So I know we've had this converstation before. But db and I talked more today about the posibility of him being a lifer. All he ever talks about is the benefits. He doesn't really understand why I would want to stay close to family/friends. And he thinks that moving all the time would be no problem..for me or future kids. So I know most of you have been in the "Navy Wife" position for awhile and most of you like it. But I was wondering for those of you who are new to the situation..how are you likeing it? And I was also wondering if there was anyone who was against it when you got married....how is it now, has it gotten better--worse? And for everyone..how do you kids take it? With your husbands gone a lot and the moving all of the time, I was just wondering how your kids seem to take it. I know that they probaby wouldn't say to your face that they hate it or anything..but, I know it can't be easy. DB just kept saying that if it was like that in the beginning that the kids would get used to it. I told him that they shouldn't have to, that kids should be able to have close friends and relationships that they shouldn't have to give up to move all of the time. He said the kids he's worked with on base don't seem to care. My cousin's husband is a lifer in the Army and they have 4 kids and they don't really seem to mind. But I plan on talking to the 2 older ones alone over Christmas break, to see what they really think about having a dad who is a lifer (who they don't get to see a lot) and moving all of the time. Sorry for dragging that out for so long. I guess I was just kind of thinking out loud. So any thoughts that you might have would be appreciated. Thanks ladies!!!

Ok I know this was geared towards those whom haven't been navy wives for long...But I wanted to answer you on a couple of things ;) This will probably be long so bear with me

When we got married Dh was gonna get out. That was our plan. He was gonna get out and we were going to stay in CA by my family. Well 3 months before he was due to get out he announced he was extending. Was I happy about it? No not at all. I had done 1 deployment and I NEVER wanted to do anything like that again. I didn't want to be a "Navy wife" I simply wanted to be a wife. So yea I was kind of upset.

He then left for an A school a few months after he returned home from deployment. He told me he would get orders to Washington which is where I was from. I wanted to be near family so badly. I was young. Never been married, never lived away from any family..Well he got orders to Washington alright. But it was Washington DC...Other side of the US. I was in tears. Scared, crying, didn;t know what to expect. I had wanted to go back to school and now that was on hold...

The first year was hard. It was hard being away from my family. And so far away too. But there were good aspects to it as well. I was getting to see things I had never ever seen. Being away was teaching me more and more indepandance. Well again. He was going to get out after that tour. We were gonna move to Washington. He was putting resumes out and everything. Well he then announces he was going to cross rate and reenlist. Talk about confusing...He cross rated and we went from DC to IL to VA for his schools. From there we did end up back in WA. But honestly it was al so different. I was USED to not being near my family. I was USED to alot of it. But I did NOT want to go thru another deployment. And the ship he was going to was fixing to leave in a month after we got there. I remember when we got there and went to check him in...I said to him in the car "I don't know if I can do this again" His face dropped nad he looked as tho he was gonna cry (which is shocking in itself) He said "What are you saying??" I told him I was saying I wasn;t looking forward to another deployment. He thought I was leaving him.

Needless to say that deployment came and went, another came and was extended and went..And here I am, 11 years later. Been a military wife for 11 years. For what started to be 1 year.

Yes I like this lifestyle now. As I have grown I have changed. I know even in the civilian world nothing is in stone. Here he has a stable job which is why he stayed in. To make sure he would always have work.

As far as kids go I dunno since we just had Ethan. But I do have alot of friends who went thru it with children and it isn;t easy. Saying goodbye never is and especially for young kids who do not understand. But just like everything else they get through it. Personally, to me, although yes having your child in 1 set school, city etc is good, so is moving and expierencing new and wonderful things. They can look back and say "I have been here, lived here, done this, did that"

I hope you find the answers you are looking for. Like I said it isn;t easy and this isn;t the lifestyle I thought I would have at first. But I am so very glad that I do now.

I hated it at the time.... the moving around all the time. but i look back on it now and wouldnt trade it for the world!!!! how many people can say went to Spain for spring break their senior year of high school or had their grad ceremony at a german castle???

