I was just thinking about if I would feel comfortable staying an active participant on this board when he gets out. I know there are members whose spouse USED to be in the military OR they are former g/f, wives, or fiancees. I personally could care less if someone stayed on here that wasn't affiliated anymore.

What do you feel? Do you care if they stay active on here or do you feel this board should be for active military members or family only?

Ahh well if you have done "the time" I say why not stay!!

Ahh well if you have done "the time" I say why not stay!!

:agree

Don't bother me. I'm just like whatever.

We develop friendships and relationships over the years that we are in the "same boat", no pun intended :giggle. I don't think it's fair for someone to have to just go away when their SO is no longer a part of the military. Getting out is a crazy upheaval in your life for most people. It's even a little scary. I can't see myself turning my back on a friend in such a bizarre time.

Unless they're a pain in the ass (but hey then they wouldn't be a friend ;) )

If people feel uncomfortable coming here after they get out, they can at least go to the womanhood and still associate with many of us.

I don't really care. In all honesty it used to bother me, years ago, but who am I to sit and say you don't deserve to be a part of this awesome place because you no longer fit in.

Whatthehellever.

"Should I Stay or Should I go.....?" I love that song.... Oh Rach... say you'll stay!! :) That way I can continue to see pictures of your cutie pie little girl!!

Rach you HAVE to stay! We would all miss you TOO much! Even if Phil is out, you still have an affiliation cause he WAS in before-STAY!(L) :yes

:giggle You guys are cute :neener

I'm not just going to leave because Luke gets out. I've been here for over two years now and have known some of the ladies for even longer than that. To me SOS is no longer just about the Navy, heck most of the time my posts have nothing to do with that. IMO you are still part of this board whether your SO is still AD or not.

Yeah, I"ve "known" some of you since June of 2004...That's over 2 yrs....Just wasn't sure how everyone felt about this.

yea, i dont see any reason why someone who has been here as an active participant, who has made friends with others on this board, etc etc... should have to leave simply because their SOs have moved on with THEIR careers. just because they're no longer affiliated with the navy, shouldn't mean that their SO on here should give up her friendships and affiliation with the board.


for me, i've known many of you since 2001... thats a long time to just "ditch out" simply because my exH isnt in the navy and j's time in the reserves is up soon.

for the people who voted "they should go" -- i'd like to hear your reasoning... we only have one side of the coin represented in the "commentary" of this post. :)

stay Rach please stay. i agree with everyone else on this. if you have made lots of friends even if you havent met them in person yet you still have a certain relationship with them. i would still want to stay affiliated with all the ladies that i have developed close friendships with. I would hate to see you not be a part of our SOS group.

I'm planning on staying when Dh gets out in January. I've made waaayyy too many friends on here to go.

if they still have great advice to offer the newbies to deployments, moving, military questions, etc etc then stay but if it is just going to cause trouble because snide comments will be made then no i don't think they chould stay

THIS IS NOT DIRECTED AT ANYONE IT IS A GENERAL STATEMENT

No need to leave just because your husband gets a new job.

I'd like you to stay!

Stay, you know what it's like even if you aren't "in the military" still. :thumbsup

Ok I KNOW people will get pissed at this answer but here goes... If it is someone who actually lived with thier b/f, fiance or husband.. whatever, while they were in the military then yes they should stay. They know what it is really like to live the lifestyle and can be there for support and insight. Now if it's a g/f who's b/f broke up with them shortly after boot camp then I don't see why they stay.. but I also understand that they make friendships here and don't want to walk away from that.. so it's a tough call for me. I just can't stand when someone acts like they have "been through it" when they barely made it past the boot camp stage with someone they never even lived with. Sorry in advance to whoever I just pissed off. This is just how I feel.

ETA: Stay Rach!

I didn't vote btw.

And another thing... I grew up in a military family and have LOTS of friends and family in the military and I still didn't understand what it was like to be a military spouse until I was one myself. Even dating Tony was a lot dfferent than actually being here going through it all with him.

Stay you did the time lol and made the friends why leave. :P

I don't see why you or anyone who is not afiliated with the military anymore should have to leave. This is a military support board, as long as you can still bring support why would you have to leave?

