How do you NOT take it personal?

Im about to completely breakdown....I cant keep it together.

You really need to calm down. If you freak out, it will only magnify the situation. You will learn that there are a lot of things you can't take personal because it isn't personal. Access to communication isn't a free for all. Take a deep breath.

im sorry honey i cant offer advice cause im not sure what you mean when you say 'How do you NOT take it personal?' but im sorry you are feeling wretched and want to breakdown...............maybe you should!

Have a good cry and then you can start focusing on tomoroow being a better day! I am sorry you feel so shitty!

Im here if you need me!

Take what personal?? Im lost!!

What are we not taking personally? I don't take is personal that DB has shut down and is being an inconsiderate, selfish ass because I KNOW that I have done nothing wrong. The issue is his and not mine. Thus, I don't take it too personally.

Take what personal?? Im lost!!

Everything with the deployment. No contact, everything being so short.

i dunno I guess I cant help but feel like Im doing something wrong

You take it day by day and deal with it. If other women can go through this with children or pregnancy, then you can do it too. You are strong person and it takes a strong person to be with a military men. We all break down and there is nothing to be ashame about it. This is why SOS is for, to vernt out, cry and talk and learn about deployements...trust me if you took it personal you will go crazy...

Like I said, a deployment isn't like an all expense paid trip to Cabo. Access to communication changes constantly and you have to learn to wait out those periods when the phones or internet may be down. You are just a little over one month into this and that can really contribute to your insecurities. It will get better with time when you adapt.

It's normal! I had my days in the begining but it eventually passes, keep yourself busy and try and remember its his job, keep that mindset and you will be fine.

Like I said, a deployment isn't like an all expense paid trip to Cabo. Access to communication changes constantly and you have to learn to wait out those periods when the phones or internet may be down. You are just a little over one month into this and that can really contribute to your insecurities. It will get better with time when you adapt.

I really hope I can get better at this. This is my first time going through this. Hes been there 3 times. Im so mad at myself, I dont know what to feel anymore. :vent

I don't take it personal because I know if he could be he WOULD be here with me.

i'm pretty sure most men start to act like that at some point on deployment. i'm sure if he could he would call you every day and send you flowers and do romantic things. just be patient with him, he needs your support. there is nothing you can do other than keep telling him you love him and miss him and try not to stress him out. we can't rely on them to ease our stress, because if we did we would most likely not get the help we needed. that's why we're here. and that's why you're here. why don't you go take a bubble bath, maybe give yourself a pedicure, light some candles, maybe drink some champagne if you're of age. it gives me the giggles and then i feel better.

i'm pretty sure most men start to act like that at some point on deployment. i'm sure if he could he would call you every day and send you flowers and do romantic things. just be patient with him, he needs your support. there is nothing you can do other than keep telling him you love him and miss him and try not to stress him out. we can't rely on them to ease our stress, because if we did we would most likely not get the help we needed. that's why we're here. and that's why you're here. why don't you go take a bubble bath, maybe give yourself a pedicure, light some candles, maybe drink some champagne if you're of age. it gives me the giggles and then i feel better.

Thank you ladies, I am feeling a little better. Im trying not to let him in on any of my stress cause I dont want to cause him any. My bottle of Vanilla vodka and diet coke is going to be my friend tonight. I need to loosen up

I don't take it personal because I know if he could be he WOULD be here with me.

:agree 100%

OP

You don't - you have your breakdown and then spend a lot of time putting yourself back together.
And later you might have another breakdown and it won't be so bad because you've been there and done it all before.
Then you're just use to it and, though it still gets to you, it's nothing like it use to be.

Like I said, a deployment isn't like an all expense paid trip to Cabo. Access to communication changes constantly and you have to learn to wait out those periods when the phones or internet may be down. You are just a little over one month into this and that can really contribute to your insecurities. It will get better with time when you adapt.


exactly i remind myself of this every day it doesnt get easier you just get sort of used to it ive almost had 40 days with no communication whatsoever and as hard as it is i just remind myself how much i know he wants to talk to me and cant
hang in there
:hugs

OP

You don't - you have your breakdown and then spend a lot of time putting yourself back together.
And later you might have another breakdown and it won't be so bad because you've been there and done it all before.
Then you're just use to it and, though it still gets to you, it's nothing like it use to be.


Agreed:D

My first deployment, I was a wreck. I am grateful for that though because when I headed into our 2nd one I was able to recognize what I needed to do to keep myself going.

My first deployment, I was a wreck. I am grateful for that though because when I headed into our 2nd one I was able to recognize what I needed to do to keep myself going.

Thats where I am at right now, a wreck. I never thought that it was going to be this hard. I hate the range of emotions. I have never been this out of control with them. I feel like I just cant get them back. I guess I keep fixating on my biggest fear, and thats losing him. I feel like him not talking to me is my fault. Everyone tells me not to take it personal, but I guess all I keep thinking is what did I do for him not to even send a quick hello, or Im thinking of you, or IM OK! I dunno I guess Im just not used to this. :dunno

Thats where I am at right now, a wreck. I never thought that it was going to be this hard. I hate the range of emotions. I have never been this out of control with them. I feel like I just cant get them back. I guess I keep fixating on my biggest fear, and thats losing him. I feel like him not talking to me is my fault. Everyone tells me not to take it personal, but I guess all I keep thinking is what did I do for him not to even send a quick hello, or Im thinking of you, or IM OK! I dunno I guess Im just not used to this. :dunno

I'm completely in your shoes right now too. This is my first and I'm definitely an emotional wreck. There are days when I am soo amazingly happy because I'm so grateful I even have him and I'm optimitic, but the next day it will be the complete opposite. We usually talk everyday if the internet connection is okay, but lately the connection sucks. And when I don't talk to him, my day is ruined. I had the worst day yesterday and I'm still recovering from it today. It hasn't even been 2 months yet!!! So I know how you feel. :hugs for both of us.

