Ever since he told me, that is all I can think about now!

I mean, I went from knowing we'd be w/ the Navy for another 3-4 yrs at least, to only 11 months!

It is going to be very weird not being affiliated w/ the Navy, period.

We will have civilian jobs...Daycare...buying a house....vacation days, sick days...

It will be VERY strange to come on to this site and read your guys posts regarding military and knowing I have nothing to do with any of it.

On one hand it scares me b/c what type of job will he find? What about insurance? There will be NOTHING, nada, for backup if we ever financially need it. Sure, I"ll be working, but he's going to be the main money maker until I get my degree.

But then I think about how he will be home with me everynight, us relaxing at our home at night and on the weekends, going on vacations whenever we can afford it and take vacation days. Him being there for our kids stuff.

I have been affiliated w/ the Navy for 3-4 yrs come January. Even when I wasn't w/ my ex, I was still somehow. While this is what I want, I will also have some feelings of apprehension when the time comes...

I have very good feelings about what the future is going to bring, but taking those first steps is going to be weird...

Im sure you will be fine...You are a strong person and Im sure that the change will come easy for you...

Yes....I am someone who doesn't like change immediately, but oh well in this situation :hehe

I feel the smae way you do Rach. Phillip told me about a week and a half ago, that he's getting out. Now granted we still have 3 yrs left till he get's out,and he could still change his mind. But He seems VERY serious. All he talks about ,is how he can't wait to get out.We made this decsion because he's in Cuba. Phillip is tired of being away from the kids and I. Ashtin is starting to have a hard time with him being gone. She had a really rough time over christmas.The one thing that sucks is he will have 10.5 yrs in. when his time is up, and would make us a little more than half way to retirement.But he says he's done.

I'm scared too about getting out. I feel the military has alot of security. You know you have a paycheck coming in. The medical is free(if you have prime). Now we'll have to pay for insurance. But then I think about the same stuff you do, he'll be home more. He'll get to do things with the kids,and be there for Ashtin's recital's, and school plays.And Gavin will start school in about 3 yrs. So we'll see what really happends. He might come to the end and say he wants to stay in. but right now it's not looking that way.

When yall get out let me know how civilian life is.

Will do...Ya know, it's not even just the financial security. It's also knowing your not part of that "community" anymore. If that makes sense...The girls you get close to that are experiencing similiar things...

All will be fine though :)

What are the odds he'll change his mind?

I think there's only a 2 % chance he'll change his mind.

He's been looking on job sites for the past 2 months b/c he wanted an idea of what was out there. Now this, he's really excited. He doesn't have any friends really in the military that are here, so commodary (sp?) isn't going to be keeping him.

He might freak out a bit when it gets closer, but I think he'll keep to it. I asked him last night if he could picture himself getting scared since for the past 4 yrs, this is what he has known and he said no way.

He joined the Navy b/c he wanted to do SEALS and now, while it's still a boy dream of his, he wouldn't do it. Being on a ship or on shore somewhere doing instructing isn't what he wants to do. He's really into computer stuff.

So, with all that, I'm pretty confident he won't.

But...only God knows what next year will bring us!

We NEVER depended on the military for security, I could NOT WAIT until he got those separation papers. I was part of the military life with him for almost 4 years, and I never got used to it, I don't think I could have ever lived a long time as a military wife. I love my civilian life. It did take a little bit for him to transition back, just because of the job thing and because as soon as he got out he was in the process of starting school. But to me the benefits of having your own freedome and your own life back totally outweighs and challenges of being a civilian. Many people love being a military family, and more power to them, but it was definitely not for us. I would NEVER want him to go back to being military. I mean if it something he totally loved and had his whole heart set on of course I would support him, but I would never like it or get used to it.

we've got 5 more years in and argh it'll seem forever, well these next two until we get married but i'm excited although apprehensive. i'm more nervous about where we'll be living.

I felt the same way when he told me about putting an early out chit. He said he may be able to get out in April which would be the 4 yr mark for him. I said, "What about a job?" He said, "I'll get a job, baby." I think in a way with him being in the Navy just got me scared of him leaving it so soon. He has had jobs before and many people survive out there without having a Navy paycheck, but I think I got too comfortable with it. That's a silly thing to do though when some people in the Navy don't get paid when they should. I know we can survive out of the Navy because we did before, but it will still be a little scary just as it was when we came here. I was excited and nervous.
I can't say that I really got use to it either. He did boot camp then A and C school and all that took up a yr. We were in Jax for 2 yrs. When I was just starting to get really close to the people I met there, we came here. I think being here will make it lots easier for me to leave the Navy life. I don't need the friends I just left, but it's nice to have some sort of life and I don't have it here. Even if he wanted to stay in, I can't say that I would be 100% supportive of him because my children come before anything. They don't like him being away and I want them to make strong friendships with other kids. I have thought about the insurance thing also, but in my opinion, all the benefits of civilian world outweighs that. He'll make more money, get paid for overtime, I'll be able to start my career after my degree, vacations, buy a house and paint and decorate how I want it, etc. I am really excited and wish you the best.

