To not to offend.

do you believe...

once a cheater alwyas a cheater

i agree with you. i hate that phrase "once a cheater...."

i mean, people make mistakes and then people can grow up and change.
and also, you might say it now, but when it comes down to it, you might not be out the door if your spouse cheats. you have not been in that situation.

:agree and it's :myop that from my own life and choices that people DO change!!!!

Stop being so closeminded. Not everyone stays in the immature rut of that life style :banghead :banghead

:lol You are cute, Michelle. Yes, I agree people do change. Not only that, but you never know the circumstances. :rolleyes So don't judge, don't label, don't stereotype.

Forgiveness and understanding are obviously hard for some people.

"Some" people are just perfect Joy... dont ever forget that! :rofl

:roflmao

:rolleyes yes, I must have forgotten :duh

Well how in the hell can I become perfect? :eek :ohno

Its too late for the likes of us Michelle :giggle

You have to be Christian! wait..is it Catholic? Oh no...you have to young and immature. That's it. You are no longer perfect once life hits you in the ass like a mack truck. :lol

I'm going to get in so much trouble tonight. :yes

I have to believe people make mistakes and can learn and change from them. If I didn't.. I wouldn't be married right now.

You have to be Christian! wait..is it Catholic? Oh no...you have to young and immature. That's it. You are no longer perfect once life hits you in the ass like a mack truck. :lol

I'm going to get in so much trouble tonight. :yes

im young, and im not a total idiot?!

Michelle you just have to teach Anya that she IS perfect... no faults what so ever. Get her a very high horse to ride on.... one of mine "might" do in a pinch. You teach her that her opinion is the ONLY opinion there is, its always right no matter what, then you teach her to stereotype people. Start with Navy wives are whores... and Marine wives are worse :rofl Ill give you more of my lesson plan as I MAKE it up :lmao

:agree

im young, and im not a total idiot?!

We are working on your training Ash :giggle :devil :neener

We are working on your training Ash :giggle :devil :neener

:lol

im young, and im not a total idiot?!

It looks like you've had some training. :heehee :neener

:duh Well crap!!!! Why didn't I get that memo back in the day?

So that was our problem Joy. Asshat and I opted for Wet Downs rather then church. :duh :lmao

Why isn't anyone else posting? Seriously, I'm not going to bash anyone, just want to know what is your reasoning in thinking "Once a cheater, always a cheater."

Because it seems that it's mostly the ones that make those statements that say, "If he cheats I'm out the door."

So, ummm, how do you "know" the other statement is true if you are out the door?

Michelle you just have to teach Anya that she IS perfect... no faults what so ever. Get her a very high horse to ride on.... one of mine "might" do in a pinch. You teach her that her opinion is the ONLY opinion there is, its always right no matter what, then you teach her to stereotype people. Start with Navy wives are whores... and Marine wives are worse :rofl Ill give you more of my lesson plan as I MAKE it up :lmao

:roflmao

:duh Well crap!!!! Why didn't I get that memo back in the day?

So that was our problem Joy. Asshat and I opted for Wet Downs rather then church. :duh :lmao

:lol You've figured it out, Michelle. Now I have to kill you.

Why isn't anyone else posting? Seriously, I'm not going to bash anyone, just want to know what is your reasoning in thinking "Once a cheater, always a cheater."

Because it seems that it's mostly the ones that make those statements that say, "If he cheats I'm out the door."

So, ummm, how do you "know" the other statement is true if you are out the door?

:yes tis why I posted over here then general forum. Im curious as to why people who make the mistakes are not allowed a 2nd chance at redemption and life.

I'm waiting for someone to throw the first stone. :devil

This could get interesting....


I dont know why no one wants to play with us. I guess its intimidating to have a post made specifically about a statement you made, with your head up your butt... or your foot in your mouth whichever you prefer.....


It also takes something to defend your stance... I think the past few nights as we have waded through circumcision, vaccinations and other HIGHLY debatable issues, we have proven that we can DEBATE an issue out... without using the CCA.... or beating anyone within an inch of their lives.... :dunno

I'm waiting for someone to throw the first stone. :devil

i would have possibly, but with this whole living in a glass house thing.

just kidding.

Well I just read CCA as caca as in poop :lmao

I'll bite :teehee I was cleaning crayon out of a kids teeth......



Once a cheater.......well if you are in the right relationship I do not think this is true. If is a wrong relationship then it is very much true. If one is cheating over and over and over it is the wrong relationship.....RUN and dont look back.


He cheats and I'm out the door......well I've always said this but again if its the right relationship then its hard to walk away from. Forgiveness is possible as is it being a 1 time offense.

Well I just read CCA as caca as in poop :lmao


Nope its my infamous blinkie.... :devil

:imwaiting where is my bashing :ohno

So, ummm, how do you "know" the other statement is true if you are out the door?

I was wondering the same thing Joy!!:screwy :dunno

:imwaiting where is my bashing :ohno

how can we bash? you were kinda a fence sitter in your post!! no real stones thrown :(

:haha: April got called a fence sitter :giggle

how can we bash? you were kinda a fence sitter in your post!! no real stones thrown :(


:lmao I was thinking earlier today about making a thread about sittin the fence :teehee

Saying once a cheater always a cheater is like saying typical man or typical woman to me, or even like saying all navy men cheat on their spouses or all spouses cheat on their man.... It is stereotyping....

Do some people still cheat? Certiantly. Just as some do not. Do people in the military cheat? Sure! Just as alot do not. We are all individuals with our own individual feelings and actions. Just because 1 person goes out and cheats and cheats doesnt mean the next person will. I cant tell you how many people told me my marraige would fail..Why? Because we met, engaged and married in 2 and a half months time..Here we are almost 12 years later. What holds true for 1 person doesnt always hold true for the next. Thats why stereotyping is usually wrong and a waste of time to me...

ETA...BUT people ARE entititled to their opinions. We had that debate before on here ;)

:haha: April got called a fence sitter :giggle


Thats a first!:shock :giggle

:rofl

Thats a first!:shock :giggle

Is that a good thing or bad thing? :giggle :tease

I like how you worded your post. :yes

Is that a good thing or bad thing? :giggle :tease

I like how you worded your post. :yes

ditto, i think it was a good response

Is that a good thing or bad thing? :giggle :tease

I like how you worded your post. :yes


Not sure yet :thinking It bugs the hell out of me when people cant make a decision or pick a side. :dunno


Thanks!

Ok 1st thing....I have been in the situation where I did stay and I just kept getting hurt. Been in that situation more than once (now I am happily engaged to a wonderful man). So THAT is why I believe in that statement. I am not perfect....no one is so stick that comment up your ass and rotate on it. I believe in morals. If you cheat....whether it's being unfaithful or cheating someone out of money....whatever....that is wrong. I do give second chances if I trully believe that person deserves it. But I still stand by my statement. Shit on it all you want.

ditto, i think it was a good response


:sing I got praise from ASH! :yahoo :teehee

Ok 1st thing....I have been in the situation where I did stay and I just kept getting hurt. Been in that situation more than once (now I am happily engaged to a wonderful man). So THAT is why I believe in that statement. I am not perfect....no one is so stick that comment up your ass and rotate on it. I believe in morals. If you cheat....whether it's being unfaithful or cheating someone out of money....whatever....that is wrong. I do give second chances if I trully believe that person deserves it. But I still stand by my statement. Shit on it all you want.

you sure know how to take the high road when you post, sounds so eloquent. :rolleyes

Ok 1st thing....I have been in the situation where I did stay and I just kept getting hurt. Been in that situation more than once (now I am happily engaged to a wonderful man). So THAT is why I believe in that statement. I am not perfect....no one is so stick that comment up your ass and rotate on it. I believe in morals. If you cheat....whether it's being unfaithful or cheating someone out of money....whatever....that is wrong. I do give second chances if I trully believe that person deserves it. But I still stand by my statement. Shit on it all you want.

Ok, you want to get dirty, but I have a question, why does your response sound so high school? If you believe in what you are saying, why are you getting so defensive? Grow up chicky. Why would you think EVERYTHING in this thread is about you?

