Is it okay to slap your child(ETA: OLDER child :))? This would mainly be due to words that come out of their mouth or total disrespect based on a look they are giving you. I definately don't think it should be used on younger ones, but I will be honest and say that I have slapped DD(not hard) due to continuing disrespect coming from the look on her face that should NEVER be given to a parent, much less repeatedly. I know many of us have been slapped for back talk, so what do you think of it?

Never in a million years could I justify slapping my child in the face. I've slapped her hand before, but never her face. Especially not just for a look that I disapproved of. I'm sure my kids will give me "looks" until they're 50 :giggle

My mom slapped me ...probably several times a day. It sucked, but was pie compared to other punishments she administered.
All I know is, CPS used it as another strike against her when all of us were removed from the home.


So, even if I did think it was ok(which I don't) I wouldn't, because I don't want to give anyone a reason to take my kids.

I agree with Becca, though-I have and will slap Liam on the hand or wrist if he's doing something(pulling the dog's ears, reaching for a hot pan)that could cause harm and he isn't listening to me tell him to stop. Slapping on the hand is effective IMO for little kids only, though, so that will stop soon. He's getting much better at listening. :wub

NOOOOO i would never slap my child...... well if he is older like 18 or so and syas something harsh to me then i would probably smack him or i would just let my hubs after him.... but him being young no way.

i haven't slapped unless you count the one time DS#1 bit me on the tit while i was pregnant. I think for a bad word or spitting maybe "tapping"on the mouth, not hard, but enough for them to know that is a no no. But i do spank for some things, like blantent disobedience.

NOOOOO i would never slap my child...... well if he is older like 18 or so and syas something harsh to me then i would probably smack him or i would just let my hubs after him.... but him being young no way.

Hopefully you won't have to even deal with it with a boy...from other parents I know, it's mainly the girls with the attitudes :lol

NOOOOO i would never slap my child...... well if he is older like 18 or so and syas something harsh to me then i would probably smack him or i would just let my hubs after him.... but him being young no way.

Good point. :lol If my kid is over the age of 18 and being a little twirp, I might. :rofl

i haven't slapped unless you count the one time DS#1 bit me on the tit while i was pregnant. I think for a bad word or spitting maybe "tapping"on the mouth, not hard, but enough for them to know that is a no no. But i do spank for some things, like blantent disobedience.

That's basically what I did...but I couldn't think of the word. It was enough to get her attention. She is a little old to be spanked though IMO, so that won't ever happen.

A child no but maybe a teenager :giggle. I don't think my mother ever slapped me but I did get popped in the mouth a few times when I was a teenager. I'd never slap my young children on the face, the hands occasionally.

Never in a million years could I justify slapping my child in the face. I've slapped her hand before, but never her face. Especially not just for a look that I disapproved of. I'm sure my kids will give me "looks" until they're 50 :giggle

I have to ask then...What would you do in the case of her give you looks like you should just shrivel and die or something because you're trying to tell her the importance of acknowledging someone when they speak to them? Or trying to get her to feed the dog...or take a shower...

Seriously though...what would you recommend because I haven't found the answer to get rid of the looks, and I don't tolerate being disrespectful.

Never in a million years could I justify slapping my child in the face. I've slapped her hand before, but never her face. Especially not just for a look that I disapproved of. I'm sure my kids will give me "looks" until they're 50 :giggle

Ditto.

Uh never.

Never in a million years could I justify slapping my child in the face. I've slapped her hand before, but never her face. Especially not just for a look that I disapproved of. I'm sure my kids will give me "looks" until they're 50 :giggle

I agree! My mom used to slap me across the face if she thought I was being a "smart mouth" and it got to the point where she would just move her hand while talking and I would flinch thinking I was going to get slapped. No way could I ever do that to my girls.

I have to ask then...What would you do in the case of her give you looks like you should just shrivel and die or something because you're trying to tell her the importance of acknowledging someone when they speak to them? Or trying to get her to feed the dog...or take a shower...

Seriously though...what would you recommend because I haven't found the answer to get rid of the looks, and I don't tolerate being disrespectful.

