I recently brought up the subject of keeping my own name after we got married to DF. He was pretty much livid just at the thought of it. I just really love my last name. It's not common but it's rarely said wrong. His last name on the other hand is a lot more common in certain parts of the country. I just googled what my soon to be name pops up and there are multiple people with that name. Mine on the other hand just pops up me.



I was just wondering what everyone's thoughts were on the matter?

umm.. i dont know my husband was happy to give me his last name.. and i was proud and still am proud to rock his last name. i guess it all depends on you and your DF.. cuz my husband is all about making his last name survive

my last name is uncommon.. no one even heard of my last name it seems. :)
but my df is VERY common but im goin to take his last name just because i know he'd be a lil upset if i didnt, and i kinda like the way my name sounds with his last name :D

I changed mine. But that is just me.

Does it really matter if there is someone else with "your" name? I know for my sister, there are 3 others in this country. She has never had an issue with it.

I didn't take my DH's last name until he joined the military, and that was only to make things easier with the paperwork and stuff. I kept my last name too though--and why shouldn't I? It's just as important as his, and it represents MY family history and legacy which, no matter how much I love DH, his lineage is not mine.

My daughter has both of our last names as well, but that's primarily because I wasn't married when I had her. That's a different debate all together, but I wouldn't give a kid of mine the last name of the father if we weren't married. At least not solely.

That is all.

I took my husbands last name. I think it depends on the people. My mom kept her last night..at the time it was because she was in the middle of nursing school and didn't want to have to change all of her financial aid and scholorship stuff and just kept it that way even after she was done. They are cool with it but for me I'm married to him and it just works for us.

My name is stunningly beautiful if I do say so myself and I've always known that I plan on keeping it. THEN I met DB AND ex-DB...both having awesomely unusual last names too.

My conclusion will be hyphenate if I stay with DB...though it'll be hella long! :lol

I just love and adore my name too much and I've had it too long to become someone else :dunno It wouldn't fit!!

If you really want to keep yours, you might consider hyphenating to keep the peace. For me, it wasn't a question whether I would take his or not, but it has turned out to be incredibly convenient to have the same last name, in business and personal matters.

I'm still in the process of changing mine over, but it will be done oneday. I do call myself by DH's last name. I also think it's also easier when you have kids. :shrug

Mine is hyphenated for a few reasons.
1) It is part of my identity that I will never give up
2) I hate DH's last name
3)I am still in school and all my paperwork has my maiden name on it.

I changed my last name. I am a traditionalist though.

I took my husbands last name because I HATED my maiden name and I absolutely looooove his last name (I tell him all the time that's the only reason I married him... :rofl), but if it had been reversed I would have TOTALLY kept my last name if I didn't like his. It's MY name, why can't I have one I like? If he gets mad about it, that's because of his ego, and he needs to get over himself, IMO.

i think it just depends. I think i would rather blend in ( especially online) then be singled out and found more easily. Neither of our last names are considered common, well in the Hispanic culture my maiden name is actually more common. DH's not so much. I was just happy that it meshed with my first name. :giggle

I say talk it out, that is the only way to solve it.

I was going to hyphenate my last name but that's because my grandparents had 2 boys, then they each had 2 girls. So I feel like I'm honoring my dad by keeping his last name in mine. I think when I sign it, I will not sign the full hyphenated name, but I will legally keep it as that. :) Maybe he feels like that is part of starting a family together... sharing the family name. :dunno

My last name is REALLY common. Mixed mail and all sorts of stuff. (Here in VA we lived next door to people with our last name.) His is common but as a first name. Plus I just...it wouldn't feel right to me not to take it.

I'm very traditional. It's not that I hated my last name, but I was so excited to be Mrs. DH ya know? To me it just made being married all the more real. I don't know if that makes sense. But I think you should do whatever you want to do! It's your name, you decide!

I took my husbands last name because I HATED my maiden name and I absolutely looooove his last name (I tell him all the time that's the only reason I married him... :rofl), but if it had been reversed I would have TOTALLY kept my last name if I didn't like his. It's MY name, why can't I have one I like? If he gets mad about it, that's because of his ego, and he needs to get over himself, IMO.

Me too. My maiden name was long and difficult to pronounce. However, several of my sisters kept our maiden name as their middle name and took their husband's last name.

I know a lot of professional women who kept their last name (health care providers, lawyers, teachers, etc) because of the licensing issues, and I completely understand about the financial aid aspect.

I also know a few men who took their wives' last names, because of convenience of having one last name in the household, and her name was easier to pronounce. :)

My husband's last name sucks, and he can be related to any and everybody we pass on the streets. No originality at all.

MY last name, OTOH, is unusual and quirky and French.

I'm uppity y'all.

Me too. My maiden name was long and difficult to pronounce. However, several of my sisters kept our maiden name as their middle name and took their husband's last name.

I know a lot of professional women who kept their last name (health care providers, lawyers, teachers, etc) because of the licensing issues, and I completely understand about the financial aid aspect.

I also know a few men who took their wives' last names, because of convenience of having one last name in the household, and her name was easier to pronounce. :)

I know there was a lady in California who's husband took her name because she was an only child.

I know there was a lady in California who's husband took her name because she was an only child.

My dad was going to take my mom's name because of that.

I changed mine. But that is just me.

Does it really matter if there is someone else with "your" name? I know for my sister, there are 3 others in this country. She has never had an issue with it.

