for a woman to stay home (not work and not go to school) if she has no kids. This might start an argument, but I really have a problem with this. I know this lady that acts disgusted when I talk about my son, saying "oh, I'll never have kids" but doesn't have a job and I have no clue what she does all day...nothing I guess. She just lives off her husbands money (I know it is THEIR money, but come on...he's the one working his ass off for it). It's different if you have kids, because believe me THAT IS A JOB....but no kids? How do you justify it? Let me know what you guys think.

I don't think I could do it. Seems to me that she could be doing something constructive with her time - work, school, ect.

To each their own. There might be a reason that the choose to be stay at home wives.

DH and I don't have human kids and I could never be a stay at home anything but if others can stay at home without getting bored, want to and it works for their family then more power to them. It isn't my place to judge them.

I would get bored. But to each there own .If her hubby doesnt have a problem with them living on just his income, then thats all that matters!

I couldn't do it and I just don't get how they do it. When Anya was in school last school year I stayed home and went absolutely bonkers with no one to talk to and nothing to do. I would have the house clean by 9am and would just sit twiddling my thumbs away. I can't even begin to imagine what someone would dowithout ANY kids in their home :screwy

And for me personally I couldn't stay home with no kids and just not do anything. Thats just a glorified version of being a moocher IMO To each their own, or whatever floats their boat and makes them happy.

For half of this deployment- i couldn't work, i couldn't do school, i couldn't do anything. I was sick with post natal/partum depression. I wanted to do all those things, and as soon as i felt ok- i would crash into a slump again and not be able to do anything. I tried the gym- i couldn't even stick to that. I couldn't hang out with my friends.. i couldn't do a thing. I was so damn depressed i would just stick to myself and talk to no-one. I didn't live off anyones money except my own. And i still felt like shit.

Then i started to feel better- and i knew i wanted to finish my studies so i started it back again. I knew i wouldn't be able to stick to going to school- because on my bad days- i can't do anything. So i am now doing long distance education- over the internet and by books. I don't work- but i do concentrate on studying. And i feel better for that. And i still dont live off anybody's money.

However- i know that when i move over to the US and live with my husband- i will feel alot better and ill have the resources to do what i want. Which will be going to college and working. I don't think it would be fair to sit round and do nothing while my husband works his ass off. But while im not feeling well- i can't do much. No one can understand that except people in my position.

However generally- i think its not right to do nothing while your partner does everything. I wouldn't do that, i never have, and i never will.

To each their own. There might be a reason that the choose to be stay at home wives.

DH and I don't have human kids and I could never be a stay at home anything but if others can stay at home without getting bored, want to and it works for their family then more power to them. It isn't my place to judge them.

I agree - each to their own.

I didn't work the entire time I was in San Diego, or go to school.

Now, I go to school (2 classes per term) and I work one day a week. So, I'm still at home with no kids.

I think as long as it's ok with her husband, then it isn't anyone else's business or place to pass judgement.

To each their own! Not my place to tell them what to do and what not to do. If they are comfortable with that lifestyle then so be it!

To each their own is right. It's not my place to judge what someone else does...

Personally, I couldn't do it! I stopped working a month before I had Taylor, the semester was also over for me, and I was starting to go nuts with nothing to do. Even though I'm still a student, and a SAHM, I get bored. I'm very grateful I've been able to stay home with my daughter the past 2 years, but I'm ready to work full time again.

I, personally, would have to keep myself doing something productive.

Everyone's different and everyone's attitude of work and higher education differs as well.

I think it is fine if he is ok with it and you never, ever hear her complain about their financial situation.

Personally I could do not do that for a long time. Take a break if I needed it, maybe. But before we had kids I worked 30+ hours a week and always carried 12+ units in school.

I don't have a problem with it. It might bug me a little if the woman just did it to be lazy but lots of women are very productive staying home without kids and if that's what is good for them and their husbands then power to them.

It is no one's business at all. If a woman wants to stay at home and she has no kids, that is between her and her husband. Maybe there is a medical issue that no one knows about but them. Maybe she has no problem being a housewife. I feel very strongly about this topic so I will stop here

:agree

to each his own, but i would never. i love to work and feel productive. if she's happy, that's great, but i think working (kids included) gives a woman a sense of empowerment that is priceless.

This is still bothering me...

Who says you can't be productive at home? :dunno

maybe some people can, but i can't. like i said, to each his own.

I totally agree with what Kym said. I couldn't have said it any better.

Before Ella I stayed home. What's the big deal? It was just use two. He worked and I didn't. I had a hard time finding a job that I liked with only a highschool diploma. Yes I'm sure some people will say I didn't try hard enough but I did and could only get shit jobs. I'm not going to work a shit job just to be productive in society . He liked that I was home when he walked in. Dinner was ready and the house was clean. That was my job. Yes I got bored and thought why am I doing this. Oh yeah b/c I can only get a job at fast food joints and hell no will I work at one of those places. I did end up getting a job at the base movie theater 8 months before we moved. I loved that job. I worked part time so I could still see my hubby. The moeny I made just was extra that we partied with or whatever. I think to each their own. It's not fair to pass judgement on people choices. It's your opinon and that's fine.

Maybe this thread should get moved to the Debates forum...LOL!

Also....for some couples, maybe it's easier for the wife NOT to work if there's only 1 car. Before Ethan...there'd be no way I would work if we only had 1 vehicle. No way in hell was I gonna get up at 5am to take him to work. But that's just ME. Plus with my DH having 24hr duty every 4 days, no way would 1 car work.

So like everyone is saying...there are reasons for EVERYTHING.

Probably - I've got my Irish all up in a dither. :wink

I don't think is my place to judge anyone. It's not of my bussiness what people chose to do. If they can afford for the wife to stay home then why not if that's their desicion. Now if she is staying home and on the other side complaining cause there is not enough money then that's something else lol I know I love bringing some money in and staying busy at work but I would never judge anyone who decide not to do it.

