I don't know whether to laugh or get pissed.
I'll cut and paste: http://truemilitarywivesconfessions.com/2007/11/if-you-cant-comb-your.php

If you can't comb your hair, don't leave your house.
If you can't control your kids inside the store, then take them to the park where they can play outside.
If your kids are at least three years old and you are still wearing your maternity clothes, loose the weight.
Fix yourself up and have some pride about yourself. Represent you husband and your family better than you have been. Your life should not be this out of control. And even if it is, it shouldn't be obvious just by looking at you.
You are running around town looking a HOT MESS and making the other wives look bad. I'm sick of it and you better start pulling yourself together because next time I am going to call you out.
You are part of the problem. You are part of the reason people think the military is full of dumb asses, and rejects. I'm sick and tired of having to defend you.
You are the face the public sees most of the time now, and you wont even wash your damn face before you leave the house!
We are all going through deployments at one time or another so that is not and will never be an excuse. I am not asking you to be a fashion queen or a glamour girl, but I do expect you to be a PROUD MILITARY WIFE!


I don't care what others think I should do with my hair, body or even my kids.
But what I'm expected to do for my husband?

Listen - I'm only a military wife because he rejoined the army after we got married. I had no say in it. In fact, I protested but he rejoined anyway. So should I "represent" anyone or anything?
Nope - that's what's so great about this country. I don't have to if I don't want to.

YOU don't matter that much.
I don't matter that much.
WE - the wives - don't matter that much.
That's like saying that you should be a proud Lawyer's wife or a proud Dr's wife...as if you represent their practice :rolleyes

I take care of the kids and support my husband's decisions in the military and keep the house together when he's deployed.
I don't owe him anything - and I'm definatly not going to be so full of myself as to think that I actually "represent" the Military to anyone.

I go day to day and the only time people see me as a military hag is when my hubby's with me and in uniform.
Other than that - I'm just a regular Mom with kids...On and off base.

Oh, and when people think that the military is full of dumbasses and rejects it's because their exposure to the military are the SERVICE men and women who ARE dumbasses and rejects.
LOL - come on - Stereotypes start somewhere. You either spread them, believe them, fullfill them or go against them.

But get off your highhorse - you're just a person and you don't "represent" anything, Military or otherwise.

If you can't comb your hair, don't leave your house.
If you can't control your kids inside the store, then take them to the park where they can play outside.
If your kids are at least three years old and you are still wearing your maternity clothes, loose the weight.
Fix yourself up and have some pride about yourself. Represent you husband and your family better than you have been. Your life should not be this out of control. And even if it is, it shouldn't be obvious just by looking at you.
You are running around town looking a HOT MESS and making the other wives look bad. I'm sick of it and you better start pulling yourself together because next time I am going to call you out.
You are part of the problem. You are part of the reason people think the military is full of dumb asses, and rejects. I'm sick and tired of having to defend you.
You are the face the public sees most of the time now, and you wont even wash your damn face before you leave the house!
We are all going through deployments at one time or another so that is not and will never be an excuse. I am not asking you to be a fashion queen or a glamour girl, but I do expect you to be a PROUD MILITARY WIFE!

The first part is basically saying you HAVE to be perfect. :no

And the bolded part got to me too. The wife is not IN the military. So whatever people think isn't because of the spouses, really. Or shouldn't be based on the spouses because they are not the ones that enlisted. :duh

:dunno

Yeah, if people make judgements based on how I am then they're being the dumbass - not anyone else.

I laughed at the kids at the park thing.
Holy crap - If I take the kids to the park instead of the store then who the hell's going to do the grocery shopping?
:roflmao Get over yourself!

Yeah, if people make judgements based on how I am then they're being the dumbass - not anyone else.

I laughed at the kids at the park thing.
Holy crap - If I take the kids to the park instead of the store then who the hell's going to do the grocery shopping?
:roflmao Get over yourself!

I thought the same thing. Sounds like reasonable thinking on her part. :screwy

The first part is basically saying you HAVE to be perfect. :no

And the bolded part got to me too. The wife is not IN the military. So whatever people think isn't because of the spouses, really. Or shouldn't be based on the spouses because they are not the ones that enlisted. :duh

:dunno

But it is. One member is a representation of the whole family. And one military family is unfortunately a representation of the whole thing. I mean people think we all make big bucks and get everything handed to us because we work for the govt. It's not true but there's no reason to add the thought that all the AD are fuckups and that their spouses are lazy.

No one's saying be perfect but act like you have some sense in public.

No one's saying be perfect but act like you have some sense in public.

That doesn't just go for military spouses, imo.

That doesn't just go for military spouses, imo.

No one said it did but since we're talking about military spouses....:arg

No one said it did but since we're talking about military spouses....:arg

:rolleyes

My point was that the entire "confession" should not be directed ONLY at military spouses as though only military spouses are fat lazy slobs. A LOT of spouses are, in any profession.

:duh

Guess there will always be stereotypes about everything no matter how hard we try to get rid of them.

Yeah, and, thus, it's just a fact in marriages and in general life (single, divorced and widowed as well) - that men and women turn into fat, lazy slobs.

Nothing job related what so ever about. :lol

:rolleyes

My point was that the entire "confession" should not be directed ONLY at military spouses as though only military spouses are fat lazy slobs. A LOT of spouses are, in any profession.

:duh

Because it totally makes sense to talk about civilians on an army website. :rolleyes I'm not playing these games with you tonight T. Not in the mood.




Let me get a HELL YEAH!!!!

Seriously, you've said what I've wanted to say for so many years to so many of these people. I just don't understand why they carry themselves as poorly as they do. It makes no sense to me, and I'll tell you, it just makes me sick! People say to me, "What do you care? That's not you." but I care because maybe people think the girl who looks DISGUSTING like what you described, and happens to be wearing an Army Wife sweatshirt (likely complete with mustard and ketchup stains...) out in public all the time, is representative of ALL of us, or at least a good percentage of us who fall into that same category.

I don't want people to think that THAT is what our military marries, BUT many do, unfortunately. Even when I was a soldier, that's what I thought all Army wives were like because that's all I saw coming into my company to bitch about one thing or another. I didn't see squared away wives until years later when I was a wife myself, and I met with the Commander's wife before my husband took over his position.

My husband always made it very clear to me that I am to represent him as well now as his wife as I did when I was his soldier, because this is just as important. He's an NCO in a very visible position within the unit, and what I do is very visible to the other wives, and the soldiers, and reflects heavily on my husband. Isn't this the case for everyone? I believe it is. Why would these nasty excuses for women want to essentially drag their husbands' name through the mud everywhere they go.

Soldiers know who you are, and they talk. A lot. Think about it.


The above is a comment that was posted to the confession. I think she explained where the OP was coming from.

Guess there will always be stereotypes about everything no matter how hard we try to get rid of them.

That's very true.

Well ok then by this standard I wish officers wives would stop walking around with their noses in the air thinking that I am in some way subservient to them, and their designer clothes, and their, designer perfumes, and their yippie little dogs.

THAT gives military wives JUST as bad a name as fat people in stained clothes.

Well ok then by this standard I wish officers wives would stop walking around with their noses in the air thinking that I am in some way subservient to them, and their designer clothes, and their, designer perfumes, and their yippie little dogs.

THAT gives military wives JUST as bad a name as fat people in stained clothes.

That is also very true.

In two words? Fuck....her.

You can't change the way people are. The only thing you can do, is be the best representation you believe should be presented. If you're the opposite of what others expect, then they can't think you're just like the "rest".

Because it totally makes sense to talk about civilians on an army website. :rolleyes I'm not playing these games with you tonight T. Not in the mood.




The above is a comment that was posted to the confession. I think she explained where the OP was coming from.

I am not an idiot. I know exactly what they are talking about and MY OPINION is that the confession can also be directed at CIVILIANS. This is a discussion right? A Debate? I'm allowed to have opinions.

Cut the holier than thou "I'm not getting into it with you tonight" bullshit out, k? Jeez.

Maybe i am just young and dumb but I don't leave the house looking :quote HOT MESS :quote. I don't think that I am representing ALL military wives but I try to look clean be/c I am representing myself. I don't always wear heels and skirts but t-shirts don't have to be dirty to be worn. I don't agree with the harshness and severity of the posted remark but I do know where it is coming from. I just try to take care of myself the best way I can be/c it is what, I think, my dh deserves, not as a soldier, but as my husband. I think me taking care of myself the best way i can is what I deserve as well.

LOL!!!!!

i'm sorry... but i thought that was hilarious!!!! hahahahahaahah


no seriously... I do see some wacky looking women every now and then around base...

but guess what... I see em just as wacky out of it LOL

So it has nothing to do with mili-wives


That being said... I do think that it sorta does matter and this chick has a point. No matter WHAT profession ur hubby is in, or YOU for that matter. Going out the way this woman is describing is pretty sad and embarrassing to you, AND your family.

