Okay, so we all know how to reward for good behavior. WHAT do you do about BAD behavior?
Time outs?
Lose privledges?
Something else?

This is me:
I am out here with the kids, we have 2 pools set up. The family pool and the baby pool. I have told my son 5 times, do not splash towards me- I have my laptop out here. Now, I am a good distance away. Far enough that normal splashing doesn't come near me. He has gotten my laptop wet 3 times now. So I made him get out of the pool and sit in the grass for 5 minutes (cause, he's 5 yrs old) Yes, he screamed, cried, hit himself in the head and tried to sneak back in the pool twice. He is finally calming down and was not arguing with me,so I let him back in (time-out was up). If he does it again, I am dumping the pools.
Sound reasonable to me.
For 5 mins I am MEAN MOMMY, but he was happy and playing again until it was time to come in. :shrug
I'm a 3 strikes your out mommy for the most part.

I do time out's, loss of priviledges and I've spanked Jaxon a couple of times when he's gotten uncontrollable. Most of the time, a time out or me telling him he won't get something or won't be able to do something is enough. Now that he is really into swimming, toys, going for walks, the park, etc., it's easier for me to use those as leverage to get him to behave. He REALLY doesn't want to lose those things so when I remind him that he will lose them, he shapes up QUICK.

Our kids are too old for that stuff. We talk to them, and they deal with the consequences of their behavior. They are 11 and 18.

Okay, so we all know how to reward for good behavior. WHAT do you do about BAD behavior?
Time outs?
Lose privledges?
Something else?

This is me:
I am out here with the kids, we have 2 pools set up. The family pool and the baby pool. I have told my son 5 times, do not splash towards me- I have my laptop out here. Now, I am a good distance away. Far enough that normal splashing doesn't come near me. He has gotten my laptop wet 3 times now. So I made him get out of the pool and sit in the grass for 5 minutes (cause, he's 5 yrs old) Yes, he screamed, cried, hit himself in the head and tried to sneak back in the pool twice. He is finally calming down and was not arguing with me,so I let him back in (time-out was up). If he does it again, I am dumping the pools.
Sound reasonable to me.
For 5 mins I am MEAN MOMMY, but he was happy and playing again until it was time to come in. :shrug
I'm a 3 strikes your out mommy for the most part.


That sounded pretty reasonable to me! :yes

I have taken several parenting classes and have learned many ways to reward and discipline. The punishment fits the crime. But you have to make sure they understand the rules first.

for example...your 5 year old can understand not to splash mommys computer. But did you look in his eyes when you told him the rule and get a statement of understanding from him. Also, knowing he is excited about getting in you should have had this talk before you came outside or near the door if you were already out there to begin with. And let him know the punishment (he will have time out) and the reward (mommy will be happy) if he follows the rules. Then the FIRST time he splashed you purposely or not he would go to his time out. From then on he will most likely think about what he is doing and not be so careless (if it was a mistake).


anyway, there are excellent ways to discipline but I make sure I do my part or else children dont learn. and thats what its all about...

Take stuff and privileges away.

I wanted to add that Jaxon also does the crap where he starts beating himself in the head, slapping himself, banging his head on things, etc. He eventually stops when he starts hurting himself but it pisses me off when he does it.

We have a system that is kind of like a stepping stone. First, a warning; second, the corner, third, goes to bed, and God for bid there be a Fourth cause everything but the bed and dressers are going out of the room (We have done this 3 times and she hates it. She has to prove she deserves them back and she doesn't get everything all at once.)

I have taken several parenting classes and have learned many ways to reward and discipline. The punishment fits the crime. But you have to make sure they understand the rules first.

for example...your 5 year old can understand not to splash mommys computer. But did you look in his eyes when you told him the rule and get a statement of understanding from him. Also, knowing he is excited about getting in you should have had this talk before you came outside or near the door if you were already out there to begin with. And let him know the punishment (he will have time out) and the reward (mommy will be happy) if he follows the rules. Then the FIRST time he splashed you purposely or not he would go to his time out. From then on he will most likely think about what he is doing and not be so careless (if it was a mistake).


anyway, there are excellent ways to discipline but I make sure I do my part or else children dont learn. and thats what its all about...


