W/ your SO being in the military and gone either on workups, duty days, or deployments- do you think it helps your relationship? Would you want to kill him if he was home all the time? :lol

Or do you think the seperation (if it's constant), doesn't help but hurt?


(SORRY, I MEANT MILITARY, NOT NAVY)

umm we have only been together for two years, and he has been gone for 7 1/2 months out of it. Sometimes it can help, but it hurts too. I don't think I will be sick of him if he stays home, so we will see. Hopefully this is his last one for awhile, but who knows.

I voted other. We could take it or leave it. We haven't done a deployment, and we are dreading it. We both hate the work ups and little underways, but we don't really fret over it like we used to when he first started working on the ship. I hate duty days, and so does he, but the time apart isn't as bad as it used to be. Sometimes I look foward to duty days so I can have a girls night, or just some down time. I like him being here better of course.

We have a strong relationship...but I believe that the seperation at times is a good thing because it grounds us and reminds us how important it is not to take each other for granted.

You know, when he WAS in the Navy, I used to think that the separations really helped us appreciate each other. And I kinda felt in the back of my head that if we were together 24/7 we'd kill each other. And I do have to admit, when he finally go out, for the first few months, it was hard to adjust to him being home all the time. For both of us. I loved him being home all the time, but he had a hard time at first because he didn't have a whole lot to do with himself. It didn't help that he was in limbo waiting for school to start and didn't have a job for like 2 months. He got into a really bad funk and it affected both of us. But after some hard work on our relationship, we made it through. Then we had separations when he went off to school in LA and I was in San Diego, and I thought that would help us get that feeling of appreciation back, but when he finally came back home and got a job here and started going to school here, I knew there was NOTHING like having him home EVERY night. Now I could not see us going back to separations ever again!

My hubby just came back from his first deployment last week and before he left our relationship was in a big rut (and it wasn't from knowing he was leaving because we only were given a less then 24hour notice that he was leaving), we were constantly argueing with each other, BUT then while he was gone our marriage got it's spark back through the emails and the few phone calls, it felt like we were newlyweds all over again it was great..and now since he's been back we've been back to our rough spots again and trying really hard not to get back to that rut...so my I voted for Yes it does help BUT it still hurt when he has to leave, that's the part I don't like.

It does not help us- at all :) It won't destroy us and we can deal with it. But nothing- NOTHING- good comes from the separation for us. It's time that our family doesn't get to spend together and I think it sucks for all of us, especially the kids.

We have a strong relationship...but I believe that the seperation at times is a good thing because it grounds us and reminds us how important it is not to take each other for granted.
I agree. I think sometimes spouses take each other for granted. Not all the time and not everyone. But in some cases. And I think the deployments make you really sit back and cherish what you have. Do we "need" the deployments? No of course not. It would not hurt our relationship if he doesnt deploy. But its something we deal with when it comes up. Not much longer til retirement!!

It does not help us- at all :) It won't destroy us and we can deal with it. But nothing- NOTHING- good comes from the separation for us. It's time that our family doesn't get to spend together and I think it sucks for all of us, especially the kids.

I agree...I have a hard time adjusting to when he's been gone a lot and comes home for short periods, leaves again, come home, etc. I'm a consistent person & don't relaly like change, so it's hard for me. Plus I'm adjusting to being a first time Mom.

If he were to stay in, we'll keep learning but I do notice when he's been home for awhile, that we don't argue as much. It's really me who has the problem w/ the inconsistency.

No. Both of us prefer him home. He has football and softball practice, so he isn't here all the time. I used to have my time too. I am perfectly happy having him home every single night.

my dh and i have been together a year and married 8 months and the mill life is all we know, it hurt us at first but now we know how to deal with it, it still hurts when he leaves though, I am so happy to have him home now(he just got home from our first 6 month deployment a few weeks ago).

I think we do fine with it but I rather have him with me all the time lol. We havent been married that long but we were doing fine without him on deployments. I think being gone for a month at the most might help but for longer deployments it just stresses me out and I hate being apart from him for so long. We will be fine when he comes back kinda like he never really left but I still hate the deployments and would do better without them. :yes

ok yea i know i'm new to it all and we've only been separated for 3months BUT when you have enjoyed being w/each other every second of the day for 2yrs yea it's hard! i hate getting up in the morning w/out him, going to sleep w/out him, not knowing if he's safe or not. hopefully i'll get immune to it, but i know I WONT enjoy it at all.

We have a strong relationship...but I believe that the seperation at times is a good thing because it grounds us and reminds us how important it is not to take each other for granted.
I feel the same way!

Well, in the beginning it helped exb and I. When he went off to basic and then I saw him afterwards, we fell in love all over again. But once he was sent to Korea I think it eventually made things harder. Oh well, I have a great friend now.

I'm pretty independent on my own so when dh is gone, I survive. I'm used to being alone so not having him around doesn't send me into panic mode. I don't like him being gone, but I accept it and don't complain because I know he is not going by choice :dunno

Besides that, the reunions are a perk of him being gone :shock

It does not help us- at all :) It won't destroy us and we can deal with it. But nothing- NOTHING- good comes from the separation for us. It's time that our family doesn't get to spend together and I think it sucks for all of us, especially the kids.

Same here.

We can be together 24/7 and we don't get sick of eachother.. we're weirdos.

I said yes it helps but only becuse it gives us something to look forward to and be excited about. Ofcourse I'd rather he stay home but having him gone gives us both some space and we get to see how much we really impact each other on a daily basis. Plus it makes for some really hot :sex when he gets back!

I said other cause it doesn't help us, it doesnt destroy us. We are the same. In my opinion family is to be together and here is where my husband should be.

I agree with Becca-:yes

Personally it hurts us, because we don't like being apart for any reason!! I can't wait to live a normal life again!! NO MORE SEA DUTY!!

This is our first deployment. But I have to say that it has really taught us how to communicate with each other. I mean damn. We have had 6 months of phone calls and emails. But it hurts too. The insecurities, the lonliness, the worry. I cant wait for him to come home.

the best way i can put it is that we have learned to appreciate each other more. i would love for him to be home all the time but i have learned to be so thankful and gratefull for him because he is not here all the time

I hate my DH being gone!! And I wish he didn't have to!

Since pre-Navy to now, it has strengthened us in many ways. However from a few months into the Navy to now, we haven't really gained anything directly from him being gone and such. I think at first it made us stronger but now it's just kinda normal for us. Although I long for these 13ish months to go by so I can just have him HOME all the time!