If I were going out in public like that its time for an intervention and I HOPE someone saves me :P

I dont let my hubby go out in public looking like a moron, I make him change if he ever thinks he can get away with being a "hot mess" hahaha I would hope he returns the favor :)

LOL!!!!!

i'm sorry... but i thought that was hilarious!!!! hahahahahaahah


no seriously... I do see some wacky looking women every now and then around base...

but guess what... I see em just as wacky out of it LOL

So it has nothing to do with mili-wives


That being said... I do think that it sorta does matter and this chick has a point. No matter WHAT profession ur hubby is in, or YOU for that matter. Going out the way this woman is describing is pretty sad and embarrassing to you, AND your family.

If I were going out in public like that its time for an intervention and I HOPE someone saves me :P

I dont let my hubby go out in public looking like a moron, I make him change if he ever thinks he can get away with being a "hot mess" hahaha I would hope he returns the favor :)

Thank you! That was my point that someone was seemingly trying to twist into a fight or something. Not sure what was going on there.

Cassaundra and Lili I'm with you. A midnight run to Wally World is one thing but in the bright of day? No sir.

I hate people who tell other people who to be, how to act. People who would tell me that since I walked home in the icy rain today, arms pulled into my shirt to try to keep my extremities warm, my hair clumping and in my face, disheveled from the wind, that I am a bad wife, a bad representation of my husband, whom I loved enough to give the car so he:
a.) would be warm
b.) would not have to walk to work in the rain
c.) would have a ride home whenever he GOT home, without having to call or wait for a ride,
and most especially (in relevance to this article, not in my mind, but whatever)
d.) so he would show up to work in a clean, ironed, DRY uniform and not cost the government money by being sick.

Oh, yeah, I'm a dirtbag wife.

And you know what else? He fell in love with me fat, he stayed in love with me fat, he loved me through severe medical issues that make me MORE fat, and I am proud to be the fat bitch in an air force shirt representing MY damn husband. I love HIM, not the fucking job.

No matter what you do, whether you're well manicured and squared away, or if you're looking like a slob, people will judge you. There's NOTHING you can do about that. It's best not to care too much about what others think. Cause if you're looking your best all the time, people will say you're high maintenance. But if you're looking sloppy, then people will think you're nothing but white trash.

:sigh

Cassaundra and Lili I'm with you. A midnight run to Wally World is one thing but in the bright of day? No sir.

God-Bless-Me, I so miss those! PJ pants, sweatshirt or t-shirt, and flip flops and I was a happy girl. But that was one husband, 2 kids, and 40lbs ago.

Well ok then by this standard I wish officers wives would stop walking around with their noses in the air thinking that I am in some way subservient to them, and their designer clothes, and their, designer perfumes, and their yippie little dogs.

THAT gives military wives JUST as bad a name as fat people in stained clothes.

ummm rude. i'm they aren't ALL like that............. I have friends who don't sound like that at all...

Someone made a good point - if you're representing anyone it's your own self.

And I am a tired, worn out, exhausted mother of 5.
That is what I represent. LOL

I put my children and my husband before myself because i don't have time to be a princess. LOL
My kids always look decent and have brushed hair and clean teeth.
I don't because I spend so much time making sure they all look decent - I'm not going to spend an hour getting all of them proper so I can turn my back for 15 minutes getting myself ready only to have them destroy my efforts in the meantime.

No - see, it doesn't work that way.

Perhaps I want people to go "wow, she's worn out!" Look at all my kids and then *wham* instant abstinence. :teehee

No matter what you do, whether you're well manicured and squared away, or if you're looking like a slob, people will judge you. There's NOTHING you can do about that. It's best not to care too much about what others think. Cause if you're looking your best all the time, people will say you're high maintenance. But if you're looking sloppy, then people will think you're nothing but white trash.

:sigh

:giggle I think someone would be hard pressed to think I was white trash...:D

:hugs Thanks for the giggle! :D

Cassaundra and Lili I'm with you. A midnight run to Wally World is one thing but in the bright of day? No sir.

But what if a kid is sick, you are sick and/or the dog is sick and/or a a combination of who knows what else has happened, do you really expect people to dress up to meet your (general you) standard for what is acceptable in public? Sometimes you just don't have the time or energy to put on make up/make your hair/dress up/whatever and still need to get out of the house.

ummm rude. i'm they aren't ALL like that............. I have friends who don't sound like that at all...

THAT WAS THE POINT!

I have friends who don't walk around looking like slobs all day with out of control children.

It's called a sweeping generalization, and the almost NEVER apply to everyone they are directed towards.

:giggle I think someone would be hard pressed to think I was white trash...:D

:hugs Thanks for the giggle! :D

Haha well I was looking for the most extreme example.

ummm rude. i'm they aren't ALL like that............. I have friends who don't sound like that at all...

Not all military wives are fat in sweat stained t shirts either, so it sounds like the stereotypes are going all the way around. I know a LOT of bitch officer wives on this base who wear their husband's ranks, and it does bring down the lot of them. Then there are officer's wives that are extremely kind, generous, open and fun people, whose kids don't ask your kids what your husband's rank is before they let them play.

There's a col's daughter on base that is very widely known for, when she is asked if she wants to play, the first question out of her mouth is "What is your daddy's rank?" and her mother says, "That's right. You know your CLASS."

:giggle I think someone would be hard pressed to think I was white trash...:D

:hugs Thanks for the giggle! :D

I'll think you're white trash if you'll think I'm white trash!!! :P

But what if a kid is sick, you are sick and/or the dog is sick and/or a a combination of who knows what else has happened, do you really expect people to dress up to meet your (general you) standard for what is acceptable in public? Sometimes you just don't have the time or energy to put on make up/make your hair/dress up/whatever and still need to get out of the house.

Clean clothes is another thing though.

But what if a kid is sick, you are sick and/or the dog is sick and/or a a combination of who knows what else has happened, do you really expect people to dress up to meet your (general you) standard for what is acceptable in public? Sometimes you just don't have the time or energy to put on make up/make your hair/dress up/whatever and still need to get out of the house.

:woohoo
:five

Yep - there I am right there!

And, to add, Walmart and the Commissary are NOT an important enough of an outing for me to fuss over apearance.
You go there to buy butt-wipes, diapers and slimy packages of chicken wings. Not fine china and high-end vanity accessories.

There's a col's daughter on base that is very widely known for, when she is asked if she wants to play, the first question out of her mouth is "What is your daddy's rank?" and her mother says, "That's right. You know your CLASS."

:arg Oh goodness. Seriously?

Clean clothes is another thing though.

:P If by "another thing" you mean over rated..

Clean clothes is another thing though.

What of the washer and/or the dryer broke? By seeing someone just once you don't know WHY they are dressed the way they are. Maybe they've been out playing with the kids or the dog. My point is that just seeing someone once in a certain way does not mean that they always walk around that way. And if they do, that is often times a sign of bigger problems (depression, or simply being overwhelmed with the situation they are presented with)

What of the washer and/or the dryer broke? By seeing someone just once you don't know WHY they are dressed the way they are. Maybe they've been out playing with the kids or the dog. My point is that just seeing someone once in a certain way does not mean that they always walk around that way. And if they do, that is often times a sign of bigger problems (depression, or simply being overwhelmed with the situation they are presented with)

:hail :hail :hail

Well, "clean clothes" is a term up for interpretation as well.

"Clean" as in: it's been in the washing machine with soap and dried before being worn.
:yes
"Clean" as in: It's ironed, proper and stain-free.
:no

I don't own any proper clothes. They're always cleaned - but they're, also, caked with tape residue, adhesives and blood stains.
I do too much DIY to really give a damn.

*edit*
LOL @ the broken drier.
Yes - after taking the kids to the park to unwind them before shopping you're expected to quickly comb your hair and change everyone's clothes and brush teeth - just don't do it in the bathroom, people don't like that either.

"Clean" as in: it's been in the washing machine with soap and dried before being worn.
:yes

...at least once since I bought it? ;)

*sniff test* :lol

But what if a kid is sick, you are sick and/or the dog is sick and/or a a combination of who knows what else has happened, do you really expect people to dress up to meet your (general you) standard for what is acceptable in public? Sometimes you just don't have the time or energy to put on make up/make your hair/dress up/whatever and still need to get out of the house.

