I had a lady today in a store tell me that NOT spanking my child who was acting up is child abuse!! What do you think? Is it child abuse to NOT spank your child?

discuss... please say why or why not...

I know this will turn into a debate of some kind, so that's why I put it here. I know some people feel strongly one way or the other.

DB and I have talked about this issues. We've come in agreeance that spanking would only be used...if it was extremely necessary. Like this did something really bad or were acting like a complete brat. It would be the last resort thing.

DB was like "what send him to his room, where he can have all his cool toys? I used to LOVE being sent to my room"

Moreover, it will be in a sit in the corner, time out deal where would confiscate something of importance or value to the child.

I generally disregard unsolicited advice form strangers, and I am not afraid to tell them to mind their own damn business:D I would have said a thing or two to that particular woman...


Obviously, so long as no marks are left on the child physically or emotionally, no one's parenting methods should be called "abuse", regardless.

DB and I have talked about this issues. We've come in agreeance that spanking would only be used...if it was extremely necessary. Like this did something really bad or were acting like a complete brat. It would be the last resort thing.

DB was like "what send him to his room, where he can have all his cool toys? I used to LOVE being sent to my room"

Moreover, it will be in a sit in the corner, time out deal where would confiscate something of importance or value to the child.

:lol I agree with that... I didn't care if my parents sent me to my room since I was in there all day anyway. I once grounded myself to my room when I was bad. :lmao My dad told me to go to my room before and then remembered that I liked it there so he said nevermind you're grounded FROM your room. :lol I think the worst punishment I ever had was lying down on a couch thing in my parents room with them in there and not being able to do a thing. It felt like I was in there FOREVER!

I generally disregard unsolicited advice form strangers, and I am not afraid to tell them to mind their own damn business:D I would have said a thing or two to that particular woman...


Obviously, so long as no marks are left on the child physically or emotionally, no one's parenting methods should be called "abuse", regardless.

yeah... I was kind of like "how rude..." This woman then proceeded to go get the store manager and tell her I was abusing my child because I was sitting in the floor holding her in my lap so she wouldn't hurt herself by throwing herself in the floor or run away from me while I was waiting on my husband to load the groceries in the cart. also, keep in mind I can not lift her because of my condition, or she would have been carried out to the car rather than still sitting in the floor throwing a fit. It was very embarrasing. She spent the rest of the afternoon sitting at the kitchen table with no toys until bath time.

yeah... I was kind of like "how rude..." This woman then proceeded to go get the store manager and tell her I was abusing my child because I was sitting in the floor holding her in my lap so she wouldn't hurt herself by throwing herself in the floor or run away from me while I was waiting on my husband to load the groceries in the cart. also, keep in mind I can not lift her because of my condition, or she would have been carried out to the car rather than still sitting in the floor throwing a fit. It was very embarrasing. She spent the rest of the afternoon sitting at the kitchen table with no toys until bath time.

Everyone raises their child differently and I see nothing wrong with what you did. You did NOT abuse your child that woman was just being silly. I was at Wal-mart a week or so ago and there was this little kid who dropped her bottle and her mom/aunt/whatever started saying "don't do that bad" to her and slapped her hand like 7 times. :shock It sounded like pretty hard slaps too and this was a little kid. :no I also hate it when parents hit their children then when they start crying they tell them to stop crying or they will get hit again. Um yeah if I frikken get hit by someone I'm going to frikken cry! :banghead

Spanking, with an open hand, on the buttocks, that doesn't leave marks, is NOT ABUSE. The woman sounds like she overstepped her bounds by giving "advice" and I probably would have just ignored her. Sadly, you have to watch how you act around people, because all too often people make false reports to CPS.

You should've asked her if it were elder abuse if you didn't smack her stupid ass.

Spanking, with an open hand, on the buttocks, that doesn't leave marks, is NOT ABUSE. The woman sounds like she overstepped her bounds by giving "advice" and I probably would have just ignored her. Sadly, you have to watch how you act around people, because all too often people make false reports to CPS.

The woman said she was abusing her child because she did NOT spank her. ;) At least that's what I got when I read it. :giggle

You should've asked her if it were elder abuse if you didn't smack her stupid ass.

:rofl that's great!!

ok i am for spanking but i refuse to lay a blanket statement on things like this because each child is different and each parents way of parenting is different.

the person had no right to say what they said. i would never have said anything like that.

but i am being honest here when i say that i have met some children and seen how they act towards their parents and i have thought to myself that they deserved a spanking.

The woman said she was abusing her child because she did NOT spank her. ;) At least that's what I got when I read it. :giggle

Damn, allergies and exhaustion... I read it wrong.. :giggle :duh

I stand by my judgement though.. the woman was a twit. She's your kid OP...

Damn, allergies and exhaustion... I read it wrong.. :giggle :duh

I stand by my judgement though.. the woman was a twit. She's your kid OP...

:giggle Yeah most of the time when you see abuse you figure they mean spanking not NOT spanking. :lmao

I generally disregard unsolicited advice form strangers, and I am not afraid to tell them to mind their own damn business:D I would have said a thing or two to that particular woman...