I was like that for awhile. No job and no kids. I refinished our house though. I mean top to bottom new floors to ceilings,tiling kitchen, bathroms, painting...etc. I also voluntered at Navy relief and with the wives club(where we raised 30kfor childrens hosp) but after all that was done I worked a little part time, also had my neice and nephew for some time(that was harder than working on the house) lol I was able to always keep busy...still am
I work part time and kids are always welcome over to my house, lunch...whatever...I love hearing about the kids and I miss the ones I am close to when I am not here. It sounds like that lady needs an attitude adjustment....seriously....she will never be liked on any boat or shore tour.
My husband leaves soon and I will substitute teach and work my part time job but when he comes home I cut back hours.
I am one of the few that thought I would get bored but trust me ...my days are full even when I do not work :)I was brought up to believe there is always something to do, clean, fix or make:)

I don't know if I could personally do it long-term because I think if I didn't have SOMETHING to do, I would get bored. As long as I had SOMETHING... running this site, some sort of hobby, a home party business, etc. I don't think it would be so bad. I don't think there is anything wrong with it at all though. I'm pretty traditional when it comes to how we live and raise our family and that means the mom/wife staying home while hubby makes the bacon. Even when I didn't have kids, I still felt I had a role. I did the majority of the housework, I cooked, I made sure everything was tidy, I ran errands, I took a lot of the load off of him so he wouldn't have to worry about those things plus carry on a very full time job. If a wife does stay home, I'd expect her to carry at least SOME of the load, not just expect the husband to work all day then come home and do cooking and cleaning and everything else on top of it. That's just my personal view. I really don't see anything wrong with the woman staying home though. That's how I was raised :dunno

I guess you'd have a problem with me then, too because I stopped working about a month before DH & I got married. That was April 98. We got married May 98. I moved to VA on June 1 & didn't start working as a nanny until right after he deployed in Nov. 98. I quit working right after our son was born at the end of July 99 & haven't worked since except for being a substitute teacher a little bit last year.

I don't have a problem with someone being a housewife, if that is what her & her husband agree on.

My DH is very old-fashioned & believes it is his job to provide for his family! He feels that I should not work at all whether we have kids or not, unless I want to.

This is still bothering me...

Who says you can't be productive at home? :dunno


That's what I'm wondering, too! :thinking

Probably - I've got my Irish all up in a dither. :wink

:yes Same here! But I'm Irish, French & Italian! What a combo! ;)

I was brought up to believe there is always something to do, clean, fix or make:)

This is how I was brought up as well. Maybe it is right for some people, but this particular person doesn't volunteer, sleeps till 1 pm and brags about it, and is just snotty when it comes to what she thinks is interesting conversation...I guess I should have said I could never do it. I'm just not programmed that way. But there is only so much cleaning you can do with just 2 people and I really think being a productive person includes giving something to society.

i don't see anything wrong with it as long as she isn't sitting there getting drunk or she is doing something productive with her time like volunteering. i would love to be a stay at home wife and mother but that probably won't get to happen until dh is done with school.

But there is only so much cleaning you can do with just 2 people and I really think being a productive person includes giving something to society.

But what are your standards concerning how a person gives to society? Are you saying that working is the only way to give something positive to society?

To each their own. I did it for awhile when were at Ft. Hood, but I was looking for a job. It just depends on the person.

Why not, if she's going to school FULL time, it is a JOB! She's not getting paid, but she's getting an education! I would respect someone who wants to one day have a "dream" job over someone who works just to say she has a job because "society" thinks her going to school isn't a big deal, BUT my question is why not go to school instead of working a minimum wage job!

Also, what's the difference from someone that has kids who are in school, but does nothing all day because the kids are in school all day?

Why not, if she's going to school FULL time, it is a JOB! She's not getting paid, but she's getting an education! I would respect someone who wants to one day have a "dream" job over someone who works just to say she has a job because "society" thinks her going to school isn't a big deal, BUT my question is why not go to school instead of working a minimum wage job!

Also, what's the difference from someone that has kids who are in school, but does nothing all day because the kids are in school all day?

I was a homemaker before we had Camryn. DH and I talked about it before we got married, and he actually liked having me at home. I think as long as the couple discusses it and is able to afford having the wife at home, that it's a great thing. We're a very traditional family in that sense though!

I'm quite offended by the comment that just because we're at home all day we're not doing ANYTHING! I don't judge those who work, so why judge those of us who don't get paid for what we do???

Why would anyone else care that much what goes on inside someone else's marriage?

Just sounds like jealousy, to me, when someone is like that.

It sounds like you were offended & that's why you have such a problem with it...

Why would anyone else care that much what goes on inside someone else's marriage?

Just sounds like jealousy, to me, when someone is like that.

It sounds like you were offended & that's why you have such a problem with it...


I agree!!!

:agree Why would anyone else care that much what goes on inside someone else's marriage?

Just sounds like jealousy, to me, when someone is like that.

It sounds like you were offended & that's why you have such a problem with it...


I couldn't have said it better.

Just wanted to also say that I can understand how you would be offended b/c she was rude to say that.

I think it is different for everyone . I also believe being in a relationship with someone in the NAVY is a totally different life then civilian life .Our So's do not have flexiblility in their lives with a work scheduele .For us personally it was getting to be too much with both of us working fulltime so someone had to make a change and it was me -we do not have kids but I will be working partime .

I think every family has their own way of how things work for them.

well, i am coming late into this convo but i feel i need to put my 2 cents into it. Me and DF have discussed it and i will be a stay at home wife. I was raised "old school" as in making sure there is dinner on the table when your husband comes home and the house is clean and all the errands are ran. This may start another discussion but that is the way my mom raised me. A wife makes sure her husband is taken care of in that since. I understand its not 1900 or anything but that was the way i was raised and that is what i want to do. DF wants me at home, if i choose to work somewhere then its fine with him but i dont have to. we can afford for me to stay at home and when we do have children then i will make sure they are taken care of. I saw my mom do everything i just said and she was very happy. I want to eventually open my own business but it wont be until any kids we have are in school and i may take a few classes to finish my degree but it wont be a full time thing. That is just what i want and DF wants me at home as well so it works well for both of us.

It'd be pretty darn boring, but if they want to....it's their business

well, i am coming late into this convo but i feel i need to put my 2 cents into it. Me and DF have discussed it and i will be a stay at home wife. I was raised "old school" as in making sure there is dinner on the table when your husband comes home and the house is clean and all the errands are ran. This may start another discussion but that is the way my mom raised me. A wife makes sure her husband is taken care of in that since. I understand its not 1900 or anything but that was the way i was raised and that is what i want to do. DF wants me at home, if i choose to work somewhere then its fine with him but i dont have to. we can afford for me to stay at home and when we do have children then i will make sure they are taken care of. I saw my mom do everything i just said and she was very happy. I want to eventually open my own business but it wont be until any kids we have are in school and i may take a few classes to finish my degree but it wont be a full time thing. That is just what i want and DF wants me at home as well so it works well for both of us.