I have also taken parenting classes and childcare courses and MY SON is mature enough to understand that BEFORE we went outside I told him to NOT SPLASH in the little pool, only in the big pool. It depends on the child and I take a bit of offense to your generalization of age-grouping children.

Sorry Jen, I did not mean to offend you. I was sharing what I had learned and my experiences. Given the example you used I explained what was taught using your situation.

We do a combination of things and those things depend on the ages of my kids. With the younger kids, redirection works well and very short time outs. With my middle kids I use time-outs, loss of privelege, and room time. With my older kids we talk about what happened and they do still lose priveleges.

I do time out's, loss of priviledges and I've spanked Jaxon a couple of times when he's gotten uncontrollable. Most of the time, a time out or me telling him he won't get something or won't be able to do something is enough. Now that he is really into swimming, toys, going for walks, the park, etc., it's easier for me to use those as leverage to get him to behave. He REALLY doesn't want to lose those things so when I remind him that he will lose them, he shapes up QUICK.

Same for my son. I can't even remember the last time I spanked him. All I have to do is tell him that I'm going to take toys away, or his TV out of his room, and he shapes up real fast!! I do give him time-outs on occasion, and he really hates those.

2 warnings
3rd time time out
4th time butt whoopin and time out along with loss of toys

i'll put madison in a time out or swat her bottom depending on the situation. i'll also take away a priviledge but at this age there's not too much to take away.

I've been pretty lucky with my older two. They always listened, the first time. We go out, they behave. Junior my eldest was always very obedient, he is just a people pleaser, so if he knows something will upset me or get him trouble he doesn't do it. Kahley took sometime for her to learn I don't do the counting game. I ask you once and if you don't listen, there are repurcussions. Losing privledges, time outs, or a swat on the butt. She learned pretty darn quick. Now it just takes a look or a quiet noise I make (shttttt). Juliana was very different and still is. She is strong willed and I don't want to break her spirit. I am still working with her on her temper tantrums, with time outs. When it get's really bad I give her a swift swat on the butt to get her attention. I think I've learned that each child is different. What works with my kids may not work with yours and I respect that. I will say DH loves the, shhhhhhht, noise. He uses it and the kids could be 20 feet away and they will hear him and know they are either too far away or doing something they shouldn't be. :D

I give Brianna a warning and then if that doesnt do it she sits in the corner.. if shes loud and screams the whole time then she goes upstairs and sits in her roomm.. if she still goes crazy, the toys and the books go away.. usually its the taking away stuff that gets her to stop

I have also taken parenting classes and childcare courses and MY SON is mature enough to understand that BEFORE we went outside I told him to NOT SPLASH in the little pool, only in the big pool. It depends on the child and I take a bit of offense to your generalization of age-grouping children.

Jen, I don't think April was trying to offend you or belittle your parenting style. She was giving you advice just like everyone else. It just comes across like you are offended by her comment. Your way and April's way seem fine to me.

Jen, I don't think April was trying to offend you or belittle your parenting style. She was giving you advice just like everyone else. It just comes across like you are offended by her comment. Your way and April's way seem fine to me.

Thanks Sarah, but I didn't ask for advice. ;) She knows I was offended and she said her appologies.

Thanks Sarah, but I didn't ask for advice. ;) She knows I was offended and she said her appologies.


;)

Thanks Sarah, but I didn't ask for advice. ;) She knows I was offended and she said her appologies.

I wasnt giving advice either. I was just explaining how we were taught in our class and using your situation as an example.

"Advice" was a poor choice of wording. I meant to say that since everyone was giving their opinion and what they do, April was just doing the same thing. Anyway, since all is well, there's no need for me to continue ;)

i've became more lax with my kids...sometimes to me it's just not worth the fight...and i feel like there are two to many people trying to rule the roost around here.

my daughter is generally well behaved she has a mouth like any 8 year old girl and she drives her brother crazy other than that all is well...she gets time out and i'll threaten to take stuff if she doesn't stop tormenting her brother this usually works with her.

my son is 5 he doesn't listen as well...he also torments his sister like crazy and he also hits which isn't good at all (i think it's due to built up anger & that i've smacked him, one reason I'm trying my damndest to stop smacking) he gets sent to the wall (time out) or will not be allowed to do something fun/that he likes...taking stuff away works better for him than the wall.

