to email him and tell him im not ok and this is hard for me, and that I understand its out of control but it just sucks...or do you think that would be hard for him to hear? or I dont know im running out of energy. i email him every night hoping and literally praying to get a response and 34 days is so long to be without hearing from him. we didnt fight about anything so its not that hes upset with me its just a communication blackout or a mission or something. when hes back at camp i get emails multiple times throughout the days and a phone call as often as possible usually every other day. so this is just so hard and so frustrating. but i dont want to say im upset or im angry or anything because i know its not in his control to do anything and i dont want him to come back and read how much of an issue i was having with it.
anyone been in this situation and can give me advice?
im thinking i wont tell him and ill start a blog or something...

:hugs I am sooo sorry you haven't heard anything for that long!!!

I don't know, I say send him an e-mail telling him that you are getting really worried and it is starting to take its toll on you!!!! I am thinking that if he gets a chance to read your e-mail he will have a chance to respond...so I don't think it would upset him to hear...

You are an amazingly strong person....and have dealt with this SOO well...I hope you hear from him SOON!!

I think it'd be okay for you email saying that you've been worried and it's taking a toll on you. That shouldn't upset him. That sucks that you haven't heard from him and I haven't experienced that yet so I don't have much advice. :hugs Stay strong and hopefully you hear from him soon.

go right ahead and tell him! i told my db everytime i felt that way it will only make u feel better knowing he knows what your goin thru

If you do decide to email him and tell him honestly how you feel make sure you read it and what you write doesn't come across as giving him the impression you can't handle the relationship and want out. I mean you can say it's hard and you're having a hard time dealing with the lack of communication etc. but you don't want him to start doubting that you will wait for him or that you'll be faithful because that isn't the kind of pressure he will want while he's deployed. I'm sure he's doing the best he can to stay connected to you and he needs your support. I've had hard times during this deployment and we have talked about it some, but I never told him that I didn't think I could handle it just that I was having a hard time. I'm sure he's also feeling the same as you so hold onto that and the good times you have to look forward too when he gets back home, it does help.

Is there any way for you to email him and just share your feelings without him feeling attacked? Not saying that is what you would be doing, just how he might read it and if he is going through a blackout or whatever it is not his fault.

It is totally ok for you to be able to express feelings, you are not a robot you have feelings. To have to shut yourself down means that you are not able to truly be yourself.

Lots of hugs, I am here if you ever need to talk!

i dont- i don't send anything saying "i'm not okay. i cant do this anymore. etc..." i just think it's a waste. I mean, i have my moments. I have my days where i feel like i cant. but then the sun goes down and the next day i'm feeling better. i just don't send anything like that because he already knows. it's hard on him and i decided to take this role on, and i knew it was going to be hard---so i dont say anything to him about how hard this is on me.
haha, that's what my friends are for and my livejournal. i do tell him i miss him. and i'll be glad when this is all over with!!!

but then again, if you feel like i need to say it - say it.

but i do know, how hard this is on you. hugs. i'm here if you need me!

oh goodness i would never say this is too hard or i wont do it anymore or any business like that i figure if i can get through 30+days whats a few more? im alright ill get through it but some days im just like balh this sucks. never "i dont want to do this anymore" it would be something more along the lines of not hearing from you is no fun so i hope i get to hear from you soon im missing you and hoping everythings ok....kind of thing? i mean i say stuff every once and awhile about it but never more then a few words...so i dont know...i guess i dont know how to explain it:(

do you think that he would know which email to read before the others? like if you write this email after like 34 others...

is there another way you could let him know whats going on? letter? (motomail if he is a marine?) just so that this message stands out and he knows to contact you ASAP?

its ok to let him know its hard. im sure its hard on him too though, and im sure you wont me accusatory

hang in there ... youre doing great :hug

I think it would be fine. But Im not the best person to give advice on this. I don't bite my tongue w/ DH at all. If he pisses me off, we will fight about it. He gets the good the bad the ugly and the fights.

I told DB when I was struggling. It didn't get me anywhere. If I had a do-over, I think I'd bite my tongue a bit more.

Email him with the truth, that it's very hard for you and you're struggling. Leave out the "I'm not ok" part because you ARE ok, you just don't FEEL ok, kwim?

If you guys had been dating longer, I would say yes. But since it's been what, about 6ish months or so? I wouldn't. I personally think he might feel attacked or stressed out, even if you have only the best intentions and just want some support. I think it's best to utilize this site or a blog like you mentioned.

