so, work called me today about going back to work. I thought I was just going to stay at home again, but they have offered to pay for a nanny to come to my house to watch the kids. I work 2 minutes from my house since the company moved, so they said I could come have lunch with the kids and check on them anytime....they really want me to come back I guess, and I want to go back too. But I also dont want to miss out with the kids...I dont know, Im soooo confused!! but being depressed and stuff being at home sucks, so maybe working and getting out of the house will help mentally and financially.

Wow. I would jump on that Rachael!! Not many companies are family friendly these days. It will do wonders for your mood and if you don't feel that its working out...you can ALWAYS change your mind and stay home later. Good luck in your decision.

TAKE IT! :yes Could always go part-time.

Their obviously VERY desperate considering the circumstances ;) BTW, tell them if they need any help, I will come to work too if they'll pay for my nanny :lol

Thanks girly, and thats what Bill said...he was like "wow" thats awesome! It will be nice since financially we arent doing too well right now

I would take the job. They seem like they really want you, and you know with kids you could always use the extra money.

Wow. I would jump on that Rachael!! Not many companies are family friendly these days. It will do wonders for your mood and if you don't feel that its working out...you can ALWAYS change your mind and stay home later. Good luck in your decision.


:agree


I'd try it and see how I felt after a couple of months :yes

TAKE IT! :yes

Their obviously VERY desperate considering the circumstances ;) BTW, tell them if they need any help, I will come to work too if they'll pay for my nanny :lol


:yes :yes
we do need more people....
you should come work there, its right around the corner!

:hugs
thanks guys....

:yes :yes
we do need more people....
you should come work there, its right around the corner!

Seriously, I would part-time if they paid for my babysitter :lmao :wink

Wow That is a really good offer. It will be hard at first but it might be good for you.

I would definitley give it a try!! GOod luck!

with an offer like that I would jump on it in a heart beat

I would jump on that!

I would take it while its offered. If you change your mind later, you can quit, but with all probablility you cant go back in 6 mo and say hey, can I have that offer after all. ya know?

I think you should take it. Them offering to pay for a nanny is awesome!

Can you give me some info? I have a friend who is looking too. (since it seems like they have several positions)

I would do it. Like you, I am a working, on the go type of person.

You could always ask to go back PT if you want to spend more time w/ your kids too. Or work 1/2 at work 1/2 from home, if that's possible.

If you're not doing well at home, I'd say jump on it.

I'm not a good person to ask about work vs stay at home because I'm firm in my decision to stay home. However, if you're depressed and not making the most out of the time you have with the kids since you're there all day, maybe getting out of the house would be better for you and the rest of the family. Will they let you do part time? It sounds like a great deal but working full time, you'll probably miss out on an awful lot that you might regret later on :dunno

It cant hurt to try for a few months.

Do what's best for your family...But I would take it....especially if they were paying and I could go home at lunch and what not....Good luck!

Wow Rachael, that sounds like a great opportunity! Definitely jump on it! Staying at home isn't for everyone, and it doesn't make you a bad person to want to work! You are a great mommy and it's important for you to be happy to continue to do so! Like everyone else said, give it a chance and see how it goes! You could always go back to staying at home if you liked that better! Congrats though, you should be flattered! :yes

It sounds like a great deal but working full time, you'll probably miss out on an awful lot that you might regret later on :dunno

obviously i've been working since z was 6 weeks old... i missed out on so much...and while it was necessary and what not, i can't say i regret it... because i learned that next time, i'm going to spend more time @ home. in any case, it's cool they offered to pay a nanny... but the questions i'd ask would be WHO would be watching your kids, HOW MUCH they're willing to shell out, etc... because nannies are expensive.... at least for a quality nanny, you're talking like 6-10/hour... but in any case, it's cool they offered you that... i'm sure that ultimately you'll make the right decision!!

I think it will all work out good if you do decide to go back to work. Sounds great also! My personal opinion is that I would highly think about it.

that sounds like an amazing offer

Sounds like a good deal, a with a 2 minute commute, it's awesome. Good luck on your decision and maybe getting out of the house will help. :D

That's wonderful!!! They must need you BAD!! I'd try it out and see if it's something that can help you!

Wow. I would jump on that Rachael!! Not many companies are family friendly these days. It will do wonders for your mood and if you don't feel that its working out...you can ALWAYS change your mind and stay home later. Good luck in your decision.


I agree!! I would love to have a job offer that to me :D. It will do you good to get out. At least you could go home for lunch and spend time with them. It also helps break up the day a bit. I say go for it ;)

ETA that see what type of background checks they do on the nannies. I am so particular on who is watching my children.

That's awsome jump on it and just try it. if it was me and I decided to stay and then regret it latter I would kick myself so I would just give it a try and see.

obviously i've been working since z was 6 weeks old... i missed out on so much...and while it was necessary and what not, i can't say i regret it... because i learned that next time, i'm going to spend more time @ home. in any case, it's cool they offered to pay a nanny... but the questions i'd ask would be WHO would be watching your kids, HOW MUCH they're willing to shell out, etc... because nannies are expensive.... at least for a quality nanny, you're talking like 6-10/hour... but in any case, it's cool they offered you that... i'm sure that ultimately you'll make the right decision!!
Once again you speak the truth!

thanks for the advice guys! :) I appreciate everybodys comments.....and while staying at home is for a lot of moms, I dont think its for every mom. Im sorry if it sounds like I am "not making the most out of staying home" but it really isnt for me. I dont think it makes me a bad mom, I love my kids VERY VERY much....and while I wont say I am mentally unstable or anything, I am a lot happier working and having that adult interaction (which helps with the depression).

and thanks for the advice Becky....and that is definitely your opinion which you are definitely entitled to. They are willing to pay up to $400/week which is $10 an hour....and I get to find my own nanny. Working right around the corner from my house I will also get to drop in anytime and check on them.

