My DD hasn't been willing to talk to DH in about two months. When I ask her way she says she is mad at him. I ask her why and she says because he left us. Now I know she is young. She will be 2 next month. I also understand that she is sorting her feelings out. If I ask her if she would like to talk to him she shouts No and runs out of the room. If I am web camming with him and she realizes it she will scream and run out of the room. She will not elaborate any further. She just shuts down on the subject and runs away, often to hide.
I tell her every night that Daddy misses her every day and that he wishes he could be with her. I tell her that Daddy loves her many times a day. I have explained to her that Daddy has a big job to do and that he will be home as soon as he is done doing that job. I tell her that he did not leave us because we did anything wrong, he left because he has a job to do.
I'm currently at a loss as to what to do. DH has been understanding and patient but I know it hurts him. It hurts me. I need suggestions, encouraging words, and advise from people who have been here.
I am concerned with how she will respond when he is home. I'd go talk to a psychiatrist about it but I am traveling this year. So ladies and gentlemen, got anything for me?

For starters I would have your Dh start writing letters to your DD ( cards even) just for her. I would also have him do some story time for her via cd or tapes. Him reading stories to her so she can listen to them. Even doing videos from him just to her where she doesn't have to talk back but she can watch when she feels comfy. The big thing is ease her into it rather then forcing her ( which she probably feels like you are doing) on his terms kwim.. Best thing is communication from him to her JUST for her. letting her know that he misses her.

I also think that the lack of stability (The fact you've been travelling the whole deployment) probably doesn't help because she's constantly being dislodged from the place that she calls home (where Daddy is). I agree with what Michelle suggested.

:hugehug I have no kids, so no advice, but I'm so sorry this is happening! :hugehug I hope it gets better soon!!

For starters I would have your Dh start writing letters to your DD ( cards even) just for her. I would also have him do some story time for her via cd or tapes. Him reading stories to her so she can listen to them. Even doing videos from him just to her where she doesn't have to talk back but she can watch when she feels comfy. The big thing is ease her into it rather then forcing her ( which she probably feels like you are doing) on his terms kwim.. Best thing is communication from him to her JUST for her. letting her know that he misses her.

:agree Have you thought of getting a Daddy Doll too? My DD responded very well to that at 16 mths. He's just done deployed again (she's just over 2) and she's transitioning very well because she's taking her Daddy Doll to do things and talks to it. We've very clear about the distinction between Daddy and Daddy Doll, but she's never had an issue with that.

I don't know how much traveling you're doing, so I can't really comment on that. However, we went overseas to visit my family during his last deployment and it didn't confuse her. We weren't traveling around to lots of different places, but it was still a complete change of environment. DD did fine during the trip and transitioned back here fine. But then, every kid is different.

Have you got the Sesame Street Deployment DVD? If not, I would recommend you get it (your FFSC should have it or you can order it free on Military OneSource). That helps explain it. I really do recommend the videos of storytime, etc. That worked really well for DD.

Also, maybe for another deployment, try setting up webcam stuff with other members of the family that she knows (Grandparents, Uncles, etc.) so she gets used to seeing people she knows and loves through that as a normal thing. That will make it easier to transition to seeing Daddy on there. Again, that's something we've always done with DD since my family is in England, and it made it a lot easier when he was gone for her to understand the webcam and what we were doing.

I also think letting her talk to him on her terms. when she is in control she may respond easier when he does come on for her to talk to via webcam. but I also agree with Petsparkle on regular webcaming with other family members. ( even if you all are in the same house.