I personally don't think anyone should have the right to manipulate another human being down to their facial expressions, parent or not. That's just a little overboard to me.

The punishment you administer should be teaching something, and slapping her isn't teaching her anything except that slapping is an ok alternative when she can't think of another way to make people listen(that's why you said you do it, right? Since you can't think of another way to make her listen?) A look is just a look. It's her expression-the very meaning of the word, she's expressing how she feels. If that drives you to anger, there's a bigger issue.
JMO!

I have to ask then...What would you do in the case of her give you looks like you should just shrivel and die or something because you're trying to tell her the importance of acknowledging someone when they speak to them? Or trying to get her to feed the dog...or take a shower...

Seriously though...what would you recommend because I haven't found the answer to get rid of the looks, and I don't tolerate being disrespectful.

Kids are going to give you looks. Slapping it off of their face won't keep it from coming back. There are just other ways to deal with it IMO. I just think slapping in the face is one of the most offensive things a parent can do to their child - MUCH more offensive (to me) than spanking. What was the scenario again? I'm telling her to look at me when I'm speaking to her? Well, she's looking at me isn't she? She might be looking at me like she wishes I would shrivel up and die, and that's really her prerogative. I guess making faces just doesn't get me all riled up. When I'd roll my eyes at my mom she'd tell me to go to my room until I could learn to be respectful and not roll my eyes at her. :dunno It worked for me. Different things work for different kids, but slapping my children in the face, be they 2 or 20, will never under any circumstance be justifiable in my eyes.

Kids are going to give you looks. Slapping it off of their face won't keep it from coming back. There are just other ways to deal with it IMO. I just think slapping in the face is one of the most offensive things a parent can do to their child - MUCH more offensive (to me) than spanking. What was the scenario again? I'm telling her to look at me when I'm speaking to her? Well, she's looking at me isn't she? She might be looking at me like she wishes I would shrivel up and die, and that's really her prerogative. I guess making faces just doesn't get me all riled up. When I'd roll my eyes at my mom she'd tell me to go to my room until I could learn to be respectful and not roll my eyes at her. :dunno It worked for me. Different things work for different kids, but slapping my children in the face, be they 2 or 20, will never under any circumstance be justifiable in my eyes.

Well said, Becca!

I remember getting spanked as a kid, and it made me take what my dad was saying seriously...But the few times he slapped me.... That really cut me deep. I wouldn't never slap my child in the face...I remember that it hurt my feelings soooo badly. Not sure why it was different than spanking.....But I would never slap my daughter in the face....

I've gotten slapped as has my brother and sister...but we all have realllly nasty adituteds. I was pretty bad as a teen. so I can see slapping when they mouth off reallly bad.

When I was 11, we were moving to my Nanny's house(my dads mom) and she had just passed away. Well when I was born my brother couldn't say my name(Sarah) so he called me "sissy", well I am orginally named after my Nanny. So when she died, I wanted to take her name, well my name...and use it rather than sissy(since my bro could now use my name). Everyone in my family called me sissy, when my bro started calling me that when I was born it stuck. Well I told everyone, like a big announcement that I didn't want to be called sissy....well the day we were moving to Nanny's house...my stepmom yelled.." SISSY COME IN HERE, I HAVE A JOB FOR YOU" she was calling me into the house to get a box.Well I walked up to her and said...not scarstically or anything, "my name is Sarah, not sissy" she backhanded me so hard my mouth hurt the rest of the day...after she did it she told me " don't ever correct me when I'm wrong" I stared at her, and was thinking WTF???

Anyway, backhanding in the mouth is a big no no for me. Since that day I've never again had a close relationship with the woman who raised me since I was 2. I hated it. It taught me nothing...except to back talk her and not let her hit me. I say no, there are plenty of other ways to get a childs attention. Now a little kid on the hand maybe, depending on what they get into. Like electic outlets, hot pans etc.

sorry for the novel...a very touchy subject with me...:-)

I've tapped my young daughter in the mouth, not hard, but enough for her to know that she's not allowed to spit, bite, scream, things like that.