I stayed. I've been around these parts since 2000, I'm not going away any time soon. :D

And another thing... I grew up in a military family and have LOTS of friends and family in the military and I still didn't understand what it was like to be a military spouse until I was one myself. Even dating Tony was a lot dfferent than actually being here going through it all with him.


I completely agree. Being a wife and living with him, (and actually going through it day in and day out) is a totally different ballgame than just being a girlfriend and living apart.

My DH is getting out in 8 months. I have no plans on leaving the boards.

My DH is getting out in 8 months. I have no plans on leaving the boards.

I don't think people in your scituation should leave :) You've been through it all.

I don't think people in your scituation should leave :) You've been through it all.

I agree. Getting out of the military doesn't mean we don't have the knowledge and experience to keep giving support and friendship to those still in the military.

I agree. Getting out of the military doesn't mean we don't have the knowledge and experience to keep giving support and friendship to those still in the military.

Yup! I don't know if you read my response but I was referring to people who havn't actually truely been through it.

I'm still here and we divorced a few years ago. My reason for staying is mainly because of the friendships I have made. My excuse for staying is that I went thru a lot involving the Navy while I was with him and hopefully it can help. ;)

I'm really hung up on the fact that some people here actually feel that you should give up your friendships because you're no longer affiliated with the military. It's really surprising to me.

Kristen, glad you're staying. A-D, glad you stayed. Renee, glad you're still here. KT - glad you hung around. Laurie119 - very glad you're still here. Let's see, did I miss anyone?? Rach, don't you dare go anywhere - we have to watch miss Gabby grow!!!

Sarah I'm not really talking directly to you because you made a point clear that was a valid point...but there are still 5 people that voted "go"...and I don't get it.

After my ex broke up with me I stayed around on NWW, we never had been married and by the time we broke up he'd been in the Navy for maybe 1 1/2 years. So does that mean I should have left back then? I had made too many friends in the time that I had been a member to let the end of that relationship affect who I was talking to. The breakup had been difficult enough, I wasn't going to give up other friendships because of him.

I think it would be nice if they (and you, Rach!) stayed. I'm new to the Navy life, and I really, really appreciate stories and tips from military "veteran" SO's. You've been through it all, and the advice helps so much. Besides, you gotta keep the friends you've made on here! ;)

I'm really hung up on the fact that some people here actually feel that you should give up your friendships because you're no longer affiliated with the military. It's really surprising to me.

Kristen, glad you're staying. A-D, glad you stayed. Renee, glad you're still here. KT - glad you hung around. Laurie119 - very glad you're still here. Let's see, did I miss anyone?? Rach, don't you dare go anywhere - we have to watch miss Gabby grow!!!

Sarah I'm not really talking directly to you because you made a point clear that was a valid point...but there are still 5 people that voted "go"...and I don't get it.

I didn't vote so I have no idea who it was lol I didn't vote because I don't think someone who's husband gets out but they've been through the whole military life should go.

ETA: I didn't say that if you're not married it means you've been through any less. I was talking about people who barely made it past bootcamp with someone they didn't even live with but they sit there and say "they've been there"... That is where it gets to me because they HAVN'T been where most of us are. Then again it's just my opinion ;)

I don't really care who it was necessarily, I'm just surprised that there's anyone that feels that way. It's not like I would say "You voted go, you are such a bitch!!!" :lol To each their own, we all have our opinions...I was just a bit shocked that any of us felt that way in the first place.

Who cares what Phil does.............STAY!!!;)

i am a bit surprised that 5 people have said "go" and also kind of surprised at Sarah (caimbrie's) point.

I mean, john has been in 2 years. I was with him for most of that time. And honestly, while you have "been there" as a wife. I have "been there" as the young girlfriend who's true love was sent thousands of miles away from them. while you can offer guidance, advice, etc to a wife, i can relate well to the girlfriends in a similar situation as I was. My really good friend Caryle has a boyfriend leaving for bootcamp in a few weeks and I am TOTALLY able to relate to her in all the aspects of him leaving, him being gone, boot camp, A school, first deployment, etc. Soon i will be able to somewhat relate to people who are NOT wives but have a best friend in Iraq. John is the 3rd of my good friends to go. and trust me on this IT IS HARD to be a friend or gf and have them go, not as hard as for a wife. but HARD, i dont have any sort of support from a command, no other people in my same situation nearby, i dont live on a base w/ others that can help me out when i am sad, and i can relate to people in that situation.. so while you might think someone like me should have left the boards, i think i still have valuable things to say.