If i am sick or the kids are, it is pretty obvious. We are so pitiful when we are sick. I was managing a childrens choir musical last week and I was sick as a dog! I still took a shower and brushed my hair. I had on jeans and a old polo shirt with flip flops while doing stuff at the church. I could barely keep my head up, I was so sick. There is a difference between pressed for time or sick verses just not caring. I am not saying every woman should be flat-ironed/curled hair with makeup everywhere she goes. But at least be clean, be/c you owe it to yourself, not dh's job or dh. I don't think ill of a woman in walmart with kids who is obiviously over-worked, tired, maybe a little smelly. I just feel bad for her be/c she is managing a household so much she doesn't have time for herself.

*sniff test* :lol

:rofl No doubt! I iron my clothes = I wear one size too small. Then it's not the wrinkles people complain about...it's the ROLLS! (But at least it's not the wrinkles!)

But what if a kid is sick, you are sick and/or the dog is sick and/or a a combination of who knows what else has happened, do you really expect people to dress up to meet your (general you) standard for what is acceptable in public? Sometimes you just don't have the time or energy to put on make up/make your hair/dress up/whatever and still need to get out of the house.

Yup, I am stressed out to the max right now, tired, over extended, just plain old exhausted as long as my hair is clean and brushed, my face is clean, my clothes are clean, my teeth brushed then I don't give a rats ass what the rest of the universe is thinking.

Am I fashionable no I don't have the time right now to be as fashionable as I would like to be. If my kids are fussy at the store TRUST me I do not have them at the store with me because I enjoy it. Who else is going to get the groceries in for me?

What the stranger judging me might not know is that I have a special needs kiddo and sometimes he is having an off day and has a melt down, or sometimes the five year old is being a spaz and they are siblings so they might start fussing at each other. SOMETIMES I have no choice but to power through it because we NEED some food in the house and I am the only one that can go get the food. If I can I stop and we leave the store, I try not to set my kids up for epic fail we don't hit the grocery store late in the afternoon or after school is out when we are all tired. Sometimes even at 9am they are ok when we leave but something happens and the youngest freaks out. Or the five year old is having an I miss my dad kind of bad mood day.

My kids are clean and in clean clothes, I am clean and in clean clothes and that is about all the world is going to get from me for now. When they are living my life in my shoes they can maybe do it better but for right now I am doing the best I can.

:rofl No doubt! I iron my clothes = I wear one size too small. Then it's not the wrinkles people complain about...it's the ROLLS! (But at least it's not the wrinkles!)

Iron? what's that? I don't iron jack! it gets put in the bathroom to steam while i take a pipin' hot shower!

:rofl

That reminds me of when I was using a "pomegranate" scented body-soap and MONTHS went by with me having HORRIBLE BO - the worst! I wanted to vomit all the time and I kept taking shower after shower and soaking in all sorts of things.

After I ran out of that big bottle of stuff I switched to ST Ives or something - and slowly the smell went away.
Then one day it occured to me that I wasn't smelling my own BO - I was smelling that body-wash on all of my clothes. :puke

It was nasty and something I'll just never buy again.

Fortunately it was just me and my nasal chemistry because even my husband who's part bloodhound didnt' smell anything bad that whole time - everyone thought I was nuts.

I don't think ill of a woman in walmart with kids who is obiviously over-worked, tired, maybe a little smelly. I just feel bad for her be/c she is managing a household so much she doesn't have time for herself.

But that is my point. We don't know WHY that person looks the way she does. Only she knows why she is dressed the way she is. Who are we to judge without knowing more about her situation? We (General we) see a snapshot of her at Walmart or wherever else and feel that it is okay to judge because she doesn't meet certain standards. On those standards obviously vary from person to person. The person you might feel bad for, might just be very content with the way she is. And unless it is causing issues for you (general you again) why make a big deal out of it?

Yup, I am stressed out to the max right now, tired, over extended, just plain old exhausted as long as my hair is clean and brushed, my face is clean, my clothes are clean, my teeth brushed then I don't give a rats ass what the rest of the universe is thinking.

My kids are clean and in clean clothes, I am clean and in clean clothes and that is about all the world is going to get from me for now. When they are living my life in my shoes they can maybe do it better but for right now I am doing the best I can.

...:agree that is the point I was trying to make right there! I am not saying every woman should be fashion forward and crap like that. Just clean be/c it makes YOU feel good and when you feel good you look good.

I don't think it was the WORST thing that could have been written/said :shrug

...:agree that is the point I was trying to make right there! I am not saying every woman should be fashion forward and crap like that. Just clean be/c it makes YOU feel good and when you feel good you look good.

OMG i say that all the time to my friends... "look good, feel good"

when ever i feel blue.. i TRY to get "clean" and dress nice.

Today i woke up feeling like ass and you have NO idea what a HUGE uplift it was to just wash my face and get out of pjs!!!!!! it makes a world of a difference really.

Quite honestly, I think the point Kris is trying to make, is that if a woman is disheveled and looks poorly dressed, she may be tired or not, depressed or not, worried or not. Her mom might be dying, her husband might hit her, her dog might have gotten hit by a car.

On the other hand, maybe she's the type who likes to go straight from the garden to the commissary and she doesn't have time to pay attention to who's looking at her, to flash a smile at them and let them know she's not a psycho stalker who will rub 61 billion germs on their "under-immune, obsessive about the antibacterial" children as they walk by. (Not all, obviously, but some. Usually the bitches judging her for how she looks as she walks by doing her own thing, not bothering them.)

The thing is, if she's happy with herself, her life, whatever, she's not going to give a shit what you say about her, and if she's not happy with herself, her life, whatever, all you're going to do is depress her more and make her afraid to come out.

I've been there. I don't need people looking at me like I'm a street rat because I'm too depressed to get out of bed in the morning long enough to shower, much less do laundry. I'm so wrapped up in my own distress and denial, any possible solution seems too out of reach, and you (general) judging me only makes me hate myself more. Which is why I hate e-mails or comments like the one IN (IN, not BY) the OP.

Very well said Kiwi, when I am un-medicated and depressed all my energy goes into just making sure my kids are ok forget taking a shower heck I rarely left the house when pregnant with Jacob I was too depressed to even make it out the door.

Quite honestly, I think the point Kris is trying to make, is that if a woman is disheveled and looks poorly dressed, she may be tired or not, depressed or not, worried or not. Her mom might be dying, her husband might hit her, her dog might have gotten hit by a car.

On the other hand, maybe she's the type who likes to go straight from the garden to the commissary and she doesn't have time to pay attention to who's looking at her, to flash a smile at them and let them know she's not a psycho stalker who will rub 61 billion germs on their "under-immune, obsessive about the antibacterial" children as they walk by. (Not all, obviously, but some. Usually the bitches judging her for how she looks as she walks by doing her own thing, not bothering them.)

The thing is, if she's happy with herself, her life, whatever, she's not going to give a shit what you say about her, and if she's not happy with herself, her life, whatever, all you're going to do is depress her more and make her afraid to come out.

I've been there. I don't need people looking at me like I'm a street rat because I'm too depressed to get out of bed in the morning long enough to shower, much less do laundry. I'm so wrapped up in my own distress and denial, any possible solution seems too out of reach, and you (general) judging me only makes me hate myself more. Which is why I hate e-mails or comments like the one IN (IN, not BY) the OP.

Very well said. :yes

But that is my point. We don't know WHY that person looks the way she does. Only she knows why she is dressed the way she is. Who are we to judge without knowing more about her situation? We (General we) see a snapshot of her at Walmart or wherever else and feel that it is okay to judge because she doesn't meet certain standards. On those standards obviously vary from person to person. The person you might feel bad for, might just be very content with the way she is. And unless it is causing issues for you (general you again) why make a big deal out of it?

I, personally, do not make a big deal of out stuff like fashion. I couldn't really care less. All i am saying is when you do go out in public, it shouldn't be how you represent your husband or his job but how you represent yourself. The only standard I have for myself when i am grocery shopping is just to be clean. The standard when i go out is different, as is when i go to church. I am just saying people should take care of themselves, whatever that means to them.

OMG i say that all the time to my friends... "look good, feel good"

when ever i feel blue.. i TRY to get "clean" and dress nice.

Today i woke up feeling like ass and you have NO idea what a HUGE uplift it was to just wash my face and get out of pjs!!!!!! it makes a world of a difference really.

This is an honest question, then.

What does it mean to you if I LIKE throwing my hair back into a ponytail and heading out of the house in my torn but comfiest jeans and a t-shirt? If that's how I'm the most comfortable in life, I don't feel like I'm in uniform, I'm satified with the way I am, and I feel FREE for the first time in months because I'm NOT wearing make up that makes me feel fake, does that make me a bad representation of myself, or the military?