Plus, I don't see how you stand by your comment, "once a cheater, always a cheater". You believe it because you had some bad experiences? So you stereotype everyone else that's made the mistake? Wow, get out of the small dream world you live in. You are now talking about morals, who said cheating was "ok"?

:sing I got praise from ASH! :yahoo :teehee

aww, that makes me feel bad :(

we dont agree, ever. but i still like ya girl!!

Ok guys..can we keep it civil? Pretty please? I *think* this was brought to debates because frankly it really is a good debate. But lets keep the personal attacks and bashing out of it please :) Or I might have to go find my rainbow shooter!! Thanks!! :D

you sure know how to take the high road when you post, sounds so eloquent. :rolleyes

Ok, I don't believe in "once a cheater, always a cheater"...I believe people can and will change.

But, she did called out and she is defending her opinion. I'd be a little riled up if someone called me out like that.

:wavey

Ok, I don't believe in "once a cheater, always a cheater"...I believe people can and will change.

But, she did called out and she is defending her opinion. I'd be a little riled up if someone called me out like that.
Thats true. Maybe change the first post and take out all the comments and simply ask if you believe in the statement "once a cheater, always a cheater" This way it wont make anyone feel attatcked

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v415/USNwife_April/followrainbowa.gif

But, she did called out and she is defending her opinion. I'd be a little riled up if someone called me out like that.


ditto, MANY of us has made that exact same statement.....

Ok 1st thing....I have been in the situation where I did stay and I just kept getting hurt. Been in that situation more than once (now I am happily engaged to a wonderful man). So THAT is why I believe in that statement. I am not perfect....no one is so stick that comment up your ass and rotate on it. I believe in morals. If you cheat....whether it's being unfaithful or cheating someone out of money....whatever....that is wrong. I do give second chances if I trully believe that person deserves it. But I still stand by my statement. Shit on it all you want.

so just because that has been your situation, that is how it is. nope sorry dont think so. i have been down that road many times with DH. the last time i left and filed for divorce. he figured out that i wasnt playing anymore, and now we have made it past our 10 yr anniversary and things have never been better. so to me... there goes that blanket statment out the window!

Ok, it's ignorance like that, that could have possible kept me from having 2 beautiful babies and another one on the way with my husband, that I love dearly, cherish with all my heart, and he feels the same back towards me. I cheated on him. I made a mistake. Hmmm, a wedding ring later, 5 years later, 2 kids later and another on the way, I am still going to cheat on him? Right. Some of us learn our lessons. Some of us find something worth staying and changing for. Or we move on.

Ok, you want to get dirty, but I have a question, why does your response sound so high school? If you believe in what you are saying, why are you getting so defensive? Grow up chicky. Why would you think EVERYTHING in this thread is about you?

Plus, I don't see how you stand by your comment, "once a cheater, always a cheater". You believe it because you had some bad experiences? So you stereotype everyone else that's made the mistake? Wow, get out of the small dream world you live in. You are now talking about morals, who said cheating was "ok"?
My question for you is if you believe in letting people express their opinions....then why the hell are you putting me down so much. Get the stick out of your ass :vent

I have known some people who have cheated on their loved ones, and I dont trust them, and I would never be with them. I have never cheated on my husband and he would never cheat on me. I think if you are in the situation Like crystal maybe you might agree- being hurt is not good and she got out of her situation. Go Crystal. But I do have to say I just cant believe that yall are all ganging up on someone! I mean maybe you dont agree with what she had to say but why be so mean?

I changed the first post so not to offend people.

We each have probably had our own experiences with either cheating, or being cheated on. Some people change, some don't. To say that you have changed and would never cheat again is great...but some other people would not be that smart and they would continue to cheat and ruin the lives of the family that loves them.

If you have been hurt by being cheated on (as it looks like she has), its hard to get past that and to accept that some people can and really do change.

My question for you is if you believe in letting people express their opinions....then why the hell are you putting me down so much. Get the stick out of your ass :vent

Seriously, you are the one cursing, and being immature. If you think that is putting you down, then wow :shock. I'm not going to say sorry for holding an adult conversation, if you can't play with the adults then think about how YOU are coming across.

BTW, nothing in what you had quoted, is putting you down. Seriously, it's the internet, grow some thicker skin.

We each have probably had our own experiences with either cheating, or being cheated on. Some people change, some don't. To say that you have changed and would never cheat again is great...but some other people would not be that smart and they would continue to cheat and ruin the lives of the family that loves them.

If you have been hurt by being cheated on (as it looks like she has), its hard to get past that and to accept that some people can and really do change.


ah but then there are those who have been cheated on and the other half has changed.... which makes that blanket statment wrong. just because there was no change for her doesnt make that blanket statement right. and it's not just her opinion of that that i have a problem with. it's with everyone that says that!!!

I have known some people who have cheated on their loved ones, and I dont trust them, and I would never be with them. I have never cheated on my husband and he would never cheat on me. I think if you are in the situation Like crystal maybe you might agree- being hurt is not good and she got out of her situation. Go Crystal. But I do have to say I just cant believe that yall are all ganging up on someone! I mean maybe you dont agree with what she had to say but why be so mean?


Yes, i am happy she got out of her situation. But that doesn't give the right to stereo type. It's plain ignorant, IN MY OPINION. What has been said that's so mean?

:wavey

my ex cheated on me for over a year of our 1.5 year relationship. the one i found out about when we were together i stayed, he apologized and he cheated again not even a week later. when we broke up i was feeling sorry for myself so we sort of became friends with benefits even though he had a new gf (i know encouraging someone to cheat even if you are not with someone is just as bad) and we "hooked" up in her apartment (he was cat-sitting) while she was out of town for christmas more than once. they are married now, i have no idea if he changed his ways but i can tell you that i believe he is still a cheater, maybe not habitually anymore but i truly believe he is one.

now not all guys fall into the category once a cheater always a cheater but many of them do. some grow up and change their ways but the ones i have known don't.

I understand she is hurt. I've been in the boat before I made my choice to cheat. So I know excatly how it hurts for yrs and yrs of being lied to.

But once again. Why is it okay for ANYONE, not just her, to make comments that we are all the same. Just like most new wives say all exwives are a complete bitch? Knowing that there maybe people around who are the exwife and are not a bitch. Or are we to just assume that if you are an ex or a cheater you will forever be labeled that and never move on in life?

:agree

ah but then there are those who have been cheated on and the other half has changed.... which makes that blanket statment wrong. just because there was no change for her doesnt make that blanket statement right. and it's not just her opinion of that that i have a problem with. it's with everyone that says that!!!


That's what I said. Some change, some don't. I have been cheated on in the past by an ex-bf, and I still have the opinion that people can change. It depends on the situation at the time and the people involved.

I think everyone is probably at fault of making a "blanket statement" at some point in their lives.

Yes, i am happy she got out of her situation. But that doesn't give the right to stereo type. It's plain ignorant, IN MY OPINION. What has been said that's so mean?

If you look back at the post yall were waiting for her to post and then all of yall attacked her, I mean I have never seen anything like this before Maybe that is because My mom raised me with manners!:dunno

Ok, it's ignorance like that, that could have possible kept me from having 2 beautiful babies and another one on the way with my husband, that I love dearly, cherish with all my heart, and he feels the same back towards me. I cheated on him. I made a mistake. Hmmm, a wedding ring later, 5 years later, 2 kids later and another on the way, I am still going to cheat on him? Right. Some of us learn our lessons. Some of us find something worth staying and changing for. Or we move on.
Oh....I see why you didn't like my comment.....because you cheated. Hmmmmm......hit below the belt huh? No excuse for cheating. No excuse for you significant other to have sex with someone else but you. No excuse.

Oh....I see why you didn't like my comment.....because you cheated. Hmmmmm......hit below the belt huh? No excuse for cheating. No excuse for you significant other to have sex with someone else but you. No excuse.
Whoa...easy there :rolleyes

Oh....I see why you didn't like my comment.....because you cheated. Hmmmmm......hit below the belt huh? No excuse for cheating. No excuse for you significant other to have sex with someone else but you. No excuse.

now see you still havent answered the questions to those who have changed or the spouses have changed...