I know it doesn't actual matter. However, growing up with a common first name is something I've always hated. I've always taken pride in the fact nobody else has my name. Even in my family...my mother is the only person with my last name.

You could always hyphenate, I took DH's last name and I love it. MrsDarlin (that hows its said) has quite a nice rign to it. lol. I always planned on taking the last name of however I married, I felt that not taking it was kinda of like saying I want you to BE MY famliy, but I dont want to be IN YOUR family sort of thing. Thats just me. I had a friend whose parents did not give her a middle name so that her last name could just become her middle name whenever she finally got married. when she was 17 she gave herself her own middle name though. lol.

My last name will end with me and my sister but my DF has brothers and other males in his family to pass on their name. Furthermore his family name is associated with assholes (his father, his grandfather, etc.).
I'd love him to take my name because I'm not at all a traditionalist. I mean why is it that women are so easily able to change their name for their man? Not that its bad!! To each their own of course! But I just wonder why its so unheard of for a man to make a change like that for his lady!

You could always hyphenate, I took DH's last name and I love it. MrsDarlin (that hows its said) has quite a nice rign to it. lol. I always planned on taking the last name of however I married, I felt that not taking it was kinda of like saying I want you to BE MY famliy, but I dont want to be IN YOUR family sort of thing. Thats just me. I had a friend whose parents did not give her a middle name so that her last name could just become her middle name whenever she finally got married. when she was 17 she gave herself her own middle name though. lol.

It would make sense to hyphenate....but DF doesn't like the idea of that either. His family is very tradional but at the same time I don't understand why he thinks all of his stuff should always win out because he's "old school" about everything.

I plan on taking his last name! It's tradition to take the man's name once married. (Although I DO looooove my last name--afterall it is the name I've grown up with, which is why I can understand your issue from seperating from it.) :lol

But I do have to agree that it will definitely make paperwork easier and make for less confusion for children.

I took DH's last name, but I changed my middle name to my maiden name. I love my maiden name and wasn't ever crazy about my middle name.

I'll never forget the first time someone call ed out house and asked for Mrs. Z*********.

I said "My mother in law doesn't live here." And I hung up.

Took me 2 weeks to realize they were looking for me.

I'll never forget the first time someone call ed out house and asked for Mrs. Z*********.

I said "My mother in law doesn't live here." And I hung up.

Took me 2 weeks to realize they were looking for me.

That's hilarious!!!!!

It would make sense to hyphenate....but DF doesn't like the idea of that either. His family is very tradional but at the same time I don't understand why he thinks all of his stuff should always win out because he's "old school" about everything.

ME TOO!!!! Isn't it annoying? Some days I want to hit him. Repeatedly.

Andrew would have taken my name if he weren't in the Army.

ME TOO!!!! Isn't it annoying? Some days I want to hit him. Repeatedly.

Well Mike annoys me on levels I'll never understand. Btw are you busy Monday morning? Because I need a HUGE favor.

sure.

My maiden name is really common in the Hispanic community,
lol like Smith
Just in my family we have 4 other Blanca's with the same last name.
My married last name is really unique and I'm the only person with that name.
Either way if his last name wasn't anything special I'd still take it just because it would be for him :lovestruck

I saw whatever floats your boat. If a woman wants to keep her last name, it should be her choice alone. Men need to stop living in the dark ages and getting upset over this stuff. Their balls are not gonna fall off if their new wife doesn't take his last name.

I just talked to him about it again. He now is saying it's different now because he's an officer. WTF? How does that make it different? I swear he's new favorite thing is to use that as an excuse.

well for starters my maiden name was "williams". i was always last in line all throughout school. when i graduated high school 4 years ago i had to wait for 480 other people to go. when dh and i got married, i had no problem taking his name. it's only slightly less common and i'm very traditional. i like having it, it makes me feel special that he wanted me to be a part of his family.

I say to each their own...

For me personally, I would want us to have the same last name, otherwise it wouldn't feel as much like a cohesive family unit to me. I'm rather traditional so I have no problem with changing my last name. It doesn't mean I love or value my family any less. Just that I'm willing to part with the name in order to start my own family.

I've tossed around the idea of switching my maiden name to my middle name. Though, I like my middle name so I might keep it and have 2 middle names. Haha... I would end up with the most ridiculously long name, oh my goodness.

I would have no problem with a future hubby changing his last name to mine instead... though since I'm kind of an old school girl, I imagine future hubby (whoever that is) will be old school as well and prefer me to change. And eh... fine by me.

I actually had a friend in college, that took his WIFE's name! He was the coolest guy, and he really felt strongly about women equality, and between him and his wife they agreed to use her last name as the main family name :D

I went back and forth because it was the last blood name of the family. But it was important to my DH and our future children to keep the same last name. There can be confusion to a relationship (sometimes) if the last names are different.

I took his and I'm glad I did. Makes us more oneish.

Part of my excitement of marrying DB, should we ever get married, is taking his name. But I don't think it should be an issue if you don't want his.

