I just got off the phone with db, and he informed me that he doesn't think he wants to come home for R&R. (He is in Iraq for a 13mos deployment). He said its not because he doesn't want to see the family and me but its because:

1. He doesn't want to just sit around and do nothing since all his friends will be deployed (their ship leaves before he comes back) and I might have to work part of the time

2. They will send him anywhere he wants, so he thinks he would like to take the opportunity to go somewhere like Australia or New Zealand.

I don't know if we are strong enough to make it 13 mos without seeing each other, and I did tell him but I also told him I love him and totally understand that and if that is what he chooses, then I will support him.

Has anyone else experienced this? :dunno :sigh:tears

Well, could you meet in the middle like he flies to an island you fly there to meet for a week or so then go back?

:hugs i'm sorry. that seems odd to me. i hope he chooses to come home.

Fly to NZ or AUS to see him :D

I've heard of guys doing this. I think it's the desire to avoid a second goodbye. Sometimes it hurts so much the first time that they just can't bear to do it again. That said, I hope he reconsiders or you can meet him somewhere fun.

Fly to NZ or AUS to see him :D

:agree I would be incredibly hurt if he decided he didn't want to see me at all. I'm sorry sweetie. :hugs

DB mentioned that before he left. He said maybe he would spend his R&R in Germany, and when I mentioned flying to see him, he said that would be awesome.
He just didn't want to have to come home and see ALL of his friends and family and me and have to say goodbye all over again.
He sort of changed his mind and has been talking about maybe coming home, but it's up in the air.
It totally makes sense that your guy said that.
Maybe you could fly somewhere and see him when he's on leave.
Just an idea.

I've heard of guys doing this. I think it's the desire to avoid a second goodbye. Sometimes it hurts so much the first time that they just can't bear to do it again. That said, I hope he reconsiders or you can meet him somewhere fun.


This is what I think is going on. I think he really is having a hard time and he isn't really admitting it, but I think maybe HE thinks that it will be easier to just stay away the whole time and not have to face the second goodbye (as you said).


But that sucks:unlove I think maybe we will have to make an alternate plan, like plan a mini-vacation to Mexico or something and a ski trip to see my parents.

I know alot of people who do not want to come home for R&R...it's common...some people think that it's easier to go some where like germany or something, as to aviod another goodbye...it's not for everyone, but it can be less stressfull for the service member, and family, HTH

that is odd..hmmmmmm i would kick my db ass if he told me`that! i sorry :(

You girls are awesome. I love you all for your support.

Any time sweetie! Keep your head up!

I've heard of guys doing this. I think it's the desire to avoid a second goodbye. Sometimes it hurts so much the first time that they just can't bear to do it again. That said, I hope he reconsiders or you can meet him somewhere fun.

My dh and I have dicussed this. I hope it is not what we choose to do but I can only imagine how it will feel to me, dh and the kids to say good bye again. It seems it would be harder the second time.

Fly to NZ or AUS to see him :D

I agree. I was in AUS last month and had an amazing time. Take the advantage of it.

:agree I would be incredibly hurt if he decided he didn't want to see me at all. I'm sorry sweetie. :hugs

I agree.

:agree I would be incredibly hurt if he decided he didn't want to see me at all. I'm sorry sweetie. :hugs

I totally agree............... I would be gutted!! i really hope you can find a middle ground and get to see him at least for part of it!!

i hope you and him figure something out that works best for both of you!!! i agree with the others who said you should try to fly out to stay with him wherever he wants to go for r&r!! good luck chica! :hugs

That must be so hard to hear, but I kind of understand how he feels. My DF and I have been planning to meet up at one of the next two ports they stop at, but the more I think about it the more I'm not sure if that's a good idea.

I'm finally now in the swing of not seeing him, and I imagine it would just be back to square one after spending a few days together again.

Anyways, I hope you come up with a good solution that you're both happy with! :)

hmm. not that my dh and i have the funds to do this, but the thought crossed my mind of going to see him in a port. i decided not to even try for two reasons:

first off i do think it would make it harder to see him again and say goodbye again.

second off he is on a med cruise and this is kind of a time for him to explore and see the world and i don't want to hold him back from doing that and being independent for a bit.

i would be hurt if i was in your situation but i understand where he's coming from. maybe he wants to see the world a bit and try to relax and not think about anything stressful (war, saying goodbye to you again)

Fly to NZ or AUS to see him :D

:yes

When dh deployed last time, I didn't want him to take R&R. I didn't want to go thru the 2nd goodbye, didn't want to put the kids thru that. He changed his mind and came home.

But, I think discussing meeting him somewhere for his r&r is a great idea. NV or AUS maybe a bit pricey, but if you can afford it go for it.

Germany has a nice AFRC resort there, with tons to do, but tons of relaxing possible also.

:hugs

I've heard of guys doing this. I think it's the desire to avoid a second goodbye. Sometimes it hurts so much the first time that they just can't bear to do it again. That said, I hope he reconsiders or you can meet him somewhere fun.

This is exactly why my DB is not taking R&R. He is on his 2nd deployment and realized during the first one that the days pass slower after R&R, especially when he is reminded of what he is missing out on at home.

He admits he gets jealous when other members of his unit leave, but is more sure of his decision when they return and are sad for having to resume the deployment.

I agree that you should try to meet him somewhere, or as we have planned, take an 'R&R' trip somewhere fun once he returns home! :cp

im sry..i really hope he comes home to u

My DB is kinda the same way. Since they'll fly him anywhere he wants to go to a place that he hasn't ever been to before. He was planning on taking a trip to Japan with one of his best friends but after visiting him on his four day pass he asked me if I wanted to go with him instead. We haven't talked about it afterwards so I'm not sure what'll happen. But I hope that whatever your guy decides you'll get to see him on his R&R. Even if it is hard to say goodbye, I feel that it helps to spend time together (even if only for few days).