Thanks again for the advice guys.....
:hugs

thats a great deal!!!! :) that's like giving you a 1700/month raise!!! that ROCKS!!

thanks for the advice guys! :) I appreciate everybodys comments.....and while staying at home is for a lot of moms, I dont think its for every mom. Im sorry if it sounds like I am "not making the most out of staying home" but it really isnt for me. I dont think it makes me a bad mom, I love my kids VERY VERY much....and while I wont say I am mentally unstable or anything, I am a lot happier working and having that adult interaction (which helps with the depression).

and thanks for the advice Becky....and that is definitely your opinion which you are definitely entitled to. They are willing to pay up to $400/week which is $10 an hour....and I get to find my own nanny. Working right around the corner from my house I will also get to drop in anytime and check on them.

Thanks again for the advice guys.....
:hugs

I know as a mom to several kids...I think all moms have had the feelings of being inadequate as "just" a mom... Do what you think is right but remember your kids are only little for a bit....

In my opinion before anyone has kids... (yes there are certain circumstances when the woman HAS to work) but... I think before you have kids you need to make the decision to stay home with them when they are little.

Only my opinion...

Our dhs make enough pay to be "stable" .. maybe no rich.. but enough to live if we are careful comfortably!

I hope this is just what you needed!! I do agree, staying home is not for everyone. I know that it's what I like and it's for me, but that is ME. Good Luck finding a nanny! :)

I'd do it!

I know as a mom to several kids...I think all moms have had the feelings of being inadequate as "just" a mom... Do what you think is right but remember your kids are only little for a bit....

In my opinion before anyone has kids... (yes there are certain circumstances when the woman HAS to work) but... I think before you have kids you need to make the decision to stay home with them when they are little.

Only my opinion...

Our dhs make enough pay to be "stable" .. maybe no rich.. but enough to live if we are careful comfortably!

now I really think that is bullshit. Sorry, but I do. I dont think that a woman HAS to stay home with their kids when they are little.....I tried it, its not for me. It definitely DOES NOT make you a better mother then I am at all :vent

now I really think that is bullshit. Sorry, but I do. I dont think that a woman HAS to stay home with their kids when they are little.....I tried it, its not for me. It definitely DOES NOT make you a better mother then I am at all :vent
I NEVER said it made me a "better" mom.

Why have kids then if you cant enjoy them when they are little???? When they grow up you will understand..

I just think that it is a better option to have your kids have your morals and values and not someone elses.. They came from you why not teach them what you want them to know?

Yes you get a nanny.. better then most..

Yes there are woman on this board that "had" to work....

I was just giving my opinion... as you have.

yah, its shitty to say that unless you are prepared to be a SAHM you shouldnt have kids though......a lot of moms go back to work and they are absolutely AMAZING mothers.

Yes you are a mom... you have that choice.. you being an amazing mom has nothing to do with staying home with them.

yah, its shitty to say that unless you are prepared to be a SAHM you shouldnt have kids though......a lot of moms go back to work and they are absolutely AMAZING mothers.
I just feel that if you can stay home why go to work?

I just think that it is a better option to have your kids have your morals and values and not someone elses.. They came from you why not teach them what you want them to know?


Why would they not have their parents' values and morals?? I mean, just because a parent works does not make them an inadaquate parent! You make it seem like that the caregiver raises this child completely which is complete BS. Rachael can still teach her sons morals and values , even though she would have a nanny. She would be with them everyday still and at lunch time. When my daughter was younger, I worked outside the home, and call me crazy, but she has the morals and values my husband and I have taught her. It's comments like that , that make working mothers feel like utter shit!

ehhh whatever, I am happy with the decision I am making and that is all that matters.....

ehhh whatever, I am happy with the decision I am making and that is all that matters.....
Ahh yes do what you want...

Why have kids and have someone else raise them??? I dont understand!

It's comments like that , that make working mothers feel like utter shit!

:yes :suspect

I just feel that if you can stay home why go to work?


Because that is HER choice, not yours! Sometimes mothers need adult interaction, and that is totally ok!! Also, you don't know what her financial status is too. I know when we transfer, I can't wait to work outside the home. Does that make me a shitty mother??

Ahh yes do what you want...

Why have kids and have someone else raise them??? I dont understand!

nobody else is raising my children....I dont get WTF your problem is. Its 8 hours out of the day.....

Ahh yes do what you want...

Why have kids and have someone else raise them??? I dont understand!

Excuse me? That MAY be your opinion, but next time keep your rudeness to yourself. She is doing what is right for her and her kids. When mom is happy, the kids are happy! If this makes Rachael happy, her kids will be happy.

Because that is HER choice, not yours! Sometimes mothers need adult interaction, and that is totally ok!! Also, you don't know what her financial status is too. I know when we transfer, I can't wait to work outside the home. Does that make me a shitty mother??
No it doesnt make you a shitty mother!