I, personally, do not make a big deal of out stuff like fashion. I couldn't really care less. All i am saying is when you do go out in public, it shouldn't be how you represent your husband or his job but how you represent yourself. The only standard I have for myself when i am grocery shopping is just to be clean. The standard when i go out is different, as is when i go to church. I am just saying people should take care of themselves, whatever that means to them.

So we are agreeing. All I am saying is that those 'standards' vary from person to person. And that while we all have our own standards there are days when we cannot fall within our own standards for various reasons.

So we are agreeing. All I am saying is that those 'standards' vary from person to person. And that while we all have our own standards there are days when we cannot fall within our own standards for various reasons.

alrighty then....:shake...schweetness! p.s. I (L) showers! :giggle

This is an honest question, then.

What does it mean to you if I LIKE throwing my hair back into a ponytail and heading out of the house in my torn but comfiest jeans and a t-shirt? If that's how I'm the most comfortable in life, I don't feel like I'm in uniform, I'm satified with the way I am, and I feel FREE for the first time in months because I'm NOT wearing make up that makes me feel fake, does that make me a bad representation of myself, or the military?

:wink where are those jeans torn?

So because we are military wives we are not inclined to the same struggles that every other woman face? Yeah............dont think so.

So because we are military wives we are not inclined to the same struggles that every other woman faces? Yeah............dont think so.

DUH! don't you know we are all paid too much and never have problems? :sarcasm

:wink where are those jeans torn?

Mine are! Usually right on the heels, where the spurs catch all the time, but a lot of them have holy knees :teehee

:wink where are those jeans torn?

*snort* on the inside of the thigh because I'm fat, so my legs rub together!!

but, it's not so you can see it. :P I'm not THAT bad..

*snort* on the inside of the thigh because I'm fat, so my legs rub together!!

but, it's not so you can see it. :P I'm not THAT bad..

*sigh* a three year old pair of jeans just got a hole on the right thigh. I might need to invest in a few pairs of jeans so that I am not always wearing the same two pairs and then shit out of luck when one pair wears out.

Mine are! Usually right on the heels, where the spurs catch all the time, but a lot of them have holy knees :teehee

*snort* on the inside of the thigh because I'm fat, so my legs rub together!!

but, it's not so you can see it. :P I'm not THAT bad..

That makes me so hot you guys! SEXY SEXY! *woo woo* :wink :wink

*sigh* a three year old pair of jeans just got a hole on the right thigh. I might need to invest in a few pairs of jeans so that I am not always wearing the same two pairs and then shit out of luck when one pair wears out.

I have that problem. Well, I am down to one pair though because until we get paid I literally don't have the money to buy me a pair of jeans. :hehe

Same here I have one pair of jeans, one pair of capri length twill pants and a couple skirts. I wear the same things over and over. It makes me feel sort of loserish in class. BUT before I only had class two days a week NNOW I have class mon-thurs so I really need to invest in a couple more things to wear.

Same here I have one pair of jeans, one pair of capri length twill pants and a couple skirts. I wear the same things over and over. It makes me feel sort of loserish in class. BUT before I only had class two days a week NNOW I have class mon-thurs so I really need to invest in a couple more things to wear.

i have three pairs of jeans but they are all too big. if i didn't have such a big ass i would be busting a sag for real! I need some stuff for morning church. My capris i wear all the time are fading bad from the washings. Losing weight is good for the body but bad for the pocketbook!

I wish my jeans were too big! I literally have one pair right now that fit :(

Mine are getting too big!! :cp but then they get small again, and big and small.... I think I have trick pants ;)

This is an honest question, then.

What does it mean to you if I LIKE throwing my hair back into a ponytail and heading out of the house in my torn but comfiest jeans and a t-shirt? If that's how I'm the most comfortable in life, I don't feel like I'm in uniform, I'm satified with the way I am, and I feel FREE for the first time in months because I'm NOT wearing make up that makes me feel fake, does that make me a bad representation of myself, or the military?



honestly... i always look blah. plain shirt, and some jeans... you said it.

but every now and then, i do my hair, i put on make up. i LOOK femenine. And since I DONT do it all the time, it makes me FEEL good.

Granted, I try to make these times coincide with moments that involve some social interaction...

DUH! don't you know we are all paid too much and never have problems? :sarcasm

Oh yeah, there is always that.............

I don't know whether to laugh or get pissed.
I'll cut and paste: http://truemilitarywivesconfessions.com/2007/11/if-you-cant-comb-your.php




Sorry for her that she is an adult in obviously the wrong era...where the weight and appearance of wives is NOT part of AD DH's PT report anymore. Pffftt! I didn't fucking sign up so my body can look however it wants to, it doesn't affect anyone else. That ignorant "secret" just makes wives live up to the stereotype of unfeeling, selfish bitches who only care about themselves. lol And personally, I'd rather get down and dirty in the sand with my son than sit back and be an un-active mom just so I can "look pretty". Thanks, not a trophy wife and don't want to be. ;)

Board's moving slow, haven't read all replies, forgive me if i repeat. Is what this woman said harsh, and brutal? Yes! Can I be objective enough for one small moment to not the the baby out with the bathwater, and see some valid points are made? Yes. Is it possible to go to the store and have well behaved kids? Yes. Is it possible to be a mother and still look nice neat, and in shape? Yes. Does this equal perfection? No.

I agree, her statements can apply to civie wives just as well,but she's speaking on the things she sees around her. I know of two neighbors who fit the script. One neighbor wears clothes 3 sizes smaller on a daily basis, she lets her kids run around outside with no shoes, and she never, i repeat never disciplines them. I have another neighbor that is obese yet she's constantly ragging on somebody else's physical appearance,(while neglecting hers) and when her daughter does something wrong, her way of disciplining is giving her sweets to distract her. Now, if you can't control or discipline your kids at home, that will show when you go to any public place. Now.. before anyone says that i am judging...let's not all be hypocrites...we all judge to a certain extent each and every day....even if it is just a quick passing thought...ie ''i can see that girls thong, she needs to pull her pants up''...ie..''that woman to the left really needs to stop yelling at her kids'', etc. I can spout off soo many examples. We are human,and it's just how we are. MOST of us keep our judgements to ourselves,and some voice it.

Bottom line is yes, there will be those 'bad hair days', there will be those days where the kids embarass us when we leave the house, but it shouldn't happen with any ''regularity''. If i see a woman unkept and not being able to control her kids, no i don't judge her, however if i ''know'' her personally, and she falls into the scenario of one of my neighbor examples..yes..then i am going to quitely judge, b/c i know that she is creating her own problems.

I would attempt a response but first let me put down my coach purse, kick off my 'O' wife black pumps, push aside my Vera Wang perfume bottle next to the computer here.........

ah hell....you've all said it so well! What could this snobbish, over rich, pompous, self centered, bitchy, rank wearing, stuck in another era wife have to offer any way?????


:lmao :lol

I would attempt a response but first let me put down my coach purse, kick off my 'O' wife black pumps, push aside my Vera Wang perfume bottle next to the computer here.........

ah hell....you've all said it so well! What could this snobbish, over rich, pompous, self centered, bitchy, rank wearing, stuck in another era wife have to offer any way?????


:lmao :lol

lmao thats great..

It sounds like a vent, and personally, I have felt that way from time to time.

The stereotypes continue because people like that DO exist. If you can't at least shower, why are you in public? Just IMO, but hygiene is important.

I'm not saying I 100% agree, just that I can see where that person is coming from. Everyone is allowed to vent, right? :shrug

ETA-I noticed a lot of posts about what if your kid is sick, what if this or that-personally, I have never left my house without makeup, not even when I was in labor. It takes all of five minutes to comb your hair and look decent. :shrug

Michael: Lori, your contractions are five minutes apart let's go already!
Lori: Two seconds, I'm almost done with my eyeliner.


I INSTANTLY saw this exchange in my head and laughed my ass off. :giggle

I Can tell you there are days by the time I get to the store I look a hot mess, but it's no one's damn business...I have 2 small children one who I still carry most of the time so by the time we get in and out of the store he's dooled all over me or thrown up on me so that chick can just blow off...I represent my husband well and would NEVER go to his command in my sweatpants, but I also don't go in heels, full makeup looking like I'm going out on the town, and my best slacks and dress shirt...I go in my jeans and a t-shirt with tennis shoes on.

ETA-I noticed a lot of posts about what if your kid is sick, what if this or that-personally, I have never left my house without makeup, not even when I was in labor. It takes all of five minutes to comb your hair and look decent. :shrug

What about those of us who don't really believe in makeup? lol I guess we should NEVER leave our house then? Fuck that, I can't help it that I am fine with the way I look.

What about those of us who don't really believe in makeup? lol I guess we should NEVER leave our house then? Fuck that, I can't help it that I am fine with the way I look.

