Last night my husband told me that "I grew up in a time when all mother's stayed home with the kids. And when you started staying home with the kids I felt like I accomplished something"
(meaning - he's proud that he can afford for me to stay at home. He feels that he has reached the "pinacle" of fatherhood. He's successfull, we're a proper family, etc etc.)

Any other husband's out there feel proud that they make enough money for you to be at home?

And if you feel the opposite about staying at home (it's embarassing, humiliating, frustrating, you feel worthless, etc) then has that caused problems in your relationship?

(Between us - my negative and outright hateful feelings about being "imprisoned at home" hurt his feelings and bring him down. Vice versa. The longer this Sahm thing goes on for me the worse it gets. And with gas and other things costing more I'm more and more trapped inside the house. The summer is here, it's hot. The house was 87 degrees last night when I went to bed and it was 86 degrees when I woke up. My husband's goals for his life was 1) get a good job 2) have kids 3) Wife stays at home and takes care of everything.
So his life is fullfilled. Good for him.
Mine's not and mine's only getting worse.

So - anyone else in this type of situation? How are you dealing with the conflicts?

I'm sorry hon :hugehug

Josh and I when we got married felt that it was best that I stay at home and not work because he wanted to provide for me. Then when Maddie came along the idea of working and paying for childcare didn't even out that well. It didnt make sense to go work a job just to throw the money toward daycare. I did at times wish I had a job just so I could have other adult interaction and not just stuck at home wth a baby all day but those days were every now and again.

DH doesnt seem to care either way if I work or stay home... he says now. He is ok with the baby going to daycare, but I bet once this LO is born he will be glad I want to stay home with him/her.

I am selfish, I know my baby wont get all the attention and so I want to be home.

:hugehug

Oh CHW sweetie! Coming from you that means the world to me.

:hugehug



Yeah, Sarah - my husband's surprised that I don't mind the idea of others watching the kids.

My MIL was a single parent and always had to work 2-3 jobs to take care of DH and his brother. He never wanted his wife to work. He wouldn't say anything to me if I did get a job, but he'd be annoyed about the kids having to be in daycare. He is very anti daycare.

I definitely feel trapped sometimes and kind of resentful that he gets to leave the house for 8 hours plus and interact with other adults. I'm pretty sure if I got a job though, I'd miss being home. So I try to be grateful that I have the opportunity, especially with the kids being young. I think once they become teenagers and can stay home alone and stuff I will venture out.

Yeah, true, it won't last.
I really feel like I'm missing out. By the time I get back into the workforce I'll be too old to enjoy it.
I wish I could just be happy with it - but I think I'm depressed and that just speaks for me because sometimes I am happy. When I'm not picking my life apart I'm fine.

I feel like I *was* being successfull - and that success wasn't good enough (I didn't earn enough money) and at that time my husband made a lot less money than he does now and so I had to give up my years worth of effort at my job.
I had friends, I had a reason to feel good about myself. My goals were to go from parttime to fulltime once the kids went into school - and then I kept getting pregnant (eventhough, yes, we tried NOT to - we wanted kids but not so soon.) and every time I thought "well, just 5 more years" ... and that 5 more years hasn't come around.

In life I've stagnated.

I'm, really, not good at being a mother. I'm very "scatterbrained" - a life-long problem and I have other health issues, too. I never know what time or day it is, I can never remember things (appointments, school events, etc) and that just makes it so much worse. I miss a lot of chances to be more involved with the kids and so on because I'm unaware of these things.
Like even time forgot I'm here, KWIM?

DH has told me since our wedding day that when we had children that he would hope I wanted to just be a Mommy and not work...I had worked and provided for myself since I was 15 so that was new....but when our first was born, I knew why he wanted it, that was his reasurrment that he was doing his job to provide for his family and that one of us was always gonna be there for our children in home (his father wasn't and that's one of his fears, still to this day)....I LOVED being at home with my boys all day, yes even the days with flying temper tantrums and the "I don't like you Mommy"s, to me that was the biggest best job out there. And I loved seeing my hubby walk through the door.
Now I just recently started a new job, however I go to work at 6pm, my boys can come up and see me if they'd like to and I can head home to tuck them in if I wanted to and then head back...so I'm still able to be that full Mommy I am and be with my boys....
DH is getting used to the idea of be working, like I said he's one that would love to provide solely for the family (I told him to not look at what I do as a job, instead it's just something that I LOVE to go and do and it's my way of relaxing *cake decorator*) and even told me last night he's still having to get used to the idea of having a 'working' wife now.