Now when I was younger (teenager) my Mom slapped the taste out of my mouth on numerous occasions. I was a back-talker, I was fiesty and mean. I didn't give a rats ass who I upset, I just did what I wanted and when I said something my Mom slapped me-she even made my mouth bleed when I had braces because of it. When the slapping didn't work, she used hand soap in the pump bottle (because no matter how tight you close your mouth, that pump can squeeze inside), or she took my car keys away.

Here is my view on slapping/spanking etc. This is not to say ANYONE is wrong in how they dicipline their kids. But while waiting to have kids, I've done alot of thinking about alot of different things, spanking being one of them.

Now remember this is just me, and how I see things.

What am I really teaching my child when I hit them. Hit is the right word in my book, because that's how I view it personally. to me, it's like telling my kid that it's ok to hit someone when you think they are being bad to you. Cause kids don't ALWAYS know that they are doing wrong...so it's like...ok well mommy slapped me so if my wife or my husband is doing something I dont like then it's ok for me to hit them. *shrugs* just something I've been pondering...

Here is my view on slapping/spanking etc. This is not to say ANYONE is wrong in how they dicipline their kids. But while waiting to have kids, I've done alot of thinking about alot of different things, spanking being one of them.

Now remember this is just me, and how I see things.

What am I really teaching my child when I hit them. Hit is the right word in my book, because that's how I view it personally. to me, it's like telling my kid that it's ok to hit someone when you think they are being bad to you. Cause kids don't ALWAYS know that they are doing wrong...so it's like...ok well mommy slapped me so if my wife or my husband is doing something I dont like then it's ok for me to hit them. *shrugs* just something I've been pondering...

That's why spanking and slapping are two different things.

IMO, kids are too old to be spanked when the diapers are gone. It's not really painful, it's to startle them back to reality when they are in lalala I can do whatever I want land and are about to hurt themselves. :lol Slapping is something even adults shouldn't do, it's against the law, period. It's assault or abuse no matter how you swing it. Hitting in the face is cause for investigation in every state.

I thought just like you until I got custody of my siblings, and having my own kids only reinforced it for me.

:goodvibes to you with whatever you decide, though. I bet you're gonna have adorable kiddos someday! :wub

That's why spanking and slapping are two different things.

IMO, kids are too old to be spanked when the diapers are gone. It's not really painful, it's to startle them back to reality when they are in lalala I can do whatever I want land and are about to hurt themselves. :lol Slapping is something even adults shouldn't do, it's against the law, period. It's assault or abuse no matter how you swing it. Hitting in the face is cause for investigation in every state.

I thought just like you until I got custody of my siblings, and having my own kids only reinforced it for me.

:goodvibes to you with whatever you decide, though. I bet you're gonna have adorable kiddos someday! :wub

Thanks girl! :wub

I know some people think that just cause I don't have kids, I don't know what I will do when that time comes...I just know for me...it didn't work. I ended up running away from home, getting married too early(the 1st time) at 18 and thinking, it was ok for him to hit me...then when I finally got out of it, and moved back home, I was in an emotional roller coaster with guys and it wasn't until my DH now, that I realized that just because you don't give someone what they want all the time, doesn't mean they will hit you. I view it as how much I got "hit" growing up. Personally I don't believe it in and my plan is to not use spanking or slapping(except for the examples I gave above, and even then they won't hurt).

I do not whatsoever judge people for spanking or slapping their kids...it's their choice and not my business(unless it's abuse).

I don't believe in slapping on the mouth/face, there are exceptions, such as an older (16+) child, but I can't stand walking through a store or something and hearing someone tell a toddler that they are going to pop their mouth. And I definitely wouldn't do that to my own.

Is it okay to slap your child(ETA: OLDER child :))? This would mainly be due to words that come out of their mouth or total disrespect based on a look they are giving you. I definately don't think it should be used on younger ones, but I will be honest and say that I have slapped DD(not hard) due to continuing disrespect coming from the look on her face that should NEVER be given to a parent, much less repeatedly. I know many of us have been slapped for back talk, so what do you think of it?

i dont think anything is wrong with it at all. i know right now at age 22, if i was mouthing off with my mom/grandma they would slap the taste out of my mouth. 22 or not. only for the older children like you said, not the youngins though.

it's best to teach the child to respect their elders...I'm guessing the question is how to do that...

it's best to teach the child to respect their elders...I'm guessing the question is how to do that...

