Not sure if this should go in debates or what, so if it needs moved, go ahead. anyways...

Does it bother anyone else that when a couple gets married the minister says "I now pronounce you man and wife?"

To me it sounds like they are giving a piece of property over to the man. It just doesnt sit well with me. I think I would rather it be husband and wife. can they say that instead? what are everyone else's thoughts?

I often hear "husband and wife" said at weddings. It is up to the couple to determine how everything happens in a wedding ceremony (as long as the officiator agrees).

I don't care. Those are just words in a ceremony. You can actually request the officiant to say whatever you want.

Not sure if this should go in debates or what, so if it needs moved, go ahead. anyways...

Does it bother anyone else that when a couple gets married the minister says "I now pronounce you man and wife?"

To me it sounds like they are giving a piece of property over to the man. It just doesnt sit well with me. I think I would rather it be husband and wife. can they say that instead? what are everyone else's thoughts?

Wait confused. How is "husband and wife" different from "man and wife"?

They can say whatever you want them to say at your wedding :)

RIGHT?!?!?!?! i'm like, he has always been a man??? :screwy. our officiator pronounced us HUSBAND and WIFE !!! and i made sure of it !!

:puzz I think I was more worried about whether or not I was going to go into early labor again or my water was going to break. :rofl It's just words, we were married, that is what was important. :wub

Wait confused. How is "husband and wife" different from "man and wife"?
i guess because the man gets to stay man but the woman is wife. where husband and wife are both the same 'title'??
i don't even recall what was said at our 'ceremony' :lol if i did it again i'd have them say woman and husband. :giggle

so I guess no one else really cares. I've heard that the saying man and wife evolved from back when women were more inferior towards men and didnt have many rights or say so. thats why it bothers me. I want to be considered equal not less than. I for one will definitely be requesting for the words to be 'husband and wife' at my wedding.

RIGHT?!?!?!?! i'm like, he has always been a man??? :screwy. our officiator pronounced us HUSBAND and WIFE !!! and i made sure of it !!

so you see what I mean, awesome. I love your siggy pics, btw.

I personally would think it doesn't matter now, because you are equal NOW. kwim? But if it matters to YOU, have them change it :D it's YOUR marriage, your ceremony.

We were pronounced 'Husband and Wife.'

I don't care. Those are just words in a ceremony. You can actually request the officiant to say whatever you want.
i'm going to make them say "i now pronounce you... booger and poop-butt"

We were pronounced 'Husband and Wife.'

ditto

Ours was "husband and wife" because that was important to me, but it doesn't bother me what other people want to say in their ceremony.

It never ocurred to me to be offended or bothered by that :dunno A couple can request whatever wording they would like to be used by speaking with their officiant, so I guess if it was something that bothered a person they could just ask for different wording.

I'm going to have him pronounce us Sith Lord and Jedi.

Or "I now pronounce you dumb and dumber"

Ours was "husband and wife" because that was important to me, but it doesn't bother me what other people want to say in their ceremony.

yea, its just a personal preference. If someone one else would rather it be 'man and wife' or 'dumb and dumber' so be it :P

It doesn't phase me. It's not like he clubbed me over the head and dragged me back to his cave. I think I can handle man and wife or husband and wife.

It doesn't bother me, but I definitely prefer 'husband and wife'. I'm not sure what the guy said at our drive-thru Vegas wedding.

It doesn't phase me. It's not like he clubbed me over the head and dragged me back to his cave. I think I can handle man and wife or husband and wife.

:hystericlaugh

I guess it never mattered to me. What did matter is that we spend the rest of our lives together, the officiator could say whatever he wanted (even for us to eat grass) and I would have done it because I was so in shock that I was marrying such an amazing man

I'm going to have him pronounce us Sith Lord and Jedi.

sory thats what they pronounced DH and i. me being the jedi of course :D

sory thats what they pronounced DH and i. me being the jedi of course :D

Naturally! :yes

Not sure if this should go in debates or what, so if it needs moved, go ahead. anyways...

Does it bother anyone else that when a couple gets married the minister says "I now pronounce you man and wife?"

To me it sounds like they are giving a piece of property over to the man. It just doesnt sit well with me. I think I would rather it be husband and wife. can they say that instead? what are everyone else's thoughts?

