It's something I hadn't thought about until I spent a lot of time talking to DH today. He more or less told me he wasn't handling the deployment as well as me and said he doesn't think he could go through with it again. He's just so homesick.
I think it's because all he does is work and when he has any downtime, he's reading letters or writing to me... whereas for me, I write him everyday, but I also have work, FRG stuff, keeping up the apartment, walking the dog, taking care of his business...

So who, out of the two of you, isn't handling the deployment as well as the other?

I think we both had a really rough time with the deployment, but for very different reasons. DH went through some really tough things while he was there that he couldn't tell me about until after he got home. He still says I had it worse though, taking care of our child, our home, bills and everything else while he was gone. I don't know. It did seem like an awful lot went wrong while he was gone that I had to deal with. I think it's pretty hard on both sides though. I know he was horribly homesick.

I think, through most of it we both handled it the same, because we have/had similar styles of dealing with it... but since he's come home, I see that I definitely handled it better, and he has such a hard time being away, and then also such a hard time reintegrating, he just shuts everyone out... and it almost makes me not want to have to go through with it again, for both of our sakes. :sadeyes

i agree. it's hard on both of us but for different reasons. i have my days and I am sure he has his...in the end..they probably average out about the same.

Definitely me. I have random emotional outbursts towards DH and he just takes it.

Last time I think he handled it worse than I did. Not too bad, but bad enough.

This time we are both going to be a wreck b/c he just got back a year ago and now he's leaving for another year. We are both at the end of our rope.

Me definitely. He seems to be doing fine. :dunno He doesn't tell me he misses me or anything like that - he's really private about his feelings. Me, I'm having a really hard time.

DH was the same way,Fidzy. Unfortunately, he WILL have to go through it again for the next 3 years every other 6mons. It was tough for both of us, in different ways. I won't get into everything but :hugs

I guess the conversation with him today just surprised me... I always assumed the deployed would be too caught up in whatever was going on and the spouse would be the one miserable, pining away. It really opened my eyes that it isn't always the case. I really expected me to be the one falling apart and him being the one being strong.

Both of us handle deployments very well. I guess it is just part of our personality and relationship. I miss him and wish he were here, but I don't brood on it or get depressed. Neither does he.

I guess the conversation with him today just surprised me... I always assumed the deployed would be too caught up in whatever was going on and the spouse would be the one miserable, pining away. It really opened my eyes that it isn't always the case. I really expected me to be the one falling apart and him being the one being strong.

I was shocked when DH told me. it wasn't so bad the first month bc he was in kuwait for a week and then was in germany bc he was sick. However, once he got back to Kuwait etc, he finally told me... it really made me even more sad bc it's hard to know he's so homesick and wants to come home etc. I KNEW i would be the one falling apart but surprisingly, i did okay until the end when they kept changing crap around and then i just became lil miss piss pants on him :rofl

I was shocked when DH told me. it wasn't so bad the first month bc he was in kuwait for a week and then was in germany bc he was sick. However, once he got back to Kuwait etc, he finally told me... it really made me even more sad bc it's hard to know he's so homesick and wants to come home etc. I KNEW i would be the one falling apart but surprisingly, i did okay until the end when they kept changing crap around and then i just became lil miss piss pants on him :rofl

:lol I definitely remember those days of the ever-changing homecoming.

:lol I definitely remember those days of the ever-changing homecoming.

:rofl Yeah... i should probably apologize :blush

Emotionally, I think this deployment is hitting me harder, but only because this is my first time. He's done this a lot (this is at least his 5th deployment), so he's developed plenty of coping mechanisms. It's almost "normal" for him to be away. For me, this is all brand new as a girlfriend. I'm still figuring this out. It's scary as hell sometimes.

We both aren't handling it well and we both have somewhat similar reasons

I handle it a lot worse then he does. He's been through it before, so he's more comfortable with it compared to me. But more than the distance and the whole deployment issue, I'm not handeling our relationship well. I'm incredibly afraid that he won't want me anymore, I know it's something that I need to work on and I know I need to quit being insecure, but it's only been the first few weeks, so I am hoping to get better at dealing with my fear of him not wanting 'us'.

