Ok, do I really need a seperation agreement? How do I find out where legal is? OR should I even go through legal. I am wondering if I should go talk to his LPO and make him stay away from here or if I should just leave when he gets here.. my only problem with that is I am thinking about how miserable my son is right now with out me and I was thinking maybe I should let him settle down. its also his bday monday.. i know he doesn't know but i planned a party for him. My grandma says she will buy me a ticket. I just want to make sure I have all the bases covered so he can't do anything to me..

When we divorce, will tricare still cover me for the pregnancy?

Yes, go to legal. They can help you and they do it for free. Eventually you will need a lawyer, if he decides to fight you over anything. Where are you from? Most states have laws that dictate how long you must reside *physically LIVE* in the state before you can file divorce papers.

I dont have answers on the tricare question, except that if you are seperated or going through a divorce throughout your pregnancy you will still be covered, I think once the divorce is final you will not be covered.

Go to legal and they will start you off. When I filed for a legal separation, there were also other papers to fill out to do with child custody and visitation agreements that can be downloaded from the internet, or bought in a package at the county clerk office. From what I understand-legal will only do it and do it for free when you and your spouse are in complete agreement to everything. If there is any fight, you will have to have attorney's and court stuff involved. We started through legal, then ended up just getting the packet from the county clerk and filing out what was needed-legal wasn't very helpful to us so we kinda skipped straight through to the source. But they were helpful in giving us an idea of where to start, and they directed up to a city attorney opinion (wasn't considered our attorney, just a helpful person to tell us what papers out of the packet needed to be filled out in our situation.) I don't know if they have anything like that were you live-but it was truly helpful!! I'd say go to legal to start with. Good luck!!

Yes, go to legal. They can help you and they do it for free. Eventually you will need a lawyer, if he decides to fight you over anything. Where are you from? Most states have laws that dictate how long you must reside *physically LIVE* in the state before you can file divorce papers.

I dont have answers on the tricare question, except that if you are seperated or going through a divorce throughout your pregnancy you will still be covered, I think once the divorce is final you will not be covered.

True..in the state of california you have to reside for 6 months to be able to file for divorce. The Tricare thing...believe once the divorce is finalized, you will not be covered anymore. But, a divorce usually takes 6 months to be finalized after completly filing anyway-so that at least covers you for your pregnancy and delivery.

It also depends on wether or not you kept residency in another state,. Although I live in Illinois I kept my California residency.

in the state of Va and i dont know of any other states you cannot file for divorce if you have kids until you have been separated for at least 1 yr. thats in case there is any chance of reconciliation but in your case thats not gonna happen. i dont know about the state you are living in or the state you are originally from. but its probably different and with children being involved that could take longer. so your best bet is to ask legal or consult with a lawyer to find out everything you need to do. oh and if you wanted to you could tell his command and get his ass in trouble. but thats completely up to you. but i would make sure he pays you child support and alimony.

I am from GA.. I should've just not got married and stayed there! Bc we weren't married when I had colin and that made him not have any legal rights :banghead :banghead

Anyway, Kris is going to show me today where legal is. I know he is going to try and fight me for custody. Where this is going to get hard is that I don't have a job and so I don't know what I will do about a lawyer. I mean, I can always have him stay at the barracks. But, what good will that do? Cause he can only stay there for a period of time I think...SEE THIS IS WHAT I DO and I end up staying!! I sit and think of all the things that COULD happen.. like losing custody of my son or something...ughhhh

i need some :goodvibes

another thing.. i know in a custody case, adultry is a real bitch! so, what do i have to do to be able to use that? will they consider the online things? I dont know the girls name from here that he actually had sex with, I dont know the kayla girls last name from great lakes...so is that doing me any good..???

some states will not let you get divorced while pregnant. they will have you wait until the baby is born for paternity reasons. you can also have it put in your divorce that he must keep you covered under tri care until the baby is born. good luck..just keep your head up:goodvibes

you got all the good vibes i can send ya. i do understand why its hard when you dont have alot of money to live on your own. but im pretty sure you can find a nice job somewhere to support you and your son and your soon to be child. if you tell his command they will make sure that he at least supports you for your unborn child since it is HIS child. i dont know all the ins and outs of going thru a divorce in the navy and what you are and arent entitled too. i know once you are divorced tricare wont cover you but it will cover the unborn baby but i dont know about colin. that you need to talk to tricare about or legal.

well they may ask you for some kind of proof like maybe on paper or if you can produce some emails that state he is committing adultery. i dont know what all to tell you. im sure anyone on this board who has gone thru this sort of thing would be of better help to you than i am. i just hope and pray everything works out for you and your children.

You know you get all the good vibes I can send you. Don't back out of it this time. You have to make this decision for you, Colin and the new baby.

another thing.. i know in a custody case, adultry is a real bitch! so, what do i have to do to be able to use that? will they consider the online things? I dont know the girls name from here that he actually had sex with, I dont know the kayla girls last name from great lakes...so is that doing me any good..???