I agree, it's what you know, and if he doesn't mind, WHO CARES? Who gives anyone the right to judge anyone? We can say that we think it's wrong for a wife to have her husband eat takeout, or cook his own dinner, when he makes "most" of the money! OR, have him clean up all day because we choose to work!:D I see it both ways!

I personally couldn't do it. For one, I love to work and I would also feel terribly guilty being home and not doing anything but maybe cleaning the house and cooking while he makes all the money.

I wish I could work now, but daycare for 3 kids just costs too much and would eat my whole check, making it pointless. I feel guilty as it is that I do not bring in an income, but I also know that I am doing one of the most important jobs I possibly could do.

I agree, it's what you know, and if he doesn't mind, WHO CARES? Who gives anyone the right to judge anyone? We can say that we think it's wrong for a wife to have her husband eat takeout, or cook his own dinner, when he makes "most" of the money! OR, have him clean up all day because we choose to work!:D I see it both ways!

thanks, somepeople look at the way i think as degrading to females. i know women that couldn't dare stay at home all day. But to me, my DF works hard, i couldn't work all day and have him come home before me and not have something to eat or come home to a house that isn't clean. If he gets deployed then i could see doing something part time to take up my time. But the way i was raised, as a wife my first priority is my husband and then comes work or school if i want. School isn't for me so its cool. I know i am thinking like a woman in 1950 but its me and to each thier own.

Why not, if she's going to school FULL time, it is a JOB! She's not getting paid, but she's getting an education! I would respect someone who wants to one day have a "dream" job over someone who works just to say she has a job because "society" thinks her going to school isn't a big deal, BUT my question is why not go to school instead of working a minimum wage job!
I did mention this before. I think that going to school is great, and yes I know that's a job. What I get offended by is people who are lazy and sit on their ass all day...obviously not speaking to any of you. If these women don't have kids yet, but plan on it someday, they should take a minute to consider how expensive college is for their future children and get a job just to put some money away for them. I'm not trying to offend, but I know that most people on here stated that one thing they would like to change about their life is less debt or having gone to college.

As long as the wife doesn't feel like she's missing out on anything workwise or socialwise, then I say "knock yourself out". It's hard to judge another couple's situation unless you are physically in their shoes IMHO.

I personally could not do that. The only way i'd be able to stay home is if I did have kids or was about to have a child.

I'm quite offended by the comment that just because we're at home all day we're not doing ANYTHING! I don't judge those who work, so why judge those of us who don't get paid for what we do???


I didn't say YOU didn't do anything. I'm sure you have your things. I am speaking about a person I know...if you read the earlier link. You know...do what you want, I'm not jealous or judging YOU....I just can't stand when women BRAG about sitting home watching soaps like they have the great life, I'd be ashamed if I were them.

To each his own...but why not try to better yourself, or stay 'interesting' to your spouse by getting out and about each day? What if things dont work out? Cant depend on other people your entire life!!!

I could NEVER do that, and I'm dying with out a job right now!!! (I know i have one, but not a paying one!)

I think to each there own..If someone can afford to stay home all day with no children then great for them. My husband does not want me to be a SAHW or a SAHM. Both of us would like for me to stay home until they are about 2 and then me starting to work part-time so that I could put my child in some sort of daycare/playgroup with other children so they can get some socilization. Some people love to stay home, I am just not the type that can. I have been working full time since I was 14 and I have not stopped working. I also think that you can have dinner on the table, have your house clean, the errans ran, the laundry done and all the other things when you have a job. I go work from 6:00- 2:30. Come home take something out for dinner and most of the time dinner is on the table by 6:00 and DH get's home about 5:30 takes a shower and eats. It can be done. But I do believe everyone has there reason for working or not working, could be because they only have one car, cant find a high enough paying job that would be even worth putting there children in daycare, not the right schedule.. etc. JMO :)

Posted Twice

well I am trying not to take this remark personally. I was a stay at home wife, for 2yrs before we had a kid, I didnt work, I didnt go to school.. It was something my husband and I agreed on, (not at first, I didnt want to stay home) but we discussed it and he told me to try it, so I did and the more I did the more I liked it, cause I felt I had more time for him, I kept my house up, I was very into the command he was in, I helped organize things, and I was able to do things I wanted to do, not jsut the running around to do arrands and stuff, its not like I just sat on my butt all day and did nothing, and you would be surprised at how many women actually say home, that doesnt have any kids.... I now stay at home with the little one, but I still dont work or go to school.... I have no problem with it, and niether does my husband, I dont think its anyone elses business, nor is it their place to judge me for my desicions, its not like anyone else is paying our bills... it may not be right for most but it works for me. hugs and kisses Nikki

moving this to debates :D

I dont believe that just because a wife stays at home means that she doesn't do anything but sit on her butt and do nothing. I dont think that a woman should just be sitting around watching soaps everyday, that is not right but it can be a job to be a stay at home wife. Maybe i shouldn't be in this convo because i am niether a wife or a stay at home wife but i know i will be and i will be content with that. Some women are happy with just taking care of their husbands.

I dont believe that just because a wife stays at home means that she doesn't do anything but sit on her butt and do nothing. I dont think that a woman should just be sitting around watching soaps everyday, that is not right but it can be a job to be a stay at home wife. Maybe i shouldn't be in this convo because i am niether a wife or a stay at home wife but i know i will be and i will be content with that. Some women are happy with just taking care of their husbands.

It's okay to be in the conversation girl, don't worry about it! I just think that it's whatever makes everyone happy! You will be happy taking care of your husband, this is what gives you JOY!

:scared some of you might murder me for this comment.... :scared

taking care of their husbands? what happened to men being able to take care of themselves? and women being able to take care of themselves? my fiance and i were both very independent before we got together and it makes me feel even more confident about our partnership.

please don't kill me!:pray ...just friendly debate, right??:lovestruck

but why not try to better yourself, or stay 'interesting' to your spouse by getting out and about each day? What if things dont work out? Cant depend on other people your entire life!!!



I am a SAHW for now and have been since I got married. Is it by choice? No, I wish I could go to work but without a working permit I can't. Every woman that is a SAHW has a different reason and whatever the reason might be it is not anyone else's place to judge me (or them) and say that I don't 'better myself', am basically getting 'uninteresting' for my husband. As long as the couple LIVING in that situation has no problems with it, why should anyone else? It might not be what you want in your life for yourself but if it working for that particular couple, why care?