It does bother me and I actually made sure that our pastor said "husband and wife" at our wedding. I also wasn't "given away." My dad still walked my down the aisle though. And we "respect" each other not "obey" each other.

i don't remember nor did I care.

I don't really care....I often hear it as "husband & wife"

It does bother me and I actually made sure that our pastor said "husband and wife" at our wedding. I also wasn't "given away." My dad still walked my down the aisle though. And we "respect" each other not "obey" each other.

glad to hear some people see my point. Im surprised there's not more people who are bothered by it. oh well. I guess whatever floats your boat.

so I guess no one else really cares. I've heard that the saying man and wife evolved from back when women were more inferior towards men and didnt have many rights or say so. thats why it bothers me. I want to be considered equal not less than. I for one will definitely be requesting for the words to be 'husband and wife' at my wedding.

that true! it's like the idea of taking a husband's name and calling yourself Mrs. hisfirst hislast. it means "mistress of hisfirst hislast."

pronouncing a couple "man and wife" signifies that he is still himself, and the woman has now become his wife. i def. wouldn't use it!

that true! it's like the idea of taking a husband's name and calling yourself Mrs. hisfirst hislast. it means "mistress of hisfirst hislast."

pronouncing a couple "man and wife" signifies that he is still himself, and the woman has now become his wife. i def. wouldn't use it!

It irks me so much when we get letters in the mail addressed to Mr. and Mrs. hisfirst hislast. I'm like "hello! I didn't lose my name when I got married! I'm still Erin, I'm just Erin M now instead of Erin B!"
I totally agree that it signifies the woman becoming his wife while he remains himself.

We had husband and wife as did my sister and her DH (they got married last week). I never really thought about it.

It irks me so much when we get letters in the mail addressed to Mr. and Mrs. hisfirst hislast. I'm like "hello! I didn't lose my name when I got married! I'm still Erin, I'm just Erin M now instead of Erin B!"
I totally agree that it signifies the woman becoming his wife while he remains himself.


Yea I still like the idea of taking their last name but only cuz i hate mine so much... but i think if i was more keen on it i would probably hyphanate it... but i dont like the mr and mrs his first and his last. just last. idk, I guess im just slightly feminist or whatever. I dont want to lose my identity just cuz i get married

The minister that married dh and I said "I know pronounce you husband and wife". I had never thought about it before I guess. Also, we wrote our own vows so there was nothing about "Love honor and obey" in there. :lol

we got the husband and wife

It doesn't really bug me and I never really thought of it. I do like the fact of respect rather than obey but I think we'd write our own vows together anyway so they wouldn't say anything like that.

I can understand why man and wife wouldn't go over well.

Knowing us though we'll be pronouced "Bitch and Maid". :P

I am pretty much they said husband and wife for our ceremony :yes

We had none of that traditional stuff at our wedding - but my dad's done hundreds of ceremonies and he always has said "husband and wife" because, I suppose, man and wife is wrong.

I can understand why man and wife wouldn't go over well.

Knowing us though we'll be pronouced "Bitch and Maid". :P

HAHAA nice. yea I guess I have just been brought up very feminist and little things like that annoy the hell out of me. Ive always been taught to be independent and do only what I think is right and do what I want not what someone else wants me to do. Im pretty messed up in the head, lol. glad to know some of you understand where Im coming from and i think its neat to see the other side and that some people dont mind it.

no idea what was said at my wedding. at that point I had zoned out and was thinking "oh my dog, oh my dog, we're married! We're married!"

no idea what was said at my wedding. at that point I had zoned out and was thinking "oh my dog, oh my dog, we're married! We're married!"

"oh my dog?" HAHAHAHA

It irks me so much when we get letters in the mail addressed to Mr. and Mrs. hisfirst hislast. I'm like "hello! I didn't lose my name when I got married! I'm still Erin, I'm just Erin M now instead of Erin B!"
I totally agree that it signifies the woman becoming his wife while he remains himself.

:yes know what you mean!
My Mom gets called to her FACE "Mrs Reverend Janisston" - all the freaking time and she just chunks any letters like that because she didn't go to syminary and become an ordained minister - my Dad did.

Two different people ... 1 and 2 ... before during and after marriage.

Is it bad I don't remember which was said husband or man at our wedding? I was satisfied that "obey" was removed from the standard vows. lol.