Well i love my last name and i have decided to just hyphenate it. My last name is samudio and his last name is Lee ... i am kinda tired of the "kathy lee gifford jokes" and everyone already thinks i am asian so the last name Lee doesn't help :lol I am so proud of my family's accomplishments and i love being associated with my last name.. not to mention there are only 3 boys left to carry on our name, so i want to carry it on AND there is a SAMUDIO CASTLE IN SPAIN!!!!!!!!! nice right? so i have decided to be samudio-lee our kids will also be samudio-lee.. i understand that long last name can be a pain in the ass for kids, so i will only put samudio-lee on official documents and have them put Lee on their homework papers and stuff...

oh ya, and being called mrs. lee makes me cringe!!!!! When i think of mrs lee i think of MIL and thats gross

There is a song my ex loves and it's talking about how he doesn't have much to give.. just his last name, and he hopes the girl will take it. He was really excited to give me his last name. Now that were divorced I've been considering changing my name back.. my name was Bean.. how cool right? Yes, Mr. Bean is my father, lol :D The only thing keeping me from changing my name is my son has my exhusbands last name too. Bean dies with my dad though and my ex wants me to change my son's name anyways so..... I might, so Bean can live on. HOWEVER if I get married to DB I'm def taking his last name. 1- it's his and I love that kid. 2- his mom & dad weren't married when he was born so he has his mom's last name and she died when he was 18. He will NEVER consider giving that up, and I wouldn't ask him too.

i really reaalllly wanted to keep my last name, because its an awesome name lol. but i am pretty traditional so i took DH'sname and replaced my middle name with my last name...which still bothers me b/c i loved my middle anme too....i have a VERY italian first middle and maiden last name, so it wasnt that common here.

I want to keep my last name. I havent brought it up to DF yet but I am strongly thinking about it. There are only a few of us with my last name and we only have 2 boys left to carry it on. If I have a son I really want my last name to be his first name. Dont worry its not weird. My cousin gave it to her son as a middle name.

I plan on taking the mans last name on, but i do plan on legally changing my middle name to my maiden name becasue yes we do have a boy in our family but my last name is a part of my ancestry.

I didn't take my DH's last name until he joined the military, and that was only to make things easier with the paperwork and stuff. I kept my last name too though--and why shouldn't I? It's just as important as his, and it represents MY family history and legacy which, no matter how much I love DH, his lineage is not mine.

My daughter has both of our last names as well, but that's primarily because I wasn't married when I had her. That's a different debate all together, but I wouldn't give a kid of mine the last name of the father if we weren't married. At least not solely.

That is all.

I still haven't legally hyphenated my last name, but plan on getting to it eventually. When at military functions, they still call me Mrs. _____ (insert husband's last name.) I don't really mind it so much. But, I am keeping my last name, whether it be hyphened to my husband's, or on it's own as it is now. I completely agree that my last name, is just as important as my husband's. (So does he, as a matter of fact. :) )

We don't plan on having children, but if we did, they would have both of our last names. :)

Interesting that it would tick HIM off - it's YOUR name, not his, that is in question.
I would be very interested in his thought process and as to why it's an issue for men at all.

I found that going name to name was annoying but I happen to like my husband's last night more than my maiden name - thus I was happy to take it.
Mine is run of the mill and very boring.

Now - if my husband's was a boring name I'd probably hyphenate them, as well.

I took my maiden as my middle name, and use dh's as my surname.

I will ALWAYS consider my maiden name to be my last name though, and dh's to be my married name. I'm am very proud of the family I come from, but also very proud to married to my husband. I plan on giving one of my future children my last name as either a first or a middle name.

I didn't take my DH's last name until he joined the military, and that was only to make things easier with the paperwork and stuff. I kept my last name too though--and why shouldn't I? It's just as important as his, and it represents MY family history and legacy which, no matter how much I love DH, his lineage is not mine.

My daughter has both of our last names as well, but that's primarily because I wasn't married when I had her. That's a different debate all together, but I wouldn't give a kid of mine the last name of the father if we weren't married. At least not solely.

That is all.

Yes, that is exactly how I feel. You said it way better than I did!

The day I get rid of my crap-shoot of a last name is the day my hand stops cramping when I sign checks.

If I marry Tim my last name will go from 13 letters to 4. YES.

The day I get rid of my crap-shoot of a last name is the day my hand stops cramping when I sign checks.

If I marry Tim my last name will go from 13 letters to 4. YES.

I suppose you always want what you don't have. My entire time is only fifteen letters long. All three names have an E and R...talk about lacking varation (although the only part of my name I do like is my last) I always wanted a longer name. Hence making my nickname longer than my real name haha. The only plus side to taking Mike's name is that his last name ends in Y and I love signing Y's. Don't ask me why...I just do hehe.

I suppose you always want what you don't have. My entire time is only fifteen letters long. All three names have an E and R...talk about lacking varation (although the only part of my name I do like is my last) I always wanted a longer name. Hence making my nickname longer than my real name haha. The only plus side to taking Mike's name is that his last name ends in Y and I love signing Y's. Don't ask me why...I just do hehe.

My initials are LLL. Talk about lacking variation. My parents never gave me a chance. I got a tattoo on my foot of an L so when I change my name my family won't be sad. haha

wow, i can't believe he'd be livid. it's your name. in my opinion, you should be able to do what you like with it. i changed mine from a "common" name to an uncommon name. i personally did not have a great attachment to my last name and i thought it would be fun to change my name. but by all means, if you like your name you shouldnt feel pressured to change it. it's kind of a silly tradition anyway.

LOL @ initials.