It's never easy when someone you love is in a danger zone, it doesn't matter if you're a girlfriend, wife, mother, sister or cousin. It's never easy.

It's never easy when someone you love is in a danger zone, it doesn't matter if you're a girlfriend, wife, mother, sister or cousin. It's never easy.

I agree with that. Tony hasn't been sent to Iraq but as I've said before I have lots of friends and family there and I have lost a lot of friends and family there. Someone who I grew up with as my brother died there and of course it effected me. I'm just not effected the same as if it were my husband.

i am a bit surprised that 5 people have said "go" and also kind of surprised at Sarah (caimbrie's) point.

I mean, john has been in 2 years. I was with him for most of that time. And honestly, while you have "been there" as a wife. I have "been there" as the young girlfriend who's true love was sent thousands of miles away from them. while you can offer guidance, advice, etc to a wife, i can relate well to the girlfriends in a similar situation as I was. My really good friend Caryle has a boyfriend leaving for bootcamp in a few weeks and I am TOTALLY able to relate to her in all the aspects of him leaving, him being gone, boot camp, A school, first deployment, etc. Soon i will be able to somewhat relate to people who are NOT wives but have a best friend in Iraq. John is the 3rd of my good friends to go. and trust me on this IT IS HARD to be a friend or gf and have them go, not as hard as for a wife. but HARD, i dont have any sort of support from a command, no other people in my same situation nearby, i dont live on a base w/ others that can help me out when i am sad, and i can relate to people in that situation.. so while you might think someone like me should have left the boards, i think i still have valuable things to say.

I honestly wasn't talking about anyone specific. My opinion stems from some people (not even from this board) Who barely made it past boot camp but sat there and told me they understood what I was going through. It got to me. I have no problem with you being here. It was more of a general statement and if you read my innitial post I did also state I understood why some stay so I was torn in my opinion on it because of that.

ETA: You are 100% right you CAN offer support to someone in your scituation.. just not someone in mine. That's why I didn't vote that they should go.

Okay the unpopular opinon on this...

Im confused why every time someone's relationship ends or their SO leaves the military why this is even a discussion. The answer is always the same no matter who it is, to stay. You formed a friendship so why leave. Why does there always have to be a question about it? Whoever the person may be usually knows if they have friends on the board who would want them to stay due to their bonds that were formed or know that they have can provide valuable information to someone else. Bit whatever the case may be, the question needs to stop. Its that persons choice to stay or go. Never has anyone been run off this board because they are no longer AD or no longer with someone AD.

I think I see Caimbrie's point. Not saying that it is easy on the girlfriends at all, I was one and watched him go off to boot and A school and into the fleet. Then I married the ass and learned a LOT more. Point being it is the girls who will say "I know how hard it is" or "I have been thru it" when they haven't lived the day to day life with them. The being late every night, the being called in, the extended work ups, the scheduling around 1 car at times, the working holidays, the stench of the ship they bring home and you can't get it out of their clothes. I don't think anyone is putting down girlfriends as we have said they have it hard too, it is just a point to say that SOME think after a few months they really do know it all when they haven't even met this life yet. :)

I do agree though, no matter if it is your SO, your friend or your sibling over there, it is never easy!

Okay the unpopular opinon on this...

Im confused why every time someone's relationship ends or their SO leaves the military why this is even a discussion. The answer is always the same no matter who it is, to stay. You formed a friendship so why leave. Why does there always have to be a question about it? Whoever the person may be usually knows if they have friends on the board who would want them to stay due to their bonds that were formed or know that they have can provide valuable information to someone else. Bit whatever the case may be, the question needs to stop. Its that persons choice to stay or go. Never has anyone been run off this board because they are no longer AD or no longer with someone AD.