I wonder if, "I now pronounce you woman and husband has ever been used?"

so I guess no one else really cares. I've heard that the saying man and wife evolved from back when women were more inferior towards men and didnt have many rights or say so. thats why it bothers me. I want to be considered equal not less than. I for one will definitely be requesting for the words to be 'husband and wife' at my wedding.


How does referring to you as a wife imply you are "less than"?

no idea what was said at my wedding. at that point I had zoned out and was thinking "oh my dog, oh my dog, we're married! We're married!"

Same here! I think she said, "I present to you, Phillip and Ashley, man and wife", but I don't remember!

But, I know when I told my dad we were getting married, and my dad said , "I want him to do the honorable thing and ask me for your hand in marriage" I went of the deep end! Its one of the only times I've raised my voice to my dad--I told him I wasn't a cow or a vegetable to be traded around between men, and that it was a huge insult to me that he felt like he owned me and had to "give me" to my husband.

I mean, my dad still walked me down the aisle and put my hand in my husbands and everything, but I made sure he knew he was doing that out of approval for our marriage and not "giving me away"

i had them take out the obey and instead of saying i pronounce you man and wife or husband and wife , she said i now pronounce you married.

We were pronounced 'Husband and Wife.'

same here

ours was husband and wife, but i actually would have preferred man and wife...i'm traditional, and i know he respects me and sees me as an equal, not his property at all

I've always heard it as husband and wife. My mom has a hissy if people say man and wife because she insists it is supposed to be husband and wife.

Hm. I never thought about that before. I suppose it doesn't bother me simply because you can request anything be said at your wedding, really.

ACTUALLY the origin of saying MAN and WIFE was started way back in the day when the father of the bride would provide dowrys and all that good stuff.

The woman was considered property that was being passed on from the father to the new husband and therefore the Priest would say "I now pronounce you MAN and WIFE"

It is because of this historical FACT that I don't agree with the commencement of a wedding ceremony to end in those words. Husband and Wife is morally and politically correct.

Def. not, God made women to be mans helpmate, so I see no problem with it.

Ok, I didn't get the man and wife and husband and wife part, but it doesn't really bother me either way, but I think Husband and wife sounds better and that is what I hear normally.

so I guess no one else really cares. I've heard that the saying man and wife evolved from back when women were more inferior towards men and didnt have many rights or say so. thats why it bothers me. I want to be considered equal not less than. I for one will definitely be requesting for the words to be 'husband and wife' at my wedding.

:yes I definitely agree.

No it doesn't bother me at all... he is a man... and yep... I'm his wife... :)

ACTUALLY the origin of saying MAN and WIFE was started way back in the day when the father of the bride would provide dowrys and all that good stuff.

The woman was considered property that was being passed on from the father to the new husband and therefore the Priest would say "I now pronounce you MAN and WIFE"

It is because of this historical FACT that I don't agree with the commencement of a wedding ceremony to end in those words. Husband and Wife is morally and politically correct.

Oddly, the engagement ring and the wedding ring also symbolizes the property aspects of a bride, and that she could have a stated monetary value.
As does the woman taking the husbands name rather than keeping her family name.
Not that the original intent can't be ignored and the symbolism being given new meaning, such as a big bright shiny diamond ring!!!

In my wedding it was my total pet peeve. If other people are okay with it, hey it's their ceremony. If they choose to use it despite knowing the historical, chauvanistic overtones, they are the one pretending to be property to be traded around like a prize cow.

I wouldn't even let my dad announce us as "Mr and Mrs Hisfirst Hislast" at the reception. I did however allow him to give me away, since my dad is old fashioned. However when the minister asked "who gives this woman to this man" my dad said "Her mother and I do" so it symbolized that BOTH of my parents were important because they are partners and raised me together. We had a very old meets new wedding.

I also hate receive mail that says Mrs. Hisfirst His last or ever Mr and Mrs. Hisfirst Hislast. I have my own last name. Please notice it IS NOT the same as DH. Even if it was, I would still not be okay with it.

As a side note, DH completely agrees with me and my opnions on all of this. I knew I picked a good one. :wub

I also hate receive mail that says Mrs. Hisfirst His last or ever Mr and Mrs. Hisfirst Hislast. I have my own last name. Please notice it IS NOT the same as DH. Even if it was, I would still not be okay with it.