I think you picked out one thing she said and ignored the main points. It takes 5 minutes to comb your hair and brush your teeth. It's hygiene.

Some people aren't concerned with what OTHERS think. Some of us don't WANT to wear make-up to the store. So what? Why is that your business? Some of us LIKE having messy hair (well, I don't know about you, but my hair is SUPER CURLY and sometimes I like it that its a HOT MESS), and whos fucking business is MY hair anyway? Oh, thats right. Its MINE.

I don't know why people can't just mind their own fucking business and not worry about how/why someone looks the way they do. Why don't you say HI and see if they are a nice person or not? That would be a way to figure out what kind of person they are. NOT BY NOTICING WHETHER OR NOT THEY'RE WEARING MAKE-UP, HAVE COMBED THEIR HAIR OR ARE WEARING THE RIGHT CLOTHES.

I'm sorry, but some of you sound like judgmental snobby jerks.

Oh Lord. Somebody say a prayer. It bout to get ugly :rofl

Personally, I don't think I keep fit, and leave the house loooking nice to impress somebody, I do it b/c it makes ME feel good. Some ppl are saying they don't give a flip what they look like when they leave the house, and don't care what anyone says. Some of us are saying we DO give a flip what we look like when we leave the house. What's the big deal, just two diff point of views.

I have a good friend who makes it plain(don't get all mad with me, it comes from her mouth) that she is a frumpy housewife and could care less what she looks like when she goes out,or in general. We get along great, and i love her to pieces! *My* philosophy is just b/c you get married and have kids (i have 6 btw) doesn't mean you should let yourself go, and gain a ton of weight,"just because". That philosophy is what *I* go by, repeat repeat *I*.

I want to live a long and healthy life, and look good while living it. Again, MY philosophy, MY desire!

I think you picked out one thing she said and ignored the main points. It takes 5 minutes to comb your hair and brush your teeth. It's hygiene.

I really don't think there are many people who just don't shower period. lol That point is valid though, hence I didn't argue it. But she made it sound as if "well, I had the time to do it when I was in labor, you should have time for it in a regular day". (edit: about makeup, not showering lol)

Sorry but I'm fine with myself. I may not always wear heels or wait, really never unless I HAVE to, I'm not always dressy. Jeans and t-shirt or nice blouse, thanks. No makeup. If it's a hot day, hair goes up in a pony tail or bun as it happens to touch my ass and gets HOT. I may not look "beautiful" or as over the top as some of the women out there but the point is, I'm fine and happy with myself the way I am. Why does it bother someone else? Is my comfort or the fact that I don't have to cake some shit on my face REALLY bothering you? Did it really interrupt your day? If so, you really need to get a life.

Some ppl are saying they don't give a flip what they look like when they leave the house, and don't care what anyone says. Some of us are saying we DO give a flip what we look like when we leave the house. What's the big deal, just two diff point of views.



See, but there is a difference. If someone always want to look dressed up all of the time...which for me is VERY uncomfortable. That is fine. Doesn't bother me. If she wants to shower in perfume, fine. Wear light makeup or cake it? Doesn't bother me. I really don't care. I won't point it out in fact, I have too much going on in my life to really stop and give a shit. But for those of us who aren't always wearing heels or makeup...we are just so disgusting and letting ourselves go and...:jerkit So yes, to a few people there is a difference. ;)

I guess I've always "let myself go". I just think of it as dressing "down to earth". I guess we each have our different terms. lol One just happens to be nicer and less cunty than the other.

Yeah, I think most people shower once a day, brush their hair in the AM if it needs it and brush teeth a few times a day.
That's my basic routine - what else I do and when I go out doesn't equate with those things. I won't wash, rinse and repeat each time I have to leave the house just because a few others feel I should.
I keep Febreeze, a razor and scope in my purse for close-quarter situations in which I don't want my summer-induced funk to gross people out.
amen for scented baby wipes and spritzer.

Especially during the summer. I'll sweat just by washing dishes in my house - I'm definately not going to spend any time looking decent when I'm just going to be dripping with sweat by the time I get in my truck.
I use to wear makeup - just a bit of natural-colored mascera and lipstick.
But summer after summer - 110 heat with 100 humidity and it just melts right off. There realy is no point.
I ditched all those things because of lack of convenience a long time ago.

Summertime = hot mess and not in a good way no matter how cautious, careful and courageous you are :)

Want to be permitted by nature to look nice all the time - don't move to Arkansas :tu :rofl

I see some women who have success with looking *extra nice* and i always wonder just what type of skin-cement they're using :lol

It sounds like a vent, and personally, I have felt that way from time to time.

The stereotypes continue because people like that DO exist. If you can't at least shower, why are you in public? Just IMO, but hygiene is important.

I'm not saying I 100% agree, just that I can see where that person is coming from. Everyone is allowed to vent, right? :shrug

ETA-I noticed a lot of posts about what if your kid is sick, what if this or that-personally, I have never left my house without makeup, not even when I was in labor. It takes all of five minutes to comb your hair and look decent. :shrug

I completely agree with your post.

I don't think anyone needs to be perfect 100% of the time, but I personally do try to at least look presentable and decent if I know I"m going to be in public. Hell, even at the house, I like to look decent... not necessary made up with makeup or anything but hair brushed, teeth brushed, bra on, etc. It's not so much about being a military spouse though, it's just more about how I want to present myself to people who don't know me. First impressions are worth something, in my opinion, and I do think it's important (at least for me) to look like you care about yourself.

We ALL have bad days and some of us just don't really care about "that kind of thing", but I do personally care and I do personally feel like it's important to look decent and feel good about how I look (which for me requires a shower, wearing clothes that match, brushing my hair and maybe putting on some mascara or something).

I know not everyone thinks these things are important, but they are to me, especially if I know I'm going to be around people that my husband works with. He spends a lot of time trying to be 'squared away' with freshly ironed uniforms, waxed shoes, etc and I feel like it's equally as important for me to look like I didn't just roll out of bed. I would hope that he wouldn't show up at my professional work place smelling like he hadn't showered, wearing clothes that don't match, shoes with holes, etc.

See, but there is a difference. If someone always want to look dressed up all of the time...which for me is VERY uncomfortable. That is fine. Doesn't bother me. If she wants to shower in perfume, fine. Wear light makeup or cake it? Doesn't bother me. I really don't care. I won't point it out in fact, I have too much going on in my life to really stop and give a shit. But for those of us who aren't always wearing heels or makeup...we are just so disgusting and letting ourselves go and...:jerkit So yes, to a few people there is a difference. ;)

I guess I've always "let myself go". I just think of it as dressing "down to earth". I guess we each have our different terms. lol One just happens to be nicer and less cunty than the other.

That is hilarious.



Personally, I feel like the people who are OK with going au natural are the people who have the stronger self esteem. People who have to dress up to go to the grocery store, wear make-up to the post office, are the people (IN MY OPINION) that have issues, and are putting those issues onto others.

I do believe I need to keep myself in proper attire and order when I am with my Marine in uniform and I usually do out of respect for him Let me tell you I am not one to conform to anything anyone thinks My DH is sometimes afraid to go out in public with me because I am wide open and do the craziest things! just for the fun of it he says to me "Babe come on Im a Marine " I say :Yeah and Im Not" then I get the look and usually conform just for my DH I love when I make him proud but sometimes I just gotta let it out!

That is hilarious.



Personally, I feel like the people who are OK with going au natural are the people who have the stronger self esteem. People who have to dress up to go to the grocery store, wear make-up to the post office, are the people (IN MY OPINION) that have issues, and are putting those issues onto others.

Or maybe they have a different idea about what "put together" means and how women should present themselves when going out? I'm not saying either one is right or wrong, but I wouldn't say one or the other means low self esteem. That's like me saying that anyone who goes au natural is only doing so out of pure laziness.

Know what I mean?

I may wear heels once a week...only the comfortable ones dahling;) and make-up 4x a week. I don't feel that it's too much work. It doesn't take me more than 15-20minutes to make myself look presentable when I go out. Did I miss something? Did someone say you have to wear heels, have your hair look like you just came out of a Suave commercial, and wear super thick makeup when leaving the house:confuzzle

I'm an au naturale girl myself. I don't wear make up. I never have. If I tried putting it on I'd look like a clown since it's not something I've ever done.

I make sure that I've at least brushed my hair/put it in a pony tail, teeth, and have clean clothes. Anything beyond that... well, it's not me. I live my life being me. Why should I try to be someone else?

Personally I rarely wear make up and if someone judges me badly because I don't have my war paint on, that's their problem. That's not someone I would want to befriend anyway.