Obviously, so long as no marks are left on the child physically or emotionally, no one's parenting methods should be called "abuse", regardless.
:agree

She shouldn't be making public comments about your parenting.

I think it's STUPID. I don't agree with spanking, HOWEVER, I don't believe it is NOT abuse if you DONT do it. That's like a tongue twister! lol. And what you did was CLEARLY what I approve of when it comes to dealing with a temper tantrum. IF you would have spanked your child while they were acting up it would defeat the purpose. I never got the whole " I'm gonna spank you if you dont stop crying..." HELLO SPANKING ISNT A LOVEY FEELING, so I'd think to myself when I was told that and be like " ok, 2 plus 2 equals four, if my mom spanks me cause im crying, im suppose to forget the fact that the spanking hurts, not only physically but emotionally(for me anyway) and not cry" that's retarded!

sorry to go off rambling...im one of those who feels strongly... *hugs*

I believe that NOT disciplining your child is child abuse and just plain stupid. Whether it is spanking (the proper way), time outs, groundings, ect.

:lmao We had totally opposite experiences yesterday in the same town then Katie! We took Tandis to the bookstore and he threw a nice little fit and layed on the ground, so my hubs picked him up and swatted his butt. ONCE. Some random lady said 'I can't believe you just DID that! He's just a BABY!' and went off to get a manager, the manager of course didn't bother with her stupid complaint. Nosy inbreds here in Augusta, I'm telling you.

Standard Disclaimer: The term 'inbreds' as used by Schaele means dillholes or any other satisfactorily offensive adjective used to describe someone you dislike as a general rule. It is not necessarily a slam against Southern Folk. As for beating my child, I beat him only on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Withold the CPS complaints until those days please. Thank you.

Well had you spanked her, I'm sure someone would have come round screaming that spanking her was abuse.

I would just ignore unsolicited advice from strangers.

No. I do think it is a disservice to a child to not discipline them. But spanking doesn't work for every child. It doesn't work for mine. So I use other things; time-outs and taking privilges away.

Are you serious? Did someone actually say that?! I totally agree with open hand spanking every once in a while- at least on younger kids, my parents found cold showers worked much more effectively when we got older. I can't believe some nosy nellie said that! :no

Everything is child abuse to someone.

NOTE: I haven't read everyone's replies.

What a horrible, ignorant, judgmental thing to say! That woman really needs to get a life and mind her own business.
As long as your child is receiving some kind of discipline or education in what's right and what's wrong, who cares if you don't spank them? There are plenty of ways to discipline without spanking.
I personally feel that violence of any kind has no place in the family, of course, I also understand that not everyone feels that way and I won't judge them for using reasonable corporal punishment. However, I expect people to respect my feelings as well.

I know spanking worked for me when I was younger; now I did not get it everytime I did something wrong, only really bad things. Most of the time I had to sit in the corner for hours on end bc my mother(who I love dearly) forgot what we did and why she put us there.

hahahaha... seriously?
That is the strangest thing I have ever heard!

You should've asked her if it were elder abuse if you didn't smack her stupid ass.
:hystericlaugh
Everything is child abuse to someone.

Obviously, so long as no marks are left on the child physically or emotionally, no one's parenting methods should be called "abuse", regardless.
Goldilockz answer is so true but so sad in my opinion. Anything can be viewed as child abuse but what's sad is that we are just trying to raise well-rounded, well-behaved children to add some good to this world. Unless someone is wailing on their child, I wish people would just mind their own business and let parents be parents.

It's def NOT child abuse to NOT spank!!
BUT IMO it is doing a great disservice (not saying you did OP just in general) to NOT dicipline.

Everything is child abuse to someone.

I agree. You're damned if you do and damned if you don't.

I really wish people would stop micro-managing other peoples' parenting methods!

DB and I have talked about this issues. We've come in agreeance that spanking would only be used...if it was extremely necessary. Like this did something really bad or were acting like a complete brat. It would be the last resort thing.

DB was like "what send him to his room, where he can have all his cool toys? I used to LOVE being sent to my room"

Moreover, it will be in a sit in the corner, time out deal where would confiscate something of importance or value to the child.

I TOTALLY agree with the room thing. Plus with a young child if you put them in time out in their room, They will begin to associate their room with a bad place and therefor fight to not sleep in there.
We have ALWAYS had a time out spot.

I believe that NOT disciplining your child is child abuse and just plain stupid. Whether it is spanking (the proper way), time outs, groundings, ect.

Yes Yes Yes

I don't think that not spanking equals child abuse, but I think there is an argument to be made about not disciplining children to possibly be along those lines. Whether it's time outs, restriction, toys taken away, etc. Boundaries have to be put in place and enforced. But I don't think you have to spank to do that. Personally I have never seen the need to spank my DD when she's been throwing a fit in a store, but she's only 2 and the fit usually lasts only about 10 seconds so long as I ignore her and some "well meaning stranger" doesn't give her the audience she wants.

yeah... I was kind of like "how rude..." This woman then proceeded to go get the store manager and tell her I was abusing my child because I was sitting in the floor holding her in my lap so she wouldn't hurt herself by throwing herself in the floor or run away from me while I was waiting on my husband to load the groceries in the cart. also, keep in mind I can not lift her because of my condition, or she would have been carried out to the car rather than still sitting in the floor throwing a fit. It was very embarrasing. She spent the rest of the afternoon sitting at the kitchen table with no toys until bath time.


you did the right thing. parents cannot win nowadays, if you dont spank you are a monster, if you spank them in public you are a monster. :yes you have to trust in your own intuition and decisions. every child is different, one punishment that works for one, wont work on another.