As a side note, DH completely agrees with me and my opnions on all of this. I knew I picked a good one. :wub

My freinds just usually address invites as [rank] [her first name, and my first name, her last name]
I'm fine with that.

Oddly, the engagement ring and the wedding ring also symbolizes the property aspects of a bride, and that she could have a stated monetary value.
As does the woman taking the husbands name rather than keeping her family name.
Not that the original intent can't be ignored and the symbolism being given new meaning, such as a big bright shiny diamond ring!!!

:yes

That's why DH and I decided I would merge our names and he is having his legally changed to match. We are becoming our own thing to symbolize our independence. We both have multiple rings, bought and paid for by both of us because we are partners. Able to stand independent, but stronger together.

It's giving the in-laws a heart attack. They are super old fashioned. They get distressed at the fact that DH does his own laundry and cooks. Just wait until the paperwork goes through on the name change. :devil

I wonder how many ladies realize that their big 'ole rock symbolizes that they were "bought and paid for" by their man. Think we will see a rain of diamonds from all those feminist women throwing off bonds of chauvinism?

I don't really care how it's said as long as I'm married. It really doesn't mean much to me hell I don't even remember exactly what was said when I got married. :lol

My freinds just usually address invites as [rank] [her first name, and my first name, her last name]
I'm fine with that.

Wow, that's impressive. Do you know how many men would not be okay with that? I'm sure you do being around the Navy.

I always get called "Hislast name's wife" and it irritates me because I feel like I have no name of my own. DH never understood until he took a course at my college with a prof I knew and my prof called his "Myfirst name's Husband". He now re-introduces me by my first name to everyone that calls me that. :D

He actually got a lot of crap for how he treated me until the shop realized that I send more boxes in a month to him than everyone else has received in the 11 months they have been there. Apparently now we are the "good example" of how to be a married military couple. :giggle

Did you two do anything special at your wedding to symbolize your partnership?

:yes

That's why DH and I decided I would merge our names and he is having his legally changed to match. We are becoming our own thing to symbolize our independence. We both have multiple rings, bought and paid for by both of us because we are partners. Able to stand independent, but stronger together.

It's giving the in-laws a heart attack. They are super old fashioned. They get distressed at the fact that DH does his own laundry and cooks. Just wait until the paperwork goes through on the name change. :devil

I wonder how many ladies realize that their big 'ole rock symbolizes that they were "bought and paid for" by their man. Think we will see a rain of diamonds from all those feminist women throwing off bonds of chauvinism?\

Doubt it, but I also believe you can own a tradition by justifying it in your own terms...
"i take her name because I am proud of her family, and there are no boys in their family to carry on the family name."
If you say it is true, then it becomes true. Because lets not forget that marriage itself is a barter and sale of a woman for political or finincial gain.

\

Doubt it, but I also believe you can own a tradition by justifying it in your own terms...
"i take her name because I am proud of her family, and there are no boys in their family to carry on the family name."
If you say it is true, then it becomes true. Because lets not forget that marriage itself is a barter and sale of a woman for political or finincial gain.

An excellent point about invented traditions. They abound in all cultures and societies.

Marriage for political or financial gain or social status is common to both patriarchal and matriarchal societies. Although we are primarily a patriarchal society, that is not to say that the institution of marriage itself is completely about the woman being bartered or sold. That certainly goes along with the religious aspects found in Christian dominated societies. However, it can also be about buying or bartering for a man to strengthen the woman's family.

we had husband and wife but i don't mind man and wife because i am a huge traditionalist and don't see it as trying to keep a woman oppressed or any of that

If the "man and wife" thing doesn't sit well with you, why don't you opt for "husband and wife" instead?
Or've the preacher say "man and woman" if it bothers you that much!
There're always ways to make each and every 1 comfortable with things like that and usual before a couple gets married, they get to talk to the preacher about the whole wedding ceremony anyways!
You and your SO make the call about all those things, so use your rights for the words that the preacher'll say at your ceremony!
Well, and doesn't the guy who gets engaged or married to a female somehow own her with putting the rings on her finger for the whole world to see she's his fiance and his wife?
The same goes with the change of the last name - isn't that a sign of owning, too when the female gets married to a guy to give up a name she has been wearing since the day she was born and that shows her heritage and everything that has to do with her family?
The engagement and the wedding ring along with the female changing her last name to the guys's just a old tradition as the whole wedding thing's!
Regards and much love!