It might be worth pursuing if you guys were talking, but since he will more than likely get a stash of emails after the blackout/mission is over, he will just read them all in a row and it might make you look a bit obsessive/overbearing. I KNOW that's not what you are doing, but reading them all in a row might LOOK like that.. know what I mean?

Anyways, that's just my advice. Good luck, I would be stressed too! :hugs

Email him with the truth, that it's very hard for you and you're struggling. Leave out the "I'm not ok" part because you ARE ok, you just don't FEEL ok, kwim?

yah i didnt plan to just say im not ok more of just i cant wait to hear from you kind of thing which i guess ive said before but i dont know i just feel like i need to DO something but theres nothing i can do and im a fixer and i cant fix this...if that makes any sense?

If you guys had been dating longer, I would say yes. But since it's been what, about 6ish months or so? I wouldn't. I personally think he might feel attacked or stressed out, even if you have only the best intentions and just want some support. I think it's best to utilize this site or a blog like you mentioned.

It might be worth pursuing if you guys were talking, but since he will more than likely get a stash of emails after the blackout/mission is over, he will just read them all in a row and it might make you look a bit obsessive/overbearing. I KNOW that's not what you are doing, but reading them all in a row might LOOK like that.. know what I mean?

Anyways, that's just my advice. Good luck, I would be stressed too! :hugs



thats a really good point since by the time he reads it i usually get an im ok email THEN he reads all my emails so by the time he read it i would be alright again...hmmm a blog is sounding better and better lol

i guess i just dont know what im doing or how to deal with it and i feel lost :dunno

I think it is fine as long as this isn't an every day sort of situation. You are allowed to be frustrated and hurt and lonely. You can't constantly be a pillar of strength.

no not an every day thing lol its just been building up. i think its pointless since by the time he reads it i wont be upset anymore and r and r is a month i can just talk to him:dunno

Then doooo it! :D

My bf always asks me to tell him exactly how I'm feeling and not to worry about how he it will make him feel. I think it's important to have open communication and be able to express how you feel.

bleh this is frustrating i would much rather jsut hear from him lol

Tell him EVERYTHING. If he doesn't like it, let me know. :voodoo

lmao thanks Heidi lol

I am a big fan of telling him how I am feeling. It helps. it helps us both. Tell him about the good days the bad days the really bad days and everything in between. Getting it all out might make you feel better too. :dunno and PS. you are doing amazing over 30 days has to be damn near impossible. You just got added to my hero list.

i do tell him about the bad days just not that im having a bad day because i havent heard from him...

I think honesty is always good. Something that I like to do is write out the email, sleep on it and come back to it the next day. If it's something I'm still feeling, I send it and if not, I edit or discard it. More often than not, it just feels good to get it written out.

:hugs Good luck hon! 34 days without contact is incredible. I applaud you for hanging in there.

I don't think you should hide your feelings if those are the emotions you're feeling. As long as you don't guilt him about it, I think it's good for your relationship to admit that you're weak at times and it's not always easy for you... it shows that you care and miss him.

well i didnt hide it but i let him know i really hope to hear from him soon basically

I just emailed DH 2 days ago saying that I'm not gonna lie, but this deployment is KILLING me, making me INSANE. And because of it, he's been waaaay more supportive of my feelings. It's okay to tell them, they actually feel wanted and my DH loves that.

I just emailed DH 2 days ago saying that I'm not gonna lie, but this deployment is KILLING me, making me INSANE. And because of it, he's been waaaay more supportive of my feelings. It's okay to tell them, they actually feel wanted and my DH loves that.

good to hear
at this point even if he was upset at me and emailing me i would like it better then not heariing from him but i read it about eighty times before i sent it and i think its alright

This weekend was the first one for me that I was sad and couldnt fix it for myself. I was hesitant to say anything to E cause we are new and he was sick all weekend and didn't feel like talking at all and I dont want him to think I can't handle it. Anyways, long story short I did tell him that I was sad and lonely over the weekend but made sure to reiterate to him that I understood he was sick and working. He was very understanding and he said he wanted to know when I was having rough days. So I think that you letting him know that its just a rough day for you is OK ..maybe also just let him know that you don't blame him for lack of communication and you do understand its part of being in this type of relationship. :hugs and I do hope you hear something soon.

thanks