BUT I think if more stayed home with their kids... it would be better....

I did say that some moms "have" to work... re-read the post

nobody else is raising my children....I dont get WTF your problem is. Its 8 hours out of the day.....
I dont have a problem.. I was stating my opinion.....

Why have kids and have someone else raise them??? I dont understand!

What about when they are school age??? Would you say that teachers are raising the children?? Look, her children are still going to be home, Rachael will be home at lunch time , so they still see their mother. Damn, you make it seem like she will be working 15 hour days, and ignoring her kids.

Rachael is doing what she feels is best for her family. You telling her otherwise is bullshit :reallymad

You are sooo very very closed minded

hey i have to work... and i chose to work. that's not to say i wish i had spent more time @ home with z... but i do believe that i'm a damn good mom and i'm doing what i am able to do to make my daughter's life more comfortable.... because if the fact that i work, she has all of her needs taken care of. the deal that rachael is getting is AWESOME. i only wish i had been afforded the same opportunity.

Excuse me? That MAY be your opinion, but next time keep your rudeness to yourself. She is doing what is right for her and her kids. When mom is happy, the kids are happy! If this makes Rachael happy, her kids will be happy.
Yes I can understand that...

BUT more woman need to think before having kids... stupid to have kids and send them off to daycare.. it doesnt make sense...

No it doesnt make you a shitty mother!

BUT I think if more stayed home with their kids... it would be better....

I did say that some moms "have" to work... re-read the post


Yes, I read the post a few times, thank you. How do you know Rachael doesn't "have" to work? Did she tell you her finnancial situation herself??

Why don't you re-read what you wrote. You basically made Rachael feel like a shitty mother, for making this decision.

hey i have to work... and i chose to work. that's not to say i wish i had spent more time @ home with z... but i do believe that i'm a damn good mom and i'm doing what i am able to do to make my daughter's life more comfortable.... because if the fact that i work, she has all of her needs taken care of. the deal that rachael is getting is AWESOME. i only wish i had been afforded the same opportunity.
I never said that the woman that HAVE to work shouldnt...

My sister has to work and has her girls in daycare...

I do think some keep having kids and then have someone else keep them... I dont think that that is an option.

She had no fucking idea that she wouldn't LIKE being a SAHM! How dare you even say that she would?!

Yes I can understand that...

BUT more woman need to think before having kids... stupid to have kids and send them off to daycare.. it doesnt make sense...


Why don't you go back to the cave and read those Dick and Jane books :rolleyes

Ahh yes do what you want...

Why have kids and have someone else raise them??? I dont understand!
You know....

I stay at home because I choose to. But not everyone does. That comment is pretty ignorant honestly. Daycare, nanny etc doesnt mean someone else is "raising" their kids. Some people work because they want to, some have to. Would you WANT someone to stay at home when they aren't totally happy with it? Dont you think that if you arent happy THAT affects the children? Working doesnt mean squat. It means more money to pay things off. More money to lavish on the kids. You still get quality time. ESPECIALLY if the job is decent working hours.

Don't look down on someone elses decisions. Yes thats your opinion and your entitled to it definatly. But I think she should be commended for realizing she needed a change and DOING something to fix it.

Ahh yes do what you want...

Why have kids and have someone else raise them??? I dont understand!

Why is it that you CONSTANTLY talk shit to everyone on here? Putting people down for their decisions? Making stupid statements that you know will PURPOSELY cause an uproar. Don't you have anything better to do with your life then come on here and constantly stir shit up?

hey i have to work... and i chose to work. that's not to say i wish i had spent more time @ home with z... but i do believe that i'm a damn good mom and i'm doing what i am able to do to make my daughter's life more comfortable.... because if the fact that i work, she has all of her needs taken care of. the deal that rachael is getting is AWESOME. i only wish i had been afforded the same opportunity.
Yes I agree your situation and many other situations are different...

You are a good mom and your daughter shows that!!

Better then living off the state!

Why is it that you CONSTANTLY talk shit to everyone on here? Putting people down for their decisions? Making stupid statements that you know will PURPOSELY cause an uproar. Don't you have anything better to do with your life then come on here and constantly stir shit up?
I dont constantly talk shit... I give an opinion.. obviously it isnt always what people want to hear but it is an opinion...

When mom is happy, the kids are happy! If this makes Rachael happy, her kids will be happy.


EXACTLY!!!

According to MilitaryMom, Rachael would be a wonderful mother if she stayed home but so what if she was unhappy. The important thing is she is home 24/7.

Tell me this....why is it ok for just the dad to work, and not the mom?

You know....

I stay at home because I choose to. But not everyone does. That comment is pretty ignorant honestly. Daycare, nanny etc doesnt mean someone else is "raising" their kids. Some people work because they want to, some have to. Would you WANT someone to stay at home when they aren't totally happy with it? Dont you think that if you arent happy THAT affects the children? Working doesnt mean squat. It means more money to pay things off. More money to lavish on the kids. You still get quality time. ESPECIALLY if the job is decent working hours.

Don't look down on someone elses decisions. Yes thats your opinion and your entitled to it definatly. But I think she should be commended for realizing she needed a change and DOING something to fix it.
No it isnt ignorant... I have seen it in the school systems... mom and dad to busy to even know what the heck is going on with their kids.. worried about the "life" they have.... They cant help it they are busy!