We both aren't handling it well and we both have somewhat similar reasons

I think we both had a really rough time with the deployment, but for very different reasons. DH went through some really tough things while he was there that he couldn't tell me about until after he got home. He still says I had it worse though, taking care of our child, our home, bills and everything else while he was gone. I don't know. It did seem like an awful lot went wrong while he was gone that I had to deal with. I think it's pretty hard on both sides though. I know he was horribly homesick.

Definitely me. I have random emotional outbursts towards DH and he just takes it.

Last time I think he handled it worse than I did. Not too bad, but bad enough.

This time we are both going to be a wreck b/c he just got back a year ago and now he's leaving for another year. We are both at the end of our rope.

Me definitely. He seems to be doing fine. :dunno He doesn't tell me he misses me or anything like that - he's really private about his feelings. Me, I'm having a really hard time.

Emotionally, I think this deployment is hitting me harder, but only because this is my first time. He's done this a lot (this is at least his 5th deployment), so he's developed plenty of coping mechanisms. It's almost "normal" for him to be away. For me, this is all brand new as a girlfriend. I'm still figuring this out. It's scary as hell sometimes.

I handle it a lot worse then he does. He's been through it before, so he's more comfortable with it compared to me. But more than the distance and the whole deployment issue, I'm not handeling our relationship well. I'm incredibly afraid that he won't want me anymore, I know it's something that I need to work on and I know I need to quit being insecure, but it's only been the first few weeks, so I am hoping to get better at dealing with my fear of him not wanting 'us'.

:grouphug

Not deployed but long distance....and I think for the marjority of the time DB is the strong one...but lately (last few months) I have been the strong one...I think all of this is getting to him...he is lonely and misses me (of course) and his family and friends from home!

I honestly think both os us have handeled this deployment extremely well

I'm actually not sure. We both miss each other, we can definitely see and hear it while we're both on the phone but he talks about his feelings. I think I may be handling it worse because its our first deployment and I had no idea what to expect. It's definitely harder than I ever imagined.

It's something I hadn't thought about until I spent a lot of time talking to DH today. He more or less told me he wasn't handling the deployment as well as me and said he doesn't think he could go through with it again. He's just so homesick.
I think it's because all he does is work and when he has any downtime, he's reading letters or writing to me... whereas for me, I write him everyday, but I also have work, FRG stuff, keeping up the apartment, walking the dog, taking care of his business...

So who, out of the two of you, isn't handling the deployment as well as the other?

I think we are about equal. My husband is the type who does well when he is worked like a dog... he prefers it because it makes the time go faster. I know he misses me, but he is kept very busy... so much that he almost forgets that he is even away from home. lol. I know he would love to be home, but he's a tough cookie.

I am also similar... I have my nights where I mope on the couch, once in a blue moon. I miss him, its hard... but, I keep busy. Between school, work, the KVN and my friends I am rarely alone doing nothing and thinking about being apart.

I think we are equal.

were both taking it hard. im dealing with it better now. i relised that i needed to toughen up my skin. but i still have my random crying moments. and im terrified he wont be the same when he gets home. but the trick is not to lt the bad thoughts in. i know hes home sick. and stressed. but i cant really tell u whose taking it harder. (L)

me ! i have totally not coped with this deployment! ive suffered panic attacks been severly depressed and have only recently started to learn to cope ! I still have my bad days!
My Ryan on the other hand handles it unbelievably well - its his 2nd and my 1st, he knew what to expect and is so so busy he just gets on with it.

I had no idea what i was getting involved in and this has been the hardest time of my entire life.

He handles them worse, in my opinion.

I think I am the one handling it the worst. My DB has been in 23 years and is very accustomed to this lifestyle, I on the other hand have never experienced anything like this before. I think I am starting to suffer anxiety, panic attacks and depression. I hate feeling this low, (i am such a happy person normally) and really struggle to convey a positive attitude when talking/emailing my db.