I may wear heels once a week...only the comfortable ones dahling;) and make-up 4x a week. I don't feel that it's too much work. It doesn't take me more than 15-20minutes to make myself look presentable when I go out. Did I miss something? Did someone say you have to wear heels, have your hair look like you just came out of a Suave commercial, and wear super thick makeup when leaving the house:confuzzle

Well, that would go into "looking one's best". lol

And with makeup, for some of us, it has nothing to do with not having the time. For me, I've tried wearing makeup in the past. I know how to put it on, I know it doesn't take long. It makes me so uncomfortable. I sweat easily, especially when nervous. lol My face gets beet red and well, makeup comes right off. Not to mention when I wear makeup I feel like I'm trying to be someone else. It just doesn't feel right and I feel like everyone is staring at me. I don't know, it's a real wierd deal with me. I just can't do it without feeling like a total jackass. Kudos to those who wear it, love it and feel better about themselves. I just happen to be the opposite. :) I feel much more confident just going as myself. I shouldn't be looked down upon because of it.

I couldn't care less what others think or say about me!
I've 4 kids - 3 of them're small and under 4 years of age and I've early mornings Monday threw Friday cause of preschool, shopping, doing whatever and I wear either jeans and a shirt and sneakers or sweats/jazzpants and a shirt and sneakers or flip flops when I do go outside!
My/our clothes're always clean and look neat, but I don't play a fashion addict/victim or runway model for anybody and I wear what I'm comfy in!
I don't need to dress to impress and or look a certain way so others're happy with my looks or the clothes I wear!
For each and every different event or occassion I've clothes and I match what I wear up to that!
I never wear make up and I look beautiful without make up and I don't need to put anything on my face so others look at me - you can count the times I wear make up on 1 single hand!
That would be when I go get new pictures in a studio taken or some other special thing to happen!

I take a shower every day, wash my hair every 2 to 3 days, brush/comb my hair every morning when I get up and the same goes for brushing my teeths, I put lotion and deoderant on, and if I feel like it, I put some perfume on, too!
Our kids're always dressed neat and their hair gets done every morning which takes me at least 1 hour and they wear clean clothes every time we go somewhere!
I even've clothes to change for them with us if we're going somewhere just in case!
I represent me, myself and I and I don't need anybody to tell me what to wear or how to be just cause of my man being part of the military!
He never would be or's ashamed of me cause of what I wear and how I'm no matter where we're or what we do and I don't carry his rank or that he's in the military!
Most people wouldn't even know we're a military family - unless they know us since neither he nor I ever wear anything that tells we're - so no Air Force sweats, running clothes, tshirts or what so ever!

To each their own and everybody should do what makes them happy and what floats their boat, but I live my life with things that make me happy and whoever thinks they need to judge me, cause of what I wear, if I wear make up or what kind a hair cut I've, they need to look at themself 1st and check if they're proper in what they do, how they look like and whatever they represent!
I got no time or need for anybody to stick their nose up cause they think they're better in any way!
Nobody can be better than me, cause I'm best for me, myself and I and also for my family, my man and my kids!

When our kids've a bad day and they throw fits or act up, I still'll go to any store, mall or shop if I need and want to and this like many other things's nobodys business at all or for anybody to care of in any way!

Those stereotypes about how military wifes, gf's, fiances or other people're like're so stupid, old and boring, but people still stick to it, cause they don't know any better nor do they even get a bigger horizon or open their minds for anything different!
But it's their loss they don't and they don't know what they miss out on!
Regards and much love!

No one is saying makeup and hair done.

Just hair brushed. Teeth brushed. Please don't offend me with your BO. Lotion is your friend.

Au naturale is FINE. Being dirty and looking like you rolled out of bed is not.

*snip* First impressions are worth something, in my opinion, and I do think it's important (at least for me) to look like you care about yourself. *snip*
*snip*
I know not everyone thinks these things are important, but they are to me, especially if I know I'm going to be around people that my husband works with. *snip* I would hope that he wouldn't show up at my professional work place smelling like he hadn't showered, wearing clothes that don't match, shoes with holes, etc.*snip*

I agree!
There's a HUGE difference between actually being with his commander, etc - at his workplace...and being by myself (with or without the kids) and just going grocery shopping.
Anytime we might run into his employees/higher-ups, in my opinion, is a special occasion worth the effort. Absolutely - I think we all agree with that.
This is, also, why I hold a strict rule of no drop-ins at our home when it's his work buddies.

But there's a huge difference between day-to-day routine and special-occasion, etc.
I feel (in reference to the OP quote) that she was refering to the day-to-day routine..a constant standard.

Indeed - if I'm going to meet with anyone who works with my hubby (even if it might just be chance - aka: if we're going into the city where most of his higher-ups frequent and we might just run into someone) I want to look proper.

But just for Walmart, etc - without hubby - I won't bother :)

I agree!
There's a HUGE difference between actually being with his commander, etc - at his workplace...and being by myself (with or without the kids) and just going grocery shopping.
Anytime we might run into his employees/higher-ups, in my opinion, is a special occasion worth the effort. Absolutely - I think we all agree with that.
This is, also, why I hold a strict rule of no drop-ins at our home when it's his work buddies.

But there's a huge difference between day-to-day routine and special-occasion, etc.
I feel (in reference to the OP quote) that she was refering to the day-to-day routine..a constant standard.

Indeed - if I'm going to meet with anyone who works with my hubby (even if it might just be chance - aka: if we're going into the city where most of his higher-ups frequent and we might just run into someone) I want to look proper.

But just for Walmart, etc - without hubby - I won't bother :)

That's just it though. For a lot of people who live in mil. housing or right next to or ON base/post; there's a HIGH chance you're running into your hubby's co-workers on the regular.

LOL
If I lived on base I'd consider that, really.
If I was in constant chance of running into his coworkers, etc - then I'd definately give a damn...At least to own some decent clothes that I can just jump into and maybe one pair of nice shoes.

IF that were my situation then I'd keep my sloppiness at home and around my yard and not beyond that on average.

I think that people should care about their appearance, and look presentable when they leave the house. I somewhat agree with the blurb from TMWC. I think the person was a little rude with the way she chose to say things, but I do agree that there is a certain level of self respect one should have when leaving the house, especially if you are going to be shopping on base, it does matter what people think of you. As long as you don't look like a slob, and are presentable, I think that is fine. I never go out of the house in my PJs or sweats, I don't always wear makeup, but I make sure my hair is combed and neat, my clothing looks decent and clean and I don't look like I just rolled out of bed.

What's wrong with sweats? (thread hijack, here)

I know what's wrong with *my* sweats: they're too tight and are caked in glue and paint because they're my *grunge* clothes and I wear them in every DIY situation.
But in general - a lot of sweat pants are quite decent and look classy.

I own 1 pair of jeans which are so tight I swear I balloon into a mushroom - not just a muffin - and are, in fact, more inapropriate than my one nice pair of sweats :lol

I think that people should care about their appearance, and look presentable when they leave the house. I somewhat agree with the blurb from TMWC. I think the person was a little rude with the way she chose to say things, but I do agree that there is a certain level of self respect one should have when leaving the house, especially if you are going to be shopping on base, it does matter what people think of you. As long as you don't look like a slob, and are presentable, I think that is fine. I never go out of the house in my PJs or sweats, I don't always wear makeup, but I make sure my hair is combed and neat, my clothing looks decent and clean and I don't look like I just rolled out of bed.

yea, wearing pajama bottoms is in nowadays:tired

What's wrong with sweats? (thread hijack, here)

I know what's wrong with *my* sweats: they're too tight and are caked in glue and paint because they're my *grunge* clothes and I wear them in every DIY situation.
But in general - a lot of sweat pants are quite decent and look classy.

I own 1 pair of jeans which are so tight I swear I balloon into a mushroom - not just a muffin - and are, in fact, more inapropriate than my one nice pair of sweats :lol

It might be a good time to invest in some new jeans if that is the case. lol.

I haven't read through all of the responses, so I'm sorry if I'm being a broken record here! The other day DH had me come to post (we live off post in Manhattan, near Ft. Riley) and I went in grey sweatpants and a grey sweatshirt. My hair was greasy. I was not expecting to be on post for very long, nor did I expect to get out of the truck. Well, turns out I wasn't just bringing him something but waiting an hour and 15 minutes for him to get off work (it wouldn't have been worth it for me to drive home only to turn around and have to drive back). I had to go into the PX looking a mess, and I was very embarrassed. I was glad nobody knows who I am or who he is. I don't think everyone should be expected to leave the house with full makeup on or dressed to the 9s every time, but I do think we represent our husbands more than we think sometimes. I like to clean up and look nice more for myself than for him or to "represent the Army" well.

I do agree that the woman could have been a bit nicer in how she said things. It could have easily been written a bit less snarky.