Just so you know, Rachael, I respect you as a person and a mother and I wasn't by any means even trying to insinuate that you were a bad mom, not enjoying your time with them, etc. I just meant if you're not happy with the current situation, maybe working would make everything better all around. You know they say if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody gonna be happy :P By "making the most of your time together" I just meant it would be pointless to stay at home if you really feel another calling because I don't think it's good for you or your kids for you to "suck it up" and deal with staying at home if that's not what you truly want to do. There are definitely days when I CRAVE adult interaction and feel like I am absolutely going to go insane if I can not speak to another grown human :hehe but I guess that's where this forum comes into play on most days. Sometimes it doesn't feel like enough, but being able to hop on here throughout the day when the kids are busy, it really helps me a lot just to feel a connection with other adults. It's probably very comparable to how you feel. I guess being able to come here is enough for me though because my choice to stay at home with them is one that I've just been very adament about.

For me PERSONALLY (and I want to emphasize PERSONALLY), staying at home is the best choice. For you, it may not be the best choice. Every mom has a right to make that choice and if you do choose to go back to work, I would say the opportunity you've been given is one that is seriously one in a million. I do not know many companies who will pay almost $2,000 a month on top of a regular salary for a nanny just so an employee will come back.

You will make the right decision for yourself and your family (L)

I dont constantly talk shit... I give an opinion.. obviously it isnt always what people want to hear but it is an opinion...

No you don't. You say things that you KNOW will cause a argument. Youre cold hearted to people half the time. you debate without having the fact s to back you up. you live behind the anonymity that the internet gives you to continue to put people down. You don't give advice in the least.

EXACTLY!!!

According to MilitaryMom, Rachael would be a wonderful mother if she stayed home but so what if she was unhappy. The important thing is she is home 24/7.

Tell me this....why is it ok for just the dad to work, and not the mom?
If the dad can stay home and the mom can work.. sure go for it... ONE of the parents stay home... or work to have one of them stay home...

No you don't. You say things that you KNOW will cause a argument. Youre cold hearted to people half the time. you debate without having the fact s to back you up. you live behind the anonymity that the internet gives you to continue to put people down. You don't give advice in the least.
I say things that people might think but never say....

I NEVER said Rachel was a bad mom. She came on here asking for everyones opinion..

I gave her my opinion.

No it isnt ignorant... I have seen it in the school systems... mom and dad to busy to even know what the heck is going on with their kids.. worried about the "life" they have.... They cant help it they are busy!


But you ARE being ignorant, since you are assuming it's like that for every family! When I was working outside the home, I was still involved in my daughter's activities, went to parent teacher conferences, and accompanied her on field trips! I have seen mothers here where I live sit on their asses at home, and not give any interest to their child's schooling! So, you ARE ignorant!!

One more thing, it's fine if you have an opinion about this topic, but the moment you start belittling someone because they want or need to go back to work, that makes you a jerk!

I NEVER said Rachel was a bad mom. She came on here asking for everyones opinion..

I gave her my opinion.


Well we heard your "opinion" so why don't you just can it?

But you ARE being ignorant, since you are assuming it's like that for every family! When I was working outside the home, I was still involved in my daughter's activities, went to parent teacher conferences, and accompanied her on field trips! I have seen mothers here where I live sit on their asses at home, and not give any interest to their child's schooling! So, you ARE ignorant!!

One more thing, it's fine if you have an opinion about this topic, but the moment you start belittling someone because they want or need to go back to work, that makes you a jerk!
Well good for you.. You are the exception...

I never belittled her.. I wanted her to think about what she was going to do....

Well we heard your "opinion" so why don't you just can it?
Okay... sure thing!

There is a big difference in wording between playing Devil's Advocate and being straight RUDE. Not a fine line, it was all in your wording. Honey, I can read between your lines and everything I have ever seen you post has been negative.

Why have kids then if you cant enjoy them when they are little???? When they grow up you will understand..

I just think that it is a better option to have your kids have your morals and values and not someone elses.. They came from you why not teach them what you want them to know?

#1 - "Why have kids if you can't enjoy them when they are little?" Woah! I'm not working right now, but I intend to go back, and this comment seriously offends me! They are MY kids who come home to ME every evening, who are with ME every weekend, so I DO enjoy them being little. I have kids because I wanted to be a mother, I wanted the rewards and satisfaction of raising my own kids - whether I have to work or not I still get the same rewards and satisfaction. Either way, staying home or working they are still my kids and I enjoy every single second of their lives. Thank you very much.

#2 - "I just think that it is a better option to have your kids have your morals and values and not someone elses.. They came from you why not teach them what you want them to know?" Ok, these statements I take even more offense to. If I am a full-time working mother who has her children in daycare, they will STILL have my morals and values, they will learn what I teach them and what I want them to know. Of course being in daycare they will learn other things that the providers are teaching them, but again, they are still MY KIDS WHO COME HOME TO ME EVERY DAY! I take huge pride in what I will be able to teach my kids as they get older and just because I choose to have them in daycare while I am working does NOT mean they will not know my personal values, morals, etc. Having a child in daycare does not mean you are not a parent who does have the chance to teach your own children compared to a mother who chooses to stay home full time with their children. :mad

I was told to "can" it or I would respond!

I was told to "can" it or I would respond!