For one, I have NEVER read a question where it was asked, what I asked. and 2. I wasn't asking b/c I wanted to be made to feel like I should stay. I have my own thoughts & will do waht I want. I was GENUINELY curious to know how people felt about it. I'm sorry I haven't read this Q&A before. This was started as a debate and 5 people have answered no but we haven't had any responses from those people. If you don't want to "participate" and get annoyed w/ this question, than just don't read it. :wink

I think I see Caimbrie's point. Not saying that it is easy on the girlfriends at all, I was one and watched him go off to boot and A school and into the fleet. Then I married the ass and learned a LOT more. Point being it is the girls who will say "I know how hard it is" or "I have been thru it" when they haven't lived the day to day life with them. The being late every night, the being called in, the extended work ups, the scheduling around 1 car at times, the working holidays, the stench of the ship they bring home and you can't get it out of their clothes. I don't think anyone is putting down girlfriends as we have said they have it hard too, it is just a point to say that SOME think after a few months they really do know it all when they haven't even met this life yet. :)

I do agree though, no matter if it is your SO, your friend or your sibling over there, it is never easy!

You are right, that was my point :)

I voted to stay thinking this was directly about you Rach. However, I 110% agree with Sarah (Caimbre). It does nothing but irk my last nerve when people say "Oh, I know how you feel" when they have no Fing clue.

I voted to stay thinking this was directly about you Rach. However, I 110% agree with Sarah (Caimbre). It does nothing but irk my last nerve when people say "Oh, I know how you feel" when they have no Fing clue.


and it totally irks me the same way. when wives say they KNOW how i feel. becuase honestly you havent been in my shoes either. JMO

:agree

For one, I have NEVER read a question where it was asked, what I asked. and 2. I wasn't asking b/c I wanted to be made to feel like I should stay. I have my own thoughts & will do waht I want. I was GENUINELY curious to know how people felt about it. I'm sorry I haven't read this Q&A before. This was started as a debate and 5 people have answered no but we haven't had any responses from those people. If you don't want to "participate" and get annoyed w/ this question, than just don't read it. :wink

1. I said YOU as in general format. 2. why the need for an attitude towards my response in a debate. 3. Pretty much EVERYONE thought you were talking about yourself, considering the first 2 pages are "Don't leave Rach"

BUT like #1 says. I was reffering to 'you' in a general format to a debate question

i think you should stay.. it doesnt bother me.. at all.. I am still the newbie here anyways.. but you do develpo friendships along the way and why not? stay.. you will understand what we are going thru and offer hlp and advice to others here going thru something yoiu might have gone thru already...

and it totally irks me the same way. when wives say they KNOW how i feel. becuase honestly you havent been in my shoes either. JMO

Actually, I've been in your shoes too ;)

Actually, I've been in your shoes too ;)

see, you cant honestly say that EVER about ANYONE's situation.

have you seriously been in the situation that your sister dies, so this guy that was really close to her almost drops out of school since he fell into a deep depression. let his grades go to total shit, so that even though he was brilliant couldnt get into college if he wanted to. joins the navy, you start dating him, you are both doing so much better... he gets stationed 3000 miles away you?

probably not.

BTW, Nobody said you had to be MARRIED to have gone through the military lifestyle. I believe Rach understands the life for the most part and her and Phil arent married yet.

BTW, Nobody said you had to be MARRIED to have gone through the military lifestyle. I believe Rach understands the life for the most part and her and Phil arent married yet.

I was married to someone before in the military, anyways (been here since 2004 :D)

see, you cant honestly say that EVER about ANYONE's situation.

have you seriously been in the situation that your sister dies, so this guy that was really close to her almost drops out of school since he fell into a deep depression. let his grades go to total shit, so that even though he was brilliant couldnt get into college if he wanted to. joins the navy, you start dating him, you are both doing so much better... he gets stationed 3000 miles away you?

probably not.

Shit dude.. when did this turn into a pissing contest??? You have NO idea what I've been through in my life, but I'm not about to 1 up you.

BTW, Nobody said you had to be MARRIED to have gone through the military lifestyle. I believe Rach understands the life for the most part and her and Phil arent married yet.

i know that. and im just trying to make a point that everyone here has been through some part of it. whether or not they ever lived together, had children together, were married, etc..

How come no one has responded that has said no? :thinking Won't hurt my feelings and I'm sure it won't hurt most of the people on here that aren't affiliated...