:kickcan

Oh....I see why you didn't like my comment.....because you cheated. Hmmmmm......hit below the belt huh? No excuse for cheating. No excuse for you significant other to have sex with someone else but you. No excuse.

You need to pull in your reigns there. That was straight uncalled for.

If you look back at the post yall were waiting for her to post and then all of yall attacked her, I mean I have never seen anything like this before Maybe that is because My mom raised me with manners!:dunno

You haven't been around much, but that was not us "attacking" her. If you go through many of the other posts made in other parts of the forum, not everything in a thread, is about one specific person or thing.

it was fun before :(

Oh....I see why you didn't like my comment.....because you cheated. Hmmmmm......hit below the belt huh? No excuse for cheating. No excuse for you significant other to have sex with someone else but you. No excuse.

Look, child. You don't know my situation, so seriously grow up. Oh, crap, it's getting high school in here. :rolleyes.

now see you still havent answered the questions to those who have changed or the spouses have changed...
Sure they have changed but have they really?? Ya never know...and I feel they can never be fully trusted again.

my ex cheated on me, but i truly believe he has changed, and maybe i am naive, but not everyone is a bad person.

i think it is great that joy realised she made a mistake, george forgave her, they moved on, they have a beautiful family full of REAL LOVE... becuase people mature, they grow up, they realise mistakes, they make corrections... it's called life. not everything is cut and dry...

Sure they have changed but have they really?? Ya never know...and I feel they can never be fully trusted again.

yes he has changed and i do completely trust him... you dont know my life or my DH.... dont go there with me!!

Hmm no we were talking about everyone in general. It wasn't just her. It could have been anyone who wanted to defend that statement. Yes pulling her qoute out wasn't the best choice and I changed the first post. But she was the one who started the cussing and rudeness when we were all joking amongst each other about the ignorance of EVERYONE who BELIEVES in blanket statements.

Why can't someone believe what they want to believe? I mean this is kinda what our husband fight for, Right? Why is it so wrong for her to believe that "once a cheater always a cheater." That is what she believes in. Maybe some people are a little more emotional then others. I dont know? :duh :dunno

Why can't someone believe what they want to believe? I mean this is kinda what our husband fight for, Right? Why is it so wrong for her to believe that "once a cheater always a cheater." That is what she believes in. Maybe some people are a little more emotional then others. I dont know? :duh :dunno

im so confused at your involvement in the thread, do you have an opnion on the question or just on our collective behaviour?

We took this to the New and Debates for that reason. This was mild until a minute ago. :rolleyes

imho everyone has made a blanket statement about someone or something or a particular group of someones or somethings. how many of us have said blondes are dumb? i am blonde and i've even said it jokingly but its still a blanket statement. I AM NOT DEFENDING EITHER SIDE OF THE ARGUMENT, just illustrating that we all say it. yes what's true for some is not true for all but i believed the "once a cheater...." statement alot in my youth simply because that's all i had known. up until i met dh i would've said that "once a cheater..." but then i met dh and it changed my whole perspective. it just matters on where you are in your life.

:wavey

im so confused at your involvement in the thread, do you have an opnion on the question or just on our collective behaviour?

Well actually she is one of my good friends! And I agree with her!:hi

People do change. Sometimes for the good, sometimes for the bad. Life is always changing. People make mistakes. Some learn from them, some don't. I don't know where the hell I was going with this........:duh

imho everyone has made a blanket statement about someone or something or a particular group of someones or somethings. how many of us have said blondes are dumb? i am blonde and i've even said it jokingly but its still a blanket statement. I AM NOT DEFENDING EITHER SIDE OF THE ARGUMENT, just illustrating that we all say it. yes what's true for some is not true for all but i believed the "once a cheater...." statement alot in my youth simply because that's all i had known. up until i met dh i would've said that "once a cheater..." but then i met dh and it changed my whole perspective. it just matters on where you are in your life.

I completely agree. Life changes you and you grow up. You look at things differently. At the age of 20 I thought I knew it all, and this was the only way things are. I don't claim to know everything now, but I sure know I look at things differently.

i agree as well that life makes you change your opnions drastically.

i was all about once a cheater... wheni waslike 15-16 but when john cheated on me and THEN I fell madly, truly in love, i knew it was based on 100% trust. and he HAD changed. even in hindsight, he was a great man after he got over his immaturity

yes he has changed and i do completely trust him... you dont know my life or my DH.... dont go there with me!!
I wasn't pointing my post in your or anyone elses direction. Calm down. I feel once a person has deceived you in any way, you can never fully trust that person. The trust can grow but never be 100%

I wasn't pointing my post in your or anyone elses direction. Calm down. I feel once a person has deceived you in any way, you can never fully trust that person. The trust can grow but never be 100%

i just think that is sad that you are soo jaded that you would NEVER trust them again. that is sad.

I wasn't pointing my post in your or anyone elses direction. Calm down. I feel once a person has deceived you in any way, you can never fully trust that person. The trust can grow but never be 100%

what do you mean it wasnt directed at me??? you quoted me! and yes the trust can be 100% again. my marriage is proof of that one.

:drama

Ahhhh. Just sitting here with my popcorn.

Sorry couldn't resist. :::Hanging my head:::

Maybe just maybe becuase it hurts others with that belief. That Im sitting here looking at my family pictures, my wedding ring, feeling our baby kick inside me and I know that people can change. Why is it okay for ANYONE to be insensitive to anyone who has made the steps to better themselves. Maybe Im just a hormonal preggo bitch missing her family but it seriously hurts to hear people make comments like that without believing people can change.

I am sorry that you are prego missing your family. I dont think you are a bitch though. I know how it is to be prego and missing your family! I have been there twice. I dont think she was being insensitive to anyone who has changed their ways. If they have GREAT!!!! :yahoo I am so happy for yall! But it was just her thinking and from living life! I believe people can change but I dont think I COULD ever trust someone who cheated. I just could not do it personally.

Maybe just maybe becuase it hurts others with that belief. That Im sitting here looking at my family pictures, my wedding ring, feeling our baby kick inside me and I know that people can change. Why is it okay for ANYONE to be insensitive to anyone who has made the steps to better themselves. Maybe Im just a hormonal preggo bitch missing her family but it seriously hurts to hear people make comments like that without believing people can change.

You don't know her situation, and she doesn't know yours. Both sides are attacking each other and saying that their opinion is wrong. What's the point in that? Yes, I understand a good "debate", but just as you feel that she's in the wrong for defending her ideology on the matter, she feels that people who cheat probably won't change.

I don't know, I just feel she's entitled to her belief, just as you are entitled to yours.

Well to me it looks like alot of people on this thread like to walked all over. "Oh I am going to cheat on you, but I will change...trust me" Yeah right.

I wasn't pointing my post in your or anyone elses direction. Calm down. I feel once a person has deceived you in any way, you can never fully trust that person. The trust can grow but never be 100%

That's a sad life to live. There's soemthing called forgiveness, faith, and trust. It's a superficial love that can't apply it at one time or another. There will always be deception. Not one person tells the truth all the time. Then what?

what do you mean it wasnt directed at me??? you quoted me! and yes the trust can be 100% again. my marriage is proof of that one.
I quoted you to answer you question you asked me

Well to me it looks like alot of people on this thread like to walked all over. "Oh I am going to cheat on you, but I will change...trust me" Yeah right.

are you being serious!?

we have all kind of simmered down, other than you... i dont like to be walked all over. fact is though, i was cheated on and i OVERCAME THAT AND MOVED ON. as many have. donna and her husband is a good example, they overcame a hardship and now are IN LOVE and HAPPY... i hardly think she was "walked all over"

Well to me it looks like alot of people on this thread like to walked all over. "Oh I am going to cheat on you, but I will change...trust me" Yeah right.

Once again, you are stereotyping everyone into your sad view of people.

Well to me it looks like alot of people on this thread like to walked all over. "Oh I am going to cheat on you, but I will change...trust me" Yeah right.

:no

You don't know her situation, and she doesn't know yours. Both sides are attacking each other and saying that their opinion is wrong. What's the point in that? Yes, I understand a good "debate", but just as you feel that she's in the wrong for defending her ideology on the matter, she feels that people who cheat probably won't change.