Be worthy of their respect. Be someone they will admire long after they leave the nest and long after you're gone. Teach with love and lead by example.

Be worthy of their respect. Be someone they will admire long after they leave the nest and long after you're gone. Teach with love and lead by example.

WOW...that's a good way to put it! Took the words out of my mouth, turned them into something that made sense and posted it. LMAO

You've got to give respect if you ever expect to gain any.

My mom only slapped me once and that's when I was a teenager and told her to go to Hell.. Yeah after that one incident I never back talked her again.

I dont agree with Slapping or spanking children.
Would you do that to an adult if they didnt agree with you or did something wrong?

If my 16+ year old ever thought you tell me to "go to hell" or to "go fuck myself" you can bet your ass I'll smack her across the face. She can give me all the dirty looks she wants, but I draw the line at cursing AT me and being very disrespectful.

When my kids turn 17 they better watch out and walk on eggshells.
:roflmao

I was spanked as a child. I misbehaved, I was given multiple warnings and opportunities to correct my behavior and I continued to misbehave. Growing up, punishment was sure and swift........

...... but it was never, ever, ever abusive. I don't remember ever feeling that my father was spanking me because he was angry with ME, or because I was bad, but he was angry with what I had done or my behavior was bad. I am not traumatized from spankings I received as a child, although I completely understand that others' situations were different.

I was extremely blessed to grow up with two stable parents who, though poor, provided a home full of warmth and love and guidance and direction and, when necessary, discipline.

well, i was slapped on the mouth a few times by my mom...nothing hard but enough to get the point across. i firmly believe in spare the rod, spoil the child...not abuse them. but def. believe they should be spanked if they do something wrong.

I dont agree with Slapping or spanking children.
Would you do that to an adult if they didnt agree with you or did something wrong?

if it is my DH then i am going to spank him and send him to our room :twisted

I don't forsee me slapping my kids in the face. I could see a butt spanking if they deserved it, but not a slap.

Amanda, nothing personal or anything, but is her mom in the picture? I would be surprised that her mom wouldn't care about you punishing her like that (even if the daughter lives w/ you guys).

I popped (I wouldn't say smack b/c I didn't draw my hand back or do it hard enough to actually hurt/sting) Shelby in the mouth a few times because we were staying with a friend and she would not stop biting their baby. She was drawing blood, leaving teeth marks through the skin, etc and she simply would not stop. I don't know if I handled it the way I would have liked or preferred, but she did stop doing it and nothing else I did was working.

I dont agree with Slapping or spanking children.
Would you do that to an adult if they didnt agree with you or did something wrong?

I have to disagree with this line of thinking though - regarding the bolded.

I don't treat my children like adults, because they AREN'T adults - and expecting them to behave as such is doing them quite an injustice.

I was slapped as a child, I used to have a very sensitive nose if you caught it wrong it would bleed. I remember very clearly my mom slapping me (something to do with my little sisters birthday party and I wanted to wear a skirt instead of shorts I think she was turning 6 so I was only 9 at the time) and hitting my nose making it bleed. It wasn't the first time and not the last but it is one of the times that stand out the most in my mind.

I don't like slapping it is something that someone only ever does out of anger and that makes it wrong no matter the excuse of the person doing the slapping.

if it is my DH then i am going to spank him and send him to our room :twisted

Thats just the Dom in you coming out ;)

You've got to give respect if you ever expect to gain any.
Bingo.

amandalaine - Isn't your step-daughter still kind of young....like under 8? If you are having issues with her giving you bad looks, slapping her across the face is not going to solve that. It's just going to have her resent you even more.

The fact that it's a step daughter sheds an entirely new light on it as well. You couldn't pay me to raise a hand to my step son. If he lived with us, maybe - but otherwise, no way. Does your stepdaughter live with you? I don't know how I even missed that whole step point.