I have done the working wife bit and the stay at home wife bit (before kids) When I did stay at home the house was ALWAYS spotless, dinner was always cooked, dishes always done, bills done, etc. My husband had NOTHING to worry about when he got home other then to relax.

Now yeah I did work for awhile. And because I mainly managed retail my hours were screwy, I worked sometimes 60 hours a week and yeah I neglicted my house a bit. He would pitch in and help me out. But... When you move around alot like we do as military wives it is hard. WHen my husband was in school I didnt work because I didnt want to get a job to only quit in 9 months.

If we couldnt afford for me to stay home then I wouldnt of. We discussed it and at the time it was best for us for me to stay home.

I say go with whatever works. If you are struggling for money then obviously you should work. If you can. If your not struggling for money and you and your husband dont mind you staying at home then why not? As long as you do your part at home. I did know some gals who stayed at home and wouldnt lift a finger to clean or cook etc. That kinda baffled me. But then again I am a neat freak

:lovestruck :scared some of you might murder me for this comment.... :scared

taking care of their husbands? what happened to men being able to take care of themselves? and women being able to take care of themselves? my fiance and i were both very independent before we got together and it makes me feel even more confident about our partnership.

please don't kill me!:pray ...just friendly debate, right??:lovestruck

Kill you for WHAT? You're right, it's a debate!

My husband and I have a GREAT partnership! He is constantly telling me how A LOT of his shipmates WISH their wives we like me:blush :D:lovestruck SO, obviously he brags about me, and/or our relationship! He also learns A LOT because I'm in school, such as spanish, history, geography, so he LOVES IT! So, we are a team, in more ways than anything!

Also if it seems that I'm focusing a lot on school, it's because that's all I know right now, I have never really stayed at home and did nothing.

I'm not commenting on my exact view on this one, I may get linched, LOL.

But for ME, I could NEVER just stay home, I have too much to offer to just stay home. If we were rich and didn't have to work, I would still not stay home, I'd get a PT Job or volunteer a lot or run a business. And even if I had kids, I still wouldn't stay home, more reason to work and bring in a second income. I could never rely on a man, or a single person to 'take care' of me, I don't need taking care of, I like having my own life, my own money, my own job, my independance in a co-dependant relaltionship.

I think they should get a job, do something.

I agree...it is no one's business but their own. I don't think that money is everything, but if you don't have kids, then why not work, even if just part time, to buy the junk that you want. If he makes enough money to support them, then that is great, but I would feel quilty about sitting at home, doing nothing, and not contributing to the marriage. Again, just my opinion. As long as I can work, and we don't have kids, I am going to. I work full time. Which right now I have to work, but I would feel quilty about not working, unless I was staying at home with kids, and even then I would feel quilty about not working because kids cost so much to raise and I know how hard DH works and money doesn't go far. If I was lucky enough to have family around that would babysit after kids, then I would work after having kids, but since we don't I may stay at home for the first year or so then go back to work. But again, I think it is their business, but in my opinion, I don't think you should just live off someone because you CAN. I see how my sister lives and there is no way she can ever say she got anything because she helped herself. She has nothing, and probably will never have anything, because she doesn't want to work. But oh well... I have almost everything I want, once we start having kids, there shouldn't be too much wanting....for myself. As far as material things... we don't have the most expensive, and we will never have, but with me working, we can have more. Than we could if I didn't work.

I didn't work the entire time I was in San Diego, or go to school.

Now, I go to school (2 classes per term) and I work one day a week. So, I'm still at home with no kids.

I think as long as it's ok with her husband, then it isn't anyone else's business or place to pass judgement.


:agree

having kids or not having kids doesnt make it any LESS "our" money in my book.

I don't think anyone should really be offended by this thread. If everyone is comfortable with their living situation, then theres no reason to defend it to other people or try and explain it. Every household is different and as long as things work for you, then thats all that matters. :) Whether you are a SAHM, SAHW, or you work full time or part time...as long as you are comfortable with, then to each their own!

But I can see where Kdmatthews is coming from. I have a friend who sounds VERY similar to hers. And it's aggravating to see them be worthless. :no My friend is a SAHM, but is about as worthless as they come. She rarely cleans, and complains when she has to do it, never plays with the kids or teaches them anything, and usually expects her husband to work a full time job then come home and take care of the house. He was in the Navy for 4 years and got out because she wanted him to make more money. But she wouldn't dare get off her ass and get a job. Their credit is in the dirt, and they couldn't even keep $20 in their savings account. Not because he didn't make enough money, but because if they had extra money she would go blow it on BS at Walmart or something. :rolleyes Before she met her husband she had a son from her previous marriage and wouldn't hold down a job because she didn't want him in daycare. She had no other source of income, but she refused to work. Once she met her husband, boyfriend at the time obviously, he moved in within a week to support her and her son. He had to let HIS truck get reposesed to pay HER bills. :no It was very aggravating to watch and still is.

No way are SAHM or SAHW all the same!

i have always personally wanted to be a stay at home wife and mother. i want to be a homemaker. yes i would volunteer to pass the hours while harrison wasn't at home, plus i'm in school but i do not think there is anything WRONG with wanting to take care of your husband. i don't have a problem making sure there is a meal on the table when he gets home and making sure the house is clean for him. if all i am doing is going to school then why not help my husband out by cleaning and cooking for him when he is working like a dog. dh would never let me go it alone but its something I WANT to do not him forcing me to do it. i agree that if you are being forced into being a stay at home wife then there is something wrong with that but if you want to be then more power to you

Like I said before, it is no one's business what goes on in other people's lives. If a woman wants to be a stay at home wife and watch tv all day, is it really any of your business? If she stays inside all day and surfs the internet, is it any of your business? It may bug the hell out of you seeing a lady sit at home and do nothing all day while you work or go to school but is it really bothering her? No, she is sticking to her business. She might have social anxieties that prevent her from getting a job or meeting people. She might suffer from depression and can't get out of a rut. May be she figures "hey, why get a job when the good ole military will just move us in a few years and I have to start all over again". It is also rude in my opinion to say that you should atleast do something to better yourself or keep things interesting for him. Whose place is it to say someone needs to better themselves? They might just be happy with the way they are and their husband's love them the way they are. It all boils down to MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS on what goes on in other people's lives