Wow, that was rather long, I guess in all what I'm saying is that he loves me being a SAHM and yet is okay with me heading out to work, just as long as I don't make more than him he says (:teehee)

Ah, thats a good point.

I don't think my husband will be ok with me working. He says he'll be fine with it once the kids are in school but I don't think he will be. There will always be that "sole provider" mentality that he'll ever put away.

Though, if all the kids arein school it might not matter anymore and then I can feel free to put my time and efforts into myself without guilt.

DH would prefer I didn't stay at home actually. He likes that we both contribute financially to the hosuehold and he wants us to start saving for a house, and the size house we need in Hawaii is about $500K. :mumble I told him I wasn't putting this baby in daycare before she was 6 months to a year, so he has no choice. :neener

:hugehug

Oh CHW sweetie! Coming from you that means the world to me.

:hugehug



Yeah, Sarah - my husband's surprised that I don't mind the idea of others watching the kids.

Your welcome.. that's what I'm here for. I'm surprsied you even understood that post I was half asleep.. :lol

When Austin was born I had planned to go back to work till I was fired on maternity leave. However, Justin likes it that I stay home most days. :) I got sick of feeling trapped in the house so I took on one child to babysit and I started Passion Parties because I wanted some of my own income and a few nights out a week. So far it's worked great to stay at home with my son PLUS work a little on the side :wub I wouldn't trade this time for the world though I get to watch him grow up.

Hmm. Interesting.

My Mom use to do Tupperware and Avon - years ago...but I remember her taking us with her all the time.

Maybe I could do something like that.
Hmm - maybe I need to make my hobby into a scheduled "job" - just to fullfill my boredom.

Perhaps that all it is for me - just a lot of boredom. :lol

My DH does not seem to care either way. I am sure he would love extra money each payday bit we agreed when I was pregnant witht he 1st I would stay home. Now they are older and I am still a SAHM. If ii got a job it would cover afterschool daycare and maybe a tank of gas at these prices. IMO not worth it. I love being a SAHM. I work my a** off.

Dh knows I am not happy with being a SAHM at all. I don't like not having much to do. There is only so much I can clean before it's done, ya know? I get bored very easily and I really love to work. He would love it if I would be satisfied with being a SAHM but this not meant for me! I just cannot do this the rest of my life like my mom does. I don't want my identity to be based on caregiver and nothing else. I am so much more than just "momma".

I think my DH would actually prefer that I worked. He likes the extra money. However, we both know that we don't feel comfortable with anyone else caring for T. We know how we get frustrated, and know that no one else loves him like we do. I think Laney would prefer to be in daycare. She loves playing with other kiddos.
Anyway, he even says that when he retires, he is content for me to be the primary breadwinner. Says he'll be a greeter at Wal-mart, though I think he is mostly kidding.;)

This is one of those "the grass is always greener" things. I've met plenty of outside working moms that envied me b/c i get to stay home. I have also met many that say they COULDN'T stay at home with their kids all day, and that if they didn't work, they'd go crazy. I will reserve my opinions about those types. I like not having to be locked into any set schedule. I like that if i want to take my kids to the park, mall, friends house etc, I can do that. I like that if one of my kids are sick, I don't have to worry about my boss giving me the evil eye b/c i have to go get them. I like being able to do things on my own time frame. I worked before kids, and like anything else, it's exciting at first, then it soon becomes monotanous and boring. So I really don't feel I'm missing out on anything. My hubby is supportive either way, but he feels the same way i do. We did not have kids to put them in day care all day. However if I HAD to, due to not being able to buy clothes and food, I would in a heartbeat. The kids are only little once, a job/career will always be there. When all mine are in school, i still have 20 yrs to work outside the home why rush the inevitable

Hang in there, before you know it, all the kiddos will be in school full time, and you'll look back and miss this stage. Trust me, i DO have my days where i think..life would be sooo much easier working outside the home LOL. We are human, those thoughts will come, but it's important to realize we are blessed to have our little ones, and not to forget the bigger picture.

