Please tell me that I am not a strange woman for feeling like my relationship with mark is totally falling apart... he tells me that he can't plan a future with me while he is over there he lives m inte to minute and he loves me more then he has ever loved anyone... but for some reason that doesn't seem good enough. we talk alot and im alot too... but again i feel like something is totally lacking and i don't know what to do... I need to hear him say things that he just isn't sayin and i don't know what to do about that either... I am on the verge of a break down I want to cry my freaking eyes out and he just says that if hes not what makes me happy then do what will make me happy... HE DOES MAKE ME HAPPY... I am so sad that he is gone cause I love him so much.... I was married before and don't think I have ever loved anyone this much... I am so lonely and I miss him so much... is that so wrong... Part of wants to turn away and run and just hurt now... rather then go thru this hell and hurt all over again later... I feel like I have no where to turn and I am scared as hell to have given my heart to a man and I am not sure what he wants.... Before he left it all seemed clear.... now things are not so clear... Can you please help....

I can't offer any help, but please know that you are not alone in being scared and uncertain sometimes. DB shutdown 2 weeks ago. I have no idea why or how to make it better. It's scary as h*ll. I'm running on faith right now. I cry when I need to, I shop when I need to, I smoke (bad... I know) when I need to. I spend lots of time with family and friends, like constantly. Whatever gets you through, do it. Take care of yourself. Keep supporting him. And hang in there. What else can we do? :dunno

:hugs

:hug I hope things get better!

Unfortunately, only you know your relationship. It's hard when you feel things are out of control because then it makes you grab on to things that much harder. Have faith in yourself and your relationship. Deployments are never a good time for planning anything. Hopefully, in the long run, this time apart will renew his devotion to you?

Unfortunately, only you know your relationship. It's hard when you feel things are out of control because then it makes you grab on to things that much harder. Have faith in yourself and your relationship. Deployments are never a good time for planning anything. Hopefully, in the long run, this time apart will renew his devotion to you?

:yes

just hang in there girly <3 itll all work out like it's supposed to. i agree with everyone, just keep supporting him and being there for him BUT DO THINGS FOR YOURSELF. make yourself happy because you need it and deserve it. always here if you need me!

I wouldn't be planning too much while he's deployed - just keep in touch and take it from there.

My DB has pulled back as well, I have to have faith that it's due to being in Iraq and his day to day is survival.. it sucks but that's where they are and they are living minute to minute, very hard for us!! Hang in there and if you ever want to chat message me..

Thank you all so much for your support!!!!!

My Db just said "you now sometimes we just have some shit we have to deal withon our own. Its too much to tell our loved ones and too much worry to pass on." He had a hard time until he came home for leave. Now that we are in the homestretch my sweet loving man is back again. I asked about the withdrawal and he couldn't explain it but when I asked why he was being so loving he said "Its the light at the en dof the tunnel babe. I can finally let myself feel the good stuff cause its almost over" Hang in there he loves you and as hard as it is you'll get thru it and be all the stronger in the end/

Deployments are really hard on relationships because there are so many things that can't be said well over email/phone/IM. My DB isn't very mushy - I very rarely get "I love you" but I'm secure enough in our relationship to know that we're okay. Just hang in there and have faith in you and your man. :hugs :hugs

I hope you start to feel better soon about the situation.

its hard to remember how much he loves you when hes far away and can't look you in the eyes and tell you, but just look back and cherish those moments when you were together and you shared something romantic, and know that those feelings are still there. my DB is pretty young, he only just turned 21, so right before deployment he got a little freaked out, saying we're so young and a year is such a long time and what if everything changes...sometimes i think he's afraid i'll move on while hes gone. maybe they all worry about that...just keep letting him know how much you love him, that's the best thing you have to offer!!

When my fiance first left the first couple months were exactly the way you are describing. We would argue about it to and i just got to the point where i realized that he did love me and that righ tnow its hard for him to focus on the relationship when he has so much going on over there. So i quit bringing it up all the time and when he was settled and not so stressed out he would say sweet things like he would when he was home. He later told me that prior he was feeling even more stressed out because i was pressuring him about our relationship when on his end there wasn't anything wrong he just wasnt able to show emotions all the time and be lovey dovey. And now things are great. So just hang in there. Things will work out!

:hugs

Distance and being apart is really hard on a relationship...I think alot of us feel as if we are lacking something...but just believe in yourself and your relationship!! You can get through this...and if you truly love each other (which it sounds like you do) you can make this work, and this seperation will make you a stronger couple!!!

I suggest maybe writing him an e-mail or finding a time to talk to him about how you are feeling....go into it calmly and let him know that you aren't mad or attacking him or the things that he is doing or not doing...just tell him that for you to feel okay about things there are certain things you need to hear...and trust him when he says he loves you and wants to be with you forever!!!

I understand what you are going through. I'm only 4 weeks in to our first deployment (we've been dating about a year) and these first weeks have been rough. My DB doesn't talk about how he feels about me much but he does show it. But since we are apart, I don't get to see him care for me, and I'm stuck not hearing it either. Today I sent him an email telling him that I need to hear that he cares and that he wants me. I was very scared that I would make him mad, but the greatest thing happened... he wrote me back and told me all the things I needed to hear... and that I needed to get over my "sillyness". He's right, but it's still important for them to know we need to hear we are wanted too!