Since the majority here seems to be in favor of spanking, I was wondering when is it ok to spank a child?

You can give an example or personal experience of when YOU think it's ok to spank.

i hardly ever got spanked. it was a last resort like when i was 7 i dislocated my brother's arm-i meant to hurt him just not that bad- and i got spanked. i felt it was pretty appropriate

for us it would be a last resort or to express the seriousness in what dd just did (i.e. breaking away in a parking lot or tried to run across the street or did something that could really hurt her such as putting her hand on the stove or something). we also would NOT just spank without explaining why we just did. there is no way we would do it willy nilly

Spanking is ok if other punishment doesn't work, in my opinion...
if the child is doing something that may endanger them or destroy property, or something that is very disrespectful is when I would spank

for us it would be a last resort or to express the seriousness in what dd just did (i.e. breaking away in a parking lot or tried to run across the street or did something that could really hurt her such as putting her hand on the stove or something). we also would NOT just spank without explaining why we just did. there is no way we would do it willy nilly

I agree with this 100%... very good examples.... my daughter has gotten a swat on the butt in the past week for sitting on the kitten almost smothering it, for running out the door and into the street without an adult, and for kicking me in the stomach... all of which a spanking was warranted to get her attention and then I had a long discussion as to why she got it and what she was doing wrong and what a better choice would be in the future

When the kid does something that puts them in danger, i.e. keeps attempting to run into the street, etc.

i agree with the aboves posts

There have been a few occasions that Jacob took off from us and ran out into the street or across the parking lot. He got his butt spanked for that( HUGE NO NO).

That is really the main thing we spank for. Other times he gets spanked is a last resort( for us its when all other punishments stop working)

I don't know... I used to think that spanking was a good form of punishment for repeatedly not listening, for doing things they already knew were wrong, etc... but I have honestly come to realize that I'm just not okay with it really because I have found that I personally have spanked mostly out of my own frustration.

I'm not the type to go sit down and chill out, then go get the child and spank them once I am completely calmed down. When I have spanked, it's usually been because I got to the end of my fuse and was tired of saying no or tired of using other forms of punishment... so basically I was just lazy and tired and at the end of my rope.

Jason is actually a bit different when it comes to spanking. He is really calm when he does spank, which is not very often.

However, we're both working on completely moving away from spanking because I'm just not comfortable with it anymore and we feel like we can use other forms of teaching and punishment that work better, are more effective and don't require any form of physical punishment.

I'll be honest though, I changed my tune only b/c I completely lost it a couple of times and it scared me that I could be losing control of myself during the heat of the moment. So, I would rather just not use spanking, period. That way there is no gray area between what I think is okay and going overboard. When I am highly upset, that line can get fuzzy and leave me feeling guilty, which is just not okay. So, we are trying to use other various forms that are working better so far, and leave me personally feeling much better.

the last time I spanked sean was when he almost ran out onto the road......he was out of control and wasn't listening to me AT all......generally for him though a good time out until he's calm and then we talk works best......

For us mainly when they are about to or doing something dangerous that a point needs to be made. For instance running into the street/across a parking lot but not understanding that it isn't fun time. And saying no in the mommy voice isn't cutting it. I can't remember the last time I spanked our kids, I try really hard not to because they are now at an age where other things are more effective. I also rarely spanked them when they were younger. Personally I don't like how it made me as a parent feel. So I tried other methods that worked well for us.

My DS is very defiant. Honestly, spanking doesn't honestly work. when it comes down to a last resort for me. Also, when it is ultimately being a battle of wills. Like running off, he will get his hands slapped if he tried to touch a hot pot after being told no three times, dangerious things. Honestly, he has gotten a spanking by trying to hurt one of us (grabbing our necks and pinching).

Going in his room works good.

An example...it's ok to spank my child when she runs out in the street - because she knows better than to run out into the street, and in doing so is putting herself in danger. If my child runs into the street and I've never told her that she isn't supposed to do that, spanking is not acceptable. If she runs into the street after being told multiple flippin' times not to run into the street, then she deserves a swat.

IMO it is never okay

Whenever I feel like she needs it.