I also know how you feel. My db HAS access to email from work everyday (his trailor connection is spotty but his work connection is fine) and he has not sent me a message in 7 days even though I explained to him how important it was to me to hear from him. :vent Last week when he was sending messages, they were extremely short and not very loving. I totally feel like I am losing him too and my emotions are out of control too. :dunno Yesterday I hit a wall and totally had a breakdown (really the first one since he left 3 mos ago). And today, I still have no communication from him, but I am picking myself back up and focusing on me.

He is being a butt head right now and I have no idea why, but I just finally realized that I have to balance being supportive and being a doormat but it just sucks! :reallymad Hang in there and its ok to have a bad day. Tomorrow will be better.

:hugehug

You just have to take it one day at a time. Remember, every day that passes is just one day closer to you two being together again! Keep your head up.

You take it day by day and deal with it. If other women can go through this with children or pregnancy, then you can do it too. You are strong person and it takes a strong person to be with a military men. We all break down and there is nothing to be ashame about it. This is why SOS is for, to vernt out, cry and talk and learn about deployements...trust me if you took it personal you will go crazy...
she's right. she did it and I do it being pregnant. take it day by day. feelings are normal within reason, but the other girls right too, don't freak out about it, you'll magnify it and no sitting around getting sad or lonely, depression can find you...fill your days with work, school, family, friends, sos if need be, if your stationed somewhere, check out your FRG, go to command functions, find a hobby, etc. and of course.....I'm here if you need to chat.

You can get through this!! :hugs

For me personally, I think it's good that we don't speak over the phone everyday. I may get too dependent on it and fall apart if we don't talk for 2days. We are veterans at marriage so we don't need that constant reassurance that we love and miss each other. I hate it when the phone cuts off, or when i can barely hear him when he has a bad connection. However, this is thru no fault of his own, and taking it personal has never crossed my mind. I can't wait till the day when we can wake up together, laught at/with our kids together, share a cup of coffee, enjoy a movie while snugged up on the couch etc...until then, I fill my time, spread my wings and fly...

Independence CAN be a good thing, if you let it...

Thats where I am at right now, a wreck. I never thought that it was going to be this hard. I hate the range of emotions. I have never been this out of control with them. I feel like I just cant get them back. I guess I keep fixating on my biggest fear, and thats losing him. I feel like him not talking to me is my fault. Everyone tells me not to take it personal, but I guess all I keep thinking is what did I do for him not to even send a quick hello, or Im thinking of you, or IM OK! I dunno I guess Im just not used to this. :dunno

Hey girl, PM me if you need anything. This is my first deployment too and about a month or two ago, I was where you're at right now. It does get easier as you get into a routine and get used to him being gone. It's never fun but you get through it because you have to - for their sake. He's probably just as overwhelmed as you are - and since he's a dude, he shows it differently.

Don't worry. :hug And as for communication, that's not always a right for them - my DB calls email a privilege for himself. Don't take it personally or you'll drive yourself nuts.

The hard part is that this is his 3rd and your 1st deployment. This is all old news to him, yet a whole new set of emotion for you. I agree with Brittney Jo you just need to learn how to control your emotions and figure out what is worth freaking out about and what isn't. Writing in a journal when you don't hear from him can be much better then firing off angry emails about why he hasn't done xyz. Then when you are calm you can look back and think if it is worth bringing i up with him.

:hugs one day at a time...get through a morning...a night...then conquer a day...little steps...You will get there!

I really hope I can get better at this. This is my first time going through this. Hes been there 3 times. Im so mad at myself, I dont know what to feel anymore. :vent

Awe...don't beat yourself up...this is tough!!!!!!! You are experiencing normal emotions. Give yourself a hug in the mirror. :) Take a deep breath and go do something totally new. Take a cooking class...is there something that you've been interested in doing/learning that you haven't quite got to yet? This would be a great time to start it! You're going to get through this! :hugehug

I can completely relate to what you are feeling. I take it personally too. I know I shouldn't but this is all so new to me, it's hard not too. We will all get through it together! PM me if you need to talk!

Beer! no but seriously.....you just be thankful for the good days and try your best to let the bad ones roll off your back...its tough but you do the best you can and count on those you know who understand to help you get through :hugs

I can completely relate to what you are feeling. I take it personally too. I know I shouldn't but this is all so new to me, it's hard not too. We will all get through it together! PM me if you need to talk!

Im just exhausted of the roller coaster ride. I mean Ive seen him online 3 times today and I was just hoping I would get a response to one of my messages. and I didnt get anything. I was pretty devestated when I looked at my inbox and it says 0 messages, but then again Im gonna give him the benefit of the doubt and that he couldnt respond for whatever reason. It just sucks cause the last message I got from him was I love...blah..blah..blah