Kristi--As I read that, the tears just started falling. Because I feel so much this this isn't what I want. But at the same time, there is a small part of me who believes that I'll be like you and might like it in the end. But right now the part of me who wants nothing to do with being a "Navy Wife" is the part that is the strongest. Thank you for what you wrote, I appreciate it.

I really don't have any experience to go on to help with this, but I wanted to add to something that Kristi said about it being good for kids to move around because they can experience new things and stuff. I've lived in the same city for 23 years and went to school with pretty much the same people K-12 and I couldn't tell you how many times I wanted to move so I could experience something new as a kid. So I personally don't think that moving kids around would be a bad thing, especially with the internet and everything that could help friends stay in touch.

My husband's been in for almost 4 years, but we have been away from family since we were 19 and 20 yrs old (we're 27 now). I didn't know anything about the Navy and there are still lots of things I may not know or care to know, but I didn't have a problem with him joining. We decided on this together. I don't like my children having to change schools, but I do believe they will be ok. This is only their 2nd school change and will be their last (unless we're crazy and change our minds). I also want them to have memories of our home, not our home for this amount of yrs. I feel as if I'm a visitor here and would like to feel like I belong and care about the town I'm in. Those are just a couple of the reasons he is getting out. It's nice to see different places, but I'd much prefer to save money and go on vacations rather than having to stay at a place I don't like for a few yrs. That's my scatterbrained story. Good luck with your decision.

Wow. I'm still living in the same down I have been since I was born. (well, when I'm not up at school). Same deal..with going to school with the same people and all. But I've loved it. And I think that is why it would be so hard to move so far away. Ok, once you move you'd get used to the new place. But the thing is, just as soon as you get used to it..it would be time to move again. But then again, maybe you guys are right. That's what I'm hoping to find out from my talk with my cousin's kids..if and when I am able to talk to them one on one. The oldes is 13 and 2nd oldes is 9. That's all they've known all their life..so they would know better than anyone. I guess.

KevsQueen--That's why I think it might be good to be in for awhile. To get the experience of living in really different places and doing things most people don't get to do. I wouldn't mind doing something like that for the first several years of our marriage (we don't plan on getting married until I graduate anyway..). And then settling down and having a family. BUT from what I'm hearing from him, it sounds like all or none at the moment. Even if we did agree to stay in just for awhile longer..I'm sure it would end up being a life thing anyway.

edited by me

i saw your teaching pics, what are the odds you get a teaching job in your home school system? military towns have more teaching opportunities, they told me in my education classes..

Moving away from home may be an exciting experience for you, then. I'm sure you'll be able to make a better decision after you actually do the moving away thing. I think it's great that you have it all planned out as far as education and when you want to have children.

I'm not new to being a military wife, but I remember what it first felt like to have to leave my family and friends. It sucked the first time and I totally went through withdrawals from being able to see my family every weekend and hanging out with my friends all the time.

Ironic is that growing up I told myself that I wasn't going to marry a military man. LOL! Because I didn't want to have to move all the time and be without him a lot of the time. I was originally a military kid, but my Mom got a divorce so she wouldn't have to move all the time. She was happy with her job and had bought a home and was getting get paid well and all her family was near her, and she didn't want to give that up. And I didn't want to go through what she did, so I vowed not to marry anyone in the military.

I know people who are grown up now, who were military kids and looking back had enjoyed the experience. And actually most of them ended up either going into the military or marrying someone who is in the military. So, maybe they're so used to moving around, that they find a way to be able to do it again. I really didn't ask them what they thought at the time when they had to move all the time.

I've grown to like it. I didn't like it at all at first. I hated not being able to just get in my car and go visit my family and my friends. But I've learned that talking on the phone with them and e-mailing them has made it so we're just as close as if I lived in the same city. Anyways, I know you were asking people new to the military life and people with children, but I wanted to put my opinion, anyways. HTH, Sweetie!!