And yet you still don't know when to be quiet

Rachael- If you feel you are making the best choice, than you do that. None of us live in your house, know your kids, or know how your feeling inside like you do. You do whats best for your family :yes Let it go in one ear and out the other, anything that anyone has said on here that has offended you. They only know their life, their children, and theirself. Don't let anyone make you feel bad. If it ends up being a mistake- you will see that and fix it. You'll never know how you feel until you do it, and right now this is what you want to do. So do it :)

If I had the opportunity you were being offered Rachael, I would take it in a heartbeat! I have 3 kids and it is impossible for me to take a job that would even be worth it because of how much it would cost in daycare.

Rachael- If you feel you are making the best choice, than you do that. None of us live in your house, know your kids, or know how your feeling inside like you do. You do whats best for your family :yes Let it go in one ear and out the other, anything that anyone has said on here that has offended you. They only know their life, their children, and theirself. Don't let anyone make you feel bad. If it ends up being a mistake- you will see that and fix it. You'll never know how you feel until you do it, and right now this is what you want to do. So do it :)


Perfectly said Rach! :yes

I was told to "can" it or I would respond!


Maybe you're children would benefit from you being AWAY from them more, so they don't get your attitude and unmoral justifications that we have all witnessed. Rachael is such a GREAT mother that she can go to work & be an amazing mother, & her children will have such amazing work ethics when they get older because they know their mother is hardworking, and witnessed it growing up. And she must be a really hardworker & smart woman if this company wants her back so badly they are willing to add in childcare!:yes

Maybe you're children would benefit from you being AWAY from them more, so they don't get your attitude and unmoral justifications that we have all witnessed. Rachael is such a GREAT mother that she can go to work & be an amazing mother, & her children will have such amazing work ethics when they get older because they know their mother is hardworking, and witnessed it growing up. And she must be a really hardworker & smart woman if this company wants her back so badly they are willing to add in childcare!:yes
:yes

Maybe you're children would benefit from you being AWAY from them more, so they don't get your attitude and unmoral justifications that we have all witnessed. Rachael is such a GREAT mother that she can go to work & be an amazing mother, & her children will have such amazing work ethics when they get older because they know their mother is hardworking, and witnessed it growing up. And she must be a really hardworker & smart woman if this company wants her back so badly they are willing to add in childcare!:yes


OH I have so much to say to this.. but cant....

:wink

Thats a very good offer. I would go for it.

to be honest, i think zoe reaped many benefits from being away from me. she has been in daycare with other kids and then preschool since 6 weeks old. though i missed her first crawl, first words, etc, i couldn't have provided as much stimulation for her as a certified daycare provider and the other kids her age from her classroom. being that she is an active kid, i feel she was given far more stimulation and excitement from other people. though i do miss not being there for some of her key moments, when i truly think about it, i think it helped me to appreciate the time i do get to spend with her more.... and she learned to talk and interact with other kids at a very early age, before most kids.

You must be an awesome worker for them to do that! I'd look into part-time or find out if I can work at home a couple days out of the week. If neither is possible, I'd give full-time a shot. Being able to come home during lunch will be great too. I hope it all works for you.

to be honest, i think zoe reaped many benefits from being away from me. she has been in daycare with other kids and then preschool since 6 weeks old. though i missed her first crawl, first words, etc, i couldn't have provided as much stimulation for her as a certified daycare provider and the other kids her age from her classroom. being that she is an active kid, i feel she was given far more stimulation and excitement from other people. though i do miss not being there for some of her key moments, when i truly think about it, i think it helped me to appreciate the time i do get to spend with her more.... and she learned to talk and interact with other kids at a very early age, before most kids.
I am sure she has reaped many benefits.. your situation was needed..

to be honest, i think zoe reaped many benefits from being away from me. she has been in daycare with other kids and then preschool since 6 weeks old. though i missed her first crawl, first words, etc, i couldn't have provided as much stimulation for her as a certified daycare provider and the other kids her age from her classroom. being that she is an active kid, i feel she was given far more stimulation and excitement from other people. though i do miss not being there for some of her key moments, when i truly think about it, i think it helped me to appreciate the time i do get to spend with her more.... and she learned to talk and interact with other kids at a very early age, before most kids.

I think that is a very positive point about being a working mom. Plus it teaches so much to your kids too, it's a win-win situation. If you're a good mom, you're gonna be a good mom,working 40 hours, or not!:yes

Wow after reading this bs, all I can say is I am VERY proud of being a working mother!! I feel I am teaching my daughter to be independent and not have to depened on anyopne evenif she gets married. We get to "do" alot of things we would not have the opportunity to if I did not work. Do you work outside your home? I work, and still have a great life outside of it with my kids!!!

Racheal, I'd go for it!!! It sounds like an AWESOME opportunity!!They must really love and value you!!!!

To each his own... you should do what you feel you need to do. I personally will be a SAHM. My mother was able to, and I know my brothers and I would not have had the jump start on life and education that we received if she had been working full time. She gave so very much to us in those early years. We didn't miss out on interaction either, our world revolved around church. We had time with other children there, my mom had time with other women there.... Have you looked into these kinds of resources?? There are so many churches and community centers that have programs for moms and kids, so the mothers do get out and interact with other adults, and the children learn to be around other kids as well. If money is the reason for needing to work though, then you have to do what you have to do. Families have to be provided for!

Rachael, you're being given an amazing offer. It can't hurt to try it out.