I'll tell ya from first hand experience that one or both of you may change your minds. Jason and I were dead set on him getting out back in 2002. It was planned, we spent around $1,000 on a whole new career wardrobe for him, he had been to job fairs, done interviews, talked with transitioning placement agencies. Then just two weeks or so before he was supposed to get out, we BOTH changed our minds. Even with degrees, the job market was so unstable and even people with Masters were taking positions for less than $40-$50,000. It just was too scary for us with a new baby and growing family.

never in a million years did either of us think he would change his mind. Never in a BILLION years did I think I'd change mind.

I don't know Phil well enough to say whether he will or won't change his mind, just keep in mind that a LARGE number of people who get out, end up rejoining b/c they end up not liking the civilian lifestyle as much as they thought they would. Its a huge adjustment for someone that's so used to the structure of the military life. So, I'd encourage him to really, truly think it through before taking the big plunge.

I'm sure you two will come to the right decision for your family. The military lifestyle definitely is not for everyone. Perhaps as you get closer to the day he's supposed to get out, you'll have a better insight as to whether it's really the right decision or not.

Good luck!! (L) :hugs

Joey was dead set on getting out until he actually started looking at orders (just to see what was open) he kept me in suspense for weeks until he finally said that he was going to re enlist. Now he says that he is probably staying in for his career. Maybe he will change his mind, if not you will be fine. There are far more civilans than military.

I think that last part came out bad. What I meant to say is that you two will do fine. It might be a struggle at first but you will re adjust the sameway you probably had to do when you first became involved in the military life.

He might change his mind but I really have a gut feeling he won't. He was in college for 2 yrs before joining in '01 and worked normal jobs, so Navy isn't all he knows. Like I said, the only reason he wanted to be in the Navy was to be in SEALS. EOD and SWCC was his way of getting there and after meeting me, his goals changed. He hates the Navy if it wasn't for that.

I guess we'll see though. I really don't think he will change. Especially if I have a say in it, knowing the only reason he'd be changing his mind is b/c "that's all he knows." That's not a reason, in my book. Fear shouldn't stop you.

I know we'll be fine. You know how you get a nervous but excited feeling when you do something that will change your current position in life? That's the feeling I have.

Okay,I do not want to bring you down, but I do want to give you some reality here. I need to step in here. My husband had civilian jobs for 9 years before joining the Navy.
He had an excellent job he absolutely loved. Also- he NEVER was home every night, do not think that just because it's a civilian job that your husband will be home every night Then, he got laid off. It took him a few months to find a new job(even then it was hell). He had to collect unemployment and felt like a failure.

He went through several partime jobs for almost a year. It was awful and stressful.

He finally got a new fulltime job. (job market was and still is very tight in most areas) He kept that job for almost 3 years. He was getting a lot of money, but was never home. All he did was work. We didn't even have health insurance for us and our son. Personal insurance was going to run us over $600 a month.

So he and I decided that he should go to another company that was trying to get him. They promised less hours for the same pay and (less expensive) health insurance. Shit, should have gotten THAT in writing, but we didn't think they would cheat us. He goes to this other company. Fast forward to a month later- Same amount of work.....1/2 THE PAY!!! PLUS, we were spending $350 /month on our health insurance and our co-pays and deductibles were insane. $25 to go to our PCM!!

Then guess what? He loses this job also. LUCKILY he found a new job in less than a week. It pays about 3/4 of what that last job paid. It is a 9-5 job, but it did not pay the bills. I get a job, my IL's watch Aiden while I am at work and Conor gets a 2nd part-time job. It STILL isn't covering all of our bills, but we make due with what we have.
During this time we try to send him to school to further his career so he can make more money. (of course Phil will have his MGIB, which is good, he won't have to worry about paying for classes) Work won't help with his school and we make too much money :rolleyes to get any grants- even though we can't pay our bills. We did NOT make a lot of money either and we lived in a high-priced area.
Then my husband joined the Navy and well, you all know what perks you get with that. The best part for us is that he has job security. I haven't worried about paying the bills or feeding our family in a year since he first went to bootcamp. Granted, he isn't home all the time since we are on sea duty, BUT we are hoping for shore duty this next rotation so he can take some classes and he will see his family on more of a regular basis.