Mine have always spelled something. I use to be JAM and now I'm JAB. :rofl
My son's is TOE

Well my passport, greencard, everything that has to do with me travelling and being in the US is in my maiden name. Everything about me being a military spouse is in my married name.

So I guess I have 2 aliases but I really want to keep my maiden name, because it's a huge part of who I am, so I have it hyphenated when I do signatures.

wow, i can't believe he'd be livid. it's your name. in my opinion, you should be able to do what you like with it. i changed mine from a "common" name to an uncommon name. i personally did not gave a great attachment to my last name and i thought it would be fun to change my name. but by all means, if you like your name you shouldnt feel pressured to change it. it's kind of a silly tradition anyway.

I love my DF...don't get me wrong...but let's just say he likes things his way a great majority of the time. I'm sure the main problem with the whole situation for him is that he never even considered that I would want to keep my own name. I gladly decided to change my religion for him so I am sure he was mostly just shocked I was serious about wanting to keep my own name.

I will gladly take his last name. I don't really have a problem with my own last name, but I think my name sounds better with his. My dad on the other hand, has talked to me about keeping my last name since my sister and I are the end of the line for the name.

He needs to understand that you have a choice.

It is a PRIVILEGE for him to have you take his name. It isn't guaranteed nor is it something that he should take for granted. You have the right to keep your name if you want.

I'd tell him that there are things in life worth arguing about. If he wants to pick this battle then so be it but frankly, it's a minor detail in a marriage.

i proudly changed my name after i got married

i wanted to keep my last name, but dh would've had a FIT. i brought it up ONCE in a casual conversation and he friggin about flipped his lid. i was pissed for a minute, but at the time i had bigger things to worry about so i just gave in on the issue. now i'm wishing i hadn't, or had at least changed my middle name to my maiden name. i wonder if i can still do that....hm.

at any rate, it's YOUR name, so it's YOUR decision, so make sure you decide what YOU want, not just what HE wants, because trust me, you might regret it later if you just give in.:sigh not to rant at you :lol sorry i'm just in the middle of being frustrated with my entire identity being wrapped up in dh's name/social. frustrates me to no end.

Yeah - I feel that way. That I no longer am my own self. But I didn't use to feel that way. Before I felt like an individual - with my own job, money, vehicle, life.
If we were to marry and I *knew* that I would be a Sahm I, actually, wouldn't take his name. I wouldn't want to feel "owned" completely.

But that's a different subject altogether :lol

Yeah I think it all depends on both you and your guy....I feel like compromising is the only option if he really feels strongly about it. I considered keeping mine, but DB really felt strong about it and it doesn't really matter too much to me, so I think I just might take on db's last name (even though w/my middle name it has too many L's) but I know it will make him really happy. Plus my brother is here to keep the name going!

I changed mine a month after we got married. I went from being a Jones to having a 13 letter mispronounced last name. I love him and am proud of my new last name b/c its his.

He needs to understand that you have a choice.

It is a PRIVILEGE for him to have you take his name. It isn't guaranteed nor is it something that he should take for granted. You have the right to keep your name if you want.

I'd tell him that there are things in life worth arguing about. If he wants to pick this battle then so be it but frankly, it's a minor detail in a marriage.


Yeah I think we will have to sit down and talk about it. Us talking about things online/over the phone never work out quite the way I'd hope they would hehe.

I'm just glad some people have agreed with me. Although I never really thought about a lot of the positives that people have expressed with taking his name.

Man, this is a real source of controversy with the DB. My last name is very, very common and rather boring, but it fits. He has a really unusual last name, that doesn't sound super awesome with my first name (like some of you ladies have mentioned) but several people commented in the first few months after we met, "Are you going to take that for a last name when you guys get married?!!" which was a little disconcerting, I have to admit :wink

I am still undecided, but think I will probably take his name. That is, unless I get published first. Then I will probably keep my last name as a second middle name legally, use my old name for pubs, and his last name for everything else. Man, that seems like a lot of work now that I wrote it all down :lol

I happen to really like my last name, and the history behind it, its place in the alphabet and all that, plus it's not common as a last name... :lol

So, when I get married, I will probably either keep it professionally, hyphenate and then give the kids both, OR if my future DH is open to it, ask him to take mine (or a variation of mine because there are several ways it can be written, as it used to be patronymic.)

i personally feel that its disrespectful not to take ur hubs name when u get married..but thats how I feel and how I was raised.

I think it is all personal preference. I changed my last name to my DH's because I know that was something I really wanted to do. But my mom for example has a hyphenated last name...you might want to try that :)

I was going to keep my last name and not change it to my boyfriends. I love my last name and don't like his. Well, after talking I figured that you know it's more important to keep his name going than my last name. My father didn't have any sons so you know his last name ends with him but my nephew has his last name so in a way it's there but not at the same time...? I had a long discussion with my parents and I am going to take my boyfriends last name when we get married. I am also going to have the kids change their names when we are married to his. But since he is deploying and we aren't married I am going to have them have mine as of now. :) I didn't want to get married until we were ready and I think this deployment will be a test to see if we can make it :) But I have high hopes!! lol! So good luck with your decision. Mine was hard for me because I was so stubborn with keeping my last name I almost didn't agree to change it but then I saw that it wasn't fair to him. He is the only boy and so he wants his name to continue and I would feel the same way.

i personally feel that its disrespectful not to take ur hubs name when u get married..but thats how I feel and how I was raised.