Man parenting is hard work. There are nights I've went to bed thinking I'm the worst mom in the world and the only thing I can do is wake up the next day and try to do better. I just hope that someday my kids will forgive me for all the bad days.

i know my post will probably cause conflicts but when i have children i fully intend to raise them and discipline them as i was. i was spanked for extreme behavior of if i didn't cut out what i was ddoing. if i was misbehaving in the grocery store and wouldn't walk next to the basket i would get a swift pop on the butt or on the side of my leg and that usually shaped me up quickly. or if i was misbehaving in a restaurant. time outs didn't work for me, but i will attempt to use them. when my children get older i fully intend on using the "remove privilege" rule. the only problem is if i am working full time i won't be able to enforce the no t.v. or no phone rule because i won't be home.

I do a combo of time outs and taking things away. Time outs in our house are minutes vs. age and can be "reset"...lol. What that means is...if you are crying and throwing a fit...the time out doesn't start or will be started all over again until you stop throwing a fit. My 4 year old was pi$$ed off one day because she couldn't have something so I put her on time out...she threw herself on the floor and I kept putting her back up telling her that it wouldn't start until she calmed down....so she stopped and sat in the chair. She then became impatient and started to fuss around 3 minutes in so we had to start her 4 minutes again...she ended up doing about 10 minutes total time...lol. She is very quiet for time outs now...lol. I also start taking toys away...one by one as punishment. She gets tired of giving up toys so that usually works pretty well also.

I use a combination of everything that has been said. It depends on what is happening or what has been done. For example Lily spread my dawn dish soap all over the kitchen while John and I were in our room talking today but she didn't get in trouble she was made to clean up her mess. another example When I let kids out in the back yard they really like to play in the hose but usually it its to cold or I don't want to deal with muddy wet clothes. I tell both kids before they step foot outside that they are not to turn on the hose. If they do they will both come in and sit for 5 minutes in time out. The last time they did it they knew they would loose their outside time for the rest of the day and thats excatly what happened. I don't usually spank my kids if I do its because they (usually Lily) are uncontrolable or puting themselves in danger. I spanked Lily the other day because she ran out in the street after I told her not to.

1st time is a warning
2nd time is the consequence.

Messy room is a warning and then after that mom and dad clean it and you won't get it back for a minimum of two weeks to a maximum of bye bye it is gone to the thrift store.

Back talking is warning first and then you better watch out.

Total disrespect is first a warning and then you get spanked, told why you were spanked, and then another punishment like staying in your room and loss of play priveledges

Now that my 2 kids are older lost privledges work best with them...that and groundations, which I guess could be considered extended time-outs in a way. Depends on the crime they commit & my mood, as to what they get - lost privledges or groundation.

I have taken several parenting classes and have learned many ways to reward and discipline. The punishment fits the crime. But you have to make sure they understand the rules first.

for example...your 5 year old can understand not to splash mommys computer. But did you look in his eyes when you told him the rule and get a statement of understanding from him. Also, knowing he is excited about getting in you should have had this talk before you came outside or near the door if you were already out there to begin with. And let him know the punishment (he will have time out) and the reward (mommy will be happy) if he follows the rules. Then the FIRST time he splashed you purposely or not he would go to his time out. From then on he will most likely think about what he is doing and not be so careless (if it was a mistake).


anyway, there are excellent ways to discipline but I make sure I do my part or else children dont learn. and thats what its all about...

I agree with that... I went to a parenting class with my mom and we heard pretty much the same things plus other things that were great to learn. I also agree with you saying that "spanking is an adult temper tantrum" lol that is so true. :D