I do not want to bring you down or try to change your mind. I understand how much you hate this lifestyle. I just don't want you to get it in your mind that he will have "normal" hours or get a job right away. I really hope he does though! I am rooting for you guys for this. I just want to tell you what happened with us, could happen to anyone.
Hell, Conor's dad (up until 5 years ago) was a VP at a prestigious company and he got laid off because without warning they sold the company. It took 2 YEARS for him to find another job that he loves. It only pays 1/2 of what his old career did, but he is just thankful to have found a job. He is now VP of a new company.

I hope it all works out because that would be awesome! Good Luck to both of you! ;)

poor thing, he's had a bad time. What was his job before the Navy?

My husband dropped the "I'm getting out" bomb on me not too long ago, and I've been freaking out ever since. We have 2 1/2-3 years left, and then that's it, civilian life. It scares me to tell you the truth.

My dh was getting out right before 9/11. As much as I didn't want it I told him ultimately it was his decision.
He looked into Air Marshals we talked about pay and insurance and they both sucked compared to what he was making at the time. But over about 5 years he could be making well over. Any ways he put in a conversion package for MA and still persued the Air Marshals. He was down to the final Interview. Where they say yes or no. It was Scheduled for 9/12. My dhs EAOS was 10/7 and he had over 60 days on the books. He got a call on 9/11 mid morning and was told they couldn't touch him due to the world events and that when and if things get better that they would gladly give him a job.
Well we were at almost 8 years. If he reupped then he would be in over 10. We both agreed when he went in that if he stayed to 10 we would go for career.
So here we are now with almost 12 years in. I personally wouldn't trade the benefits nor the stability for anything in the world. But I was willing to support his decision as much as hated it.
Cause he was going to be gone as much if not more and not for less money!?
So I agree with Jen on this one.

I see what you girls are saying and Jen, I read your response yesterday but didn't have time to respond. I thought about it a lot (and the other responses). He has rose colored glasses on and thinks he will start off making $50K simply b/c he has a computer degree (based on the job searches he did). Now, *I* know that probably will be very unlikely. Even his Mom told him yesterday "plan on $30K." It's great he's so enthused, but he's goign to be in for a tough one when it's time.

We talked a little about it yesterday. I told him, we probably won't even make more than $45-50K together in the beginning. Even w/ that though, we could still make it. Also insurance...That's going to be a big one.

Basically, I'm mentally prepared for whatever will happen. If he decides he wants to stay in at the last minute...So be it. If he gets out and then months or a year or whatever, decides he wants back in the military, so be it...If he gets out and loves it, than YAY! :hehe

Just as many have retreated back to the military or changed their minds and stayed in, many have gotten out and stayed out.

As I said in one of my responses, only God knows where we'll be heading! I know I personally want us as civilians, but if it's not in the cards, than thats what I take :D

I really don't think he fully understands that it's going to be a bit tough at first...but, we'll have my family there for support when it comes to the baby and we'll have each other for support. I'm definetely preparing myself and aware of him having a hard transition, possibly. With him being an emotional guy, I'm sure it will be a fun time :lmao

Naw...but we'll see...I really don't think he'll change his mind before his time is done...but there's always that possibility he will once he's been out for awhile. We won't know until we've hit the civilian road.

Thanks though for your responses!

Yeah, just because he has a computer degree means truly nothing. I have several friends back home who have them. It opens the door for you, but really doesn't gaurantee you a job. Most people with computer degrees get "contract only" jobs. Which means you are employed for 90-360 days (depending on the length of your contract) and then the job is gone and you have to find another job. Just thought you should know this. ;)

eta- I may not know much about Navy life, but I know a buttload about civilian.

Good point...I'll bring that up to him for him to consider... Thanks ;)

I see what you girls are saying and Jen, I read your response yesterday but didn't have time to respond. I thought about it a lot (and the other responses). He has rose colored glasses on and thinks he will start off making $50K simply b/c he has a computer degree (based on the job searches he did). Now, *I* know that probably will be very unlikely. Even his Mom told him yesterday "plan on $30K." It's great he's so enthused, but he's goign to be in for a tough one when it's time.

We talked a little about it yesterday. I told him, we probably won't even make more than $45-50K together in the beginning. Even w/ that though, we could still make it. Also insurance...That's going to be a big one.