I dont see where anyone has the right to suggest that I get a job, instead of staying home, even before I had a child.. Thats not their business, they are not paying my bills..I am good at what I do, I am not saying that I cant be good out thier I know I can, I just choose to spend my time with my family, and teaching my son. What makes you think that you have to work out side the home to stay "interesting" to your husband? that doesnt make since to me.. If I didnt apeal to him, or wasnt interesting enough for him, we wouldnt be together. He was the one that originally wanted me to stay home. I was against it, I was bored, and have never not worked, but it grew on me and I found so many things to do for our house, and our lives that made it so much easier.. I dont think it would be anyones business if I sat home on my ass all day and did nothing. its not they would be living with me so why should it bother them?? Now let me clairify something. I dont just sit on my ass all day and do nothing, I was just making a point.lol.. I dont think my life style should affend anyone... thats my opinion. Hugs and Kisses Nikki

I stay at home.
I don't go to school. (Waiting till I'm back in the States.)
I could get a job at the NEX on base in Sig, but I don't want to, and we have no need for it.
Even if I was in the states, I'm not sure I would work. My husband's schedule (and I'm sure most of yours as well) is so unprediactable. He can be called away for a month at a moment's notice. Somedays he's off early; somedays he works 16 hours. He is home about 3 months off and on a year for the next 4 years. I love to be there every minute that i can with him. I still consider us Newlyweds (1 yr) and I want every hour with him that I can get. If I was working when he is actually home, I fear we would never see each other.
And yes, I do volunteer when he isn't home and watch other EOD families children for free to help out... but that doesn't make me any better.

How do you justify it? Let me know what you guys think.

I think if the woman is a heavy volunteer that it would be alright. Volunteering is an honorable position.

I haven't worked for the past 6 years, I loved being a homemaker and I still do, we just have a 2 year old now. But before it was just Adam and I and we loved me being home. I was there when he got off work and I was home on weekends too..if I worked we might not have gotten to see each other as much. Plus with deployments..I wanted to spend as much time with him as I could. I don't care if someone doesn't have kids and doens't work thats there business not mine..I don't pay there bills so I could care less.

Like I said before, it is no one's business what goes on in other people's lives. If a woman wants to be a stay at home wife and watch tv all day, is it really any of your business? If she stays inside all day and surfs the internet, is it any of your business? It may bug the hell out of you seeing a lady sit at home and do nothing all day while you work or go to school but is it really bothering her? No, she is sticking to her business. She might have social anxieties that prevent her from getting a job or meeting people. She might suffer from depression and can't get out of a rut. May be she figures "hey, why get a job when the good ole military will just move us in a few years and I have to start all over again". It is also rude in my opinion to say that you should atleast do something to better yourself or keep things interesting for him. Whose place is it to say someone needs to better themselves? They might just be happy with the way they are and their husband's love them the way they are. It all boils down to MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS on what goes on in other people's lives

This is what is wrong with America in my opinion. Some lazy ass just sits around all day and you think well, that's her business? Maybe so, but get a fucking goal for chrissakes. Stop being a punk teenager and do something constructive. AND NO, watching tv ALL DAY and surfing the NET is not productive! There are so many people that are in need of help...who have huge dreams but maybe have cancer, or MS or any other number of diseases...go out and help the child with Down syndrome through the special olympics!!! Damn, stop being so selfish and stop SITTING AROUND wasting air. Mind my own business? OKAY, but DO SOMETHING!!!!

I don't really care what other people do. If it works for them, then it's their choice. If they were at home, could work and were choosing not to, and complaining about how broke they are...then I might raise my eyebrows a bit. If they're living comfortably and everyone's happy, then it's their choice and their life.

Personally, I have no interest in being a SAHW. I've always loved to work, even when I was a teen and working at McDonald's. Now, I need to work to keep my license current and pay back my student loans. I'm committed to a career.

my my. firstly, sounds like everyone is happy with their own situations. i think that's great. fantastic. brava. sincerely.
my only concern is women losing sight of what they want for what their husbands want or expect. maintain a clean home because YOU want a clean home, not cause he expects or deserves it. i want women to say, damnit, I deserve a clean home, that's why i keep one. my fiance doesn't live with me...and I keep a clean home and feed myself in addition to working. granted it's easier because there's only one of me. Of course i want my man to be happy, but but cleaning his house only makes him happy. cleaning our house makes us happy. ok, that's my rant.

My DH is very old-fashioned & believes it is his job to provide for his family! He feels that I should not work at all whether we have kids or not, unless I want to.


Josh is the same way.. The only time I'd work is if we absolutely needed the money.

A question as well, for all those who think being a SAHW is just fine, she can do whatever...don't you think they GO CRAZY when their hubby is gone on deployment for 3,6,8 months at a time. Then who do they cook for, clean up after, etc. How do you fill the time? Just curious.

How do you know that she's lazy. You can't group everybody in together when really have you talked to these women? Do you know their reasoning for staying at home? I was a stay at home wife for almost 3 years for two main reasons.

1. We could AFFORD for me to be a Stay at Home Wife. We could still buy pretty much whatever we wanted and not have to worry about it even without me working.

2. My dh was on a ship and I went to every port that he pulled into. That was our main purpose for me not working. Not too many jobs would give you a week off every month about 8 months out of the year to go see your dh.

Now of course he is no longer on a ship so no cool ports to go to. I tried being a SAHW when we got back to the States but it just didn't work for me. I was bored. So I got a job. Everybody is different though. Everybodys situation is different. Unless you are a fly on their wall or somehow have in depth knowledge about their relationship how can you really call them lazy when you don't know their situation. I am just sick of women judging each other based on choices they make when we really have no idea why or how they came to that decision. We're so ready to throw people under the bus for not working or working when they have kids or any other little thing that TRULY is none of our business.
This is what is wrong with America in my opinion. Some lazy ass just sits around all day and you think well, that's her business? Maybe so, but get a fucking goal for chrissakes. Stop being a punk teenager and do something constructive. AND NO, watching tv ALL DAY and surfing the NET is not productive! There are so many people that are in need of help...who have huge dreams but maybe have cancer, or MS or any other number of diseases...go out and help the child with Down syndrome through the special olympics!!! Damn, stop being so selfish and stop SITTING AROUND wasting air. Mind my own business? OKAY, but DO SOMETHING!!!!

i can't work(damn wheelchair) I want to find a way to work. my dh doesn't care that I don't work he feels like it's his job to support me.