Thank you everyone for your opinions and stories. It is great to see so many different views from different positions. It really helps.

i am so glad you started this thread! it is good info i want to read too!!

i haven't been a navy wife for all that long. jason was in the navy when i met him and i guess i never really thought too much about it. i wouldn't have not married jason because of the navy. it was hard at first because of his C school, he lived in biloxi and i was in college in pensacola. we saw each other on weekends and then after three months of that he left for a year. wasn't the most ideal situation but i just rolled with it.

since i was already had lived away from home the moving didn't bother me when we came to hawaii. i'm glad i went away from home for college so i got used to being on my own. it's made being here easier even though i do miss my family. i don't love or hate the navy. it's just how it is for me i guess. jason doesn't plan on staying in and that's fine. if he wanted to stay in longer that'd be fine. i would deal with it. i'm glad he wants to get out for the most part but yes the navy does have some good benefits.

since my children are just little i don't know how it affects them. i know madison had to adjust to having jason home as much as i did. she doesn't like it when he goes to work since he works long hours but she deals with it. i think kids are very adaptable, they probably take it better than adults in the long run.

i say you just have to be flexible.

We just got married on halloween...But then again our entire relationship has been long distance and it still is...So in ways I dont feel like a "navy" gf or a "navy" wife...I am just a spouse that unfortunately for X amount of time is apart from her husband...But we are also 27 and 28...We have lived that young wild oats thing and we both thought we were at the perfect age to do this...I am not going to mind the traveling and the moving, I am just going to think of it as a new adventure waiting to happen...But inactuality, I am hoping that i will adjust quickly to moving...I LOVE my husband so much and there isnt one part of me that will ever question him being in the military for life or when we move...Its his job, and I am going to follow him where he goes...I can always find a job...Thats how I see things...

I also do not want to be part of the military life once his time is up. He has brought up a few times about putting in an admiral package to go officer, but he knows I STRONGLY am against it. I even went as far as to say the kid and I would be living in WI while he was wherever...My feelings are that I didn't want to be apart of the life ever again and we had talked about it before getting pregnant and making all these plans. He said he wanted to get out. So, I admit, I would be very angry if he changed his mind BUT I would really have no choice but to support him. I'm obviously NOT going to keep the family apart just b/c I want to be stubborn. When it comes down to the grand scheme of things- to me, it would be top priority to keep OUR family together isntead of being around other family and what not.

My feelings on it are similiar to yours- I want him home every night with the kids and myself, I want a stable home life, and I feel he can get a better paying job as a civilian with a degree.

I have a tiny fear in the back of my mind he is going to spring it on me right when he's due to get out...but...when it comes down to it, I would support him and deal, like Kristi did, and find the positives.

Luke and I got married 11 months ago. But I wouldn't say I'm a "navy" wife. If he were a teacher I wouldn't call myself a teacher wife. KWIM? It is his job, he isn't his job. To me the moving (as much as I hate packing) is something that is just part of his job. And how else would I have gotten to experience living in Guam? Or now WA? And then where ever else next. I don't have a problem being away from family. When I was in 7th grade I was alone in France living with another family for 2 weeks. Then at 18 I lived in MN for a year. Just like you are now in contact with your DB over email and phone you can do it with your family should you move.

i am way new to this whole thing, we got married in aug and i am still living at home until dh gets back. at first i was so excited to leave this rinky dink town in the middle of no where ohio, i have lived here all my life and was ready for a new experience. now that dh has been gone i can clearly see how i am going to miss my family and their support so much. i worry about the little things like going though my first pregnancy without my mother a short drive away. dh worries about his kids not knowing him because he'll be gone a lot. in the end i can only look at this situation this way. first of all aaron and i choose this life, and even though we probably would have done something different if we were millionaires this is where we are today. in the end to us all that matters is that we are together, i know this sounds trite and technically we will be apart but we are able to have our own life. staying here we would not be able to be our own persons. we love our families and i am sure that there will be many flights across the states to visit them but the navy has given us a chance to do things that ohio would not allow. i can't say that after five years of this i won't want out but i know that now this is what we need. deployments are hard, not where he is but being away from him, but i cannot express how much joy i have for the ten months that we will be able to spend together in our own house where we can make our own life.

We haven't even get married yet but for me all this living with him is a new thing. I know it's not easy knowing Navy change our plans all the time. This is what he does, this is what he loves doing. I want to spend the rest of my life with him, so I chose to do it. Do you seriously think this is the man of your life Katie? If you think that way I would not think it twice, your family will always be your family and your kids will spend time with them too.