Interesting, why so?
(for the sake of arguement)
Isn't a woman's last name and self-identity just as important as her husband's?

I think it is - it might not have been for centuries but we're people, now! Uncle Sam says so. (Pardon his flip-flopping around)
And we have been since 1920. :lol

I feel like it all depends on how strongly you feel about your last name? Though my DB last name is SOOOO common, and mine is pretty awesome and unique, I am proud to take his name - I've always thought about carrying out my last name by using it as my first child's middle name ... just because my father is so important to me and deserves to keep our name going as well ... its like keeping tradition, with a twist!

Interesting, why so?
(for the sake of arguement)
Isn't a woman's last name and self-identity just as important as her husband's?

I think it is - it might not have been for centuries but we're people, now! Uncle Sam says so. (Pardon his flip-flopping around)
And we have been since 1920. :lol
:agree

DH's last name is associated with troublemakers, rednecks, and barfights in our little town.. I couldn't wait to claim that one..

It's especially great when meeting new people. When they hear my name, "Oh, are you related to so-and-so?:giggle"
":sigh :blush :depressed yes. :mumble "

I'm still using my last name for my Army stuff, but all my dependent stuff is under my husband's name. Someone else I knew took his wife last name because his was something long and Polish and unpronounceable and her's was something like Kramer... XD

I personally think the last name thing is a male thing: because women are becoming more independent, the last name change thing is the last thing men can say they can keep. J would have taken my last name had I asked, but he and I both preferred his name-- my last name is one of someone famous and I'm constantly having to tell people that I'm NOT related to this person.

If he gets so easily upset by you asking "Hey, I like my last name, can I keep it?", then you guys need to sit and talk.

I think it's up to you.
I LOVE DB's last name lol.
Mine is Cook so it's like ewww I hate it lol.

His last name is probalby the awesomest last name I've ever heard so I would trade mine for his in a heartbeat lol.
(If you haven't guesses his already, its in my account name lol)

have you considered hyphenating? (forgive me if thats spelled wrong) i htink doing that might just please both of you though cuz you would still have yours plus his you know?

have you considered hyphenating? (forgive me if thats spelled wrong) i htink doing that might just please both of you though cuz you would still have yours plus his you know?

Oh I threw that one out there and that was a no go as well. I think he just needs to get over the "shock". He threw out his normal I guess that's what I get for marrying a hippie liberal freak hehe :)

I personally am now leaning toward making my last name my middle since I don't really care for my middle name that much. However, if/when we have kids I am sure this whole thing will come up all over again.

i personally feel that its disrespectful not to take ur hubs name when u get married..but thats how I feel and how I was raised.

Please.:handup

I hyphenated. If someone calls me Mrs. (hubby's name) it doesn't bother me. I'm an only and I'm the last one with my last name. Rhi just has DH last name, but when she's older and understands, she can have it legally hyphenated too if she chooses to. DH didn't mind, but his family threw a major fit:rolleyes

I can't wait to take on nick's name...I'm not a huge fan of my last name...it's representative of my father who's an @sshole...

I kept my last name the first 2 years we were married. Dh didn't care either way except when I was pregnant and having to see multiple doctors due to being high risk they would always called him Mr. Rush instead of his last name, LOL, because that was my maiden name and they just assumed it was our married name. He thought it was funny most of the time. Anyway I was active duty Navy when I got married and thought it was a PITA to have all my records changed so I kept it. When I got out of the Navy I went ahead and changed it but I almost didn't. If I kept my name my dh wouldn't care still. He's cool like that!(L) However, I did make my maiden name my middle name.
So I think if a woman wants to keep her last name then she has that right!

I wasn't upset about losing my maiden name. My parents divorced a 9 years ago, and I no longer have a relationship with my father. They both have remarried, and my last name means nothing to me anymore. I considered losing my middle name and moving my maiden name to my middle, but that just sounded stupid. I have a son from a previous and that was the only reason I considered keeping my maiden name because he carries that as his last name. When John and I got married, we discussed adoption of my son, and that he would take my husband's last name. Therefore, I decided to lose my maiden name completely. It's a complete personal choice.

I never thought twice about taking my husband's last name. I never got hung up on the keeping the maiden name for professional reasons or personal reasons. I think it raises more questions and I dont feel that accepting your husband's name in marriage has ANYTHING at all to do with feminist pride or personal identity. Whether my name sounded good with his last name or if there were other people in the world with my name was sooo not a consideration.

I never thought twice about taking my husband's last name. I never got hung up on the keeping the maiden name for professional reasons or personal reasons. I think it raises more questions and I dont feel that accepting your husband's name in marriage has ANYTHING at all to do with feminist pride or personal identity. Whether my name sounded good with his last name or if there were other people in the world with my name was sooo not a consideration.

What does it raise more questions about?

I took Dh's last name. Not only was I proud to take it, I hate my maiden name

the only reason i havnt changed mine is casue i have to take some test and my id when i take them has to have my maiden name on it..... stupid teachers

I will probably change my last name (maybe replacing my middle name with my maiden), but keep my maiden name at work. DB's mom kept her maiden name, so I doubt he'll take issue with whatever I decide. I really like my last name, it is very Dutch and I dig it, especially now that I don't live where I grew up: in Dutchland USA--everyone was Dutch. But regardless, it is YOUR name and you should do what you want with it!

we're getting married next year and are keeping our names. for me it is symbolic of keeping our own identities.