When nothing else works or they are in danger.

for us it would be a last resort or to express the seriousness in what dd just did (i.e. breaking away in a parking lot or tried to run across the street or did something that could really hurt her such as putting her hand on the stove or something). we also would NOT just spank without explaining why we just did. there is no way we would do it willy nilly

That sounds about how it was here. We really don't spank now because the kids are older and other things work. But, when they were little it was a swat to kind of "shock" them and let them know that was wrong if other things did not work. It was never done with anger and was always explained. BUT, if my 16 yr old did something to warrant it, I am not afraid to do it either.

We spank, as a last resort.. But it's not something that's done out of anger, or frustration.... It's always discussed between both of us before it's done..

We had told DS not to play with glass he finds.. We've told him a few times, but then caught him breaking bottles in the woods with a hammer.. He got spanked, because he showed us that he was unable to remember what he was told many times before..

We always hug hug hug hug afterwards... I hate spanking him, it makes me feel so sad.:tears

Aug of '06 we were in WI for DH G'pa's funeral. We went out to dinner and SIL was there with her 2 kids. Savannah is a beast who has absolutely no discipline at all. She kept getting up and bothering other patrons and SIL and MIL did NOTHING to stop it. DH went and got her and brought her back to the table about 4 times all the while calmly telling her she needed to stay at our table. The 5th time she ran and almost knocked down an elderly man and still MIL/SIL did nothing. DH went to make her (4 yrs old) apologize to the man and she slapped DH in the face. He picked her up, swatted her and put her in her chair. We didn't have another problem with her from that point on. She didn't cry, but acted surprised that SOMEBODY cared enough to enforce boundaries and not let her get away with everything for once in her life.

Aug of '06 we were in WI for DH G'pa's funeral. We went out to dinner and SIL was there with her 2 kids. Savannah is a beast who has absolutely no discipline at all. She kept getting up and bothering other patrons and SIL and MIL did NOTHING to stop it. DH went and got her and brought her back to the table about 4 times all the while calmly telling her she needed to stay at our table. The 5th time she ran and almost knocked down an elderly man and still MIL/SIL did nothing. DH went to make her (4 yrs old) apologize to the man and she slapped DH in the face. He picked her up, swatted her and put her in her chair. We didn't have another problem with her from that point on. She didn't cry, but acted surprised that SOMEBODY cared enough to enforce boundaries and not let her get away with everything for once in her life.

But again, the issue here isn't that her parents didn't spank her but that they simply didn't care. Just because I don't spank does not mean that my daughter is allowed to do whatever she likes. She is well behaved and well adjusted WITHOUT needing to spank. When she was about 12 months old we were eating out with DH's grandparents. Miss K dropped food and DH's grandpa slapped her hand. It took everything I had NOT to just get up and leave. I told him that he NEVER again was to hit my daughter again. If anyone spanked my daughter they better be prepared for trouble.

But again, the issue here isn't that her parents didn't spank her but that they simply didn't care. Just because I don't spank does not mean that my daughter is allowed to do whatever she likes. She is well behaved and well adjusted WITHOUT needing to spank


I wasn't inferring that you were Kris :hugs, I was explaining a situation that IMO warranted a spanking. Like I said in the other thread, one thing doesn't work for everyone.

What I deem it's necessary I spank

We spank only when he's done something REALLY dangerous. When he darts into the road or rips his hand away and runs in a parking lot. The first spanking he ever got, he was putting his fingers in an electrical outlet.


You bet he's never done or even thought about doing those things again:lol

He threw a fit in the store a few days ago, and DH threatened him with a spanking, and proceeded to walk him to the car when he didn't listen to the warning. He was SO somber on the way out the door....and he ended up getting a stern talk instead.

I think it's the ...embarassment of a spanking that makes it effective. Much the same reason why so many BDSM couples enjoy spanking in their sex play.
That being said, though...I don't think it is EVER appropriate to spank in public. Never ever ever. It's trashy and scars the kid and whoever else has to see it. Just IMO.

We spank only when he's done something REALLY dangerous. When he darts into the road or rips his hand away and runs in a parking lot. The first spanking he ever got, he was putting his fingers in an electrical outlet.


You bet he's never done or even thought about doing those things again:lol

He threw a fit in the store a few days ago, and DH threatened him with a spanking, and proceeded to walk him to the car when he didn't listen to the warning. He was SO somber on the way out the door....and he ended up getting a stern talk instead.

