monday she asked how his weekend was, as she looks around at the piles of laundry, books and toys on the floor and messy kitchen. In despair my dad cried out "I don't understand, i didn't get anything done! I had to get the kids up, feed them breakfast, clean them up, meanwhile they've pulled all their toys and books out and so I'd get them to clean it up and by then it was lunch time, and I had to make lunch and clean up and put them down for naps...etc, etc.!" From that weekend forward, my dad never, ever complained again. If something wasn't perfect when he got home--he either cleaned it himself or kept his mouth shut. He also brought home flowers and kept us busy on the weekends he was actually home.

Maybe you just need a nice long weekend of vacation while your DH takes care of the kids?

I never take the kids with me when I run to the store.

Your situation sounds very familiar to me!
My man works 12 hour shifts, too which either're day or nite shifts and it's mainly me who takes the kids to the store or wherever at if I want or need to go somewhere, but sometimes I just want and need a few minutes to be with me, myself and I and no kids around, no twin stroller and no 3 year old who has a temper tantrum 50 % of the time we're going somewhere!
Or she doesn't want to put the shoes on that I choosed for her and acts up - she always wants to wear sandals when it's raining or rain boots when it's hot as hell!

I either wait till he comes back from work - good thing's we do live off base and the shopping centre/mall around here's open till 8 pm which gives me the chance and the time to leave as soon he comes back home from work!
Or I choose the option to go when everybody in the house's sleep - like when they kids take their nap and my man's still sleeping, too/sleeping again and I'm not taking a nap with everybody!

My man helps me out where all the time if he's not gone and he does some of the shopping, too - there're even times when he takes the kids so I get a chance to breath and wind down as he calls it!
But if he would act up and not watch them at times or even take them at times with him, I would be the housewife on strike and would stop doing everything I usually do right away - which would be no cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids, no laundy etc. etc. anymore and my spoiled man couldn't take this for too long anyways!

You should just do the same and see his reaction!
I'm sure he would change his mind about complaining the next time!
Good luck!
Regards and much love!

I would have kicked his ass for being irritated...when dh is home I go to the store all the time by myself because I think if I have to have them 24/7 the least he can do is let me run to the store alone.

I don't understand his beef. He's their parent too.

You definately deserve an occasional trip to the store in peace. :rolleyes

Yeah, what Becca said.....especially the bolded.

My hubby and I have a "deal": I get a day on the weekend to myself. Since we're broke, it usually involves me staying home and playing videogames or watching a movie or giving myself a niiiice hot bubble bath with a bottle of smirnoff...

Sometimes on the 1st or 15th, I'll go out by myself and pay bills, go grocery shopping, etc and hubby will stay home with the baby--we have a 10 week old. It's too much of a pain in the ass to load up everything and make sure we have everything, so baby stays home. We also have a small car-- Nissan Sentra-- and we can't fit groceries AND stroller in the trunk... It's reversed if hubby would rather go out.

If baby and I have a bad day, hubby will come home after work and love on the baby while I take a time out...

Thing is, we tell each other: "Hey, hun, I need a day" and the other one will say "Okay, coo', what do you want to do (that doesn't involve money)?"