DF thought it was strange when i first told him i'd be keeping my name, i guess because he just assumed i'd change my name because of tradition. but now he thinks it's a great idea! one thing we were talking about was both changing our names when we have our first child, as a symbol of us becoming a family.

anyways, ladies, i say just do what is right for you. it's YOUR name after all. you should be able to decide what you want it to be. it is after all, JUST a sequence of letters; it doesn't say anything about what kind of marriage you have (which is what should really matter!)

we're getting married next year and are keeping our names. for me it is symbolic of keeping our own identities.

DF thought it was strange when i first told him i'd be keeping my name, i guess because he just assumed i'd change my name because of tradition. but now he thinks it's a great idea! one thing we were talking about was both changing our names when we have our first child, as a symbol of us becoming a family.

anyways, ladies, i say just do what is right for you. it's YOUR name after all. you should be able to decide what you want it to be. it is after all, JUST a sequence of letters; it doesn't say anything about what kind of marriage you have (which is what should really matter!)

:clap

i have a very unusual last name and would never change it. Also because of my career i would be known by my last name, and it is important to me to keep it. my sister recently got married, and her husband was actually considering changing his last name to ours. in the end he kept his because he is native american and realized it was important to him, she hyphenated. i asked my so what he thought and he didn't care because his dad was a deadbeat wife beater to begin with so he really has no connection to the name and in fact wished his mother would have changed it to her maiden. his mother changed hers, but not the kids.

DF and I had this conversation. I know he wouldn't feel right if I didn't take his last name. He's very traditional and that's just another thing that comes along with marriage in his mind. I love my last name, but I'm definitely going to take his. It just is right for us, but I think it depends on the couple.

i think it really depends on you and your DH
if he has such an issue with you keeping it...
i say compromise and hyphenate it.
personally..i want to take DB soon to be DFs last nast name when we get married [we arent officially engaged but plan on getting married after we save up some money]
but..HE wants to take MY last name. cause mine is VERY unsual. and uncommon. and everyone pretty much thinks its the coolest thing ever..i find it annoying..its long, and theres a space in it..so that always gives us trouble

When the priest says "I now pronounce you Mr. and Mrs. X" Shouldn't he be able to say 2 last names at once?? I think it's funny..sorry...I'm traditional...But do whatever makes you happy :D

I took my husbands last name. I used to be a "Jones" veryyyy common. Now, I am a Stapleton. Hehe

DH and I are both changing our names to his step dads (while the whole adoption thing is pending)

Legally I've kept my maiden name but an all other documents it says my maiden-(dash)married name. I go by my married name for the most part. It's been this way for over 13 yrs and I'm not changing it anytime soon.

Our children have his last name though.

In my kids classes at school, there are several hyphenated names and 2 last name kids. It's no big deal now.

My sister uses my dad's last name as another middle name but I gladly took DH's.
I hated having a last named that rhymed with "Dick" No Joke!
I'm proud to carry hubby's last name, even though I get it pronounced wrong allll the time.

this is funny becuase my best friend had a hard time with this. Her last name was Virgili- a very Italian name. Whever she would introduce herself, people would say, oh you must be Italian. Well she took her husbands last name anyway.







Her new last name is:....................................Wood. :giggle

Her hubby said "well I can take your last name. I would like to be a Virgili :("

Anyway, I would take DB's last name, but I guess it would depend in part on what it is.


:lol

Yup she went from Megan Virgili to Megan Wood

.... I kept my last name too though--and why shouldn't I? It's just as important as his, and it represents MY family history and legacy which, no matter how much I love DH, his lineage is not mine....


She kept her last name because she had an established career with it. I kept my last name because i didn't want to change it to hers. I don't like hyphenated names.
I see no reason why a person must change his or her last name.

When the priest says "I now pronounce you Mr. and Mrs. X" Shouldn't he be able to say 2 last names at once?? I think it's funny..sorry...I'm traditional...But do whatever makes you happy :D

Well that never actually has to be said during the wedding anyway. When we have our blessing we are already going to be married soooo I guess if I decide to keep my own name he wouldn't need to say that at all.

I took my husbands name. My maiden name is Lyke, not common at all. But I'm now a Jones. very very common. I took his last name b/c I am proud to be his wife. I don't need to have my last name too. To each their own. If it's important to you then do what you want. Not all of us feel it's as important.

I took my husbands name. My maiden name is Lyke, not common at all. But I'm now a Jones. very very common. I took his last name b/c I am proud to be his wife. I don't need to have my last name too. To each their own. If it's important to you then do what you want. Not all of us feel it's as important.

Okay I'm not attacking you it's just people keep writing this I'm proud to be his wife thing. Ummm I'm very proud to be getting married to my DF....I don't see how me not wanting to take his last name makes me any less proud to be his wife.

I changed mine, my name didn't sound cool like john's does, lol.

Okay I'm not attacking you it's just people keep writing this I'm proud to be his wife thing. Ummm I'm very proud to be getting married to my DF....I don't see how me not wanting to take his last name makes me any less proud to be his wife.

I agree. Besides, if it is a matter of pride, then why doesn't the man have to prove how proud he is to be your husband by taking your last name? :lol

I took DH's last name. For me it is my third last name. I HATED and LOATHED my adopted last name but loved my biological last name. However, it would have been really hard for me to change my middle name to my biological last name versus my adopted last name. (Does that make sense?) So though my husband's last name is not only more common but also has more sexually connotation I took his last name. Not to mention, I was super excited about becoming Mrs. Robert S-----.