This is one of those "the grass is always greener" things. I've met plenty of outside working moms that envied me b/c i get to stay home. I have also met many that say they COULDN'T stay at home with their kids all day, and that if they didn't work, they'd go crazy. I will reserve my opinions about those types. I like not having to be locked into any set schedule. I like that if i want to take my kids to the park, mall, friends house etc, I can do that. I like that if one of my kids are sick, I don't have to worry about my boss giving me the evil eye b/c i have to go get them. I like being able to do things on my own time frame. I worked before kids, and like anything else, it's exciting at first, then it soon becomes monotanous and boring. So I really don't feel I'm missing out on anything. My hubby is supportive either way, but he feels the same way i do. We did not have kids to put them in day care all day. However if I HAD to, due to not being able to buy clothes and food, I would in a heartbeat. The kids are only little once, a job/career will always be there. When all mine are in school, i still have 20 yrs to work outside the home why rush the inevitable

Hang in there, before you know it, all the kiddos will be in school full time, and you'll look back and miss this stage. Trust me, i DO have my days where i think..life would be sooo much easier working outside the home LOL. We are human, those thoughts will come, but it's important to realize we are blessed to have our little ones, and not to forget the bigger picture.

Thank you for that! You are so right. I guess for me, it would be easier if my Dh has even home be/c he does help out alot and give me time for myself. Hurry up september!

PS,

For those ladies who feel you've lost your identity. It's important that you make an effort to get out and do things, with or without the kids. This has helped me tremendously, as well as being around other SAHM's! :)

Thank you for that! You are so right. I guess for me, it would be easier if my Dh has even home be/c he does help out alot and give me time for myself. Hurry up september!

I hear ya girl, hubby was always good at telling me to get out and have some me time. I can't complain tho since I do get 12 hrs free child(deployed care) care for my two youngest when i need some 'me' or 'friend' time. It makes a world of difference!

PS,

For those ladies who feel you've lost your identity. It's important that you make an effort to get out and do things, with or without the kids. This has helped me tremendously, as well as being around other SAHM's! :)

this is so true!
i feel like i've lost some social skills by staying at home talking to a 2 year old!

I think ultimately, he wants me to stay at home, just for the sake of ensuring our kids' safety and knowing exactly what goes on with them all day, etc. However, if it ever came down to me not being happy at home, I know he would absolutely support my decision to work. He's just been really supportive of me doing whatever I am happiest doing, and he knows that I'm happiest being at home with them, so he fully supports that.

LOL - yes, lost social skills indeed! A big "outing" for me involves leaving the kids home with Pop so I can go to Dollar General. :rofl

Well - in light of our recent marriage issues I realized that I hide who I really am and I constantly keep myself in "check" so I don't bring up a controversial subject or anything that might stir up my husband's ill-filtered humor.
I've been walking on eggshells to make things better for him and that's really brought me down.

But I realized the other day that I've let "respect" turn into "prisoning" myself completely. It's one thing to be aware of other people's feelings and be polite and respectful but it's another thing to completely wall yourself up to avoid any and all conflicts.

I noticed that you all know what your husband's think and *did think* because you talked about it when you were pregnant, etc.
But, of course, we never talked about it.
When we met I was working as department manager at Hobby Lobby - we met at MY job, actually. I worked night shift and my parent's watched the kids (back then I only had 2) and so I jsut *assumed* that's how it would always be: we both worked: me at least parttime.
And when we were married that's when he started getting upset over the fact that all my money went toward's daycare for one - and it just wasn't worth it.
So then I jsut became convinced that I *in general* wasn't worth anything.

That's how it started with us - instead of a conversation about it I just got shafted into it and I felt like I never had a say in it.
I think that's what really gets me down - that it wasn't a choice, really, but a very bitter "you suck so this is what you get." kind of thing.

:shrug

LOL - but then, again, if I willingly stayed at home would I really think differently?

I need to get in control over my emotions - in all situations - I always let my negative thoughts bring me down.

Both of us grew up with having a mom who worked a full time job. We never got to experience what it was like to have a mom home all the time. For both of us, it's important that i'm a SAHM. I don't want to miss out on my son's life and all those little milestones.

We also don't really believe in Daycare. We know it's needed for some people, and that's very understandable, but for us, we see no reason in it. We see no point in paying someone money for watching our son when I can do the same thing in the comfort of our own home...for free, lol. Also, our son has severe Eczema and we're just afraid someone won't give him the care and attention that he needs.