I think it's the ...embarassment of a spanking that makes it effective. Much the same reason why so many BDSM couples enjoy spanking in their sex play.
That being said, though...I don't think it is EVER appropriate to spank in public. Never ever ever. It's trashy and scars the kid and whoever else has to see it. Just IMO.

My kid did that, I let him do it just so he would learn... Call me a terrible mom... I'm an electrician by trade, I've taken lots of shocks, not much danger in 120.... :depressed Saved me from spanking him..

120VAC really poses no danger, just a tingle and a shake.. It won't hurt you.. Perhaps it was a bit morbid to let him do it, but he was told no before, but chose not to listen. He never did it again. :shrug

But I agree with you on the public spanking... When we spank, it's done in the bathroom with the door closed even if no one else is home.. It's private, it's done with just one parent and him...

When the child does something that could be dangerous to them or to someone else.

My parents spanked me and my sister with belts, twigs.. really anything they had on hand and if they didn't have anything they used their hands.. and it wasn't always on the butt. They did this for every single little thing from spilling milk to something dangerous. That is why I think it should ONLY be used when the child does something that could be dangerous to someone else or them.

There are other ways to punish a child when he/she does other things that doesn't involve spankings. IMO

But again, the issue here isn't that her parents didn't spank her but that they simply didn't care. Just because I don't spank does not mean that my daughter is allowed to do whatever she likes. She is well behaved and well adjusted WITHOUT needing to spank.

I completely agree!

What I deem it's necessary I spank

That's the way I see it. We are the Mommy and the Daddy and when we say someone needs a spanking, someone gets a spanking.

I completely agree!

ditto, i don't have any kids yet but spanking is not something i want/will enforce i just really do believe there are other behavioral preventative measures that can be made without that.

for the record, my mom spanked me before when i was a kid, i still don't believe it did anything for me.

The only time I spank my son is when he does something that could hurt himself or someone else. Like Jill said above, he got away from me one day and ran across the parking lot, and he got a spanking. When he bites, hits the dog... things like that. Most everything else he goes to the corner. We have been known to spank as a last resort when putting him in the corner was not an option (such as throwing a temper tantrum in the mall or something). I usually only do it as a last resort.

When I spanked Trent it was out of anger of myself. He did nothing to deserve it. After I spanked him, he informed me that "It is not nice to hit" because that was what we raised him to know. I felt such like a hypercrite and from that moment I try to control my anger more.:no

As for running out in the road or hitting a dog, instead of jumping him we explain to him why it is wrong. Dogs have feeling too and it hurts them when you hit. There are cars coming and going and you need to be careful because they dont see you. Let me tell you, he has turned into a such a little nazi about crossing the roads now. If there is a car a mile away we have to wait for it to pass!!!:duh BUT now he understands why he can not run out into the street. He probably wont remember being spanked but the teachings he will remember.

we rarely spank anymore. but on occasion it seems very appropriate. we use it as a last resort. when we have tried everything else and it is just not working. i think the last spanking was for being completely disrespectful of someone elses property.

even with spankings we have rules. we never pull our hand all the way back, they never get more than 3 swats and it is always on their behind. we also never ever do it out of anger. we count or remove ourselves until we are calm then have give the spanking. and lastly we discuss the reason for the swats before and after they are administered.

one thing to remember is if it isn't working change it

I don't know... I used to think that spanking was a good form of punishment for repeatedly not listening, for doing things they already knew were wrong, etc... but I have honestly come to realize that I'm just not okay with it really because I have found that I personally have spanked mostly out of my own frustration.

I'm not the type to go sit down and chill out, then go get the child and spank them once I am completely calmed down. When I have spanked, it's usually been because I got to the end of my fuse and was tired of saying no or tired of using other forms of punishment... so basically I was just lazy and tired and at the end of my rope.

Jason is actually a bit different when it comes to spanking. He is really calm when he does spank, which is not very often.

However, we're both working on completely moving away from spanking because I'm just not comfortable with it anymore and we feel like we can use other forms of teaching and punishment that work better, are more effective and don't require any form of physical punishment.