I don't know, I just feel she's entitled to her belief, just as you are entitled to yours.

I agree, I could not word it right!

:dramasign

:drama

Ahhhh. Just sitting here with my popcorn.

Sorry couldn't resist. :::Hanging my head:::


I'm enjoying myself here too!! You're not alone!!

Some people are dumb and 21 and dont think with their right head. But he's damn glad he's with me and not her now. I'm what he needed, even in the time he didnt' see it. I wouldnt have my boys if i believed that statmenet.

:dramasign

:dunno

but arent you the one causing the drama??

I dunno but if my DH cheated on me I'd really have to think about giving him another chance because I'd be so hurt. Sure people change and they can only cheat once and never do it again that is true. While other will just keep on doing it it really depends on the person. If I did stay with my DH I would have a hard time trusting him again because there would always be that doubt. I dont want anyone bashing on me cuz this is just the way I feel. I would just find it hard to completely trust him for a long time. I might after awhile but I would probably be a lot more worried when he was around other girls. :P

Cant we all agree to disagree?

Well to me it looks like alot of people on this thread like to walked all over. "Oh I am going to cheat on you, but I will change...trust me" Yeah right.


:giveup not worth it with someone as closed minded as you

Cant we all agree to disagree?

I (L) that saying.. along with "I don't agree with what you're saying-but I'll fight to death your right to say it"

Just a sidenote..sorry if I threadjacked:oops

Okay after sitting here thinkng about BOTH sides.

Yes she is entilted to her opinon/belief on the subject just like we are.
People make choices in their life that aren't always the best.
And they are usually young when they make these mistakes.
To say that people can't change is being ignornant.
Yes she is jaded still and I hope that as she or anyone gets older they learn to know and understand that people do change for the better.
Yes I know excatly where she and many other cheated SO's come from.
But to blanket statement everyone is wrong.

- Like parents who don't pay child support? Does that really make all of them dead beats? Or only a few that trully deserve that title?
- Ex wives? Are they all trully the evil bitch from East? Or can some of them be pretty cool?
- Teen parents? Are they all trully ignorant and live off the system or do some grow up and make something of their lives?
- drug / alcohol abusers? Are they all just addicts and ruining or their lives or do some make the choice to stopruining their lives and others and beat the battle?
- military wives? Are they all truly whores and sluts only married to their man to make money or can some of them actually keep their legs closed and stay devoted to their marriage while their man is away?

So do you just lump everyone together and not give a crap if you are hurting someone elses feelings? Do automatically assume that people who have fallen and made their mistakes are not worthy of being looked upon the same as someone who hasn't fallen?

Oh....I see why you didn't like my comment.....because you cheated. Hmmmmm......hit below the belt huh? No excuse for cheating. No excuse for you significant other to have sex with someone else but you. No excuse.

I don't post on here much, actually I come on here to only chat with her, but you just made me want to come on here and clear up your immature misconceptions. My wife has NOTHING to feel bad about. It would take a bigger woman than you to get her below the belt. You even infering that, she will do it again is stupid and ignorant, considering the fact that you don't know my wife, you don't know our situation.

Grow up young lady, you don't know everything in life. I agree with my wife, you are going off of stereotype and worse, you don't have any real thoughts to support your feelings, except for the fact that you've been cheated on and you have a cheater father.

:grouphug :grouphug :grouphug :grouphug

leave it to dawna to bring in the hugs!

I had to add, there is only one person on here that I see is pointing fingers and putting people down.

leave it to dawna to bring in the hugs!

I know right. Cuz she is the sweetest! :yes

leave it to dawna to bring in the hugs!

boy am I glad we spell our names different!!! :yeehaw

Ummmm....how could I have started the drama when I didn't start the thread and did not post until about 40 post into it?? Hmmmmmm

leave it to dawna to bring in the hugs!


:giggle :yes :lol :yeehaw

:roflmao, someone was lurking while at work.

:roflmao, someone was lurking while at work.

that is so funny, he got right in it!




and crystal, this thread, was about the general thing, then you started slinging mud and throwing out swear words and name calling, saying we liked to be walked on. this could have gone down civilly, you just made sure it didn't

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v415/USNwife_April/followrainbowa.gif

In my book April, YOU ROCK! :yahoo

Well, DH not only loves me, but he trusts me and cherishs me. We both realize that not everyone is perfect and we all make mistakes. We have been able to work through ours. Some people can't. Luckily, we have a greater love than I could ever ask for.

that is so funny, he got right in it!

Its not that people "can't" change, its that some people "won't" change. In her original statement, she wasn't directing it to anyone on these boards, IMO. That's why I don't understand why people are taking it so personally.

She has unfortunately had someone cheat on her, and maybe it has made her jaded in her opinion. Which for me, I can totally understand why she would feel that way, even though I do NOT agree with her opinion.

I would also like to say that I have been on both sides of the coin. I have been cheated on, and I have cheated. I cheated because my ex-bf did it to me, so I did it to him.

Even though I have cheated on someone in the past, I did not feel like she was putting me down because of her statement.

I know my own heart, values, morales and opinions. I know that I would NEVER cheat on my husband. He is my whole life. And because I know that I would not do that to him, I did not feel like she was personally attacking me because of her "blanket statement".

i just think that is sad that you are soo jaded that you would NEVER trust them again. that is sad.
I can say that after being married to my dh for 12 years that I WOULD never fully trust him again. Cold hearted maybe but stepping out on our marriage and children is UNFORGIVABLE to me.

I felt attacked because this thread was created because of what I said in another one. Oh and to Joy's husband.....it was my opinion and can everyone respect that....Please!!!

If that is how she feels then that is how she feels. I personally dont agree with that statement either but everyone here was arguing back and forth not just her. Sure she said some things but if I were her I'd feel the need to defend myself too. I dont think swearing and putting others down was the way to go but when you get upset and feel everyone is against you sometimes you just go off. Cant we all just get along. :hugs :D

i respect the opinion, just not the way it was said.. at all.

nevermind, not going there

I felt attacked because this thread was created because of what I said in another one. Oh and to Joy's husband.....it was my opinion and can everyone respect that....Please!!!



I will respect your opinion when you don't choose to attack my wife. You are the one throwing dirty comments out. If I forgive her, who the hell are YOU to put her down? You are the one being snide.

This is the debate area right?

I felt attacked because this thread was created because of what I said in another one. Oh and to Joy's husband.....it was my opinion and can everyone respect that....Please!!!
The orginal poster has changed her first post so that you wont feel attacked. This is actually a good debate. There are many people who do feel like you do. And many people who dont. I'm sorry you felt attacked....

To answer the first question:

I live it, I love it and obviously do not believe

once a cheater alwyas a cheater

And it's more than just my personal experiences that make me feel this way. So get off it. I'm done with it because no one is going to respect my opinion....this is a waste of time. I have my morals and beliefs and so does everyone else. If you feel you can trust someone after they had sex with someone else...go right ahead? But I couldn't. End of story.

I will respect your opinion when you don't choose to attack my wife. You are the one throwing dirty comments out. If I forgive her, who the hell are YOU to put her down? You are the one being snide.

This is the debate area right?

I don't think she was just focusing on Joy. She was defending her position on the matter. I think anyone would be upset when being called ignorant because of her opinion.

My husband just read all of this and he agrees that if I cheated on him he could never trust me EVER! He said If I cheated he would kill me! :(

To answer the first question:

I live it, I love it and obviously do not believe

Yes, you do. :wub Now shouldn't you be working? :teehee

My husband just read all of this and he agrees that if I cheated on him he could never trust me EVER! He said If I cheated he would kill me! :(

:lol Sounds like what me and my DH say to each other when the topic of cheating comes up. :giggle

If you look back at the post yall were waiting for her to post and then all of yall attacked her, I mean I have never seen anything like this before Maybe that is because My mom raised me with manners!:dunno

What makes you think she was the one we were waiting on to enlighten us? Pretty presumptious on your part dont you think? :nutts



Kristen, yes I agree about everyone makes a blanket statement whether it be the one in this debate or the vaccine debate, or the circumcision debate, or the MIL debates, or the bash teen pregnancy debates..... I also said, Im willing to have any one I make shoved where the sun doesnt shine. :yes

Yes, you do. :wub Now shouldn't you be working? :teehee

:ohsnap

:lmao

Cant we all agree to disagree?