Racheal--I know a wonderful person, who works outside her home, she has two beautiful children. She got out of work after 6 years, her and her dh decided she would stay home for a while.

Once she stay home she became more and more of a not so happy person, she decided to go back to work.

Her wonderful beautiful children are now both married and love life. She is my mom. So I say go for it. If it doesn't work out for you or kid, you can always take a break or take less hours.

I stay home because that is what I wanted to do--I was in the Air Force for six years and hated leaving the kids everyday. But that is me!!!

Good Luck!!!!!! I hope you enjoy your job!!!!!!

SOrry I edit cause I put navy not work, dork my mom was never in the navy. LOL--during that time she did homeday too.

Well I don't have children so I'm not really sure if I should jump in here but I figured maybe nobody will notice ;)

What about when they are school age??? Would you say that teachers are raising the children??

I firmly agree with that comment. If someone has the opinion that it is 'not right' for a mother to leave her children with a qualified preschool or nanny then it seems to me that they should have the same, or similar, opinions about school. Would they be willing to homeschool their children? :thinkin If they were that adament about staying at home with them why should the magic age of 'five' be the right time to be away from them for 6 hours at a time? I personally would not feel comfortable staying at home all day with my children while my husband worked. I have no problem whatsoever with women who can do this...it just isn't for me. Well that and after all this college I better use my degree for something :P Anyways, Rachel, I think that ultimately it is up to you and you family. I am positive that you will make the right decision! Also...you must be a freakin' awesome worker for your job to offer that!! :yes

Why don't you go back on a trial basis Rach? See if it helps, I've known a few women who just couldn't do the "at home" thing, they get depressed and stressed out, which isn't healthy for the kids! If you're just 2 minutes down the street and able to come home for lunches and stuff...and they're willing to pay for a nanny - AWESOME DEAL! I'd take that up in a heart-beat! LOL

Rachael, I think that's a wonderful opportunity you have been given. There are NOT alot of companies out there willing to help their employees. Most companies are too worried about the bottom line - $$. Take the opportunity if it will help your family.

If I had the opportunity, and we were in a financial position for me to stay home - I would do it in a heartbeat. I have been a working mother my daughters whole life. I am a WONDERFUL mother. I MAKE the time to spend extra time with my kids. I AM involved in their schools. I DO take the time to have them participate in sports and other activities.

I DO have the working mother's guilt. I am not going to deny that. If I could have been a stay at home mother, I would have. I was in the military when I had my daughter. I really wouldn't change that, because the military gave me so much, I am now able to give my daughter a good life. When I got out of the military, about a year later, I got divorced - HELLO, single mom. I work. I work to provide for my daughter.

I am now remarried to a wonderful man that wants to afford me the Opportunity to stay home with our kids, and any future kids that we may have. That is our goal. I work to provide benefits for my family. My husbands job does not have medical and dental insurance - mine does.

People do what they have to for their own family situation. It isn't anyones place to judge a mother that works. I'll be damned if someone were to EVER tell me I am a bad mom because I work. My kids are WELL taken care of.

This battle between working mothers and stay at home mothers is so dissapointing. I don't see why it is so difficult to acknowledge that what is "right" and "wrong" is dependant upon so many factors that you couldn't possibly fathom in each situation. Again, they are as unique as the person posting. There are equal arguments for each side of the coin and I wonder if anyone has taken the time to research (in great detail to ensure accuracy) statistics on the success of children from each end of the spectrum. I have always worked and will always work because it is my belief that my children benefit tremendously by seeing living role models of what they are expected to become later in life. Let me emphasize "my" children. It really depends on what message you would like to send to your children and how you choose to convey that message. Neither is right or wrong. I am very careful to say that "this is my goal for my children" because it is just not in me (nor is it my place) to judge another for their decisions. Its not wrong, its just not my way of doing things. For me, I think to myself...honestly...what is the benefit of me staying at home (unless I have chosen to become a certified educator, taken early childhood development courses, etc.). What would I actually do ALL day long with them that would justify me not contributing to the family. What is my purpose at home....simply to have them "see" me there? How does this benefit them...seeing me for a few extra hours a day? They already see my love for them, my interest in everything they do. They see this by my participation in recitals, school carnivals, pta, dance, soccer, supplemental education (I teach them supplemental courses at home). They find comfort and share precious moments during the games we play, the trips we take, the family evenings and weekends, the stories at night and in the morning, making meals together, arts and crafts, the smile on my face when they are showing me the project they made in school or when they are telling me about their friends at school. I would show them no more or less love and attention if I were a stay at home mother. For me...working is imperative for the example that I want to set for my young girls. Part of raising my children is exposing them to certain environments and setting certain examples. It is very important to me that they see that my sole purpose (nor is it their sole purpose) in this world is not to bear children or be someone's wife. Children are an added blessing to the individual that I am. I was not meant to be just a wife or just a mother and they are not pre-destined to be consumed by what society chooses to keep them in check with this decade (my little tangent...sorry...lol). Being the individuals that God intended us to be...we have the ability to pursue whatever our hearts desire...for some...this may go no further than motherhood. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Its a great accomplishment and not an easy one!! LOL For others...they may need much more. Again...there is absolutely nothing wrong with this either. Motherhood can be one of your many accomplishments. This (for me) is very important for my children to learn. I choose to parent by example. My example to my children are that you make the most of this life that you were given, you must work to make it in this world because nothing is for free, live life to your fullest and give 200% all of the time. If you are true to yourself, you will live happy and meaningful life. All of the attorneys (working mothers) that I have worked with are more involved in their childrens lives than many stay at home mothers I have encountered. They make time with their children and their children have grown into happy, successful individuals. They have gone on to Ivy League colleges , lived spirtual lives, and started loving families of their own. They have basically followed in their parents footsteps. Its quite amazing. My best friend is a stay at home mom and she is completely involved in the enhancement, education and progress of her child. She has taken early education, behavioral classes, and diligently studies developmental/educational curriculas to ensure that she is giving everything she possibly canto her toddler. She attends playgroups on a daily basis, is constantly going on day and weekend trips with her daughter...its just amazing. To me...she has a purpose for staying home and I commend her for that. We have two very different parenting styles and our goals are different but NEITHER of us are "wrong". I have done a lot of rambling and I hope at least some of it makes sense and appeals to each side. My main point is that would should be very careful of how we choose to comment about our thoughts and opinions. Bickering between the two sides is pointless because there is there is no right or wrong way to parent (short of assulting your child...lol). It is very important that it be recognized. There are countless studies to support/dispute each and every argument that you could possible come up with. You are then left with the comment... to each his own. Evaluate why you feel that you have the option of evaluating someone elses life/decisions/etc. I am consumed by my own family so I never even entertain thoughts about different parenting styles...it just doesn't make sense....for me at least. WOW !!! This turned out so much longer than I thought it would...it just bothers me to see women arguing about certain subjects...rather than supporting each other.

