This is my first deployment with my db. He's only been gone for 2 days and I'm losing it. I have been a wreck since he got on the plane. I cant make myself leave my apartment. All i want to do is stay in bed all day. I cant stop crying. This is 100 times harder. I'm afraid I'm not going to make it. I love him to death but this is killing me

Honestly, i don't think it does get easier. The closer he gets to coming home, the more the worries change. When he gets home, you have to think about his next deployment.
But the more difficult it is now, the more you will enjoy his company when he is home, and the more precious every minute with him is.

It doesn't get easier you just learn to adjust. Take it day by day. The first week seems the hardest to me.

I don't think it does. I've been miserable since DH left. But I get numb to it every now and then.

in my expirence. the first week is the worst. then you kinda adjust and get used to it. so hang in there a few more days and you'll start to fell better

It gets a bit easier when you leave your home. :P HUGS!!!

He says he won't go on another deployment... Does he know that for sure or is he just trying to make me feel better?

He says he won't go on another deployment... Does he know that for sure or is he just trying to make me feel better?

LOL!!! Watch the movie Stop Loss! ;)

whats it about

The first few weeks are really hard. But it's ok to feel sad and cry because that's normal. With time it'll be easier to accept the fact that he's away. :hugs

whats it about

It is about what I quoted you on, regarding future deployments...

He says he won't go on another deployment... Does he know that for sure or is he just trying to make me feel better?

That's highly unlikely. He's probably trying to make you feel better...or himself.

This is my first deployment with my db. He's only been gone for 2 days and I'm losing it. I have been a wreck since he got on the plane. I cant make myself leave my apartment. All i want to do is stay in bed all day. I cant stop crying. This is 100 times harder. I'm afraid I'm not going to make it. I love him to death but this is killing me

:hugs

It doesn't really get "easier" - it gets more manageable.

And THAT happens when YOU allow it to. If you allow yourself to wallow, it will continue to get harder and you'll feel worse. When you make the choice to get yourself up, get out of the house, do something you enjoy, and continue living your life things will get better. Not easier, per se, but better.

Deployment, and separation in general, is a key part of military life - so if you are in it for the long haul with your boyfriend, then its something you want to be able to handle, and handle well.

Living your life, finding some happiness here and there, and coping do not betray your love for your boyfriend - they make you a stronger military 'spouse'. Wallowing, crying on and on and on, and being miserable do not prove how much you love or need your boyfriend, they just...well, make you miserable.

You can get through this!!:D

it DOES get easier...for me it did anyway...

you learn hjow to deal with it...and you get into a routine...

give yourself some time to adjust and once you hear from him you will feel better...trust me it gets easier

it DOES get easier...for me it did anyway...

you learn hjow to deal with it...and you get into a routine...

give yourself some time to adjust and once you hear from him you will feel better...trust me it gets easier


I agree! It does get easier...once you hear from him it gets easier! Honestly everyone is different some people have a very hard time BEFORE deployment and once it happens they kind of settle down...like the anticipation is worse. My guess is if you push yourself to try to get out of the house, you'll feel better. Is there a park around your neighborhood? Maybe you could put on the headphones and walk for a while. Write him letters if you're hurting to talk to him. Call up any one of your friends and go to their house to watch a movie. It's definitely not easy...but you can make it! Look at how many women are on this site that have made it! If they can, YOU DEFINITELY CAN!

Another thing that helps me is that I think about my grandmother and other women who were wifes of military men back in WWI and WWII, Korea, and other wars...gosh I'm so glad I'm going through this during this time period!!!!! They didn't get to hear from their husbands/boyfriends for months and months on end. Now, we get to email and talk on the phone. So, that is a HUGE blessing!

Keep your head up, and move around...it WILL get easier! :) Big hugs!

I agree! It does get easier...once you hear from him it gets easier! Honestly everyone is different some people have a very hard time BEFORE deployment and once it happens they kind of settle down...like the anticipation is worse. My guess is if you push yourself to try to get out of the house, you'll feel better. Is there a park around your neighborhood? Maybe you could put on the headphones and walk for a while. Write him letters if you're hurting to talk to him. Call up any one of your friends and go to their house to watch a movie. It's definitely not easy...but you can make it! Look at how many women are on this site that have made it! If they can, YOU DEFINITELY CAN!