Look Im quoting you again....


When you have been here long enough, you will see that we hash and rehash things, and in the end we still ohhh and ahhh over baby pictures, offer congrats for hubbies coming home and get along. Its a debate, thus its in the debate forum. :rolleyes

:lol Sounds like what me and my DH say to each other when the topic of cheating comes up. :giggle
:scared :hairout :thumbsup :ohno

I don't think she was just focusing on Joy. She was defending her position on the matter. I think anyone would be upset when being called ignorant because of her opinion.


This is not an attack?

Originally Posted by Crystal520
Oh....I see why you didn't like my comment.....because you cheated. Hmmmmm......hit below the belt huh?


That was specifically thrown at Joy when she was trying to show another side to the situation. I agree that if a person isn't willing to at least hear out the other side they have made a willful choice to be ignorant. Hearing out both sides is not.

Look Im quoting you again....


When you have been here long enough, you will see that we hash and rehash things, and in the end we still ohhh and ahhh over baby pictures, offer congrats for hubbies coming home and get along. Its a debate, thus its in the debate forum. :rolleyes

totally the truth. we debate like there is no tomorrow around here, but then if any of the girls ever actually needed support, we would all totally offer an ear and a shoulder to her.

Look Im quoting you again....


When you have been here long enough, you will see that we hash and rehash things, and in the end we still ohhh and ahhh over baby pictures, offer congrats for hubbies coming home and get along. Its a debate, thus its in the debate forum. :rolleyes

Thanks sweetheart(L)

totally the truth. we debate like there is no tomorrow around here, but then if any of the girls ever actually needed support, we would all totally offer an ear and a shoulder to her.

:agree

I felt attacked because this thread was created because of what I said in another one. Oh and to Joy's husband.....it was my opinion and can everyone respect that....Please!!!

TO EARN RESPECT you must also be willing to give it. Cursing, ranting, raving and carrying on doesnt get respect in my book. If you had come without all of the above, I would read what you had to say, and then decide what I thought, for the most part I skipped your BOLD typed posts after the first curse word flew.

When you have been here long enough, you will see that we hash and rehash things, and in the end we still ohhh and ahhh over baby pictures, offer congrats for hubbies coming home and get along. Its a debate, thus its in the debate forum. :rolleyes

That's the beautiful thing about most of us being women. :yes

Looks like I didn't make any friends tonight :-(

:ohsnap

:lmao

:shizzle

:shizzle

gotta love a debate thread that goes to that smiley at somepoint :lol

That's the beautiful thing about most of us being women. :yes


Thank you for not including me in that. "The Wives" scare me as it is. :shock

I'd be scared to join the group.

Kristen, yes I agree about everyone makes a blanket statement whether it be the one in this debate or the vaccine debate, or the circumcision debate, or the MIL debates, or the bash teen pregnancy debates..... I also said, Im willing to have any one I make shoved where the sun doesnt shine. :yes

:D

I get that. Sometimes it just seems like people aren't allowed to have their own opinions and not be attacked for it, and that sucks. IMHO. A "debate" on the subject is one thing, being called ignorant because your opinion is deemed a blanket statement is another.

Ugggg, this hurting my head. If I have another seizure tonight, I'm blaming all of you. :nutts

Looks like I didn't make any friends tonight :-(

Don't let this discourage you. We all disagree and hash it out at times and then joke the next minute. I know I have a couple on here.

:D

I get that. Sometimes it just seems like people aren't allowed to have their own opinions and not be attacked for it, and that sucks. IMHO. A "debate" on the subject is one thing, being called ignorant because your opinion is deemed a blanket statement is another.

Ugggg, this hurting my head. If I have another seizure tonight, I'm blaming all of you. :nutts
OMG between you and Joy I've now spit my coffee on my keyboard TWICE!!!!:lmao

Looks like I didn't make any friends tonight :-(

I don't dislike you for disagreeing with me. I dislike the way you are coming across and trying to be snide. It doesn't work with me. I have thicker skin than that.

Looks like I didn't make any friends tonight :-(
That isnt true...This is the debate forum. And things in here are for debate. It gets passionate. It isnt "usually" personal. No matter how much we all debate we all still get along. Differences in opinion are great. And I truly do understand why you felt attatcked. But the orginal poster did change her first post so she wouldnt offend and the mudslinging continued. In here, this forum, most people DO disagree with each others opinions. Thats why we debate it ;)

:D

I get that. Sometimes it just seems like people aren't allowed to have their own opinions and not be attacked for it, and that sucks. IMHO. A "debate" on the subject is one thing, being called ignorant because your opinion is deemed a blanket statement is another.

Ugggg, this hurting my head. If I have another seizure tonight, I'm blaming all of you. :nutts

I truly hope you do not have one sweety! :hugs

:D

I get that. Sometimes it just seems like people aren't allowed to have their own opinions and not be attacked for it, and that sucks. IMHO. A "debate" on the subject is one thing, being called ignorant because your opinion is deemed a blanket statement is another.

Ugggg, this hurting my head. If I have another seizure tonight, I'm blaming all of you. :nutts


Kristen, she DID directly ATTACK JOY!!! For her to defend her opinion by pointedly attacking Joy is ignorant!

:D

I get that. Sometimes it just seems like people aren't allowed to have their own opinions and not be attacked for it, and that sucks. IMHO. A "debate" on the subject is one thing, being called ignorant because your opinion is deemed a blanket statement is another.

Ugggg, this hurting my head. If I have another seizure tonight, I'm blaming all of you. :nutts

If it makes anyone feel better. I find the refusal to see both sides ignorant. Not her feelings. Now do you want a group hug? If I bring it out, it's going to burn Apryl.

Please don't have a nother seizure on my account. Then I'd feel bad. :hugs

Thank you for not including me in that. "The Wives" scare me as it is. :shock

I'd be scared to join the group.


I threw that in there just for you because I saw your post and saw that you were reading. :giggle

Debates are a GOOD thing. In fact they're so good that I find myself sitting here and really thinking that my tune may change if God for bid I'm in this situation. I'm also sitting here judging cheaters less because I feel as though in order to cheat the marriage had to have had issues to begin with. :wow I totally cannot believe I'm typing this as I have always been SOOOOO against cheating.

Looks like I didn't make any friends tonight :-(


Look Im quoting you again....


When you have been here long enough, you will see that we hash and rehash things, and in the end we still ohhh and ahhh over baby pictures, offer congrats for hubbies coming home and get along. Its a debate, thus its in the debate forum.

Quoting you followed by quoting myself. Most of us are grown up enough to not hold one opinion you have against you.

When I made my posts I was not aware that the 1st post was changed....I am sorry if I took this tooo personal and that attacked Joy directly.

This is not an attack?



That was specifically thrown at Joy when she was trying to show another side to the situation. I agree that if a person isn't willing to at least hear out the other side they have made a willful choice to be ignorant. Hearing out both sides is not.

I took that as her addressing the group that was attacking her opinion, not just one specific person. But I understand what you are saying.

You and Joy have made the choice to move on with your lives and get past the "cheating". And you know what, that is GREAT! I applaud you for that. I don't believe in divorce, so what you did to keep your marriage together is a wonderful thing.

When I made my posts I was not aware that the 1st post was changed....I am sorry if I took this tooo personal and that attacked Joy directly.

I don't hold grudges, we all live and learn. I've had my ass jumped before too, ;). You learn how to deal with tact after so long. Sometimes, tact goes out the window, unfortunately.

If it makes anyone feel better. I find the refusal to see both sides ignorant. Not her feelings. Now do you want a group hug? If I bring it out, it's going to burn Apryl.

Please don't have a nother seizure on my account. Then I'd feel bad. :hugs


Im going away if you bring out that damn group huggy crap! :mad :mad :mad :vent :vent :vent :mad :mad :mad

Group huggy crap doesnt belong in DEBATES!

and no we cant all agree on everything.... unless someone has that damn rainbow blower out and is giving it up the crackasaurus rex again tonight:nutts


Now everyone just go BO-DUKE IT!

