my husband is making me insane!!! he rarely ever emails and when he does it's like 3 lines at the most. he called me once and it was great but i just need to hear his voice so bad right now. i have all these terrible thoughts because of this like maybe he doesn't love me anymore maybe he is regretting getting married so young maybe he's cheating on me... and i hate it. i don't know how to feel i am just so... numb. and :unlove. everyone else on here seems to hear from their dh/db/df all the time and mine? nope. i haven't heard from him in two days. again. he doesn't seem to care that i am upset. i sent him a lengthy email about how i felt the first time i went for 3 days without hearing from him and all he said was "you sure do complain a lot." and then stayed mad for days afterward. so i'm just upset. he didn't email me today or yesterday so i'm just not going to check my email for the rest of the weekend. i didn't even send him one today. fuck him. that's not right i know but dammit, take care of me too! i'm doing all these nice things for him and it is heartbreaking to not get some love back home. he didn't say i love you for 8 days last week. ugh. what would you do??

Well, everyone and I mean everyone has different access to communication. Our last deployment I would be lucky to get a call every 3 weeks and an email once a week(like you, they would be very brief). This deployment I have been fortunate to have more communciation. I think you should email your DH about how you are feeling so he knows that you feel neglected and need some attention. Right now he probably has no clue you are feeling like this. :hugs

BrittanyJo is right. Comm access is different for every guy and every deployment. Last time DB had plenty of computer access and would write at least a full paragraph every day. This time, when we're not on a blackout, he has e-mail once or twice a week and his notes are super short because he's trying to stay in touch with everyone in a very limited amount of time. Oh, and he shows absolutely no emotion. None. It sucks, but he is doing what he has to in order to get the job done. It may help yopur sanity to lower your expectations. If he is in touch, great. If he's mushy and sweet, awesome. But if he is super busy and doesn't say much, no big deal. Just a thought. :)

Brittany Jo is right... he might not be able to communicate as much. But definitely tell him how you feel. I think we all our minds start to wonder about what they're doing when we don't hear from or SOs. If I go for a few days without communication I start to get jittery and my mind goes bananas. And sometimes I only get a short email to tell me he's so busy and can't email more. It sucks sometimes, but then I'll get 3 emails in one day. The waiting is so hard though.

I only speak to hubby once every 2-3 weeks, and we email maybe 3-5 times a week. I told him off the bat, that if he's tired he's tired- not to worry about calling/emailing as I will understand. He works loooong hrs, and MAY get Sundays off if he's lucky. I also try to keep the small vents isolated to emails, b/c I'm sure the last thing he wants to hear when he calls is me complaining. My friend gets text'd and called 5 times a day from her fiance, frankly i think that's worse b/c all they do is fight b/c i guess they are constantly talking and trying to find things to talk about that they end up saying the wrong things. I'd rather two good quality phone calls, than tons of phone calls in a week that may lead to arguments. It makes me appreciate our precious moments all the more.

I'm sorry he was snarky with you in your emails, I can totally see why that would upset you<hugs>

Don't go off the deep end emotionally, dear! :glomp
You're in the beginning stages of your deployment and you will crack if you keep this thinking up. You have to have faith in your marriage, not accuse, and stay strong for yourself, if not for him. You'll be OK. I know it doesn't feel that way now. But keep in mind he's at work, surrounded by work, stuck at work, and he's probably just learning how to cope...

Do be patient with yourself and with him. If anything, just keep writing nice, light emails and letters. Keep him apprised of what's going on in your life day to day and BREATHE

:hugs

As the other posters have said everyone has different access. There are lots of people that only hear from their SO every few weeks. That's why you see so many celebrations about hearing from their SO--because they have waited weeks for those two line e-mails.

Deployments are tough on relationships. Instead of telling him how you need to hear from him more often, focus on what you need to hear. Don't say "You never say you love me." Instead say "I really need to have you say you love me." But saying "i" instead of "you", it makes the e-mail less whiney and agressive. It tells him that you have needs as well.

He's trying to send you e-mails even if they are only two lines. Make sure you tell him you appreciate that. Tell him when he calls how much you love hearing his voice. I haven't heard my DH's voice since March. I get e-mails and IMs and try to be content with that. Sometimes I remind him I would like to hear from him, but really it's more upsetting to me than it's worth, because he doesn't want to stand in the 2 hour line to make a call.

Are you working or going to school? Do you have hobbies? Doing extra stuff to keep busy and chatting on SOS can really help fill in the gap.

You could also send him some paper and envelopes and ask him to write. Even just a few lines. My most precious treasures are the letters and cards I've gotten from DH while he's been gone. They are just one or two lines, but they are something.

I hope that makes sense. :hugs I'm still not awake--haven't had my coffee yet. :lovecoffee

thanks for all the support, ladies. ;) i'm glad i'm not the only one dealing with this. yes i work full time so that helps and i have some really good friends that take care of me when i'm having a rough day. i think it would be easier if i had stayed in the navy long enough to go on deployment myself. i'm feeling better now. i just miss him soooo much and we have never been apart like this. but it's getting a bit easier to be away from him, i hope that doesn't come off wrong but it's like, i have time to myself to watch chick flicks and do things he doesn't like to do. which is kind of nice but i miss snuggling on the couch (he is the best snuggler ever) and holding his hand and even how he throws his clothes on the floor when the laundry hamper is 2 feet away. i am glad i found this forum though. makes it a bit easier on me.

Also, the first month is the absolute worst. Once I get over that first month, I get into my own routine and that helps so much. You are not alone! :hugs

Also, the first month is the absolute worst. Once I get over that first month, I get into my own routine and that helps so much. You are not alone! :hugs

:agree

Everyone has different communication - I've gone 5 months before and not had communication with my boyfriend and at the moment I haven't heard in over 15 weeks! I wouldn't be expecting so much from your husband - if you think his attitude has changed by all means talk to him about it, but you do at least have communication from him and he's able to keep in touch! Try and put aside thoughts of regrets on his behalf and cheating aside - you'll make yourself sick.

awww :hugs hang in there. I remember I was thinking the same as you in the beginning of our deployment. But as time went on I learned to be more patient with him. I learned that sometimes the computers were down, he was exhausted and didn't have time to get on the computer, etc. Really it depends where he works how much he can email. The first part of deployment he emailed a few times a day...then the last part maybe once a day or every other day. But you will learn that he really is busy. It really does depend on what he does as his job...so don't sweat it girl! Hang in there! Oh and yeah...I complained too at first and that seemed to make things worse cause he was already having a hard time on the ship you know? Bring your venting on here and save yourself a lot of fights ;) But that doesn't mean to keep your feelings from him either! Hope you all can find a happy medium! ;)

The first month or so of a deployment is the absolute WORST. It will get better I promise. Communications are very touch and go during a deployment as well. He may need some time to adjust and stuff. Also, I know that sometimes they dont have time to write a lengthy email back. Yeah, it hurts, be thankful you get some communication. Also, guys can be a little clueless at times, just express to him you need a little more attention :)