But I wouldn't say I'm a "navy" wife. If he were a teacher I wouldn't call myself a teacher wife. KWIM? It is his job, he isn't his job.
that's funny. I was talking to my husband about that the other day. I said if you were at Home Depot, would I be a Home Depot wife or if you were an electrician, an electrician's wife? I want to be called the teacher or librarian or whatever else and have my own identity.

Do you seriously think this is the man of your life Katie? If you think that way I would not think it twice, your family will always be your family and your kids will spend time with them too.


Yes, I honestly do. I'll admit, when he first told me, I did think twice. For a total of about a couple of hours. After that, I knew I could never leave him. That's what makes it so hard. Knowing that no matter what he chooses, I'm going to have to live with it. So I guess I should just stop worrying so much, because there is really not a decision I need to make. I know in the end, I would support him either way. I'll be behind him no matter what decision, but that dosn't mean I'll be happy about it. LOL

I wouldn't say I'm a "navy" wife. If he were a teacher I wouldn't call myself a teacher wife.


That's a good point. I guess I've never sat back and thought about it like that. I guess I've always thought about it as a lifestyle rather than just a job.

Why can't you be happy about it hun? You can teach everywhere you go, you can always fly home and spend time with family. Knowing that you are spending your life with the man that you love is one of the best feelings in life, I would not trade it for anything in the world!!

Hi I am a new Navy wife and it has been very difficult. Out of our six months of marriage we've only spent two months together. I just graduated high school in May 2005 and got married in June. None of our family or friends liked the idea and most thought we wouldn't last. It's been fun proving them wrong and everyone has accepted our marriage. We are currently dealing with our first deployment and even though I knew that it was going to happen I didn't exactly realize what I was up against. Even though I have had too many challenges and disasters I have learned so much in the past three months than I have in my entire life. The big bonus I have become a stronger person and it has brought me and my husband closer than I have ever imagined. Even though I have had to deal with more than alot I wouldn't change anything about my new life as a Navy wife!

you know my views on this

Why can't you be happy about it hun? You can teach everywhere you go, you can always fly home and spend time with family. Knowing that you are spending your life with the man that you love is one of the best feelings in life, I would not trade it for anything in the world!!

Well, I know the teaching opportunities will probably better on base. And yes, I will be very happy spending my life with DB, especially if he is happy. But what I won't be happy about is all the moving. Maybe I would feel differently after actually living through it, but just thinking about it I see it as this...I don't think I would ever feel at "home" anywhere because as soon as you get moved in and settled (job, friends, schools for kids) it would be time to move all over again. I don't think that I would be able to handle the feeling of never being able to hold on to friendships and always having to move. Especially if it is somewhere so far away that you wouldn't be able to visit family, especially for the holidays (such as if we were stationed somewhere really far wher it would be outragously expensive to fly for a visit). As well as having to spend so much time without him. It's bad enough now that we are just dating, but being married and on our own would be completely different. I wouldn't have my family to fall back on. And then when we have kids, that would only make things more difficult when he is gone. I'm sorry to be so negative about it..I'm not trying to offend anyone.

hey, i have the same concerns as you. but you have to think, would you rather get married and have kids with your DB and deal with the moving or get married and have kids with sloppy seconds?

I don't think I would ever feel at "home" anywhere because as soon as you get moved in and settled (job, friends, schools for kids) it would be time to move all over again. I don't think that I would be able to handle the feeling of never being able to hold on to friendships and always having to move.

You can still hold onto friendships though. My bestfriend from when I was 12 and growing up in Washington is still my bestfriend to this day. We talk all the time thru mail, email and phone. Now that long distance is so cheap between cells and stuff and I still see her everytime I go up there. I also have made numerous friends through moving and still keep in contact with them :D

1 thing to about home. I have a dry erase board on my fridge and I have written on there "Home is where your heart is and my heart is in this house with my 2 guys. I love you both" Home is what you make of it. In my way of thinking home is with Rod and Ethan. Doesn't matter if it is in Timbuktu or whatnot. Home is with him ;)

It's ok to be negative and have reservations. But if you are planning on marrying him and are planning on supporting him if he is staying in then I would start really trying to look and try to focus on positives so you don't make him feel awful etc.