At first I was mess, but now I'm dealing with!!!!! As far as DB, he says its not like the last time when he was over there, he says its boring and uneventful!!!!!! However, he is currently enroute back to the states for convalescence leave and will be at the Walter Reed Med Center to undergo surgery!!!!!!!!!! Afterwards, I'm going to pick him up in D.C. and take him back home with me if all goes well. He says he gets to stay home for 2 to 5 weeks but that's not certain yet!!!!!! Overall, I think this deployment has been rough on both of us!!!! Then supposedly after he recovers, he says he'll get to go back and finish out the rest of his tour in Iraq. I'm hoping that he doesn't have to in lieu of all of this!!!!!!!!

Well it's our first deployment and neither of us knew what to expect. It was really hard at first (still is) but I'm getting better. Dh is handling it well. But I can tell we both are taking it the same. We talk about R&R alot and what we'll do - kinda relaxes us both on the phone. I can tell he hates to get off the phone with me too (same here).

This time it's him. Especially after he was home for R&R and just left this Monday, sounds like he's going to cry every time we talk. I know he misses me, but he really misses the baby. They really had a great time together the last 3 weeks... and especially with downtime he gets depressed. All of the traveling gave him a lot of time to think and miss us as well... hope the next 8 months go by fast for him.

Right now, I think HE is handling it well. He's basically on vacation (as HE puts it)! His assignment is cake (per his words), he just sent me pics of his after work activities (must be nice!), and he bbqs every dang night! This is his 5th deployment, my first...

Me? I just miss him :( :pout

I SO wish he hadn't sent pics...:sigh

DH and I both think that it's harder to be the person left home (me) than to be the person who leaves (him.) Also, he's very stable and it takes a lot to ruffle his feathers, whereas I'm a much more emotional person.

Both of us handle deployments very well. I guess it is just part of our personality and relationship. I miss him and wish he were here, but I don't brood on it or get depressed. Neither does he.


could you give me classes or something? lol

he handles it better because hes done it so many times and ...well i havent :D but im doing alright i only have a bad day here and there

I don't know who handles it worse. I think it changes. We both have our good days and our bad days. This is our first deployment, and I am very surprised at how well both of us our handling it though. I was expecting it to be much worse, and I was definitely expecting him to be taking it much harder than he is. I am so proud of him for the attitude he's kept this whole time. :D

We both dealt very well, but he did better.

With a dozen or so deployments under his belt, he's well seasoned at handling them. He was brilliant at helping me get through my first one though. A day didn't go by without him telling me he loved me. So, while I've done alright, I'll give him much of the credit.

While apart, I faced a barrage of new and I felt scary events. I completed a court battle, sold my house and underwent surgery. Add to that I have a demanding FT job and two daughters I raise myself. There was a bad patch emotionally in there for me, which I tried to keep hidden. Thankfully, that panicky episode lessened and subsided.

Overall though, I have to work harder than him to keep my wits about me and to maintain confidence in myself to endure my challenges.

I think we're handling it about the same he has his down days just like I do. But we're trying to see it as a count down till we see each other. One day closer to being in eachother's arms.

We both have a good days and bad days. I think I have more bad days. He is really good at helping me through the bad days and I would like to think that I help him through his. We talk a lot about what we are going to do when this is all over and that seems to soothe us both.

I think as a couple we handle deployment really well. Last deployment I definitely I don't think either of us handled it 'worse'. We both did great with it. But this time I think DH is having a harder time. Hes only been gone 2 months and already missed so much with DS, I think that is making him have a harder time.

i think we both have our issues to deal with during the deployment and they aren't the same... his are being away from family, not being able to protect us. mine are handling everything on my own and him not being there to share the load. but i would say we both miss each other dearly because we try and talk daily if possible...and i can just hear it in his voice. also, we're both scared i'll get deployed soon too...and that leaves our son in the middle of chaos with family trying to get temp. custody of him. : /

The first deployment he was the strong one and I was an emotional wreck. I don't know how we made it through that one but we did.

The second deployment, I missed him like crazy and him likewise but we both did decent. I think that one was slightly harder for him though since he had to leave me and both boys and he knew he was missing out on a lot of things.

This deployment, I am by far the more emotionally stable person. He is constantly telling me how homesick he is and how much he can't wait to get home and just be with the boys and me and so forth and so on. This time I miss him still but I guess in a sense I am just used to having to take care of things here. Plus I get to see our sons daily so I still have a part of him here where he has nothing.