ETA: To backtrack in this thread a little bit, you asked how I'd deal with the attitude. I HAVE dealt with attitude from my DSS - he's 12, and he's got PLENTY of it. BUT, that's where DH stepped in. He didn't want to - but once I made him aware of how DSS was treating me and he actually started noticing the disrespect, he nipped it in the bud. SO, if your step daughter is giving you grief, IMO your DH needs to address that right quick and in a hurry. All you are to her is an outsider trying to take the place of her mother, and so help her God that will never happen.

I know that's not your goal, but that's quite probably how she sees you.

I could never spank or slap my children. Ever. I was never spanked or slapped as a child. The most I got was a threaten with the belt and I straighted up.

Also, IMO it is never okay for a step-parent to be the disciplinarian in the family. There's probably resentment already because you married Daddy and Mommy and Daddy are supposed to be together. All you're going to do by slapping your step child is cause more resentment and make things harder on yourself.

I've popped my child on the mouth to get them to stop something. It's wasn't hard just enough to get the attention. As for looks, that is what a bedroom is for. Go look at that walls all you want like that.

I would never slap my kids. I will spank. And even though I am the step parent I am the one that disiplines Caleb. And if he ever needed spanking I would do that as well.

I don't forsee me slapping my kids in the face. I could see a butt spanking if they deserved it, but not a slap.

Amanda, nothing personal or anything, but is her mom in the picture? I would be surprised that her mom wouldn't care about you punishing her like that (even if the daughter lives w/ you guys).

Her mom is BARELY in the picture. She calls MAYBE every other week, and they don't talk for very long. Her mom basically beat her when she lived with her, as well as let her boyfriend lock her in bathrooms and closets...so...you can for your own opinion as to what her opinion would be :) It was a tap rather than a slap, so I guess I screwed up with my OP from the get go!

The fact that it's a step daughter sheds an entirely new light on it as well. You couldn't pay me to raise a hand to my step son. If he lived with us, maybe - but otherwise, no way. Does your stepdaughter live with you? I don't know how I even missed that whole step point.

ETA: To backtrack in this thread a little bit, you asked how I'd deal with the attitude. I HAVE dealt with attitude from my DSS - he's 12, and he's got PLENTY of it. BUT, that's where DH stepped in. He didn't want to - but once I made him aware of how DSS was treating me and he actually started noticing the disrespect, he nipped it in the bud. SO, if your step daughter is giving you grief, IMO your DH needs to address that right quick and in a hurry. All you are to her is an outsider trying to take the place of her mother, and so help her God that will never happen.

I know that's not your goal, but that's quite probably how she sees you.


I could never spank or slap my children. Ever. I was never spanked or slapped as a child. The most I got was a threaten with the belt and I straighted up.

Also, IMO it is never okay for a step-parent to be the disciplinarian in the family. There's probably resentment already because you married Daddy and Mommy and Daddy are supposed to be together. All you're going to do by slapping your step child is cause more resentment and make things harder on yourself.

In her eyes, I basically had taken the place of her mother the day I met her. Her mom rarely showed an ounce of care towards her so when I came along and was there to love her, she was extremely excited about it. I have been "momma" to her since like the 5th day of knowing her, without anyone even telling her to call me that. She doesn't resent me, and has told me MANY times how much she wants to grow up and be just like me, and I'm always getting random hugs and I love you's, as does she.

As far as step parents not disciplining, what exactly was I supposed to do while DH was on deployment? Telling her to wait until her father got home just wasn't going to fly. As it is now, I'm with her for a few hours before he gets home as well. I just don't do the " wait until your father gets home" stuff. She gives him the same kind of grief she gives me, and I'm seen as as much of an authority figure as DH. I wouldn't want it any other way, especially since we have the relationship that we do. If there was every ANY resentment, then yea, I would back off and let DH handle it (like I have done with any in-law communication) but there's not, so there's no reason for me to be the inferior parent, even if I am "just" a step parent.

If her mom used to beat her then why would you want to slap her and make her think the same of you? I just don't get it.

I was never slapped, but I did get a good solid pop in the mouth 2 or 3 times. I deserved it, I was popping off and being completely disrespectful.

I could never spank or slap my children. Ever. I was never spanked or slapped as a child. The most I got was a threaten with the belt and I straighted up.