DH & I are both strongly against day care so one of us is always home with DD. Before we moved to texas, i worked around his schedule (i loved the job & they loved me enough to work with a difficult schedule). A few months ago, I got a job & I rarely ever work (the job is flexible). Anyway, I say this because since DH has gotten out, he's not really "into" me working, he wants to provide for our family & if I work, he feels like he's not able to do that. He doesn't understand that my working is not for financial reasons, it's so I can get out of the house alone!

Would your husband mind you getting a part time job, or maybe volunteering so you can have a little bit of time to yourself and he can have some alone/ bonding time with the kiddo?

DH expects me to get a job and not be a lazy ass LOL

he thinks its inconsiderate of me to not help out with $$ when I am perfectly capable of having a good job :)

On the flip side, right now I'm a student and he wants me to focus on that and not have a part time...

Once I grad, he will expect me to get a job and do my part. But we have discussed that when we have little ones I want to stay at home with them untill they are of school age.

no kids but i don't think dh would mind either way. he wasn't raised that "the wife stays home with the kids" so if we had kids i don't really think he'd mind that i work. i know beyond a shadow of a doubt that if i had to stay home every day with kids i really would go crazy.. i just would. but for the moment, i am a stay at home wife, and that doesn't bug him either. he would be fine if i never worked again (though i will after college). i guess he really means it when he says "whatever makes you happy" :wub

personally my mom was a sahm and i'm grateful for it now. more and more i'm thinking i simply don't want kids, because i could not live without an identity beyond raising kids, but if i were to have kids, i would feel sort of "obligated" to stay home. i dunno. sorry to answer w/o having any real life experience, this has actually been on my mind a lot latey though.

Well - right now his hours at work realy nix me being able to work anything, day or night.
But I'm studying for my ACT and if *that* goes like I want it to then I hope to be able to start classes in August :D
It's going to be stressfull, sure - but I've done college classes, before (a few less kids back then) but we can handle it.

It'll take me forever to get through college (all parttime, at last for a few years) but it'll be worth it because when I finally go back into the workforce I'll have a decent job and my husban won't have to stress over how much money he earns.

I always said to DH that I wanted to be a SAHM when we had kids. We waited until we'd been married 5 years to have our DD because we knew we weren't in a financial position to do it sooner. But, by then I had a great career that was taking off, and I kind of resented giving that up. So I do both. I work from home. It brings in a good income for the hours I do, I set my own hours so I work when DD sleeps. She goes to our local Montessori school three days a week (3 hours per day) and that gives me my sanity "kid-free" time, but it's not nearly as expensive as full-time care (about 1/3 of the CDC cost).

I too felt like I had no self-worth. I needed accomplishments that did not involve DD or cleaning/general every day stuff.

When she was tiny I did Beauticontrol parties, but I couldn't take her with me and that became an issue with DH because inevitably it fell during bedtime for her and he wasn't comfortable with that yet.

Seriously, you guys need to talk. I don't know the whole history, but you shouldn't have to walk on egg shells to make things the way your DH wants them to be (or the way you *think* DH wants them to be). On base has free marriage counselling at the FFSC and that can be a good safe environment for both of you to get things out and start learning to communicate with each other. Maybe he doesn't realize how unhappy you are.

i'm happy to hear you're working on a degree. it sounds like it's something that will really make you happier:)

and don't stress too hard about the ACT - it's not tooooo terribly difficult (to me it was easier than the SATs). i took it hungover the morning after a rock concert and got a 32. what do you want to study? ...sorry to tj....

(or the way you *think* DH wants them to be).
Exactly. We both have a lot of problems and little by little I wanted to avoid being the cause of anything so I slowly stepped out from everything and let him run the show.
And well, we see where that led. LOL He never wanted that but that's how things went.

S. rosa - I'm planning on becoming a Pharmacist :D
But it's been such a long time since I was in highschool I'm having to teach myself all sorts of basics in such a short amount of time (I signed up just in time to take the last ACT - my prior SAT scores are so horrible they might as well not exist so I really hope I do better)

computer issues, see post below!

My husband wouldnt care weather I work or not, but he has always made it clear that he loves that he can take care of our family and that financially it is comfortable enough for me to stay home. I think once my youngest starts school I will probbaly work but right now with the cost of gas and daycare , thats where all my money would go anyway.