:lmao We had totally opposite experiences yesterday in the same town then Katie! We took Tandis to the bookstore and he threw a nice little fit and layed on the ground, so my hubs picked him up and swatted his butt. ONCE. Some random lady said 'I can't believe you just DID that! He's just a BABY!' and went off to get a manager, the manager of course didn't bother with her stupid complaint. Nosy inbreds here in Augusta, I'm telling you.

Standard Disclaimer: The term 'inbreds' as used by Schaele means dillholes or any other satisfactorily offensive adjective used to describe someone you dislike as a general rule. It is not necessarily a slam against Southern Folk. As for beating my child, I beat him only on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Withold the CPS complaints until those days please. Thank you.

See, he's not a baby though. Babies are sweet, kind, and gentle. They just crawl or lay there with those cute toothless grins and drink from bottles only. Tandis and my sons are TODDLERS. They are mean, spiteful, disobedient little things who need disicipline and structure. I wish someone would pull that "he's just a baby" crap with me. I would be MORE than happy for them to take him around the store for 20 mins and see if they can't do better.

I TOTALLY agree with the room thing. Plus with a young child if you put them in time out in their room, They will begin to associate their room with a bad place and therefor fight to not sleep in there.
We have ALWAYS had a time out spot.

I guess what I do is technically a timeout but he is allowed to get up and move in his room. I just put him there, tell him when you calm down you can come out, and leave the room. He doesn't have but a few toys and stuffed animals in there. After about 10 mins when he is not pitching and fit anymore, I will open the door and say "you can come out when you are ready, noah". sometimes he comes out running and grinning, other times he stays there to play or he will have fallen asleep in the 10 mins he has been there. But i do spank too and it works as well.

That's just it though, if you HAD spanked in the store, police probably would have been called. I hate that if my child is being completely unreasonable and out of control, I CAN'T spank her in public without fear that someone is going to run their suck to someone else and soon the store surveillance footage ends up on the news and youtube. :no

By spank I'm talking about a quick swat to the butt. I NEVER spank my kids anywhere but their padded behinds and it's never more than once. But some people still believe that it is abuse.

:lmao We had totally opposite experiences yesterday in the same town then Katie! We took Tandis to the bookstore and he threw a nice little fit and layed on the ground, so my hubs picked him up and swatted his butt. ONCE. Some random lady said 'I can't believe you just DID that! He's just a BABY!' and went off to get a manager, the manager of course didn't bother with her stupid complaint. Nosy inbreds here in Augusta, I'm telling you.

Standard Disclaimer: The term 'inbreds' as used by Schaele means dillholes or any other satisfactorily offensive adjective used to describe someone you dislike as a general rule. It is not necessarily a slam against Southern Folk. As for beating my child, I beat him only on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Withold the CPS complaints until those days please. Thank you.

OMGosh I love the disclaimer.. :rofl

I don't think it is abuse to not spank a child, I also think there are about a billion other ways of disciplining a child and spanking does not have to be one of them. So not spanking certainly does not equal not disciplining.

People are so nosey! I understand the need to protect children who are REALLY being abused, but those aren't the people who are getting called on. This takes resources away from the children who really need help. It's really sad.
On the topic of child abuse, DH just told me that some guy in England had the cops called on him because he was taking pics of his son in the park (just playing with all his clothes on and everything), of course, the cop told the people to F off.
At the same time, one man wrote an article for a prestigious magazine about the latent sexuality of children in the media and proceeded to take nude, posed pics of his 6 year old to publish with the article.
Craziness I say!

I feel like as long as there are no marks left or bruises, or any type of object used then spanking is okay. For me, it would be a last resort, I would try other methods first but you better believe if my kid starts really acting up that a small spanking to get a little dicipline in will be coming. I think more recently a lot of kids are having diciplinary problems with peers, schools, respecting authority because there isn't enough dicipline at home. And don't get me wrong, I'm the most loving person and non-violent person you'll ever meet. But there are times that a small child needs a good ole spanking to whip his butt back into shape. I had a few in my days growing up but my parents never abused me, left marks, or hurt me. I appreciated how they handled my bratty-ness when I was a kid....and let me tell you after the first two spankin's I listened up when they told me stop or no!

I had a lady today in a store tell me that NOT spanking my child who was acting up is child abuse!! What do you think? Is it child abuse to NOT spank your child?

discuss... please say why or why not...

I know this will turn into a debate of some kind, so that's why I put it here. I know some people feel strongly one way or the other.

I have taken classes on child abuse because I use to work for the county with social services and it is not physical child abuse unless you leave a mark. So spanking is ok ...