This is what is wrong with America in my opinion. Some lazy ass just sits around all day and you think well, that's her business? Maybe so, but get a fucking goal for chrissakes. Stop being a punk teenager and do something constructive. AND NO, watching tv ALL DAY and surfing the NET is not productive! There are so many people that are in need of help...who have huge dreams but maybe have cancer, or MS or any other number of diseases...go out and help the child with Down syndrome through the special olympics!!! Damn, stop being so selfish and stop SITTING AROUND wasting air. Mind my own business? OKAY, but DO SOMETHING!!!!
Yeah I kinda take offense to that. Because I was a SAHW for awhile. Yeah I worked but I also did the SAHW bit. I've done both...Was I lazy? No. I slept in yeah. I cleaned the house daily, cooked dinner, ran errands, grocery shopped, made sure everything was cleaned up etc etc To group everyone into 1 category isn't really fair now is it?? Nope. I didnt volunteer. I prolly could of but didn't.

As far as deployments went I passed the time. I didnt cook as much but I went out with friends, I stayed busy. Even the times I wasn't working. We would go to the movies, play bingo etc etc. And 1 year I got a seasonal job to pass some time.

And it IS her business. Is a woman who is at home all day with no kids hurting you? Hurting me? Hurting someone else? No. Unless she is hurting those around her it IS her business. Once it starts hurting those outside her home then and only then does it become someone elses business. So I am kinda confused at how you think this is an "thats whats wrong with America" problem. Would you LIKE someone to look in on you and tell you how to raise your child? How to live your life? That you should be doing this instead of that. Sure. If you are hurting your child, hurting yourself or whatever. But if your not then it is YOUR business....

I didn't say YOU didn't do anything. I'm sure you have your things. I am speaking about a person I know...if you read the earlier link. You know...do what you want, I'm not jealous or judging YOU....I just can't stand when women BRAG about sitting home watching soaps like they have the great life, I'd be ashamed if I were them.
I feel very lucky to have a dh that wants me to stay home wheelchair or no. we have enough money to make it with out me working and I'm not ashamed I am blessed.

Call me simple, but I do believe there was a movement not that long ago that actually involved the burning of bras and general civil "disobedience".. along with a catchy slogan to end women's sufferage.

By ANYONE stating that a spouse should or shouldn't do something is essentially spatting on what those women did those few years ago. It doesn't matter the sex of the person filling the seat of "The Man" - Sufferage is Sufferage. Women fought hard as hell to be treated as an equal in the workplace. Just because a woman doesn't want to be a corporate suit, a Wendy's fry Manager or a manager of a tea farm doesn't mean she's any less of a woman - it means she's taking advantage of a very basic American virtue: FREEDOM.

The problem in America has nothing to do with people doing nothing. If everyone did nothing, we wouldn't be where we are. The problem with America is that everyone is given the right to throw stones and then hire a lawyer if their stone throw gets them into trouble.

This is what is wrong with America in my opinion. Some lazy ass just sits around all day and you think well, that's her business? Maybe so, but get a fucking goal for chrissakes. Stop being a punk teenager and do something constructive. AND NO, watching tv ALL DAY and surfing the NET is not productive! There are so many people that are in need of help...who have huge dreams but maybe have cancer, or MS or any other number of diseases...go out and help the child with Down syndrome through the special olympics!!! Damn, stop being so selfish and stop SITTING AROUND wasting air. Mind my own business? OKAY, but DO SOMETHING!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Okay, now that you put it this way, I have no choice but to respond. I've been in both shoes of SAHW & SAHM. Does that automatically brand me as a fat, lazy piece of lard?

I don't think so. Neither I nor any of the ladies who choose to stay home should feel that we need to justify our lives to anyone. I take responsibility for my life and my actions. I don't ask for pity and I sure as hell am not sitting back counting the days until the next welfare check ( no insult towards those who are on it). Without going into details about why I am at home NOW, I am a SAHW and guess what, my husband supports and encourages it.

Are our lives less significant because we don't have a 9-5 job? I resent the implication that SAHW sit and munch on bon-bons with the remote glued to their hands. I'm curious why the anger towards SAHW? What gives? Like I posted earlier, my attitude about people asking why "we" (dh & I) are cool with my staying home is this: If you don't pay my bills, then you don't need to know.

Those in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

Call me simple, but I do believe there was a movement not that long ago that actually involved the burning of bras and general civil "disobedience".. along with a catchy slogan to end women's sufferage.

By ANYONE stating that a spouse should or shouldn't do something is essentially spatting on what those women did those few years ago. It doesn't matter the sex of the person filling the seat of "The Man" - Sufferage is Sufferage. Women fought hard as hell to be treated as an equal in the workplace. Just because a woman doesn't want to be a corporate suit, a Wendy's fry Manager or a manager of a tea farm doesn't mean she's any less of a woman - it means she's taking advantage of a very basic American virtue: FREEDOM.

The problem in America has nothing to do with people doing nothing. If everyone did nothing, we wouldn't be where we are. The problem with America is that everyone is given the right to throw stones and then hire a lawyer if their stone throw gets them into trouble.

:hail Thank you!

Ok, this is how i see it. Yes, i agree that it really isn't anyone's business, to each their own, blah blah. the only time i really see it as a problem is when the husband would "rather" the wife stay home and as in the movie mona lisa smile "have dinner on the table at 5pm". now, i know women here have said that they're husbands said they'd be fine with them working, but liked them at home. well, that is still pressure - that's not the freedom to make a choice when the husband is saying that. if it's TRULY the woman's choice to stay home, then more power to ya. but if BEFORE she got married she wanted to work then magically her priorities shifted, i think it's crap and i think to raise a child, especially a girl, with that kind of environment is detrimental the girl's future and her choices.

personally, i would be bored out of my mind. i was bored staying at home with my daughter and i was exhausted and busy all day. but not the kind of busy that keeps me going. but that is me. i always wanted to work, prior to dh, prior to my daughter. my friend from college always wanted to be a sahm, even in college. she got married and had a baby and is a sahm. good for her. but that was her goal. not one that was formed out of pressure from her husband or old 1950s mentalities.

