DB called today and it was not good. He told me they didn't approve his leave date and we dont' when or even if he will be able to come.
We got to talking and got into a fight.
He told me I stess him out when I am honest with him and I got upset. The details are not important. But we just argued the entire time.
At the end he said I love and i didn't reply. I was upset and mad I just bye and he hung up. :no
Why didn't i just say it? We are having trouble now and I can't talk to him and may not even get a leave. I am afraid we arn't going to make it. I am worried that cause i am not being strong he is going to leave me. I dont' know what to do. I just want to cry and stay in bed till this over.
Has this happened to anyone else? :dunno

Yes, last week when I went down to visit SO. On the way to take me to the airport to fly home, he starts spazzing and doing this whole "I don't know" thing. When we got to the airport I was so upset I didn't kiss him goodbye or anything, I just ran for the check in desk. He called me when I landed and kinda worked it out, but I'm still stressed.

Holly I think he was just upset because he wants to come home and comfort you and he is feeling guilty because he might not get to and he feels lik ehe's letting you down. You guys will work it out I know you will. Have faith. Have patience. Maybe don't tell him everything that you are feeling if you think it will just make him feel worse about having to leave you. That's why we are here. You can tell us and try to keep things upbeat for him. Its sounds like that's what he might need from you now. You are strong.

It hasn't happened to me but I watch my best friend go through it when her DB (now DH) was deployed both the first and second times. Actually, he was DH for #2. Anyway.

You both get stressed. I'm sure you are not really stressing him out but he can't pinpoint exactly what is. So, its easiest to blame you. I think you will make it through. I don't know the details of your arguement but I have to ask you to ask yourself,
1. Do you love him? If yes, is it worth it during a deployment to pull the "I'm not saying it" card?
2. Do you want to make it? If yes, what are you willing to suggest that HE AND YOU do together to make it? This can't be one sided though. You both have to give a little and take a little.
3. Is the fact that he might not get a leave the possible stressor in this situation? Is that what started this argument? If yes, what can you and he do to make him feel a little better about a situation that neither of you can help?

These are just things I would be asking myself in your situation. I don't know the history of your relationship and if fighting like this is very common. We all have our arguments with our SOs. You just have to take a couple steps back and think about the arugement and what its worth to you.

:hugs We're here for you!!

Hang in there sweetie. We all do things or say things we don't mean when we're upset. The deployments just seem to magnify everything. If you love him, then tell him. Tell him how much it means for him to say it to you too. We're all here for you.

Oh honey don't for a second doubt his or your feelings for each other.

Both of you are frustrated and disappointed with the situation. Just realize that you CAN do this. You've made it this far.

You both were upset...for obvious reasons. And it seems like we always take out our anger on the ones we love and care about the most. It sounds like both of you need to be stronger for each other. Hang in there hun! If you two truly love each other then you can stick it out! Try to be as supportive as possible. It's so hard at times but he needs you to keep his morale up!! If you want to be with him then you need to reassure him that leave or no leave...you'll be waiting for him. :hugs :hugs and more :hugs

I hope you two get to talk soon :yes

:hugs You will make it Holly. You were just frustrated and had an argument. It happens...to everyone. :hugs Hang in there.

It hasn't happened to me but I watch my best friend go through it when her DB (now DH) was deployed both the first and second times. Actually, he was DH for #2. Anyway.

You both get stressed. I'm sure you are not really stressing him out but he can't pinpoint exactly what is. So, its easiest to blame you. I think you will make it through. I don't know the details of your arguement but I have to ask you to ask yourself,
1. Do you love him? If yes, is it worth it during a deployment to pull the "I'm not saying it" card?
2. Do you want to make it? If yes, what are you willing to suggest that HE AND YOU do together to make it? This can't be one sided though. You both have to give a little and take a little.
3. Is the fact that he might not get a leave the possible stressor in this situation? Is that what started this argument? If yes, what can you and he do to make him feel a little better about a situation that neither of you can help?

These are just things I would be asking myself in your situation. I don't know the history of your relationship and if fighting like this is very common. We all have our arguments with our SOs. You just have to take a couple steps back and think about the arugement and what its worth to you.

:hugs We're here for you!!


I Agree :yes

It can't be all kittens and roses when they are gone. You have valid frustrations and they have to come out at some point. We all have had those moments where we got off the phone angry. Everything will work out sweetie. :hugs

I think part of it is knowing he may not get leave. You two were both so excited and were both let down, its a big setback. It has happened to me so so usually when it happens you just get angry at the one person you arent mad. You are strong. Remember every strong person needs a rock, so let us be your rock :) Lean on us. That is what we are here for.

it'll be okay...we all have our breaking points. you guys love each other and you'll pull through...this deployment is just messing with ya'll. :hugs

Awwwww, Holly, I'm sorry you had an argument with him. Let's be honest, he's not really upset with you and you're not really upset with him. Rather, you're both upset at the cruddy situation and stress that you are both under. You two will talk it out and be fine. I'm sure of it. The next time you talk, he's going to apologize for being pissy and you will do the same. Couples fight. Strong couples keep fighting and talking and negotiating and caring until the fight has been worked out. You two are a strong couple. You can do this. :hugehug

i think everyone goes through a rough point...i think deployments put a strain on every relationship...its hard to know what they go through exactly when we're going through are own thing here in the states. Just stick with it and be there for him and maybe don't tell him everything...I have to keep tight-lipped about things with db cause I know it will stress him out...Just try to love him like you always have.

I'm so sorry Holly that you are having a rough time. :hugehug

But just remember that every couple fights, even during deployment, and he knows that you love him even if you didn't say it. Next time you talk I am sure things will be better.

Maybe you could try to filter your emotions a little bit when you talk to him, but I know sometimes you just can't! And don't let yourself think that you are not strong. You have to be very strong to have made it this far!!!!!!!!!