If you file in CA, adultery wont come into play. Its a no fault state.

it wont in washington either..but ive done my research and in a custody case it (adultry) will have an effect.. thats all i care about. I dont want his money... thats not what i married him for...but i do want him to have some consequences here... and me leaving isn't one bc he doesn't care...anyway, thats just me being pissed... i will figure it out.. I dont want to tell him what im doing bc I am afraid he'll come home and leave the baby with his parents...

about the adultry thing.. even if u are in a no fault state...if you are in a custody "battle" you can use it against that person and it will be considered bc it shows lack of morals and all that good stuff.. I got it from the "no fault divorce" page and also confirmed it with divorce source...

it wont in washington either..but ive done my research and in a custody case it (adultry) will have an effect.. thats all i care about. I dont want his money... thats not what i married him for...but i do want him to have some consequences here... and me leaving isn't one bc he doesn't care...anyway, thats just me being pissed... i will figure it out.. I dont want to tell him what im doing bc I am afraid he'll come home and leave the baby with his parents...


not in the state of CA it wont..... i just went through all this the end of last year. this is a no fault state. the only thing that will affect him is if he has abused the kids.

Legal can only give you advice, they won't file anything for you. You will have to retain a lawyer.

Tricare will cover for the baby to be born and it's aftercare until your husband gets out of the military, because the baby is his dependent. I'm not sure about prenatal care, that is something to call Tricare on. However, it will take awhile for all this to go through to the courts-so you may be fine.


Adultery is very hard to prove. BTDT with my ex-husband. The only thing that you can possibly do is take your online conversations with these women, to your lawyer. I don't know if that is proof enough, because he only corresponded with them and you have no proof that anything happened offline. Basically, my lawyer told me that I had to have actual pictures of him with the person. It was a one time thing while they were in port, so I couldn't prove it to the courts.

My life has done nothing but get better since I divorced him. I have a wonderful husband that is supportive of anything I do and he loves me unconditionally. You deserve that and so much more.

I don't know anything about the divorce laws in WA, but I'll send you all the good vibes I can. My ex & I were dealing with that when I was pregnant and it was the best thing I have ever done even though it was pretty sucky when I was dealing with it. You are making a good decision! :hugs

not in the state of CA it wont..... i just went through all this the end of last year. this is a no fault state. the only thing that will affect him is if he has abused the kids.

Yep, that's how it is here too. All legal is going to do is tell you to sit and watch a stupid video about divorces and seperations and then give you a website to download the forms. It's $120 to file for either and you have to do it in Port Orchard. With you being pregnant I don't know if they'll even grant you the legal seperation. According to the video, divorces usually take about 3 months to be finalized.

Here's a good informative Website
http://www.wsba.org/media/publications/pamphlets/dissolution.htm

And here's the website Legal's going to give you for the forms
http://www.courts.wa.gov/forms/

if i stay here, i can't get a divorce.. not while im pregnant..

I have a friend going through this same situation. She moved back to Georgia while being seperated and he ran down and filed for Divorce in Illinois (where he is stationed) She had to hire a lawyer from Illinois to represent her in her Illinois. My advice go get your own bank account now while he is is gone. If you have a joint account and you think he will clear it out take out what ever is needed for bills and some food for you and the kids. The Navy set my friend up an allotment directly from his check to her account. She gets paid once a month the whole amount. It took about a month to get it set up. Definitely talk to legal and start any paperwork you can. If you have not lived in Wa long enough he might not be able to file because of that reason. See what you can do with moving home and what not and getting seperation papers. The hardest thing is the money aspect of it right now and that is why I am telling you to get your account and some money if you can now. I watched her go through that and it was hard because he wiped out their checking account as soon as he got some papers telling him to stay away. Good Luck.

Something to know-Adultry only matters in divorce/child custody cases in states that are a "fault" state, a state I guess that attaches who is to blame in the failure of the marriage. I know CA is a "no-fault" state, so it doesn't matter if one partner committed adultry-they won't consider that fact in anything. DH's mom committed adultry and ended up with the kids AND alimony with her child support in the divorce. BTW, she got the kids and hadn't worked in 20 years and didn't have a job at the time of divorce. So u need to find out the policies of ur state....

I really don't know what to say. I do know that no matter how hard he fights for custody, he won't get it. He is in the Navy, so that right there will show that he will not always be home with him. The would only give him custody if it was proven that you are an unfit mother, which I doubt that would even come into play. Also, like Jo mentioned, save all the conversations he has had with these women. You could get him on adultry if you have the proof. I am sorry you have to go through all of this. You are doing the right thing, and that SOB will suffer the consequences.

If you file in CA, adultery wont come into play. Its a no fault state.

I just learned last night in Family Law that even though a state may be no-fault, you can still claim that he did commit adultry. You can use fault any time in a no-fault state under certain guideline, such as adultry, mental illness, etc.

WA takes 3 months for a divorce to be finalized.

And you can file there b/c he has been living there, right? You don't have to be. Just as long as one of you has been for at least 6 months, I think.

as far as "no fault states" take it from me there is NOTHING proving adultry will do you. I had a friend who was MISERABLE with his wife and had an emotional affair on the side...the wife had pictures, hotel stubs, everything and her lawyer told her nothing she could do about it because of the no fault even in the custody hearing. Also he could only take those kids IF he could prove you are unfit and unless he can proof neglect or abuse he's screwed. I wouldn't worry hun he'll have to answer to someone in the end of what he's done to you so don't worry about that. :hugs I hope you can get what you want he sounds like a real scumbag

good luck sweetie!!!