Ok, this is how i see it. Yes, i agree that it really isn't anyone's business, to each their own, blah blah. the only time i really see it as a problem is when the husband would "rather" the wife stay home and as in the movie mona lisa smile "have dinner on the table at 5pm". now, i know women here have said that they're husbands said they'd be fine with them working, but liked them at home. well, that is still pressure - that's not the freedom to make a choice when the husband is saying that. if it's TRULY the woman's choice to stay home, then more power to ya. but if BEFORE she got married she wanted to work then magically her priorities shifted, i think it's crap and i think to raise a child, especially a girl, with that kind of environment is detrimental the girl's future and her choices.

personally, i would be bored out of my mind...


yes yes yes...i've seen those shifty priorities too...:thumbsup :thumbsup

Also....for some couples, maybe it's easier for the wife NOT to work if there's only 1 car. Before Ethan...there'd be no way I would work if we only had 1 vehicle. No way in hell was I gonna get up at 5am to take him to work. But that's just ME. Plus with my DH having 24hr duty every 4 days, no way would 1 car work.

So like everyone is saying...there are reasons for EVERYTHING.
That's what is happening with me... I mean sure call me lazy whatever I really dont care what people think but we only have one car and I dont really want to wake up early every morning to drop him off to work. Plus he doesnt always know when he is coming home sometimes earlier sometimes later we just never know. What if he got off work earlier and I wasnt there to get him then what he has to wait hours till I got off work that would be stupid. Now he is deployed and sure people say why not work now well I could but then when he comes back 4 months from now what am I gonna do quit? Then when he leaves 4 months later try finding a job again. It's my life and he is ok with me not working we are fine with our money and are really good savers so there is no need for more money. If we get another car in the future then it would be easier but for now it's such a pain to deal with. Think what you want yea I'm lazy ok whatevers it's my life not urs.

i don't think anyone was making the blanket statement that all sahw are lazy and that they do nothing i think in this particular case that this is her opinion. i agree with hatetank in that because a woman stays at home and is a homemaker that does not make her any less of a woman. i am all for equal rights for women but i don't want to be told by anyone, especially another woman, that by me staying at home i am being oppresed by a man or that i'm falling into the typical prejudicial role of women. i will do what i want to do, not what my husband wants me to do--in the sense of if i WANT to be a SAHW then i WILL be a sahw

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Okay, now that you put it this way, I have no choice but to respond. I've been in both shoes of SAHW & SAHM. Does that automatically brand me as a fat, lazy piece of lard?

I don't think so. Neither I nor any of the ladies who choose to stay home should feel that we need to justify our lives to anyone. I take responsibility for my life and my actions. I don't ask for pity and I sure as hell am not sitting back counting the days until the next welfare check ( no insult towards those who are on it). Without going into details about why I am at home NOW, I am a SAHW and guess what, my husband supports and encourages it.

Are our lives less significant because we don't have a 9-5 job? I resent the implication that SAHW sit and munch on bon-bons with the remote glued to their hands. I'm curious why the anger towards SAHW? What gives? Like I posted earlier, my attitude about people asking why "we" (dh & I) are cool with my staying home is this: If you don't pay my bills, then you don't need to know.

Those in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

Amen sista!!

Maybe you should go on that show "30 Days" and spend a day in the life of a SAHW ... then maybe you'd see that their life is much more "productive" then you seem to think :wink

I was a SAHW the majority of the time that my ex and I were together .. yes at times we didn't have money for EVERYTHING that we wanted and at times things were VERY rough but when I got a job he didn't like it because his whole life fell apart ... and he opted for me to stay home and he liked it much better that way :D

Now yes I stay at home but it's because of my pregnancy and I care more about the welfare of my children and so does NIck ... it was actually his idea that I quit my job and stay home ... he's completley fine if I never want to go back to work ..

I don't think that anyone has the right to "judge" SAHW/SAHM and to just assume they sit on the rear ends all day and eat and watch soap operas .. Actaully that's quite stupid :lmao To me that's exactly the same thing as saying that a lady that works does not spend enough time with their children because they work ..... We all know that's an idiotic assumption and so is the one about SAHW ... :yes

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Okay, now that you put it this way, I have no choice but to respond. I've been in both shoes of SAHW & SAHM. Does that automatically brand me as a fat, lazy piece of lard?

I don't think so. Neither I nor any of the ladies who choose to stay home should feel that we need to justify our lives to anyone. I take responsibility for my life and my actions. I don't ask for pity and I sure as hell am not sitting back counting the days until the next welfare check ( no insult towards those who are on it). Without going into details about why I am at home NOW, I am a SAHW and guess what, my husband supports and encourages it.

Are our lives less significant because we don't have a 9-5 job? I resent the implication that SAHW sit and munch on bon-bons with the remote glued to their hands. I'm curious why the anger towards SAHW? What gives? Like I posted earlier, my attitude about people asking why "we" (dh & I) are cool with my staying home is this: If you don't pay my bills, then you don't need to know.

Those in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.
thank you :hugs

This is what is wrong with America in my opinion. Some lazy ass just sits around all day and you think well, that's her business? Maybe so, but get a fucking goal for chrissakes. Stop being a punk teenager and do something constructive. AND NO, watching tv ALL DAY and surfing the NET is not productive! There are so many people that are in need of help...who have huge dreams but maybe have cancer, or MS or any other number of diseases...go out and help the child with Down syndrome through the special olympics!!! Damn, stop being so selfish and stop SITTING AROUND wasting air. Mind my own business? OKAY, but DO SOMETHING!!!!

:ohno

Sounds like that woman hit a nerve

:giggle

:ohno

Sounds like that woman hit a nerve

:giggle

Yeah, must have been the part about SAHWs being a waste of air or something or other :dunno

:ohno

Get a goal? Hmm, maybe she has a goal but like I said is it anyone's business? Sounds like some people have more of a control issue than any thing. If you think it IS your business, that is a control issue you might want to look into. Would you personally like it if someone came into YOUR home, YOUR life, and told YOU what to do? Honestly, let's think about that for a second because I can almost guarantee you that you wouldn't so WHY would you go into someone else's life and tell them to get a life, set a goal, DO SOMETHING?
If a woman sits at home all day and watches the news channels, is she making herself better? Yes she is. She is keeping up with current events. If she is sitting online all day is that your business? No it isn't because hey, SHE could be anyone one of US on these boards.

...at times things were VERY rough but when I got a job he didn't like it because his whole life fell apart ... and he opted for me to stay home and he liked it much better that way :D

this is what gets me. nowhere in that sentence was it said "I wanted to stay home" or "I liked it better that way". it was "HE opted" and "HE liked it". that's where i think there is a problem - when women (any woman in this position) do that to please their man and not themselves. (i'm not picking on you, becky, just trying to make my point.)