I think you need to talk to your bf/df about it. Maybe he has a real reason why he wants you to take his name. Maybe the two of you could reach a compromise.

I have also heard of people taking the two names and making a whole new last name out of it. So to each their own, but good luck.

I took DH's last name 1. because of tradition and 2. so that people knew that I was his wife. I am proud to carry his last name at the end of my name and replace mine. I had a very uncommon last name but I wanted to carry his.

And to say that taking his last name shows pride for a wife isn't wrong. I am VERY proud to carry his last name.

Okay I'm not attacking you it's just people keep writing this I'm proud to be his wife thing. Ummm I'm very proud to be getting married to my DF....I don't see how me not wanting to take his last name makes me any less proud to be his wife.

i agree with you here!!

I kept mine!

DH always said it would really bother him, but it hasn't. Having his last name doesn't weaken the level of commitment to each other.

i vowed id always keep my name as i felt it was important part of my identity...........then i met Ryan and fell in love and now i definitly want to take his name!

I might keep my old name if im established professionally for work, but just for work.

I took DH's last name 1. because of tradition and 2. so that people knew that I was his wife. I am proud to carry his last name at the end of my name and replace mine. I had a very uncommon last name but I wanted to carry his.

And to say that taking his last name shows pride for a wife isn't wrong. I am VERY proud to carry his last name.

I think it was more so the implication that you are somehow less proud to be someone's wife because you don't take their name that I was referring to.... I'm happy for you that you made that choice. However, if I don't take his name or if I do some sort of hyphenation. People will still know I'm his wife and I won't be any less proud to be his wife.

Okay I'm not attacking you it's just people keep writing this I'm proud to be his wife thing. Ummm I'm very proud to be getting married to my DF....I don't see how me not wanting to take his last name makes me any less proud to be his wife.

Taking on my husband’s last name was an outward sign of our union.

Also having the same last name formed a famiy unity that is important when having children.

So...

Taking his last name shows unity and a choice I made. My opinion being that I would have taken his last name, or he should have taken mine, or we should have come up with our own version or conglomoration. This provides commitment and sameness and discourages the individuality we have running amock causing massive selfishness. It is also better for kids’ identity.

As for the names thing at the wedding, we had them say "I now present the newly married couple, Faith and Colin." No last names.

Okay I'm not attacking you it's just people keep writing this I'm proud to be his wife thing. Ummm I'm very proud to be getting married to my DF....I don't see how me not wanting to take his last name makes me any less proud to be his wife.

It doesn't.

As for the names thing at the wedding, we had them say "I now present the newly married couple, Faith and Colin." No last names.

Yeah that's probably what I would go with too.

I always planned (and still do) on keeping my last name. DB doesn't care... but we are in a debate over what last name the kids get. :dunno Have you explained to him why it's so important to you? Or found out why it's so important to him?

This provides commitment and sameness and discourages the individuality we have running amock causing massive selfishness.

Wow. I just have to say, I would NEVER marry someone that expected me to give up my individuality in ANY way. Never.

I always planned (and still do) on keeping my last name. DB doesn't care... but we are in a debate over what last name the kids get. :dunno Have you explained to him why it's so important to you? Or found out why it's so important to him?

I've explained to him that I'm the last of my line. That I love my last name and I'd like to carry it on as long as possible. That I'd be willing to possibly hypenate or change my middle name. He thinks things should be traditional. He also wants to wait until we are in person to discuss it further (he does this whenever he wants to get out of talking about something.)

dh and I both picked a different name together. Keep it if you want it. Tell soon to be dh that if he loves his name so much then he should understand why you would love your name so much.

I guess I'm just old fashioned, because even when I was younger, I looked forward to marrying one day and taking the last name of the man I loved. That's just how I feel though. When we had our DS, we were not married, but I still gave him his father's (my now DH) last name. I would have done so even if we weren't getting married, but that is a whole other topic, I suppose.

without question or thought, i took his...i wanted it...i love it because i love his and we are one family now :dunno

:goodluck

Wow. I just have to say, I would NEVER marry someone that expected me to give up my individuality in ANY way. Never.

:) I am amazed everyday at how I can say one thing and someone can take it in a completely different context. Ok, so I'm not so amazed anymore, more amused, but still.

I've explained to him that I'm the last of my line. That I love my last name and I'd like to carry it on as long as possible. That I'd be willing to possibly hypenate or change my middle name. He thinks things should be traditional. He also wants to wait until we are in person to discuss it further (he does this whenever he wants to get out of talking about something.)

See that's my thought too. I love my last name. It doesn't make any sense for me to have his last name (it would just sound awkward all around). And I'm the last of my line. I have no intentions of giving that up.

I think that waiting until you're in person isn't a bad idea. Maybe you can find something else traditional to compromise on? So that he still feels it's a traditional wedding, even if the names differ? Guys seem to forget that they're not the only ones who can be the last of a line or need to carry on a name. When you guys are in person, I'd gently explain that this is not an issue you're willing to compromise on, but that you'd try to take his name in with your middle name, so that you still carry his name as well. That's kinda traditional. Hopefully he will understand. I mean, it's just a name. It can be changed later if it becomes a huge issue.