I'll be honest though, I changed my tune only b/c I completely lost it a couple of times and it scared me that I could be losing control of myself during the heat of the moment. So, I would rather just not use spanking, period. That way there is no gray area between what I think is okay and going overboard. When I am highly upset, that line can get fuzzy and leave me feeling guilty, which is just not okay. So, we are trying to use other various forms that are working better so far, and leave me personally feeling much better.

This is me.

IMO, it is NEVER ok to spank.

I don't understand why people say they won't remember being spanked. I remember being spanked as a child. I don't think poorly of my parents for doing it, but I do think it's wrong.

Whenever I feel like she needs it.

don't have kids yet but when we do i agree with this.

Personally ... Never...

yeah, i spank my daughter whenever i feel she needs it too. however most of the time *grandma* comes to her rescue and she gets away with it.

I spank My son after the 2nd warning...He's 4yrs old an lets just say if he thinks that he can try u...HE WILL..

I spank DD when she's doing something dangerous... I.E. Wanting to tough the stove, run into the street, something of that sort. My little pop on her butt is going to hurt a lot less than her burning herself w/ the stove. I also will pop her is she is flat out disobeying me. She knows she's not allowed to open the drawers in the kitchen, when she does, I tell her to close them- if she ignores me, I count to three...If I get to three and she wont listen, I pop her butt and close the drawer for her. I got spanked as a child and I have no horrific memories of a rough child hood because I got spanked....It made me listen and mind my father better....IMO

We spank only when he's done something REALLY dangerous. When he darts into the road or rips his hand away and runs in a parking lot. The first spanking he ever got, he was putting his fingers in an electrical outlet.


You bet he's never done or even thought about doing those things again:lol

He threw a fit in the store a few days ago, and DH threatened him with a spanking, and proceeded to walk him to the car when he didn't listen to the warning. He was SO somber on the way out the door....and he ended up getting a stern talk instead.

I think it's the ...embarassment of a spanking that makes it effective. Much the same reason why so many BDSM couples enjoy spanking in their sex play.
That being said, though...I don't think it is EVER appropriate to spank in public. Never ever ever. It's trashy and scars the kid and whoever else has to see it. Just IMO.

I also wanted to add that, because I agree. We have never spanked DD in public...and we don't intend on doing it ever... Even though her spankings are just a small pop on the butt (and then with the diaper added on...girl doesn't feel a thing....)

Each one of my dd's has one spanking story....and it was enough to never really have a problem again. DH isvery strict regarding manners and respect. He will NOT tolerate eye rolling, "whatever" as an answer or "yeah", walking away while being spoken to..ect. And each time each girl "got it" was when they disrespected ME in front of their father. They caught hell, and it was never an issue again, the message was loud and clear. When they were younger just a stern "no" was all it ever took.

They all have turned out to be well mannered young ladies, for the most part.

That's the way I see it. We are the Mommy and the Daddy and when we say someone needs a spanking, someone gets a spanking.

:yes

I rarely spank. However I've been doing it more often with our about to be 8 year old because she is very defiant and has a mouth on her that would make you think she was 16. This method works for us. Not time-outs, not charting with positive reinforcements, not talking it out, etc. We've tried everything and the only thing that gets her attention is a loud voice and a spank on the butt.

I don't like spanking so it would be VERY rare if they got one and it would be for something, like what others are saying- when they know not to do something dangerous but do it anyways. I know kids react w/out thinking, but still...

I will say we have spanked her a couple times for stuff, but it didn't phase her much and we both decided we didn't really like doing that, so it will be for very rare occassions, like I mentioned above.

I prefer time outs and maybe we'll take toys away or something else that is non-physical.

But again, I do think spanking can have it's benefits.

Each one of my dd's has one spanking story....and it was enough to never really have a problem again. DH isvery strict regarding manners and respect. He will NOT tolerate eye rolling, "whatever" as an answer or "yeah", walking away while being spoken to..ect. And each time each girl "got it" was when they disrespected ME in front of their father. They caught hell, and it was never an issue again, the message was loud and clear. When they were younger just a stern "no" was all it ever took.

They all have turned out to be well mannered young ladies, for the most part.

:lol I have that one spanking story too! I was 9 yrs old and after that, I never back talked again to my Dad :P