I was married to someone before in the military, anyways (been here since 2004 :D)

Yah I know lol I was just referring to your current scituation :D although when I made that post I did forget about that lol

Yah I know lol I was just referring to your current scituation :D although when I made that post I did forget about that lol

That's ok, I prefer people to forget I was married before :lmao

Shit dude.. when did this turn into a pissing contest??? You have NO idea what I've been through in my life, but I'm not about to 1 up you.


im just saying, that you have NOT been in my shoes. and i think it is just a bit pompous of you to say that living with someone has any bearing on what you can bring as far as advice for newbies and such on these forums... and i certainly have NOT been in your shoes, and i totally feel for you on all the shit you go thru everyday, i just felt like you arent giving any credit to girls who are just gf's.

sorry if i was rude. bad day. :blush

That's ok, I prefer people to forget I was married before :lmao

It's probably a good thing :giggle I wish I could forget I was married before... lol

im just saying, that you have NOT been in my shoes. and i think it is just a bit pompous of you to say that living with someone has any bearing on what you can bring as far as advice for newbies and such on these forums... and i certainly have NOT been in your shoes, and i totally feel for you on all the shit you go thru everyday, i just felt like you arent giving any credit to girls who are just gf's.

sorry if i was rude. bad day. :blush

Well, I believe that actually living the day to day life as a military spouse does have some bearing on the kind of support you can give. Not that you don't have some advice to offer as far as being a g/f of a guy who went through boot camp... you just havn't been through a lot of the other big things.

Well, I believe that actually living the day to day life as a military spouse does have some bearing on the kind of support you can give. Not that you don't have some advice to offer as far as being a g/f of a guy who went through boot camp... you just havn't been through a lot of the other big things.

i understnad that. but i have been thru a lot more than boot camp ;)

nevermind

i saw the original post, i didnt get it...

i dont date only military guys :dunno

it's not what i meant.. i wrote it the wrong way and decided not to get into it

wrong thread lol

They weren't bashing on girlfriends. When you live with your SO that is in the military, it's a totally different ballgame than just dating them and living at different places. The worry and the support is the same though, so I can understand what you mean there.

When I was dating my dh, I never got up at midnight to do laundry for the next day when he came home late. I never picked him up or dropped him off at all hours of the night. When I was dating him, I just saw him whenever he had time off.

Now being married, His schedule changes on an hourly basis so one minute I'm happy he's coming home, and the next he's got to stay all night. I have to pick him up and drop him off since we share the car. I do laundry like it's going out of style and I am a master of whipping up quick meals so that he can eat, visit with me and go straight to sleep.

It's just so different.

They weren't bashing on girlfriends. When you live with your SO that is in the military, it's a totally different ballgame than just dating them. The worry and the support is the same though, so I can understand what you mean there.

When I was dating my dh, I never got up at midnight to do laundry for the next day when he came home late. I never picked him up or dropped him off at all hours of the night. His schedule changes on an hourly basis so one minute I'm happy he's coming home, and the next he's got to stay all night. It's just so different.

Or when you have kids and they don't understand why daddy is gone for 6-9 months at a time.. or why daddy is only home 3 nights a week :nutts

i DEF think wive's have it wayyyyy harder. im not saying that at all :)

I edited my last statement because I was confusing myself! :giggle

I'm not even going to read all the responses to this....

The bottom line is, it doesn't matter if you are a wife, girlfriend, friend, or fiance of someone in the military. It doesn't matter if you've had 1 or 10 years experience. It doesn't matter if your SO got out of the military or not. The board is supposed to be for support and building friendships and connections. Not about a popularity contest or who knows more. No one should feel like they have to leave because their SO gets out of the military, but if they choose to then fine.

Rach, of course I want you to stay! I'd cry if I couldn't see that little one of yours, and you of course! ;)

It's probably a good thing :giggle I wish I could forget I was married before... lol

Can I join in on that statement too? Cause I can only wish. :lmao

Ok I KNOW people will get pissed at this answer but here goes... If it is someone who actually lived with thier b/f, fiance or husband.. whatever, while they were in the military then yes they should stay. They know what it is really like to live the lifestyle and can be there for support and insight. Now if it's a g/f who's b/f broke up with them shortly after boot camp then I don't see why they stay.. but I also understand that they make friendships here and don't want to walk away from that.. so it's a tough call for me. I just can't stand when someone acts like they have "been through it" when they barely made it past the boot camp stage with someone they never even lived with. Sorry in advance to whoever I just pissed off. This is just how I feel.