See that's my thought too. I love my last name. It doesn't make any sense for me to have his last name (it would just sound awkward all around). And I'm the last of my line. I have no intentions of giving that up.

I think that waiting until you're in person isn't a bad idea. Maybe you can find something else traditional to compromise on? So that he still feels it's a traditional wedding, even if the names differ? Guys seem to forget that they're not the only ones who can be the last of a line or need to carry on a name. When you guys are in person, I'd gently explain that this is not an issue you're willing to compromise on, but that you'd try to take his name in with your middle name, so that you still carry his name as well. That's kinda traditional. Hopefully he will understand. I mean, it's just a name. It can be changed later if it becomes a huge issue.



Yeah. I think I am going to kind of throw in the...I'm taking your religion thing to bring some compromise to the table hehe. I mean if he comes up with some really good reasons he feels so strongly about me changing my name then I might. If it's THAT important to him but I really don't think it is...I think it's just the way he thinks it should be and that to me isn't enough.

Thanks btw :)

:) I am amazed everyday at how I can say one thing and someone can take it in a completely different context. Ok, so I'm not so amazed anymore, more amused, but still.

Then can you explain to me what you meant by what you said, because apparently I didn't get it. I don't personally think that individuality is what causes massive selfishness. I really would like to know what you actually meant. Not being snarky, I am genuinely curious. :)

i wanna keep my last name bc its cool ... Power ... but that wont happen! i will end up taking his

Then can you explain to me what you meant by what you said, because apparently I didn't get it. I don't personally think that individuality is what causes massive selfishness. I really would like to know what you actually meant. Not being snarky, I am genuinely curious. :)


Individuality can cause massive selfishness. Looking out for #1, no?

So your individuality is your moral, or social thought that stresses independence, self-reliance, and your individual liberties. Individuals are free to be selfish if they so desire. And I'm not talking specifically in just a marriage. But it can flow into a marriage by habit. If someone is used to defending their individualism, asserting their wants before others, it makes for a one sided selfish union.

And don't get me wrong, keeping your "identity" when getting married to a certain degree is important. Anyone that knows DH and me, knows we are completely different people from different cultures, but we are "us" now and everything major factor affecting our lives is an "us" decision, which sometimes takes butting heads and compromise. Of course, IMO, and won't apply to everyone because my marriage is mine, and someones else dynamics could be completely different and work perfect for them. :)

Individuality can cause massive selfishness. Looking out for #1, no?

So your individuality is your moral, or social thought that stresses independence, self-reliance, and your individual liberties. Individuals are free to be selfish if they so desire. And I'm not talking specifically in just a marriage. But it can flow into a marriage by habit. If someone is used to defending their individualism, asserting their wants before others, it makes for a one sided selfish union.

And don't get me wrong, keeping your "identity" when getting married to a certain degree is important. Anyone that knows DH and me, knows we are completely different people from different cultures, but we are "us" now and everything major factor affecting our lives is an "us" decision, which sometimes takes butting heads and compromise. Of course, IMO, and won't apply to everyone because my marriage is mine, and someones else dynamics could be completely different and work perfect for them. :)

Okay, that makes more sense to me. I don't necessarily agree with your assessment, but I see where you are coming from. :tu It seems like just a case of semantics, really. :lol

Okay, that makes more sense to me. I don't necessarily agree with your assessment, but I see where you are coming from. :tu It seems like just a case of semantics, really. :lol

:giggle Different folks, different strokes.

This might get confusing, but bear with me.:giggle I took my DH's name. There was a long time when I regretted it. Honestly, I prefer my maiden name, at least the way it sounds. However, since my dad passed away and that side of my family has been awful, I'm glad I took it. Now, it is a case of being glad to have the name of the family who is good to me.

I took my husband's last name, not because it is his. I changed my name for our daughter sake. It is bad enough she doesn't look anything like me. Selfish as it may sound I wanted it to be easier for people to know that I am her mother without and explanation.

If women want to take their husbands name great, if not then that is their right too. We all have a choice. People shouldn't be looked down upon because they kept their maiden names.

I just want to say that I love this thread. This is something that I debate about all the time. As a scientist, it's far more common for women to either keep their maiden name or hyphenate their last name. Usually this is because by the time they get married, they are already published under their maiden name and changing your name can be detrimental to your career. I'm in that boat. Although I'm not published now, I will be by the time I get married. I'm not particularly attached to my last name and always thought I would change it eventually. I also have one of those names that you can't really hyphenate. So although I would like to change my name, I don't know that I'm going to be able to career-wise. It bums me out, actually. But my ex was one of those "you'll take my name or else" kind of guys which I find annoying. It's your name, so it's your choice. I wish it was going to be easy for me to have the same last name as my eventual husband.

I tried to convince DB that he could change his last name to mine. I don't think he was real fond of that idea. :giggle

I took my husband's name for a bunch of kind of ridiculous reasons!

1. I have a very odd last name that would make my hyphenated last name absolutely and completely laughable. I mean seriously. It's the Internet and I can't tell you what it would be, but no one would be able to address me professionally with a straight face :rofl

2. I have a very odd last name that would sound unprofessional as a middle name, too.

3. I am not established in a career and thus have no name recognition.

4. DH offered to change his to mine and I didn't want to inflict mine on him, since he'd get called by it every day at work :lol

I thus have no profound and well thought out reason for changing my name :D