I haven't read through all of the responses, so I'm sorry if I'm being a broken record here! The other day DH had me come to post (we live off post in Manhattan, near Ft. Riley) and I went in grey sweatpants and a grey sweatshirt. My hair was greasy. I was not expecting to be on post for very long, nor did I expect to get out of the truck. Well, turns out I wasn't just bringing him something but waiting an hour and 15 minutes for him to get off work (it wouldn't have been worth it for me to drive home only to turn around and have to drive back). I had to go into the PX looking a mess, and I was very embarrassed. I was glad nobody knows who I am or who he is. I don't think everyone should be expected to leave the house with full makeup on or dressed to the 9s every time, but I do think we represent our husbands more than we think sometimes. I like to clean up and look nice more for myself than for him or to "represent the Army" well.

I do agree that the woman could have been a bit nicer in how she said things. It could have easily been written a bit less snarky.

:yes

Folks on base that know Drew, know that I'm with Drew. And how I act totally does reflect on him.

I would attempt a response but first let me put down my coach purse, kick off my 'O' wife black pumps, push aside my Vera Wang perfume bottle next to the computer here.........

ah hell....you've all said it so well! What could this snobbish, over rich, pompous, self centered, bitchy, rank wearing, stuck in another era wife have to offer any way?????


:lmao :lol
:lmao I forgot we were supposed to act this way. I guess I didn't "get the memo" when I married DH. :lmao

I just LOVE that we are ALL the same and act like snobs. My friends that are O wives have NEVER acted that way. If they did, they by no means would be my friend.

I try to look decent while on base. More for the reason I do not want to run into someone we know and think ,"jeez, she looks awful"

With that being said......during deployment, after the sub accident, after surgery, watching an infant and two year old.......I did go to the commy looking a bit of a mess.
:dunno

I have lived on base and I never dressed any different then how I dress living off base. I don't have special clothes or shoes for when I might meet one of Joe's work buddies (why would I dress up for a work buddy?) I am me my husband loves me for me. Maybe because I was active duty I don't feel the need to dress to impress his peers? Heck one of his closest work friends is a master chief that used to LIVE with him. They are just regular peeps that put their pants on one leg at a time JUST like me.

I agree with browneyedbeauty and Brandi. Hygiene and looking "hot" are two different things. I do think hygiene and being clean, wearing clothes that fit without holes or stains is important for one's self esteem, as well as first impressions.

I have lived on base and I never dressed any different then how I dress living off base. I don't have special clothes or shoes for when I might meet one of Joe's work buddies (why would I dress up for a work buddy?) I am me my husband loves me for me. Maybe because I was active duty I don't feel the need to dress to impress his peers? Heck one of his closest work friends is a master chief that used to LIVE with him. They are just regular peeps that put their pants on one leg at a time JUST like me.

ITA!

It is really sad that people believe/"know" that their civi appearance affects their S/O's job and if it does...maybe that is why there are so many dumbasses enlisted and higher up on the food chain. "So and So is an -insert rank- because his wife looks like Cindy Crawford not because he worked his ass off for the job." Now things are starting to make sense. :hehe Might as well bring the whole "wife on PT results" back with that kind of crazy attitude toward a job.

I am who I am. I have no one to impress. I look "decent" (good by my standards, obviously not by other's standards) and I am polite. And I will NEVER dress up because "so and so" came over to grill out and play rockband with myself and my husband. Psht! I will rock out in my very worn in jeans/capris and my "Murlocos" t-shirt. Don't like me because of the way I dress? Then you wouldn't be a good friend anyway.

I agree with browneyedbeauty and Brandi. Hygiene and looking "hot" are two different things. I do think hygiene and being clean, wearing clothes that fit without holes or stains is important for one's self esteem, as well as first impressions.

Agreed.

I agree with browneyedbeauty and Brandi. Hygiene and looking "hot" are two different things. I do think hygiene and being clean, wearing clothes that fit without holes or stains is important for one's self esteem, as well as first impressions.

:agree

I really don't think there are many people who just don't shower period. lol That point is valid though, hence I didn't argue it. But she made it sound as if "well, I had the time to do it when I was in labor, you should have time for it in a regular day". (edit: about makeup, not showering lol)

Sorry but I'm fine with myself. I may not always wear heels or wait, really never unless I HAVE to, I'm not always dressy. Jeans and t-shirt or nice blouse, thanks. No makeup. If it's a hot day, hair goes up in a pony tail or bun as it happens to touch my ass and gets HOT. I may not look "beautiful" or as over the top as some of the women out there but the point is, I'm fine and happy with myself the way I am. Why does it bother someone else? Is my comfort or the fact that I don't have to cake some shit on my face REALLY bothering you? Did it really interrupt your day? If so, you really need to get a life.

I just now realized you were referring ot my post:arg

I wasn't trying to say everyone has to wear makeup, I was saying it only takes a few minutes to get presentable(whatever that means to you-for me, it means makeup)and it will do you a world of good, for your own self esteem and the way people view you as well as how embarassed your kids may or may not be. :lol I know if I look like crap, Liam is the first to speak up. :rofl

I agree with browneyedbeauty and Brandi. Hygiene and looking "hot" are two different things. I do think hygiene and being clean, wearing clothes that fit without holes or stains is important for one's self esteem, as well as first impressions.

:tu

:hide I took my trash to the curb in my jammies today.

I am so not about looks, I don't wear more than mascara, slight eyeliner, tinted moisturizer and some chap stick normally unless I am really gussied up. I LOATHE heels and I love my jeans, T-shirts and flip flops, and 98% of the time I wash my hair and throw it up in a bun.

Quite honestly, I don't care what someone thinks about me if they see me out running errands....if my DH wanted a made up trophy type wife that has to be "PERFECT" from the get go in the morning, then damn it he should have married one.

I have lived on base and I never dressed any different then how I dress living off base. I don't have special clothes or shoes for when I might meet one of Joe's work buddies (why would I dress up for a work buddy?) I am me my husband loves me for me. Maybe because I was active duty I don't feel the need to dress to impress his peers? Heck one of his closest work friends is a master chief that used to LIVE with him. They are just regular peeps that put their pants on one leg at a time JUST like me.

It's not that I really want to impress them, it's more about me just wanting to look good and feel good for ME and also showing courtesy to my husband... the same courtesy that I'd want him to show for me if he showed up at my work place or some social function where my boss would be present. It's okay if we don't agree, but it's not about me thinking I need to impress his coworkers because I think they are untouchable people who are above me. Presentation is important to me, always has been.

My gramma and momma always raised me to take a lot of pride in the way I look, because it can be an important part of how you feel, your overall attitude. When I dress like a slob and haven't put any effort at all into looking or feeling good, then I usually have a really crummy day and my mood is definitely not what it should be. Even my husband has learned that if I have had a REALLY hard day and I'm in a terrible mood, sometimes just giving me an hour to grab a shower, get dressed, apply a little makeup and dry my hair is enough to perk me right up.

I don't believe appearance is everything. IN fact, I'm really not into anything that puts too much emphasis on being fake and dolled up, like the pageants that encourage a pound of makeup on little girls. But taking care of yourself by looking "put together" is something completely different, in my opinion. I don't wear a ton of makeup and heels on a day to day basis, but I do like to wear shirts that aren't 3 sizes too big.

It's not that I really want to impress them, it's more about me just wanting to look good and feel good for ME and also showing courtesy to my husband... the same courtesy that I'd want him to show for me if he showed up at my work place or some social function where my boss would be present. It's okay if we don't agree, but it's not about me thinking I need to impress his coworkers because I think they are untouchable people who are above me. Presentation is important to me, always has been.

My gramma and momma always raised me to take a lot of pride in the way I look, because it can be an important part of how you feel, your overall attitude. When I dress like a slob and haven't put any effort at all into looking or feeling good, then I usually have a really crummy day and my mood is definitely not what it should be. Even my husband has learned that if I have had a REALLY hard day and I'm in a terrible mood, sometimes just giving me an hour to grab a shower, get dressed, apply a little makeup and dry my hair is enough to perk me right up.

I don't believe appearance is everything. IN fact, I'm really not into anything that puts too much emphasis on being fake and dolled up, like the pageants that encourage a pound of makeup on little girls. But taking care of yourself by looking "put together" is something completely different, in my opinion. I don't wear a ton of makeup and heels on a day to day basis, but I do like to wear shirts that aren't 3 sizes too big.