Wow...I wrote an f'n book!!!! LOL (sorry)

Brandy, you always state your point beautifully! Very well said :yes :yes

I don't think there is a right and wrong answer. I admire people who make the decision to stay home because it is the right thing for their family. It is not and probably will never be the right thing for my family.

I've always had goals and wanted a career. That's not to say SAHM's don't have goals, but mine was to work for a purpose; for a greater calling. I got my undergraduate degree and I'm almost done with my masters. What's the purpose of all of that if I do it and stay home? I know I'm meant to work in the social work field. If I chose to stay at home, many people wouldn't get the counseling and treatment I could provide. What world would this be if every woman stayed home because it is what was expected or what she should do? All the progress we have made in the past 50+ years would be wasted.

I'm not saying it should never happen, but we need people to work outside the home. People with talents and callings to make the world OUR CHILDREN LIVE IN, a better place.

Brandy, you always state your point beautifully! Very well said :yes :yes

Thank you Sarah!!

One more point I wanted to touch on....

There was a comment about why people have children if they are not prepared to raise them...or something of that nature....

An extreme supporter of stay-at-home parenting could argue that part of raising your children is also educating those children. They could very well argue that pawning them off to the public or private education sector "makes no sense". Some could argue that it is your responsibility as a parent to become a certified educator for grades K-12 in order to fulfill your parental duties. They could make a similar comment and state that you should have thought about and prepared yourself to raise your children properly (which includes their education). Why have children if you are not prepared to provide for them in every aspect? ....one could argue... Where do you draw the line?

Ok I've read through this thread and I can say that more than one person on each side of the coin has said things that I could take as offensive. I've been on both sides of then coin - I worked and had a child in daycare, I've been a SAHM and wife, I did private school, I homeschooled 5 kids for 6 years, I've done public school. There are pros and cons to each side. This topic becomes so heated because people on each side are passionate and defensive of what they are doing. You have to be able to make choices that are in the best interests of you and your family. An opinion was asked and to many times on this and other boards if a person posts against the majority they are flamed and an attempt is made to beat them down. We all need to realize that not everyone has the opinion as we do. The person posting the thread should be able to read, take from the OPINIONS what they feel they can use and leave the rest. In reading through the posts I've highlighted a few things that I read that COULD be offensive to me and some things that I disagree with. This is coming from BOTH sides.

I think before you have kids you need to make the decision to stay home with them when they are little.
I was working and pregnant with my first two children. Did it make me a bad person because I chose to have baby while working? Was my child "damaged" because she went to daycare when she was little?

Why have kids then if you cant enjoy them when they are little???? When they grow up you will understand
Once again I had kids in daycare when they were little, I also have children that are older. I worked and I still enjoyed them. The MAIN reason that I quite working was due to ship schedules and literally not wanting someone else to raise them.

nobody else is raising my children
I disagree with this. My daycare providers were helping me raise my child. If they weren't then it wouldn't matter who was watching them. I could have left them with anyone because they wouldn't have picked up the things that the caregiver was doing -either good or bad. I'm now a SAHM and I'm not raising my children myself - every person who has a significant role in their life and helping in the process of raising them. To me that makes it even more important to know who they are with.

The important thing is she is home 24/7.
Being a SAHM does not mean that I spend 24/7 at home. I probably spend a good portion of my time someplace besides in my home.

staying home or working they are still my kids and I enjoy every single second of their lives
I disagree with this statement. As a SAHM and as a working Mom I don't enjoy every single second of my kids live. I don't know that there is ANYONE who really does. I'm not there for every single second and there are MANY that I am there for that I DO NOT enjoy:giggle and I'm sure any mother, working or not, would agree!

a full-time working mother who has her children in daycare, they will STILL have my morals and values
This is not completely true. You HOPE that your children inherit your morals and values, being a working mom does not guarentee this anymore than being a SAHM. I have children of all ages and my children do things and say things that I DO NOT approve of and do not agree with. The will learn things from MANY, MANY people. Some of those things I will disagree with but they will not and do not. They are their own people.