We don't have any kids, but DH knows I want a high-stress successful career. He's actually offered to get out of the army and be a stay at home dad once I finish law school :giggle

Sounds like you guys just need to talk things over...

I guess I understand what he means by the fact that the money u make all goes to child care any ways... if that were teh case for me i'd stay at home LOL cause that's just the way I am.

And perhaps your hubby thought that that's the way YOU are.

But you're not!! You want to have a job and do things and go work!

Totally natural!!!! You should talk to him and tell him that the current arangement just isn't working out for you.

And I'm sure he didn't mean that YOU are not worth any thing.. but rather that he thought you would be happier at home with your kids... since maybe that's how he feels women like :dunno


good luck! I'm sure you can fix this up with just some much needed communication :) :hugehug

Yeah, true, it won't last.
I really feel like I'm missing out. By the time I get back into the workforce I'll be too old to enjoy it.
I wish I could just be happy with it - but I think I'm depressed and that just speaks for me because sometimes I am happy. When I'm not picking my life apart I'm fine.

I feel like I *was* being successfull - and that success wasn't good enough (I didn't earn enough money) and at that time my husband made a lot less money than he does now and so I had to give up my years worth of effort at my job.
I had friends, I had a reason to feel good about myself. My goals were to go from parttime to fulltime once the kids went into school - and then I kept getting pregnant (eventhough, yes, we tried NOT to - we wanted kids but not so soon.) and every time I thought "well, just 5 more years" ... and that 5 more years hasn't come around.

In life I've stagnated.

I'm, really, not good at being a mother. I'm very "scatterbrained" - a life-long problem and I have other health issues, too. I never know what time or day it is, I can never remember things (appointments, school events, etc) and that just makes it so much worse. I miss a lot of chances to be more involved with the kids and so on because I'm unaware of these things.
Like even time forgot I'm here, KWIM?

My husband is happy I'm able to be here with our boys rather than sending them to daycare (at this point with how many young kis we have I coulnd't afford to work.). I am glad too, as much as I miss working sometimes, I'm also happy I am able to be here with them. I always wanted to be a SAHM.

My husband would like me to find a way to make money. I cant work at a regular job due to my disability so we've been trying to find ways to make money from home. He grew up with a mom who worked full time and made more money then his dad.... I did too, my parents are retired and my mom still makes more then my dad lol! I'd rather stay home, it was hard on us having both parents never home and I acted out b/c of it. I'd rather raise my kids then have someone else do it. (my personal opinion)

I'm not a SAHM (No kiddos) but I was raised by one. I don't think there is "just" a SAHM--all SAHM deserve respect and consideration for what they do. It's a tough job and one I don't want!

I think it's easy to get shoe-horned into a SAHM role when you have kids--most especially in the military community! It's hard to get a job, most of the time they don't pay well, it's somewhat expected etc.

If you aren't happy, you should do what you need to do for self fullfillment, and it sounds like you're doing just that.

DH knows that I was miserable when I gave up school and work to move away with him for the military, but I loved him and I knew we would make it work somehow. I kept wishing I could go back and finish school. Well, be carerful what you wish for because the next thing I knew he was getting deployed and I was going home! :giggle I want a strong career, and if I get my way I'll be dragging DH around the world instead of the other way around. He's okay with that. I think it takes a strong man to be willing to "break the mold" so to speak, and be okay with his wife making more than he does or even just not being the sole-supporter.

That's so exciting for you to become a pharmacist! You let us college ladies know if you need any help studying or working through the financial aid system or anything else. :goodluck with the ACT's!

Last night my husband told me that "I grew up in a time when all mother's stayed home with the kids. And when you started staying home with the kids I felt like I accomplished something"
(meaning - he's proud that he can afford for me to stay at home. He feels that he has reached the "pinacle" of fatherhood. He's successfull, we're a proper family, etc etc.)

Any other husband's out there feel proud that they make enough money for you to be at home? My DH is very happy that he is able to support the family well enough for me to be a SAHM.