Another thing that helps me is that I think about my grandmother and other women who were wifes of military men back in WWI and WWII, Korea, and other wars...gosh I'm so glad I'm going through this during this time period!!!!! They didn't get to hear from their husbands/boyfriends for months and months on end. Now, we get to email and talk on the phone. So, that is a HUGE blessing!

Keep your head up, and move around...it WILL get easier! :) Big hugs!

very well said

:hugs

It doesn't really get "easier" - it gets more manageable.

And THAT happens when YOU allow it to. If you allow yourself to wallow, it will continue to get harder and you'll feel worse. When you make the choice to get yourself up, get out of the house, do something you enjoy, and continue living your life things will get better. Not easier, per se, but better.

Deployment, and separation in general, is a key part of military life - so if you are in it for the long haul with your boyfriend, then its something you want to be able to handle, and handle well.

Living your life, finding some happiness here and there, and coping do not betray your love for your boyfriend - they make you a stronger military 'spouse'. Wallowing, crying on and on and on, and being miserable do not prove how much you love or need your boyfriend, they just...well, make you miserable.

You can get through this!!:D

I agree very much with this. Its hard, but you have to force yourself to get up and get out. I was finding no matter what I do, I was still sad. But as I force myself to get out, Im finding that it is more managable. Besides, he doesnt want you sitting at home being sad. My DB told me this is his job, and this is what he has to do, he's at work. He told me to go about normal life as I do, as if he was here, at work. I know there are going to be times where I get frusterated, and I get sad. That will be ok, but as time goes on, you will adjust. Take this time now, and cry, cause you probably need it. But be sure to get out, and when you feel really low, come here. Thats what I do. Good luck hun.... :hug

It doesn't get easier you just learn to adjust. Take it day by day. The first week seems the hardest to me.

:agree :hang

Here's what you do. You let yourself be sad and lonely for a week or two. You break down when you need to, eat ice cream when you need to, take long solitary walks when you need to. And then you pick yourself up and start getting on with life. Find new ways to distract yourself. Do things that make you happy. You are stuill going to have down days sometimes, but you are in control of how you handle this. You can do it. We are always here to listen and help. :hugs

It is all a roller coaster... I know that the first week I was miserable.. I mean miserable.. I cried like crazy then I got up and started to clean, I ended up just crying my eyes out all over again folding his clothes... But, I left everything the way he left it.. His shoes are at the front do and the back door, his cover is stull on the dresser, his stuff is in the shower... and his keys sit on the counter right where he left them. .. It makes me feel better. I mean it makes me miss him but I know hes coming home in three and half months now... The middle has been the easiest... Ever since he gave me dates I am back to missing him like CRAZY!!! and I worry about how different we are now... But, you will get used to it...

LOL!!! Watch the movie Stop Loss! ;)

Dont watch this movie!! Look the love of your life has just gone away.....deployment sucks ass!! it does not get easier ever but you must try and go on with your life !!

Do you work? study? make sure you throw yourself into these and spend lots of time with family and firends!!!!!!!!!

By all means take this week to wallow and cry ......alot but there is light at the end of the tunnel and i promise it get bareable!!! I know cause i have been exactly where you are!!!!!!!!!!

I am here if you need me as are everybody else on this board!!!!!!! you have come to the right place!!!!!!!!!!!!

jeez i feel bad i didn't even stick around long enough to see his ship pull out. i just rolled out. and i'm not that miserable, i'm doing pretty ok. just try to live like you would if you were single, other than being with other guys. make this deployment a time to enjoy being with your number 1, YOU!!! shoot, i go out and eat sushi, go to chipotle, go to the gym and get my sexy on, dance in front of the mirror, play my guitar, go out with my friends... and most importantly I WATCH WHATEVER I WANT TO ON TV WITHOUT HIM COMPLAINING. it is still lonely at night when i sleep but there are two kitties in my bed so it makes it better. do you have a pet? they help a lot.

it'll get easier if you quit wallowing in your emotions. that's not to be harsh, just some tough love. get out of the house. do something. you're only making it worse on yourself. if i was near you i would take you out to see a movie or something but seriously call up a girl friend or something and go out.