If it makes anyone feel better. I find the refusal to see both sides ignorant. Not her feelings. Now do you want a group hug? If I bring it out, it's going to burn Apryl.

Please don't have a nother seizure on my account. Then I'd feel bad. :hugs


I can see both sides, as previously stated in one of my posts...don't know which one though. LOL. I have been on both sides, I know the emotions that go along with it.

I've been having "little" seizures (also called absence seizures) all freaking day. :sick

Im going away if you bring out that damn group huggy crap! :mad :mad :mad :vent :vent :vent :mad :mad :mad

Group huggy crap doesnt belong in DEBATES!

and no we cant all agree on everything.... unless someone has that damn rainbow blower out and is giving it up the crackasaurus rex again tonight:nutts


Now everyone just go BO-DUKE IT!
Shhhhh my rainbow blower is still packed away. But I reserve the right to use it if need be ;) But it doesnt look like it is needed. And it does seem like a group hug moment!! :giggle

Im going away if you bring out that damn group huggy crap! :mad :mad :mad :vent :vent :vent :mad :mad :mad
Group huggy crap doesnt belong in DEBATES!

Now everyone just go BO-DUKE IT!


Its too late Apryl-I already brought it:teehee

I took that as her addressing the group that was attacking her opinion, not just one specific person. But I understand what you are saying.

You and Joy have made the choice to move on with your lives and get past the "cheating". And you know what, that is GREAT! I applaud you for that. I don't believe in divorce, so what you did to keep your marriage together is a wonderful thing.


We weren't married at the time. ;)

Honestly, there wasn't much to work through. Shit happened, I aksed her if she would do it ever again, she said no, and I believed her, then we went out to eat. I married her and I still believe her. She chose to share what happened. That in my eyes, is remorse. I never would have known, but my wife is not like that. She did not purposely decieve me, someone took advantage of her drunken state. Am I supposed to blame her because she blamed herself? The guy went to mass and everything but she blames herself for putting herself in a situation that got out of control.

This is why, I don't agree with blanket statements. You never know the whole situation.

:yahoo Apryl said Bo-Duke it :yahoo

Its too late Apryl-I already brought it:teehee

I chose to ignore your sweetness... I know its real :giggle

I chose to ignore your sweetness... I know its real :giggle


:hugs ;) :teehee :thumbsup

:grouphug :hugehug

:nana just for Apryl

Crystal what ever number she is, is now officially on my SHIT list :devil Watch out now Crystal.... oh yes you will learn grasshoppa, you will learn.... :devil

We weren't married at the time. ;)

Honestly, there wasn't much to work through. Shit happened, I aksed her if she would do it ever again, she said no, and I believed her, then we went out to eat. I married her and I still believe her. She chose to share what happened. That in my eyes, is remorse. I never would have known, but my wife is not like that. She did not purposely decieve me, someone took advantage of her drunken state. Am I supposed to blame her because she blamed herself? The guy went to mass and everything but she blames herself for putting herself in a situation that got out of control.

This is why, I don't agree with blanket statements. You never know the whole situation.

Ok, then what you did to keep your relationship together is a great thing. Either way, if you can know it, forgive and forget, then good for you. People give up to easily these days, so like I said, its great that you were able to deal with it so well.

will ya'll just can this sweet sappiness :puke:

Ok...I know you guys talked this one to death....but I'm adding my 2 cents..

once a cheater, always a cheater IF they don't give a crap about other people or improving your life.
If you choose to change your life, then you can overcome being a cheater.

JMO

will ya'll just can this sweet sappiness :puke:

What should we debate about next? :devil

Thank you. No marriage is perfect, but we've been able to work through the hard times. I wish you luck on whatever is going on with you. I noticed you mentioned something about seizures.

I dunno, but the night is young, we'll find something.

Thank you. No marriage is perfect, but we've been able to work through the hard times. I wish you luck on whatever is going on with you. I noticed you mentioned something about seizures.

Yeah, I was diagnosed as having seizures, but they don't know what's causing them yet. A CT scan revealed a mass on my brain though. Still waiting to get an MRI to determine what that is. Not an easy thing to deal with when you are all alone.

You and Joy have a beautiful family. When you can work through hard times like that, it just proves how strong you both really are! (L)

is it too late for the ass?????


http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v415/USNwife_April/02.jpg


I missed 95 posts while at dinner :inshock You had too much fun without me :tears

Well it has nothing to do with age. If you are not ready for committment- then don't do it. As i said- it has nothing to do with age considering 40 year olds cheat aswell.

Basically- i think people can change. However i would NEVER stay with the person that cheated on me. I have been cheated on, and he got the boot. Asshole!

I really have no idea- everyone is different. Some will always be cheaters, some will cheat and never do it again.. its not really fair to say anything like "once a cheater , always a cheater"- cos no one is that simple to be categorized into one simple sentence.

wow...so i'm coming in super late...everytime i got an idea to type, i'd read kristen's post and it be right there! So I agree with kristen. I didnt see the intial post, but it did seem like 'someone' was being called out on an opinion they have. then the shit flew in all directions, so some of you should probably check your shoes for shit! Anyway, somebody said something about things getting out of hand and tact going out the window...lol i just got banned from another site for MY tact going out the window!! So again, i love it here!

My 2 pennies:

Blanket statements happen all the time, are they wrong? sometimes. Are they ignorant? Most of the time, but not ALL of the time. I have been cheated on before. by my dh...BEFORE we were married. he did it ALOT! he stayed faithfull 1yr b4 we married and before i signed our marriage license i told him, if he EVER cheated on me, i would leave his ass in a nano second. Then he would fit that 'blanket statement'. he would never change....well we are going on our 4th anniversary and I'm still here. BUT I will still leave his ass quick if he went back down that road. I trust him? yes, untill he gives me a reason not to. IF i ever had that reason, THEN I'd leave. But I will leave with his bloody balls in my purse! So I am happy and I wont lose any sleep that he did it once he'll do it again, because if he does its his choice and NOTHING i do will change that.

wow...so i'm coming in super late...everytime i got an idea to type, i'd read kristen's post and it be right there! So I agree with kristen. I didnt see the intial post, but it did seem like 'someone' was being called out on an opinion they have. then the shit flew in all directions, so some of you should probably check your shoes for shit! Anyway, somebody said something about things getting out of hand and tact going out the window...lol i just got banned from another site for MY tact going out the window!! So again, i love it here!

My 2 pennies:

Blanket statements happen all the time, are they wrong? sometimes. Are they ignorant? Most of the time, but not ALL of the time. I have been cheated on before. by my dh...BEFORE we were married. he did it ALOT! he stayed faithfull 1yr b4 we married and before i signed our marriage license i told him, if he EVER cheated on me, i would leave his ass in a nano second. Then he would fit that 'blanket statement'. he would never change....well we are going on our 4th anniversary and I'm still here. BUT I will still leave his ass quick if he went back down that road. I trust him? yes, untill he gives me a reason not to. IF i ever had that reason, THEN I'd leave. But I will leave with his bloody balls in my purse! So I am happy and I wont lose any sleep that he did it once he'll do it again, because if he does its his choice and NOTHING i do will change that.


I noticed you are a :fryingpan member :giggle Way to go!!!:thumbsup :yahoo :yahoo

yeah...I think its pretty funny now...I was pissed at first though!

All I can say about all of this is, WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All I can say about all of this is, WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You're just jealous you werent here in the heat of the moment Brooke :giggle

You're just jealous you werent here in the heat of the moment Brooke :giggle

I read every single and last bit of it though. :mad I had to go and buy a new printer! I can't live without my computer stuff! :D

:giggle excuses excuses.... I would have loved to see your input say 10 pages back... or so...

Dang, there's been alot of banning lately. :lol

yeah, mostly because of debates!

Oh, I think Miss Brooke would have been HOT. :lol But I love her for it, b/c she would've been pissed on my behalf.

yeah, mostly because of debates!

Then what's the point of a debate forum.

Oh, I think Miss Brooke would have been HOT. :lol But I love her for it, b/c she would've been pissed on my behalf.

YES I would have!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok I know I am going to catch hell for this, but my ex did cheat on me, and i guess time changed him. So I suppose a person can change.