Hugs to you!

hey, i have the same concerns as you. but you have to think, would you rather get married and have kids with your DB and deal with the moving or get married and have kids with sloppy seconds?

exactly

Why can't you be happy about it hun? You can teach everywhere you go, you can always fly home and spend time with family. Knowing that you are spending your life with the man that you love is one of the best feelings in life, I would not trade it for anything in the world!!


Ditto :)

Breezy, you and I are on the same page hun.

Katie, you are stressing over something you have never experienced yet. Imagining what it is like is completely different than actually living it. Just because you are married to someone in the military, it doesn't mean your life is ending, because that's what it is sounding like to me. Your life is beginning, and it will be the biggest adventure of your life! Like Kristi, I still maintain many of my friendships. I am still very close with even two of my H.S. friends and we have been out of H.S. for almost 12 years.

Look, like any other job, it has it's pros and cons, but in all honesty, I wouldn't trade my life for any other. We do get good benefits, and what job transfers you all over the world? Also, children adapt pretty easily and as hard as it is for them (or you) to leave friends, you are moving on and you get a fresh new start, and make new friends, but NEVER forget the old friends.

Also, It gives me so much pride knowing that my husband loves his country and is proud to serve.

I had the same exact reservations that you do, Katie. So, I can totally relate. Before we moved away from Jacksonville, I had never really lived away from family. Nashville, TN and Jacksonville, FL were all I knew and I was always close to my immediate family. When I met Jason and started getting really serious, I could not stop thinking about all the what if's. I KNEW he was going to be a lifer and I had NO idea what was in store for me... all I could do was imagine. Really overwhelming and a little bit scary!

I'm not very experienced at this life yet. I've only been doing it for 6 years and we've only moved once. However, I can tell you that from my experience SO FAR, it's not NEARLY as bad as I had thought it would be. I do miss my family a lot and I do wish I could live closer sometimes, but it's really nowhere near as hard as I had anticipated. I don't work outside of the home, but I know a LOT of people that do and find work very easily.

Kids will have some adjustment issues, but they really are very adaptable. Jason was still going to sea a lot until Jaxon was over a year old. He knew daddy was gone and something was different, but he adapted. I'm sure things change as kids get older and into school, but kids in general are very flexible and adaptable creatures.

You have to remember a couple of things though... you're thinking worst case scenerio. A lot of servicemen do NOT *have* to move around. Yes, they do encourage you to move around some and experience different jobs and billets, but it's not always a REQUIREMENT to move every 4 years or whatever. I can list off dozens of people who have only moved once or twice in their whole career. Sometimes moving isn't your choice. There is always the possibility that you'll get sent somewhere whether you like it or not (if there are no other billets open) but i really think those times are pretty few and far between. Once you're settled down somewhere, you can usually find billets to fill around that area for sea and shore.If you fill a sea and shore billet at one station, that's like 6-8 years in one spot. So, see, you may only really end up moving a time or two or three during his whole career. You two will have to talk further about that. Its good to expect and prepare for the worst, but it doesn't always end up as bad as you think.

Another thing to remember is that you really do set the tone for how your life is going to be. Yes, it does suck to be alone and you definitely do miss the hell out of them (as do the children), BUT finding a routine and getting out of the house will really help it not seem so bad. Jason was gone a lot after I had Jaxon and although I could have easily slipped into a hole of depression, I FORCED myself to get out of the house. We went to the grocery store, to the mall, to walmart, out to eat (the two of us went out numerous times just to get out of the house for a while), to a toy store just to pick out a toy, to the beach, to the smoothie shop, etc. I mean, you really find your little routine and it doesn't really seem as hard for you or the kids once you get past the fact that they just left.

From one young person to another, from someone who had the exact same fears you did, I PROMISE you that it was not nearly as hard as I had anticipated. I don't always LOVE this lifestyle and I do realize that it's not for everyone, but I am used to it, my husband is happy with what he does, we have a stable life and future, and it just really is not as hard as I thought it would be.