Also, IMO it is never okay for a step-parent to be the disciplinarian in the family. There's probably resentment already because you married Daddy and Mommy and Daddy are supposed to be together. All you're going to do by slapping your step child is cause more resentment and make things harder on yourself.

I don't agree with that at all. Step parent or not, that adult is to be respected and you're to do as they say. If you don't, you get disciplined. My Dad is my step-Dad and he was disciplinarian.

I was never slapped, but I did get a good solid pop in the mouth 2 or 3 times. I deserved it, I was popping off and being completely disrespectful.
How old were you???

How old were you???

once when I was about 9 and the other when I was 13 I think. It wasn't a full on SWING at me, it was a 2-3 inches from the face pop on the mouth or cheek. I remember two times for sure and I remember that I definitely deserved it. I was being downright disrespectful and snotty.

Also, keep in mind that even though he was technically my StepDad, he raised me from the larval stage, was and still is the only Dad I will ever have and would ever want. He was the best Dad anyone could hope for. Step Dad or not, he treated me the same as my sister.

Never......that's just not my style of parenting.

Never in a million years could I justify slapping my child in the face. I've slapped her hand before, but never her face. Especially not just for a look that I disapproved of. I'm sure my kids will give me "looks" until they're 50 :giggle

:agree

i'd smack her hand but never in the face and the hand thing would be as a last resort

When I have kids, I know I would never be able to slap them across the face. That was my mother's way to deal with pretty much any problem we had, and it never worked or taught me anything. Actually, all it did was piss me off and hurt my feelings. I just feel that their are much better and more effective ways to discipline a child.

I don't spank or smack hands period, and I would never dream of slapping my child in his (or her) face.

Wow, I couldn't imagine ever slapping my child. I would maybe slap them on the hand as they are younger, and spank their bottoms if necessary. My aunt THUMPS my baby cousin on the forehead....ohhhh it pisses me off.

If her mom used to beat her then why would you want to slap her and make her think the same of you? I just don't get it.

I am not understanding that either if she was abused like you are saying I would be even less likely to pop her or smack her or slap her in the face.

as a teen my mom would slap, and hit me with things all the time, anything I would say would make her mad.. Even if it wasn't something hurtful.
I think the worst thing that she hit me with was the phone, and she actually left pretty big bruises.

The funny thing is that she did it thinking that I lost my virginity, and was being a slutty daughter, if only she would realize that I was never that type of girl. I was a big V up until my wedding night, and that my cousins were the ones sleeping around.
Its okay though... I've forgiven her for her mistakes.

OP I would never hit my kids, I've learned that thats not the way to handle things.
Spanking is okay, but once they reach a certin age... like 13, I think they would know by then what they should or shouldn't do.

honestly.. NO I won't slap my kids! My dad loved to smack and punch me and I refuse to follow in his footsteps

I don't have kids, but I can't imagine that slapping would ever be something I would use to discipline them. It's not my style, and I don't think it teaches kids the lessons I'd want them to learn.

However, this thread made me think of the recent episode of Desperate Housewives, when Lynette slapped her sociopathic step-daughter after she threatened her young daughter. Even though I don't think it was exactly the right thing to do, I couldn't help but think "good for you!", and I couldn't blame her one bit for reacting like that in the moment! Which is not to say I generally approve of people slapping their step-children, at ALL, but this thread made me think of that episode...

I'll never slap my kids. Well, I'll slap their hands lightly when they're reaching for a hot stove, but that's something different. I would never slap their faces or something like that.

Breanna: She has said somethings where I just need to turn it around to point at her and then ask her how she feels. Sometimes though that didn't work so she was sent to the corner or to bed, depending on what she said and the few times our talk and her corner time didn't fix.

Johnny: His thing right now is he loves to tell me no. It doesn't matter what it is about. He gets a warning to not say it again and then I tell him or ask him the same thing. If he says no then he gets to go to the corner.

The corner may sound really corny but I tell ya the corner is the worst place to be in this house for some reason. They come out calmed down and ready to be nice. Granted it doesn't stay that for long sometimes but generally I only have to utilize the corner 1 time a day for each child. Today, Johnny has been in it once (for telling me no) and Breanna hasn't yet.