Ok I know I am going to catch hell for this, but my ex did cheat on me, and i guess time changed him. So I suppose a person can change.

You shouldn't catch hell for that ;)

Ok I know I am going to catch hell for this, but my ex did cheat on me, and i guess time changed him. So I suppose a person can change.

I don't see why you would catch flak for that statement. It's true, he better'd himself. Changing doesn't mean doing it with the person you hurt.

I think it's adult of you to even point it out that way.

Ok I know I am going to catch hell for this, but my ex did cheat on me, and i guess time changed him. So I suppose a person can change.


No reason for anyone to jump your shit about that statement Heidi.... DAMMIT I almost gave you a damn hug. :nutts

Note to self....MUST.STOP.BEING.A.BANDWAGON.JUMPER.

:lol

I don't see why you would catch flak for that statement. It's true, he better'd himself. Changing doesn't mean doing it with the person you hurt.

I think it's adult of you to even point it out that way.

I agree :)

awwwww..... i'm gonna have to go get a darn klenex now! LOL!! The rainbows and hugs got me all sappy eyed! HAHA!!!

my two cents don't matter on this one because my opinions have changed in the last 20 minutes it took to read the whole thread... GEEZ... are ya'll tired yet?? Need any aleve for your fingers??? :lmao

One more reason I love debates so much!!!

Thank you for a wonderful Debating when I am GONE!!!! PUNKS!!! LOL

I think that statement is a HUGE "blanket statement"---every situation is different--everyone takes "cheating" differently.

No body is perfect.

okay my two cents!! LOL

:creep

:lol

:creep

:poking

:scared

is it too late for the ass?????


http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v415/USNwife_April/02.jpg


I missed 95 posts while at dinner :inshock You had too much fun without me :tears


That's a great picture for someone who is a gay democrat :roflmao

Sarah dont you know you arent supposed to start ANOTHER debatible topic in a post that already has over 20 pages :shock Start your own thread!!! Take the rainbow ass with you!

:lmao

:poking

OK OK I think you should be able to debate a subject without slinging crap. I also think people can have different opinion without getting irrate. I ALSO think that your opinion can be changed by LISTENING to what someone else with a differing opinion has to say (take the post about my son who has some balls for example! Although I'm still waiting for the person who had a differing opinion to respond after my last post:dunno)

With that said - I ride the fence:roflmao!!

FENCE RIDERS!!! UNITE!!!

:giggle I really don't have an opinion BUT I haven't ever really gone through it.

:giggle I really don't have an opinion BUT I haven't ever really gone through it.

Very fair... very honest. I like your answer. It is hard to make a harsh judgement when its about a pair of shoes you have never walked in.

:agree I've learned not to give advice or opinions on a situation i haven't lived through. Just b/c it's bitten me in the ass later, when I realized how differently I've acted in a situation compared to what I "thought" I would've acted in a situation and have been basing advice/opinions on. I don't mind saying I was wrong.

I have been thru it. I have forgiven and let go. I gave full trust back. I can't believe I am actually saying it out loud.

I commend you. It's hard to trust again. It's hard to earn trust again, coming from the other side. ;)

thanks Joy. it has been a hard road, and I am just starting to talk about it (just because I hate the if he did it to me speak) no offense to any one, just happened a lot to me.


By the way when are you founding out what you are having,.

Ok so how's this for you...

I don't believe in "once a cheater always a cheater". HOWEVER, I do believe that it would be very difficult for me to stay with my husband if he cheated on me, and I've always said I'd be out the door. That's not for lack of love, but for lack of trust. This lifestyle is not the kind of lifestyle that will allow a successful marriage if there is no trust - and I don't trust people easily as it is.

Then that is your feelings, valid feeling, but you aren't placing those opinions or mistrust onto others. Ya know? I appreciate that. And yes, even though DH forgave me before we were married, I don't know if I could stay either, it's one of those, have to be in situations.

thanks Joy. it has been a hard road, and I am just starting to talk about it (just because I hate the if he did it to me speak) no offense to any one, just happened a lot to me.


By the way when are you founding out what you are having,.

Aug 28. :yahoo

Interesting question...I do want to say I don't get why that Crystal girl was jumped when what do you expect? She felt this post came as a mockery from a statement she made in another thread...which you guys started to joke about before she responded in here...But anyways...

Once a cheater, always a cheater? No. But, if you cheat more than once, I have to think you will do it again.

I'm sorry, but taht's what I think :shrug

If Phil cheated on me, would I leave? I would try to work things out, but knowing how I can be, I think I would be so devestated, I would never be able to look at him the same & I would always picture what he did. I also would think he was a selfish bastard :teehee and our family wasn't #1 to him. So, I think I'd have to leave...Who really knows.

It's obvious those that have either cheated or been cheated on are going to get defensive. Your defending the person you stayed w/...but you can't expect others to see your side of things. :shrug

Ok so how's this for you...

I don't believe in "once a cheater always a cheater". HOWEVER, I do believe that it would be very difficult for me to stay with my husband if he cheated on me, and I've always said I'd be out the door. That's not for lack of love, but for lack of trust. This lifestyle is not the kind of lifestyle that will allow a successful marriage if there is no trust - and I don't trust people easily as it is.

Same here...I just don't think I could ever trust him again...No matter how much counseling or what not...I am normally a very forgiving person, but that, I don't think I could. It's kind of like a territorial thing, in a way...Someone else touched him, slept w/ him, kissed him, whatever else that he shared w/ me...How could I share those things that meant something to us, again?

Why stay if that would be the case?

Well crap...I leave the board for a few hours to go see a movie, come back and next morning and BAM :shock ...I ALWAYS manage to miss the good stuff :no
Anyways...Nick cheated on me when we were in high school. It's not exactly a 'secret' either around here because we are from a very small town. It's hard for people to understand why I stood by him but the answer is pretty simple. As hard as it was/is to stay with him and trust him completely...it would be much harder to leave. I love him and he has yet to give me a reason to not trust him...although if he ever did I will honestly say that I would be gone. Screw me once, shame on you...screw me twice shame on me :yes

okay so i'm not going to read through the 16 million pages of this my opinion your opinion about cheating or once a cheater always one... But i'm going to throw what i believe in this fun box here and give someone a chance to bite...


Jesse and I have been best friends for 6 years before ever dating. He and I go way back. He was there for me the million times i was cheated on. And let me tell you, i haven't had ONE relationship where i wasn't cheated on. I personally have never ever cheated on anyone but that isn't the issue here.
Since i was cheated on over and over again by countless guys i believed whole hearted that once a cheater always a cheater and i stuck by this until Jesse did it to me.
Jesse fell in love with me the moment he saw me hobbel into the class room on crutches our sophmore year. His first words to me where "will you go out with me"... I know he has loved me forever and that it took me a long time to see that i truely loved him as well.
When we started to date he would cry a lot feeling so lucky and being blessed to finally have me for a best friend and now lover. I knew in my heart he would NEVER EVER cheat on me and that our love would last forever. He was so perfect and i KNOW he would never do anything to leave me. WRONG!