And if you feel the opposite about staying at home (it's embarassing, humiliating, frustrating, you feel worthless, etc) then has that caused problems in your relationship? I used to work and my DH was okay with that, but he knew I really wanted to be a SAHM so he has worked hard to make it happen for me. I will be going back to school when my youngest goes to Kdg., then on to working part time and my DH is 100% supportive of that. So long as he doesn't have to do laundry! :giggle

My DH and I are totally confussed on this subject....at times I recent him cause I want to stay at home with the little ones and other times Im so happy I bring in a decent income....He tells me he doesnt want me to be a SAHM because he likes bragging that I work to his friends and how much money I bring in....Then other times he tells me he wishes he could make enough for me to stay home with the babies at least for the first couple of years....See we were both married before and we both have children from our first marraiges however my ex ran away and never paid child support, he never ran and pays $1000 in support for his 3 kids....we depend on his income to pay for housing and mine pays for everything else and the fun trips we do as a family....I want to stay at home but I know when it comes down to it I wouldnt be able to handle the stress of being home 24 hours a day. Im sure as soon as he gets home I'd want to hand everything over to him but that wouldnt be fair cause he already worked his long day but by no means would I remove him from his parental and husbandly duties....I think we all look at the outside picture and think its better then what we have until we have it.....Im pregnant now and wont be able to afford childcare for 4 kids so Im going to stay at home and do daycare from home....wish me luck cause I know Im going to go nutts....I hope DH can put up with me...

My husband loves that I can stay home. Hes very proud of himself and so am I. It works well for us and we're both happy.

In the beginning of our relationship and parenthood, which pretty much happened at the same time, we both had to work. It worked out because I worked at a daycare and got free daycare. Then he got fired, lots of bad things happened to us financially and I ended up being the one working while he stayed home with the kids. Thats was a disaster. He became very addicted to a computer game (think WoW but its a little different) I had finally had enough of being treated like crap at home and at work so we decided he should join the Navy. That was a huge turning point in our life. With all the benefits I was about to stay home and get things under control. Our marriage is better because of it, our children are better off because of it. Its the right choice for our family.

If we were doing better than barely squeaking by I think Patrick would prefer that I stay home. He would never tell me not to work, or think that I was being a bad mother if I did.

When we were first Married I was the major bread winner in our house. I made 4 times as much money as he did, so I guess it isn't a foreign idea to him. I plan on going back to work once the kids are in school, it just doesn't make sense to do it now when all that money would go to daycare.

WE both love it. I'm really NEVER home though. I'm out with the school or doing stuff with friends. Seriously there are times when I need another day with the kids at school to get all my stuff done.

yes dh loves that he makes enough (not as much as he'd like) that i can stay home and be with our daughter.

Kevin would love for me to be able to stay at home with the kids.... We are not in a financial position for me to stay home. I make a good living financially, and we need my income.

my Dh wants me ta stay home and look after the kids and just do that. I want to do something in the lines of working from home, but he doesn't really want me to.

I didn't read all the posts but here are my thoughts...

We are happy that I stay at home. There are days that the being around a 3 year old and being pregnant sucks big time but I try to find mommy time at night. I attend a sign language class durning the winter, go to two bible studies during the winter, and just get out. We are also trying to get a children's museum membership so that way we get out more but not spending lots.

When our kids go to school, I'm getting a part time job but happy where I am. I know I am contributing in the background and being the helpmate my DH needs right now.

DH doesn't care, if I am happy, he's happy.

If I'm happy DH is happy. I worked from the moment we were married until a couple of months before I had Z. We both wanted to make sure that we'd be financially stable (and beyond) for me to stay home because it is important for me to be raising my kids and not have them in daycare.

I think my husband is glad that I stay at home but also I think he would like for me to work when the kids get into school. Sometimes I struggle with staying home but I want to for my kids and I will probably get at least a part time job when they are both in school just to keep me busy. If not then I will have a lot of hobbies :lol

I can understand how you feel since I am not domestic at all. I hate cooking, cleaning, etc. But I do love my kids. To help me feel less "trapped" or even "useless" so to say I just make sure that I have my own hobbies and social things that don't revolve around my kids. They might not be as much or often as the things that do revolve around my kids but they still help. I go running, make sure I go out with friends or my husband without kids, did Shotokan Karate, etc. things just for me and doing those things makes me feel like a successful person and not like I'm sitting at home wasting away. Because really, you don't have to work to be "successful".

I sometimes feel trapped, too. I DO work a few times a month, but not nearly as much as I used to before we moved here.