Basically, I'm mentally prepared for whatever will happen. If he decides he wants to stay in at the last minute...So be it. If he gets out and then months or a year or whatever, decides he wants back in the military, so be it...If he gets out and loves it, than YAY! :hehe

Just as many have retreated back to the military or changed their minds and stayed in, many have gotten out and stayed out.

As I said in one of my responses, only God knows where we'll be heading! I know I personally want us as civilians, but if it's not in the cards, than thats what I take :D

I really don't think he fully understands that it's going to be a bit tough at first...but, we'll have my family there for support when it comes to the baby and we'll have each other for support. I'm definetely preparing myself and aware of him having a hard transition, possibly. With him being an emotional guy, I'm sure it will be a fun time :lmao

Naw...but we'll see...I really don't think he'll change his mind before his time is done...but there's always that possibility he will once he's been out for awhile. We won't know until we've hit the civilian road.

Thanks though for your responses!

he should talk to jas about this. he makes way more than 30k in the civilian world WITHOUT a college degree, in the computer field.

hell, i make way more than 30 k without a degree in the non computer world.

shit, if i can make it, so can the two of you. you're both intelligent people with drive and determination... so it's very possible.

Ok, my 2 cents from some one who has been there done that..

I did 6 1/2 years active duty, it was my job from age 17 to 24 and yes I got out and i have had a successful career in the IT industry with out a college degree. However it did take me 7 months and over 40 interviews to get my FIRST IT job in the civilian sector that was going to pay me anything over 34k a year. So if he is going to pursue an IT career in the civilian sector he should be prepared to accept what the market is going to offer unless he has greater than 5 years experience in the field. (degrees or certs mean nothing with out at least 2-5 years exp)

Now down to the core of this original post, the scared to get out part, That is normal, any one who has been in the military for any amount of time, weather they liked it or not, has fears about transitioning back into normal life. If he really does want to get out, all you can do is support his decision and help him adjust back into civilian life and you guys should be just fine.

and depending on the area 30,000 isn't a lot not when you think Mortgage, Insurance etc.....
My dh would have started out with the air Marshals at I think it was 37,000 almost 5 years ago so I am sure it is higher now.
But when we take what he actually makes with benefits it would be a pay cut.
Just make sure you have a nest egg just incase it doesn't go as planned.
I wish you guys all the best and hope it works

shit, if i can make it, so can the two of you. you're both intelligent people with drive and determination... so it's very possible.

:yes

We'll be fine. There's negative aspects to everything. We've talked a lot and that's all there really is to say. I'm not going to keep being negative to everything he has thoughts of. He will learn on his own if that's how it has to be which then, we will be learning together.

We'll have as much of a game plan as we can do and I'll be there for support.

Ok, my 2 cents from some one who has been there done that..

I did 6 1/2 years active duty, it was my job from age 17 to 24 and yes I got out and i have had a successful career in the IT industry with out a college degree. However it did take me 7 months and over 40 interviews to get my FIRST IT job in the civilian sector that was going to pay me anything over 34k a year. So if he is going to pursue an IT career in the civilian sector he should be prepared to accept what the market is going to offer unless he has greater than 5 years experience in the field. (degrees or certs mean nothing with out at least 2-5 years exp)


Jas, I mentioned to him what you wrote. He agreed and (I didn't know this) said with his experience with missle launchers computer system and other stuff he said that I didn't understand, he has almost 5 yrs of experience. He's been talking with a career counselor about it all.

i can't remember everything he said b/c he used a lot of Navy jargon. He said something about a Smart Sheet and if you translate the Navy lingo into civilian lingo, he has about 5 yrs of experience.

He agreed though with you.

It seems like you and Phil have your heads straight. Good luck! Lots of people make it out there.

It seems like you and Phil have your heads straight. Good luck! Lots of people make it out there.

Thanks :) He seems to have it under control and not just flying by the seat of his pants, lol, so I have faith.

Only the good Lord knows! :hehe

I really don't have much to say. I would just be echoing what Breezy and Jen said, but I wish you and Phil the best of luck :)

I wish you all the luck! When Walter got out, we struggled really bad. Just our medical insurance alone was $125 a week, plus $500 deductible and 20% after that. He of course wound up coming back in. But because he rate was closed he had to pick a new job and lost a rank. That sucked big time!!!

The IT sector is very competitive, but with determination I'm sure he'll find something. As for getting out of the navy, I think it's a case of hoping for the best and being prepared for the worst. Best of luck with getting out!

Oh screw it...The civilian world looks bleak and unpromising and too scary. We'll just stay in the Navy!

:lmao

:P