Also, if a sahw is actually doing stuff, like cooking, cleaning, etc, she is doing something. now i know there are cases out there (ok, so my examples are from wife swap :giggle but i'm sure they aren't the only ones) where the men work and do all the house work. sorry, but for women who are sahw and do NOTHING (and it's not for medical reasons), yes i will judge them. i'm not afraid to admit i judge people, everyone does it whether they admit it or not. :suspect

I did mention this before. I think that going to school is great, and yes I know that's a job. What I get offended by is people who are lazy and sit on their ass all day...obviously not speaking to any of you. If these women don't have kids yet, but plan on it someday, they should take a minute to consider how expensive college is for their future children and get a job just to put some money away for them. I'm not trying to offend, but I know that most people on here stated that one thing they would like to change about their life is less debt or having gone to college.

I agree with what you've been saying. I've been working since I could legally hold a job and as soon as I started college, I stopped working. Me and my husband have talked about this numerous times. My dh said that if I choose to stay home, he would expect me to take care of the home, have it clean and have dinner made everyday. He would NOT be okay with me sitting home all day doing nothing, and being lazy. Honestly, I agree with him.

I was raised that the husband and wife should both work and contribute. Honestly, now-a-days you have to both work to get ahead. I just want to say though that I know there's always circumstances, and I'm not trying to judge anyone for their personal choices.

ETA: We share a car also. I have to go through one tunnel to take my dh to work and then go back through it and then go through another one in the opposite direction to go to school. We make it work. :shrug

for a woman to stay home (not work and not go to school) if she has no kids. This might start an argument, but I really have a problem with this. I know this lady that acts disgusted when I talk about my son, saying "oh, I'll never have kids" but doesn't have a job and I have no clue what she does all day...nothing I guess. She just lives off her husbands money (I know it is THEIR money, but come on...he's the one working his ass off for it). It's different if you have kids, because believe me THAT IS A JOB....but no kids? How do you justify it? Let me know what you guys think.

I don't see anything wrong with it if they're happy, but I wouldn't be able to do it. I need to keep my mind busy. When I have my own thing going on, I have something to talk about to my husband. I can talk about work, school, fun times with my friends, etc. It helps the relationship.

LOL you know what I find funny, is that more than half of these debates are nobody's business, maybe we should stop asking and answering these questions if people get so offended by others getting involved in their 'business'

LOL you know what I find funny, is that more than half of these debates are nobody's business, maybe we should stop asking and answering these questions if people get so offended by others getting involved in their 'business'

I think the answer to this can be found in the PC thread. Hardly anyone in that debate is claiming to be politically correct, and asking questions that offend is the best way to knock the ignorance out of people. You know, ".. the question left unasked." statement. Being offended only lasts a little while - an answer is eternal, (or until the next Discovery Channel special comes out proving it wrong.)

this is what gets me. nowhere in that sentence was it said "I wanted to stay home" or "I liked it better that way". it was "HE opted" and "HE liked it". that's where i think there is a problem - when women (any woman in this position) do that to please their man and not themselves. (i'm not picking on you, becky, just trying to make my point.)

Also, if a sahw is actually doing stuff, like cooking, cleaning, etc, she is doing something. now i know there are cases out there (ok, so my examples are from wife swap :giggle but i'm sure they aren't the only ones) where the men work and do all the house work. sorry, but for women who are sahw and do NOTHING (and it's not for medical reasons), yes i will judge them. i'm not afraid to admit i judge people, everyone does it whether they admit it or not. :suspect

I understand ya girl .. I wasn't thinking as I was typing .. it was actually a decision made on both our parts that I quit working .. I wasn't happy working, I'm happy when I stay at home .. In my opinion some people are meant to be SAHW/SAHM and some aren't .... :dunno

I think the point I was trying to get across is I did more work being a SAHW then I did getting up and going to work and sitting behind a desk all day .. I felt much more prodcutive at home .. :wink

I didn't work the entire time I was in San Diego, or go to school.

Now, I go to school (2 classes per term) and I work one day a week. So, I'm still at home with no kids.

I think as long as it's ok with her husband, then it isn't anyone else's business or place to pass judgement.

well said. :yes i mean, there's reall no "right" or "wrong" to this. if the husband is okay with it, who can say that the wife shouldn't enjoy being allowed this luxury?


personally, i'd be bored and i enjoy having a career AND kids... but that's my personal opinion and what works for our family.

If that is what the couple decide is best, who am I to say otherwise? Who knows what the wife may be doing with her time, they might surprise you. There are lots of women that don't 'work' but do alot of charity work in their community.

If that is what the couple decide is best, who am I to say otherwise? Who knows what the wife may be doing with her time, they might surprise you. There are lots of women that don't 'work' but do alot of charity work in their community.


I would love to just be able to do charity work. That would make me feel alot better about myself than any paying job.

Personally I don't really care if you stay at home or work. I couldn't stay at home with no kids. I would feel worthless. I'm not saying if you do stay at home you are worthless, but that is how I would feel. Just not my cup of tea...

eh whatever works.........personally if I didn't have kids I would work or be in school, but if you don't have to and your husband is okay with that.........kwim?

I would never judge anyone for it, however, for me personally, I could not do it. I would be bored and feel lousy for not contributing to the household. Plus I would feel like I was not evolving as a person with having new experiences with either work or going to school that would change me for the better. That is just me though because I could never judge or say anything about anyone else's personal decisions with their life.

Well I'm way late on this thread but I just wanted to add my two cents. I agree with many of the ladies...if they want to do it, fine, but I personally would not enjoy being a stay at home wife. I just wouldn't feel like I could do all the things I wanted to do (ie taking a fun class or shopping) because I would feel like I was spending my husband's money :dunno . Plus I would get pretty bored because I have a pretty short attention span.

Wow, this is a popular thread ..... :yes

Ultimately it depends on the couple obviously. Personally, I would be bored out of my mind to just stay home. If I was going to school fulltime that would be different. I wouldn't want to just do charity work either. If I were to do that, I would rather have a paying job. Even if the money isn't needed to live on, it could go into savings. Just seems to be such a wasted opportunity to plan for the future.

Why would anyone else care that much what goes on inside someone else's marriage?

Just sounds like jealousy, to me, when someone is like that.

It sounds like you were offended & that's why you have such a problem with it...

:agree

When I got married to Dh we decided that I would stay home, because he was gone so much at the time. After a year or so I started school. I still have no job, and right now I go to school. I work whenever he is deployed because it gives me something to do.