When Jesse cheated on me i didn't find out for awhile. AND he didn't have sex with the girl. She kissed him but then he kept in contact with her and it became an emotional cheating more then physical. It hurt really really bad seeing the things he would write to her. It wasn't easy at all and i was all ready packed ready to head out the front door. I couldn't believe he did this.. My jesse, doing this to ME!! But then while jesse was blocking the door with his body begging me not to leave and that he was so sorry and he was sobbing i then took a deep breath. I thought about Lizzie, i thought about this new pregnancy, and i thought about what i should do compared to what i wanted to do.... I told him i would stay and that he needs to grovel! I told him i would think about forgiving him if he was truely sorry and if he would change.
I still struggeled on staying or leaving for about a month. The pain was so horrid that i'm shocked i'm still pregnant. The stress was so much.
I vented and cried everyday and i turned to woman on here for support. And i heard the statement a million times... (I would leave him) (once a cheater always a cheater) (If it were me, i would leave him because i'm worth more than that)... It made me feel even worse. But i had to have faith that he would change. I owed myself, my daughter, my unborn baby, and believe it or not.... i owed my husband a second chance. I had to put the shoe on the other foot to realize what i had to do fo all of us. He was very selfish in cheating!! He knows it, because i made him know EVERY DAY for the longest time.
Everyone i told was 100% shocked and i was told over and over a billion times that they all thought i would have cheated on Jesse before he EVER thought about it. Believe it or not, i thought the same thing.
I told jesse how i believed "once a cheater always a cheater" and the statement made Jesse pretty much say to me. "well i'll prove you wrong"

I believe if it is worth it, the cheater will change and never cheat again. It's a huge mistake and if they see it as that, then once a cheater always a cheater isn't a good blanket statement for those who care.
But if the cheater doesn't really care about the matter and isn't groveling or trying to change then yes, i believe it will be easier next time for him to cheat and like someone else said. "it is then, the WRONG relationship"

I do get a little ticked however that people can jump to say something like..
"if he did that to me i would leave him so fast.....blah blah blah" Because if you haven't been married before or have had kids and this is happening. Then you can't say it. It isn't fare because then your making yourself look better then someone like me. And in a way your putting someone like me down by what your saying.

Also, you might think he is perfect and he would "NEVER EVER" cheat on you. You can think it, believe it, worship it. But i can tell you from experience that you THINK you have it good.. But don't take advantage. It too can happen to you, even though you THINK it never will. No one ever thinks it will happen to them.

wow, this got super long!:)

okay so i'm not going to read through the 16 million pages of this my opinion your opinion about cheating or once a cheater always one... But i'm going to throw what i believe in this fun box here and give someone a chance to bite...


Jesse and I have been best friends for 6 years before ever dating. He and I go way back. He was there for me the million times i was cheated on. And let me tell you, i haven't had ONE relationship where i wasn't cheated on. I personally have never ever cheated on anyone but that isn't the issue here.
Since i was cheated on over and over again by countless guys i believed whole hearted that once a cheater always a cheater and i stuck by this until Jesse did it to me.
Jesse fell in love with me the moment he saw me hobbel into the class room on crutches our sophmore year. His first words to me where "will you go out with me"... I know he has loved me forever and that it took me a long time to see that i truely loved him as well.
When we started to date he would cry a lot feeling so lucky and being blessed to finally have me for a best friend and now lover. I knew in my heart he would NEVER EVER cheat on me and that our love would last forever. He was so perfect and i KNOW he would never do anything to leave me. WRONG!

When Jesse cheated on me i didn't find out for awhile. AND he didn't have sex with the girl. She kissed him but then he kept in contact with her and it became an emotional cheating more then physical. It hurt really really bad seeing the things he would write to her. It wasn't easy at all and i was all ready packed ready to head out the front door. I couldn't believe he did this.. My jesse, doing this to ME!! But then while jesse was blocking the door with his body begging me not to leave and that he was so sorry and he was sobbing i then took a deep breath. I thought about Lizzie, i thought about this new pregnancy, and i thought about what i should do compared to what i wanted to do.... I told him i would stay and that he needs to grovel! I told him i would think about forgiving him if he was truely sorry and if he would change.
I still struggeled on staying or leaving for about a month. The pain was so horrid that i'm shocked i'm still pregnant. The stress was so much.
I vented and cried everyday and i turned to woman on here for support. And i heard the statement a million times... (I would leave him) (once a cheater always a cheater) (If it were me, i would leave him because i'm worth more than that)... It made me feel even worse. But i had to have faith that he would change. I owed myself, my daughter, my unborn baby, and believe it or not.... i owed my husband a second chance. I had to put the shoe on the other foot to realize what i had to do fo all of us. He was very selfish in cheating!! He knows it, because i made him know EVERY DAY for the longest time.
Everyone i told was 100% shocked and i was told over and over a billion times that they all thought i would have cheated on Jesse before he EVER thought about it. Believe it or not, i thought the same thing.
I told jesse how i believed "once a cheater always a cheater" and the statement made Jesse pretty much say to me. "well i'll prove you wrong"

I believe if it is worth it, the cheater will change and never cheat again. It's a huge mistake and if they see it as that, then once a cheater always a cheater isn't a good blanket statement for those who care.
But if the cheater doesn't really care about the matter and isn't groveling or trying to change then yes, i believe it will be easier next time for him to cheat and like someone else said. "it is then, the WRONG relationship"

I do get a little ticked however that people can jump to say something like..
"if he did that to me i would leave him so fast.....blah blah blah" Because if you haven't been married before or have had kids and this is happening. Then you can't say it. It isn't fare because then your making yourself look better then someone like me. And in a way your putting someone like me down by what your saying.

Also, you might think he is perfect and he would "NEVER EVER" cheat on you. You can think it, believe it, worship it. But i can tell you from experience that you THINK you have it good.. But don't take advantage. It too can happen to you, even though you THINK it never will. No one ever thinks it will happen to them.

wow, this got super long!:)
Very Well Put! :yes

Kindra-I agree, that was very well put. :yes I agree 100% with everything that was said in your post.

By the way just a quick comment since i flipped through the last 20 some 'ol pages of comments. Marriage take hard work! We all got married thinking this is it! Now he will love me forever and i will love him forever and we will never hurt eachother or leave eachother.. Wrong again!

I have never worked so hard in my life. And i know the hardships are not over with. But that is why i married the man i did. I didn't marry him to just give up when something horrible and hard comes up. And he didn't marry me thinking the same thing.

If he was to give up so easy when it became hard or me too, then we shouldn't have gotten married.

And also, trust is such a huge thing for me and for Jesse. I have always looked at trust as a rare crystal that shatters once broken. You can never put all the pieces together again. You can do your best at putting it all together but there are cracks in it. But then once it's together again it means you just learned and those cracks are reminders. And now your crystal shines raident light in all different direction giving you insight on other things... Understand my example? Simily? or whatever it's called?? LOL!

I truly thought my Dh could never do something so horrible. I learned the hard way he could and did. Maybe it was a 7 year itch ( it was that many years as a couple for us when it happened) maybe it could have been a lot of things. Honestly somewhere we were not communicating. To be honest he was with 2 girls before confessing. I counted it all as one offense. If we had not had our oldest he would have been gone. But I know what a great person he can be and is and I felt our dd deserved for us to try to work it out so she could have her whole family (as much as the Navy allows). It has been a very hard almost 5 years for us. (There is nothing worse then hating someone and needing to be held in their arms at the same moment in a marriage made of love IMO.) And yes sometimes my insecurities get the best of me. But we are working hard on things and life has been better. Will he ever get another chance? No, I will take him to the cleaners and leave him hung out to dry. And he knows that. This is the first time I have ever said anything about it. I guess I felt it was important enough to share.

My ex husband cheated on my numerous times. Like a lovesick puppy, I took him back but I never forgot or forgave. Looking back, I took him back because I thought that by doing so would show him how much I loved him. It seems really idiotic now but I've grown and I've learned about myself since then. In my exes case, yes, once a cheater always a cheater because I never let him live it down and the fact he continued to cheat didn't help.

My ex husband cheated on my numerous times. Like a lovesick puppy, I took him back but I never forgot or forgave. Looking back, I took him back because I thought that by doing so would show him how much I loved him. It seems really idiotic now but I've grown and I've learned about myself since then. In my exes case, yes, once a cheater always a cheater because I never let him live it down and the fact he continued to cheat didn't help.

:agree, same thing with my ex too. not ex husband ex boyfriend, i continued to take him back except i would 'forget' but not 'forgive' him. that seems like a paradox but its true, i would forget what he did but it was in the back of my mind and i couldn't forgive him.

No, I don't believe "once a cheater, always a cheater".

Sarah dont you know you arent supposed to start ANOTHER debatible topic in a post that already has over 20 pages :shock Start your own thread!!! Take the rainbow ass with you!


I can't believe I missed this! :lmao :lmao. If I went back to this thread earlier, I would have started a debate about gay democrats, but I saw you started one after this :lol :roflmao

I don't believe once a cheater, always a cheater. I truly believe people can change. If my SO cheated on me, as opposed to someone in the past, I'm not sure if I could forgive him. There would be so many factors in play and it would really depend on the situation.