We are talking about two different situations, if I go to Joe's work I am going to look nice, I will take the time to do something with my hair (besides wash it comb it put it up in a hair clip), I might wear make up (but maybe not because I don't tend to wear make up), I will most likely wear something like what I would wear to school over what I wear to bum around my house, and the kids will be clean and in clean clothes. (the kids are always clean I hate when their clothes get dirty when we are out I don't like them to look like ragamuffins BUT I am trying to relax because I have given my oldest a complex if he even gets water on his shirt he feels like he has to change)

NOW if Joe brings people over then they get what they get. I may be in school clothes or I may be in my bumming around clothes KWIM? I know that being clean and in neat clothes helps you feel better because I have had days were just getting out of bed took every ounce of effort I had. Maybe that was confusing but when you have had days like that well you kind of can understand why maybe someone might not look at their best.

Then again everyone has different ideas of "looking your best" For Lori it is putting make up on and looking like her cute self for me it is making sure I am washed and in clean clothes with the teeth brushed. I don't think anyone is saying don't shower and brush the chompers every day.

My post was in response to this
I agree!
There's a HUGE difference between actually being with his commander, etc - at his workplace...and being by myself (with or without the kids) and just going grocery shopping.
Anytime we might run into his employees/higher-ups, in my opinion, is a special occasion worth the effort. Absolutely - I think we all agree with that.
This is, also, why I hold a strict rule of no drop-ins at our home when it's his work buddies.

But there's a huge difference between day-to-day routine and special-occasion, etc.
I feel (in reference to the OP quote) that she was refering to the day-to-day routine..a constant standard.

Indeed - if I'm going to meet with anyone who works with my hubby (even if it might just be chance - aka: if we're going into the city where most of his higher-ups frequent and we might just run into someone) I want to look proper.

But just for Walmart, etc - without hubby - I won't bother :)

:yes

Folks on base that know Drew, know that I'm with Drew. And how I act totally does reflect on him.

I think that people should care about their appearance, and look presentable when they leave the house. I somewhat agree with the blurb from TMWC. I think the person was a little rude with the way she chose to say things, but I do agree that there is a certain level of self respect one should have when leaving the house, especially if you are going to be shopping on base, it does matter what people think of you. As long as you don't look like a slob, and are presentable, I think that is fine. I never go out of the house in my PJs or sweats, I don't always wear makeup, but I make sure my hair is combed and neat, my clothing looks decent and clean and I don't look like I just rolled out of bed.

Shit.... I have to wear makeup and dress to the nines at work, I don't have a choice. Granted if I have to go near post I try to do it after work, more out of convenience than anything else. When we first got here I tried to represent myself to the best when I was on post, then I attended a meeting where I was on crutches (still dressed up though) and was made fun of by an O's wife. I said screw it after that. If my teeth are brushed, I have showered and I combed my hair, that's good enough!!! If people here (on post) don't like it, then they can kiss my fat, Northern, glowing-white ass:D

Edited to add that I did not mean anything racial, just that my ass is so pale it glows in the dark. Sorry if I offended.......

:rolleyes

My point was that the entire "confession" should not be directed ONLY at military spouses as though only military spouses are fat lazy slobs. A LOT of spouses are, in any profession.

:duh

Well, here is how I see it - like Pastor's wives; military wives and significant others are held to a higher standard by others because of what their husband stands for. People look to wives to uphold the image and ideals.

That means that they are judged sometimes at the same level (or higher, actually) than their spouse. It doesn't make it fair - it makes it reality.

There are a lot of women who fit the rather unflattering description in the text.

Board's moving slow, haven't read all replies, forgive me if i repeat. Is what this woman said harsh, and brutal? Yes! Can I be objective enough for one small moment to not the the baby out with the bathwater, and see some valid points are made? Yes. Is it possible to go to the store and have well behaved kids? Yes. Is it possible to be a mother and still look nice neat, and in shape? Yes. Does this equal perfection? No.

I agree, her statements can apply to civie wives just as well,but she's speaking on the things she sees around her. I know of two neighbors who fit the script. One neighbor wears clothes 3 sizes smaller on a daily basis, she lets her kids run around outside with no shoes, and she never, i repeat never disciplines them. I have another neighbor that is obese yet she's constantly ragging on somebody else's physical appearance,(while neglecting hers) and when her daughter does something wrong, her way of disciplining is giving her sweets to distract her. Now, if you can't control or discipline your kids at home, that will show when you go to any public place. Now.. before anyone says that i am judging...let's not all be hypocrites...we all judge to a certain extent each and every day....even if it is just a quick passing thought...ie ''i can see that girls thong, she needs to pull her pants up''...ie..''that woman to the left really needs to stop yelling at her kids'', etc. I can spout off soo many examples. We are human,and it's just how we are. MOST of us keep our judgements to ourselves,and some voice it.

Bottom line is yes, there will be those 'bad hair days', there will be those days where the kids embarass us when we leave the house, but it shouldn't happen with any ''regularity''. If i see a woman unkept and not being able to control her kids, no i don't judge her, however if i ''know'' her personally, and she falls into the scenario of one of my neighbor examples..yes..then i am going to quitely judge, b/c i know that she is creating her own problems.
ITA

I would attempt a response but first let me put down my coach purse, kick off my 'O' wife black pumps, push aside my Vera Wang perfume bottle next to the computer here.........

ah hell....you've all said it so well! What could this snobbish, over rich, pompous, self centered, bitchy, rank wearing, stuck in another era wife have to offer any way?????


:lmao :lol
:lmao

I LOVE IT!

:hide I took my trash to the curb in my jammies today.

I am so not about looks, I don't wear more than mascara, slight eyeliner, tinted moisturizer and some chap stick normally unless I am really gussied up. I LOATHE heels and I love my jeans, T-shirts and flip flops, and 98% of the time I wash my hair and throw it up in a bun.

Quite honestly, I don't care what someone thinks about me if they see me out running errands....if my DH wanted a made up trophy type wife that has to be "PERFECT" from the get go in the morning, then damn it he should have married one.

I really don't think that was the point. The point is to look clean and put together. You can wear jeans, flip flops and a clean tshirt and look put together. I believe that the point was not to go out looking like you just rolled out of a bed, or through the mud. U know? just to look neat and presentable. I doubt anyone expects us to all go out looking like stepford wives, but looking clean and neat yes, that should be expected.

I doubt anyone expects us to all go out looking like stepford wives, but looking clean and neat yes, that should be expected.

I took her to mean looking top notch all the time, like a Stepford wife. I mean, who sees unshowered and disgustingly skanky people on base enough to go out of their way and make a "confession"??? I mean, really? Or maybe I don't stare at people and judge as much as other women do? I don't know. I just took the writer to be an uppity little bitch to be honest. :hehe I know there are plenty of those out there...so I find that to be a little more believable.

I just took the writer to be an uppity little bitch to be honest. :hehe I know there are plenty of those out there...so I find that to be a little more believable.

I AGREE!!

But...keep in mind that YOUR neat and presentable may not be MY idea of neat and presentable. That is where the lines blur.

Like others have said, you never know what is going on. Too many people judge people for what they see one time.

I mean what if a military wife just found out her husband was injured in iraq and was not having a good day? Would that be an excuse not to wear makeup or brush her hair.

ITA!

It is really sad that people believe/"know" that their civi appearance affects their S/O's job and if it does...maybe that is why there are so many dumbasses enlisted and higher up on the food chain. "So and So is an -insert rank- because his wife looks like Cindy Crawford not because he worked his ass off for the job." Now things are starting to make sense. :hehe Might as well bring the whole "wife on PT results" back with that kind of crazy attitude toward a job.

I am who I am. I have no one to impress. I look "decent" (good by my standards, obviously not by other's standards) and I am polite. And I will NEVER dress up because "so and so" came over to grill out and play rockband with myself and my husband. Psht! I will rock out in my very worn in jeans/capris and my "Murlocos" t-shirt. Don't like me because of the way I dress? Then you wouldn't be a good friend anyway.

To address my post:

Andrew was given crap for even thinking about giving me POA because his two previous SOs had made such a bad impression. His supervisor told him flatout that he had poor taste in women.

A deployment without a POA is HARD!

To address my post:

Andrew was given crap for even thinking about giving me POA because his two previous SOs had made such a bad impression. His supervisor told him flatout that he had poor taste in women.

A deployment without a POA is HARD!


Before I say anything else..just to clarify...they mad a bad impression appearance wise? As in, your husband shouldn't give you a POA because his two ex's looked bad? Or because they were bad people who fucked your DH over?

Before I say anything else..just to clarify...they mad a bad impression appearance wise? As in, your husband shouldn't give you a POA because his two ex's looked bad? Or because they were bad people who fucked your DH over?

One was just actions the other looked trashy and then confirmed it with actions. As far as I go he got to me and he was like your two bad choices were enough. I guess as his higher-up and him being an E3 at the time of deployment they're supposed to guide him. And they told him it was a no go. And we aren't married.