ETA: Stay Rach!

yea, but those ppl don't tend to stick around.... i mean, the ppl who quickly sign up because their "bf of 2 days" just left for bootcamp, then they break up, tend to have "short timers" and then leave after all is said and done ;)

How come no one has responded that has said no? :thinking Won't hurt my feelings and I'm sure it won't hurt most of the people on here that aren't affiliated...

i know, i'm just curious as to why ppl think that someone should leave the boards simply because their SO has changed careers....


:yes

I was going to ask but I didn't want to stir the pot LOL

I went through the whole shebang, gf notliving togehter, gf living together, finace living together, and wife. Did the separations, fsg's, homecomings, the headaches, the happy reunions, the rough times. Survived, got out and moving on. And I feel I did my time so I have just as much right to be here as anyone else who's SO is still 'in'. And I feel I have a lot to contribute to the young girls or new the military who might need that support or help. Dh has been out since 2004, but I"m still here, only way I'll leave is if you all kick my ass out, LMAO! Hey man, I know I can be a pain in the ass but I do have some good advice sometimes :P

I said stay for the same reasons as everyone else...not only do you have a ton of friends from here but you also have plenty to offer as far as advice and support go because you have 'been there, done that' with the whole military routine :yes ....Plus you crack me up most of the time and Nick's deployment is coming up soon and I'll need a laugh ;)

I was kinda the odd one out ... when I was actually married to Josh I was hardly ever on here but as soon as we seperated I was back on here and being with my buddies again ... :D I can't really say why I ventured off while we were in the last parts of our marriage .. probably because I was miserable and cut everyone and everything off ... :shrug

I felt a little "weird" coming back after me and Josh split up because I was no longer "affiliated" to the military anymore but then I realized that I had been there before .. I did the deployments .. I did the schools .. I did the work ups and I truely knew how some of you guys were feeling .. SOOO I decided to stick around and annoy you ladies for a little while .. :D Now I'm with Nick and it really is a different ball game and I need you guys all over again .. :giggle

I don't think anyone should leave just because their SO's aren't associated with the military anymore because just like some of the other ladies said .."You have the experience and the knowledge that enables you to support and last time I checked this was a support group" ... :D

It doesn't matter to me. I'll stay when he gets out. There are lots of other topics on here besides the military, so I'd feel very comfortable staying. I'd even get together with people if it wasn't just military talk, but that is my view whether he's in or out. We could even help someone else on here when their SO leaves the military by giving our own experiences.

I went through the whole shebang, gf notliving togehter, gf living together, finace living together, and wife. Did the separations, fsg's, homecomings, the headaches, the happy reunions, the rough times. Survived, got out and moving on. And I feel I did my time so I have just as much right to be here as anyone else who's SO is still 'in'. And I feel I have a lot to contribute to the young girls or new the military who might need that support or help. Dh has been out since 2004, but I"m still here, only way I'll leave is if you all kick my ass out, LMAO! Hey man, I know I can be a pain in the ass but I do have some good advice sometimes :P

i owe you a ton for staying around. you've been there and you can definitely help me out. you've done so already. as have all the ladies who have been there and who have been in for awhile. plus you have the extra experience of that transition from military to civilian!! thanks a bunch

As now I know how TOTALLY different it is to be married vs dating. I also know that girls that might not been part of the military anymore cause they probably broke up or just whatever should stick around if they want to. As I can give support or information about anything that I may have gone through or may be going through maybe this ex gf who is not afiliated anymore might support someone else who's going through boot camp which I never went through. I could NEVER tell someone I know what is like to have your SO in boot camp or I know what it's like cause I never did that but I'm sure a lot of the ladies who are not affiliated anymore with the military, I'm sure a lot of them have gone through it.

I voted stay, since really, it doesn't really matter. Especially for someone that's been here so long and has friends here..

However, I would bring up that we now have The Womanhood!!!!!!! So y'know, if you wanted to cut down on some of the military talk, you could start hanging out there more...since no one else does... :cryriver