One time my brother was being a brat in the car and wouldnt shut up so lol us girls (his sisters) pulled him to the floor and duct taped his mouth shut. :lol It didnt work very well though the sucker started cracking up and drooled all over it cuz he was laughing so hard that it fell off. We all ended up laughing it was so funny. :lmao

we talk with our kids & they also lose privileges & things they enjoy

Although I am not a parent yet, about 3 more months to go, I have been thinking about this a lot. I have also seen a lot being a nanny for the last 4 years and observing my friends who have children.
I have seen it all. So I think that you have to do what works for your family. And each child is different.
This is what we plan to do with Eric and any other children that we have down the road.
First you have to teach them what is right and wrong. I always thought, because of my mom's parenting, that you teach by dicsipline. But why should they get in trouble for something they do not know is wrong?
So we would teach them ie give a warning. Then it would be time out according to age. I have found with the boys I watch now the corner really works. They loved sitting in their room so I moved them to any corner that was near.
Then a loss of toy, game, fun thing, ect.
But I also think that there is a time for a spanking. I know that not all believe in that but I do. I think that when there is a willful act of disobediance you ahve to nip it in the bud or it will lead to others and before you know it your child is out of control.
IE When you have just told your child not to do some thing and they stare at you while they do it again. No sir that is not going to fly with me.
I also, and this will shock you all I am sure but oh well, think that when a child bits and you tell them no. If they continue to bit a good bit back will teach them how it feels and they will not bit again. It worked on me, my brothers, and several friends. Soap works well for lies and bad words, and talking back.
Now do I think that I will have to use these things. I hope not. I think that if you train a child from a young age then when they are older they will behave. I know that there are times when kids act up and so that is why you have a plan for how to handle it.
Anywoo that is JMO. Not all will agree but that is the great thing we can all take something away from others opinion and look at things in different ways.

I have been watching parents a LOT more lately (go figure-new daddy and all) but I am on the fence on the whole ass whoopin. I mean, I got mine, and I personally think there is DEFINITELY a time for it. But I also think that (crossing fingers) by setting the rules EARLY and letting Riley know who is boss at a VERY early age, we won't have to deal with much bad behavior. Of course who knows what the future will bring. If he is anything like his mother and me, we're in for a world of hurt!

I'm not sure how I will discipline her until we get to that point. It's easy to say what I think I would do. I have ideas, such as the reward system, warnings, taking things away, naughty spot, etc. but if all else fails and she's being a real PITA, than yeah, I probably will give her a good butt spanking. Like I said though, there are many things I would be trying first...and like Ryan was saying, she WILL know who is the boss and the rules from an early age. I understand that each age can only understand so much and we will communicate it on her level.

I also agree with you saying that "spanking is an adult temper tantrum" lol that is so true. :D




Let me first say that we RARELY spank Jaxon. I don't like spanking him and it really doesn't seem to work with him anyways. Our preferred methods right now are time outs and loss of toys, activities, etc.

HOWEVER, there ARE parents who do NOT spank out of anger or a "tantrum". My grandfather is a prime example. I remember a few spankings I got from him and I can honestly say I don't think he ever did it out of anger. He's not a hostile person and he's normally very laid back. But if all else failed, he would pop me on my rear two or three good times, then calmly ask me to do what had been asking me to do. I NEVER feared him- EVER. I was NEVER scared of him. Spankings were not a pleasant thing, but I did not fear him and he never lost control.

I realize a lot of people who take parenting classes, daycare classes, read books, etc think they know everything about everything parenting related but I think even the best child psychologists will tell you that when it comes to children and parenting, different strokes for different folks really is the way to go. Some children respond to certain things completely differently than others. Some parents can not spank without losing control, but some can. I understand everyone is entitled to their opinion and I can respect that you feel that way, but I do think you're making a huge blanket statement that obviously does not apply to every parent thank chooses to spank.

There comes a point where time outs do not work. We spank and don't feel bad about it because that is what gets through to our kids. DH works with children every day (ages 18and up) and we believe that if some of their parents spanked them as children, they wouldn't be this way today. Try being an instructor at Great Lakes or work in the BEQ's and your opinion on spanking might change :)

I do time out's, loss of priviledges and I've spanked Jaxon a couple of times when he's gotten uncontrollable. Most of the time, a time out or me telling him he won't get something or won't be able to do something is enough. Now that he is really into swimming, toys, going for walks, the park, etc., it's easier for me to use those as leverage to get him to behave. He REALLY doesn't want to lose those things so when I remind him that he will lose them, he shapes up QUICK.


I am the same.

On a side note... I am SO HAPPY to know ya'll have kids that hit themselves or throw tantrums when they are mad too lol. I feel a little more normal now.