I feel like I've given up all my dreams so he can have his and it's hard to be patient and wait my turn sometimes. It hasn't caused any problems for us, though, because we talk out every single thing...and I know in the long run that staying home while the kids are little like this is really best for our family.

I'm sorry you're feeling so down, Spongey. :hugs

I sometimes feel trapped, too. I DO work a few times a month, but not nearly as much as I used to before we moved here.

I feel like I've given up all my dreams so he can have his and it's hard to be patient and wait my turn sometimes. It hasn't caused any problems for us, though, because we talk out every single thing...and I know in the long run that staying home while the kids are little like this is really best for our family.

I'm sorry you're feeling so down, Spongey. :hugs

That's pretty much excatly how I feel!

DH knows this though, and he wants me to get a job so I won't get such bad cabin fever... I plan on it when we move. I WILL miss spending the day with DD...But I'm starting to feel worse about myself (i.e. don't help w/ bills and stuff like that...)

DH and I talked about the fact that I wanted to be a SAHM when I had children back when we were just frineds. We are both products of moms who stayed home until we hit our teens. We both feel there are a lot of benefits from having that family member home. Expecially since he does deploy. I am our childrens stability.
I love being a SAHM. I know this time passes too quickly. I will be working once my children are in school. As they get older I will work more.
DH agrees that being a SAHM is the best choice for our family. However, we do have issues. I am doing it to put our children first. He expects the 1950's perfect TV mom. He wants me to be able to do all and be all and devote my attention to him the second he walks in the door from work until he passes out because I've rocked his world in the bedroom. Oh and get up at 4am to make him breakfast and coffee while pressing his uniform. Can you tell he lives in la la land? So yeah, we fight.
I should add that I knew I wanted to be a mother when I was young. I knew the kind of mom I wanted to be. I made a point to go out and do all the things I thought I'd miss once I'd become a mom. That way I'd have few regrets. I did it all, I over did it all. But I had a good time doing it, I know who I am now. And most importantly, I don't feel I'm missing anything or resent my family. I am happy being where I am, at home with my family. I figure there is time for a second career, now is the time to focus on my kids. I am laying the groundwork for values and memories. I want my kids to know I was there and a part of things.

It was really never a question we brought up.. I'm a completely independent woman who had finished a Masters Degree and had a successful career before we met. My dh could provide easily for us, but I like that I can contribute to our financial stability. Actually, I make more than him. If I was given the opportunity to stay at home, I would probably do it for a few years until our kids reached the age to go to school, but for now our daughter goes to the best daycare/preschool in the area and we are debt free excluding a new home we just built. I kinda like it that way. There are days I wish I could just stay in bed and snuggle with my daughter but then I remember that I'm working for her... for her future. She has had a college fund building since she was conceived. We both spend every minute with her outside of work... no weekend sitters or date nights. We only have family time.

My DH would prefer I was working right now instead of being a SAHM. But I prefer being a SAHM right now, at this moment in time. I will be going back to school soon, and then will be working. I will definitely miss being a SAHM. I miss working too, but being a SAHM is so rewarding.

I cant work but if i could my husband would be against it. He wants me at home taking care of the kids, the house, and him. He makes the money i take care of the house.

My husband is proud that he can take care of us and loves that I stay home.. neither of us is comfortable with the idea of putting our kids in daycare unless it was an absolute neccesity!! We would rather live more simply so that I can stay home... I might want to do something part time once the kids are in school but I don't really know at this point...

We are both in agreement that it is best I stay home right now.

In all honesty, while he jokes that it would be nice if I brought in money, he would be happy with me never going to work. He has told me many many times I don't ever need to work.

However, I want to finish college and start my career. After all our kids are in school I'll be finishing college (if I'm not already done, which I highly doubt I will be) and then going to work.

I have my days where I'm in serious need for adult interaction, a break from the kids, and times where I am really itching to go back to school. But then my kids do something that makes me grin from ear to ear, laugh, or I see them do something or experience something for the first time. My place is here with them for the time being. I will eventually get back to my degree.

I'm not sure if he is proud that he helps enable me to do so but he should be.

My husband wanted me to be a stay at home wife lol. So that didn't really change when we had Peyton. Now I get to be a stay at home mom too!

My DH does not care if I stay home, we make plenty of money on his salary, though he prefers me to work because when I stay home I drive him and the kids nuts with my OCD by cleaning the house. LOL