Thanks for the suggestions but I am not feeling too confident about them.
He has done a video for her and she runs screaming from the room at the sight of him or the sound of his voice when I turn it on. I can call him and webcam with him pretty much when ever I want so if she even brings up the idea of talking to Daddy I call but then she freaks out. She has webcammed with others. Because our family members are on seperate coasts we use a webcam a lot. This is nothing new for her. She talks to my mom, dad, brothers, and friends every week. She goes to the computer and tells me who she wants to talk to pretty often, just like she brings me my phone and tells me who to call. It's often my Dad or Uncle Tom that she requests to see or talk to. She's far from being a shy child.
I haven't bought her a Daddy doll because I don't know much about them but the name sounds creepy. Not to mention that she seems to care about a stuffed friend for a grand total of a week before it ends up shoved to the bottom of her toy box.
I have been meaning to pick up the Deployment video for kids but I didn't know where to get it so thank you. That was useful info.
As far as the traveling, she's really been adjusting better than I expected. I make sure I establish her space and her stuff where ever we go. I keep a lot of items with us no matter where we go so she has that sense of stability. (It's a good thing I have a truck) Her schedule stays consistant and so do many other things.
For those that don't know we have spent 3 months in North Carolina and Virginia. We have stayed at my MIL and FIL as well as my BIL and SIL homes. We did a week trip down south but she has done week trips before. Sara is used to a little bit of travel because we go from San Diego North to Ventura county all the time to stay with family and friends. We do a lot of weekend or week long trips. We will be leaving the east coast this week to go back to California for a couple of weeks then we will be in Oregon for a couple of months staying with my mom. When DH returns from deployment we will join him back in San Diego.
I knew this wouldn't be cake but I also knew that we'd have more fun and the time would fly if we didn't sit at home waiting for my husband to return. I was thinking that I should take advantage of this time to travel and visit family. We only see some members once a year because we are on different coasts. Sara surprised me by remembering details about people and places from our previous visits and our communications. She remembered the animals and layouts of homes the best. Even though we see Granddaddy and Grandmama once a year she remembered the cats and where her room is. (They have a large home, she has her own room here that stays the way she leaves it. It was DH's room and it had been untouched since he left for the Navy before it became her room)
There has been a slowing in her potty training and her doctor advised me not to take away her bottle because it's her security item until next year. Other than that, she's been doing exceptionally well. I also realize she is potty training early and it was her choice so I'm just going with the flow and following her leed anyway. So neither has me really worried. She sleeps fine at night, is really independant, is a confident child, is bright, and only acts up about as much as her peers. Sure, we have tantrumes but who doesn't with a 2 year old? So yeah, this is her big acting out thing.
This is her first real deployment. Last time Daddy deployed she was born. Daddy goes away a lot but he comes back after a week or two. She was fine for the first month. It's been the last two that she's freaked out. I think the first month she kept expecting him to walk in the door. She used to talk to him on the phone all the time. She'd call him on his trips or at work just about every day. We would webcam in the evenings when he was away. I really feel like after a month she just decided he wasn't coming home. That's when she got mad. Now she's just stayed mad.
So yeah, that's the stuff I didn't type before. I think I've covered the bases. Now I'm going to bed. Night all, and thanks again for you input. Kepp it coming if you like. I will try what you all suggested but I want more info on the Daddy doll before I think about that one too seriously. Sorry about the novel, I get wordy when I am alone late at night and still up. Wait, I'm wordy all the time. So scratch the first part, I think I just get worse when I'm alone and awake.

Of course, as usual, Sara has made a liar out of me. She asked to talk to Daddy today and even told him she loves him. It made him cry. Heck, it made me cry. I hope this lasts but I'm not holding my breath. Afterall, it is the first time in 2 months she has been willing to talk to him. I just know that when she asks to talk to him I'm picking up the phone asap like I did today.

I'm so happy that she finally talked to him! Thats a great step in the right direction!

I'm so happy that she finally talked to him! Thats a great step in the right direction!

:agree
:yay

I'm really glad she talked to him. As regards the daddy doll, you can check it out at www.hugahero.com (http://www.hugahero.com). It's a plush doll that has a photograph of your DH on the front and whatever you want written below it. You get a little pocket on the back to put letters or even a voice recorder in. My DD has the large doll with the voice recorder. She was confused and unhappy when DH went on deployment. Her Daddy Doll arrived 2 weeks into it and it turned around everything. She was really excited about it for the first few days, then cooled for a few days, then came back to it and was inseparable for the rest of the deployment. We spent 2 months in England and she adjusted really well. The voice recorder said "I love you very much XX, I'll be home soon" and she pushed the button any time she wanted to hear Daddy's voice. She calls it her "Daddy Button" and she actually keeps that and the doll separate (probably because we got the button first so DH could record it before he left, which we came to learn could actually be recorded over the phone).

Throughout the deployment, we referred to the doll as "Daddy Doll" never as "Daddy" I think that is critical. When we picked DH up after the deployment, DD had her Daddy Doll. I asked her "who's that?" and pointed to the daddy doll. Very matter-of-factly she said "Daddy Doll." Then I pointed to DH and said "and who's that?" and she got a huge grin and very excitedly said "Daddy!" Even before 2 she knew the difference.

We're on the second deployment since we got the Daddy Doll and it has honestly been the best $35 I've spent on deployment stuff. DD is having no transition issues at all.

Anyway, you can see pics of the kids with the Daddy Dolls on the site, and my DD is up there ;)

On a side-note, the dolls are also made by military spouses. The owners of the company are two Marine wives and they only employ military families which I think is awesome because it's giving back to the community they are part of. It takes 3-4 weeks to get the doll (because it is custom made) but they will do all the editing for the background of the pic you send them of DH. All you need is a full length photo and they will do the rest. Very cool IMO.

I am so glad she talked to him!

Just wanted to share that there is a lady on myspace that does the daddy dolls and they are alot cheaper. Msg. me if you can't find her and I will see if I can. SHe may be on my friends list.

Andrea