Rachael is such a GREAT mother that she can go to work & be an amazing mother, & her children will have such amazing work ethics when they get older because they know their mother is hardworking, and witnessed it growing up.
Does this mean that because I chose to be a stay a home mom that my kids aren't going to have amazing work ethics?

I am teaching my daughter to be independent and not have to depened on anyone even if she gets married.
Does this mean that I am not teaching my daughters to be independent? DO I have to work full time in order to teach them this skill?

If someone has the opinion that it is 'not right' for a mother to leave her children with a qualified preschool or nanny then it seems to me that they should have the same, or similar, opinions about school. Would they be willing to homeschool their children? If they were that adament about staying at home with them why should the magic age of 'five' be the right time to be away from them for 6 hours at a time?
A 5 year old is a lot different than an infant just like a 16 year old is different than an 11 year old. If I chose to stay home with my babies it doesn't mean that I have to spend the rest of my life with them. As children grow and mature they are able to spend more and more time away from those significant people in their lives. Hopefully when they go off to school they have teachers who care about them and who help them to grow. When I worked I made sure that my children had qulity, caring providers. When I was in a place where the schools SUCKED I homeschooled.

It is very important to me that they see that my sole purpose (nor is it their sole purpose) in this world is not to bear children or be someone's wife.
Is there something wrong with being "just" a wife and mother? Because I chose to stay home at this point in my life does not mean that my sole purpose in life is to sit around pregnant catering to my children and husbands every needs.

My example to my children are that you make the most of this life that you were given, you must work to make it in this world because nothing is for free, live life to your fullest and give 200% all of the time.
I must not give 200% because I don't work full time. I must not make the most of my life because I don't work full time. And everything in my life must be free (hey does that man I don't have to make my mortage payment anymore:wink ) because I don't work full time? See things from both sides can seem offensive!

That's not to say SAHM's don't have goals, but mine was to work for a purpose; for a greater calling
OK I stopped working full time and decided to be a SAHM. That now means that I don't work for a purpose or a higher calling? I have goals, short term and long term. When I feel the time is right I resume pursuing those long term goals. Just because I set them aside for the time being to focus on raising my children doesn't mean that I don't have a purpose.

What world would this be if every woman stayed home because it is what was expected or what she should do? All the progress we have made in the past 50+ years would be wasted.
I wish we would waste some of the "progress" that we've made in the last 50+ years. In many ways the livs that our parents and grandparents lived in were much simpler and less violent.

Now I really jumped back and forth between the two sides. Mainly because I've been on both sides. Partly because I want people to see that no matter which side you are on you need to think about what you are saying and HOW you are saying. That's one purpose that I have in life - to teach my children to have an opinion but not to make other people feel that they are any less because their opinion is different. Will I suceed? I HOPE so but there is no guarentee. With 7 kids I have a pretty good chance of ONE of them learning it though:wink :giggle

Ste9: You make several good points and its wonderful that you can speak from experience. I can see how one might be offended by certain statements. (had to re-read my statements...lol :P ) It clearly shows how misconceptions can occur and your true intentions can be overlooked. People tend to jump on the defensive when a personal belief is contrary to their own. Its actually interesting and I am glad you pointed out some of my comments because I am the most diplomatic and non-judgmental person ... or at least I strive to be.:blush You have clearly demonstrated how easy it is for misunderstandings to occur due to defensiveness. Its difficult not to offend someone when stating your personal beliefs, which is why I am careful to say "I" but it probably doesn't matter if I say "I" or "personal" because I think its human nature to feel attacked if the opinion is different than your own. One might automatically think..."if they wouldn't do it my way...they must think I am wrong" which is obviosly not the case...at least for me. I truly commend both sides and honestly have no opinion of either parenting style...I just know what is right for my family and the messages I want to convey. My way is obviously not the only way to convey these messages but it is the way I choose to covey these messages. Giving 200% was meant to be stated "give it your all". I thought I expressed that rather well...but maybe not...lol. Even though I strive to be considerate of each side, I must say...I am learning that at some point...someone will be offended...myself included. It can be attributed to the individual responding. The eye of the beholder. Who you are, your personality, your confidence, your life experiences, etc... will all determine how you take certain comments, discussions, etc. If someone is careful and meticulous about using terms such as "I" and "personal" (rather than "this is the only way" or "you are wrong") and the comment is still offensive to them...perhaps the problem rests with the offended person. Does that make sense...lol. Again...you bring up some very good points...:D :thumbsup

I say that it may rest with the "offended" only because I had to sit and ask myself on several occasions why I felt offended when someone was so careful to convey it was their own personal choice. Its just something for us all to think about. Some are attacks from others and some are honest miscommunications that escalate.

Rachael ~

WOW what an offer.....you must be an incredible asset to your company for them to make you such an awesome deal.

I think you should take their offer....and adjust as needed.....such as go part time or work from home etc.

Your boys will benefit in so many ways.....# 1 being YOU WILL BE HAPPY!!!!

In addition it will teach them all the wonderful things WOMEN could do.

Best of luck to you as you begin this next phase.

~*D*~