If you love him and TRULY want to spend the rest of your life with him, you two will have to comprimise on this. Maybe you can come to an agreement that if you move with him to where ever for him to be a "lifer", then he has to agree to take your career and job into account before signing up for billets on the other side of the country. Maybe he could take a couple billets in the same area if you're in a place where they are available. There are ways to make this work. It doesn't have to be all or nothing for you. There are definitely ways for the both of you to comprimise and make your relationship work while you both have a career you love! :)

I'm always available if you wanna talk more in depth! Like I said, I felt the same way you did- totally!

Thanks to everyone..but especially Kristi and Brandi. It really means a lot to me. You give me hope.

I understand where you're coming from and what's interesting is so would my DH about the moving. One of his main reasons for wanting to get out is so we don't have to move. He hates moving. Except for it being harder for me to advance in my career, I like moving. But I hate him being gone. After our first deployment, I told him I didn't think I could do it. I really didn't think I could go through another one. But I married him anyway because I loved him and I couldn't imagine my life without him. And of course he was deployed again and that time it wasn't as bad. Maybe I had a different mindset, maybe I learned to fall into a routine better. Whatever it was, I know I could handle it.
I guess my thoughts are it's all how you look at it. Since you've never been living far away from family, you don't know how you will or won't like it. I really miss my family and friends back home, but I love the experience of new places and meeting new people. And even though, i would love for him to get out so that I can pursue my career here, I know that I wouldn't live my life without him and I don't want him to be miserable, because that would be worse. So we talk about choices, about him staying in one place for a couple of assignments, about moving and all of that so that we can keep our family together as much as possible and both of us have careers we are happy with.
Also, I agree with Kristi, you can make home anything. For me, home is anywhere DH, soon-to-be little girl and our dog is.
It's daunting and scary, I know, but the many of the choices won't be only his or the Navy's, you will be involved.
I don't know if my rambling helped any....

Yes, it helped...thank you! :)

I guess after reading all of these, I'm still not exactly for it...but I'm trying not to be so negative about it either. I guess I'm just in the middle. Which is good for now, because it isn't my decision, it's his. And it will be awhile before he makes that decision so...

If you love your db and want to be married to him, things will fall into place the way they are intended to be.

It is possible to stay in one location for 20 years, I have seen it done. Even if you move around alot, think of the things YOU can bring to the classroom to your students. Most kids only read about places but if you were a navy wife and taught for a profession, you could enrich their lives even more (Does that make sense?).

Yes, that's true too. Didn't think of that either. :)

let me just say this
Once you get married your dh IS your FAMILY
If you stay under mom and dad you whole life you will be very sheltered!
My life is so much better for the things that I have experienced because of the Navy.
like said above IF you TRUELY love your DB and you two are meant to be together then YOU will make it work and actually enjoy it.
My kids have adjusted well.
With this day and age there are very few jobs that actually allow you to be home every night! and the ones that do don't usually pay well.

The life is all that you make it Katie!
and yes we all know that you don't want to hear from us OLDER wives, but you know many of us have been there from the start too.
My dh joined and asked me what I thought. I told him he was STUPID! seriously that was the exact statement out of my mouth. But it never stopped me from following him even after I said I would go anywhere but Cali. Since that was the 1st duty station I ate my words and loved it and miss it very much.
You will never know until you give it a chance.
But it sounds like to me that you need to cut the apron strings!

Well, for me the trasition was hard because I was Active Duty and went to dependant. Can we say culture shock!?! It was very hard not to be a part of things. It is hard having to move around all the time and it isn't easy with the kids but I personally feel the benefits out way the costs. We are a family now and that is what matters. Not that I don't love our extended family and miss them but our family unit is together. It is very hard for the kids to see daddy go and hard on me but you know, someone has to do it. I find that some days I hate the navy but on those good days, I wouldn't trade it for anything. I didn't grow up with a close unit of friends and I feel I missed out but my family did make up for it. Ultimately, you learn blood is thicker than water. Honestly, it depends on what YOU are willing to deal with. What's okay for my children, my family and me might not be the same for you and your family.

and yes we all know that you don't want to hear from us OLDER wives, but you know many of us have been there from the start too.


I think she was originally trying to find people who are currently or recently have gone thru what she is thinking/feeling. I answered her too and I am by no means a young wife. Been doing this for 11 years and counting...Her and I have talked quite a bit....

I understand what she was asking but I think more than just the "new" ones can give advise and you did too it looks like :)

I think she was originally trying to find people who are currently or recently have gone thru what she is thinking/feeling. I answered her too and I am by no means a young wife. Been doing this for 11 years and counting...Her and I have talked quite a bit....


Well, I think Breezy was ALSO giving her opinion and advice just like you were Kristi. I think WE (you, Breezy and myself), being the more seasoned wives have better insight of this, more so than a new wife, JMO.

Well, I think Breezy was ALSO giving her opinion and advice just like you were Kristi. I think WE (you, Breezy and myself), being the more seasoned wives have better insight of this, more so than a new wife, JMO.

I know she was giving her opinion just like me ;) But mainly I was pointing out that Breezy had said that she knew Katie didn't want to hear from us but I had talked to her quite a bit about it. So I didn't think that was the case that she didn't wanna hear from the older wives. ;)

I just wish, for once, that people could get over themselves long enough to actually give some decent support and advice, rather than being so damn critical of how other people feel or handle things in their lives.

I don't think Katie needs to "cut the apron strings" at all. She is currently attending college and living away from home as it is. She is asking important questions that everyone should think about and consider before embarking on this lifestyle, as the things she is addressing (moves, her career, children and how they are effected, etc) will all be things she has to deal with in the future. This life style is NOT for everyone.

Jesus, people! :mad

the more seasoned wives have better insight of this, more so than a new wife, JMO.


Thats ridiculous, Sarah. I think we all have equal insight on this subject and are all equally entitled to share our advice and opinions.

I personally thought I gave great advice.
And NO this life isn't for everyone. That is no secret BUT SHE can't decide that by everyone elses experiences. SHE will have to experience it for herself if she chooses to EVEN emabark on this adventure!!
Making judgements by everyones elses experience is just not realistic!
Yeah she goes to school but it isn't that FAR from home either and that is why I said she needs to cut the apron strings. If she has a problem with it then maybe she should be the one to say it. I mean hell most people don't take what us SEASONED wives say seriously to begin with.
I mean lets see we lived without phone calls and NO email for long periods of time. But now days is a wife doesn't get an email everyday they start freaking.
BUT KATIE needs to decide if her and her DB love each other enough to give this life a try.
JMOI just wish, for once, that people could get over themselves long enough to actually give some decent support and advice, rather than being so damn critical of how other people feel or handle things in their lives.

I don't think Katie needs to "cut the apron strings" at all. She is currently attending college and living away from home as it is. She is asking important questions that everyone should think about and consider before embarking on this lifestyle, as the things she is addressing (moves, her career, children and how they are effected, etc) will all be things she has to deal with in the future. This life style is NOT for everyone.

Jesus, people! :mad

Thats ridiculous, Sarah. I think we all have equal insight on this subject and are all equally entitled to share our advice and opinions.
We all are equally entitled to share our opinions but things were different 10 years ago than they were 5 years ago and WAY different than they are today
JMO

uhh, and how is that even relevant to what she is asking? :confused She is not asking who has it harder and I'm getting really sick of everyone trying to pull this "I have it harder than you" card. SO WHAT if you did without email. That matters to be because???? It has NOTHING to do with this post and it doesn't make you any further up on the totem pole. Its called advancements in technology and I'm happy that we have them.

So, when exactly does someone get this "Seasoned" wives badge that you keep bragging out? If it's going to make me feel as though I am better or more entitled than others who have not received one, then I am better off without one.

Goodnight.

Katie, I'm not going to automaticaly close this thread since it's your thread. However, I do think it's gotten way off topic and if you'd like me to close it, I will.

:)

I never said there was a badge
my freaking god
I didn't say that she said anything about emails either but it does make you look at things in a whole new light. That is all I am saying.
I mean seriously some people who can make it NOW with "advancements in Technology" wouldn't have made it before those advancements.
And yes becuase of those advancements MARRIED LIFE IN THE MILITARY is Better to an extent and in others it isn't.
I have NEVER pulled a BADGE OR CARD on any one but Yeah those of us who have been through the first gulf war with a lot less communications have different views on this life than those who didn't go through it.
Just like Laurie and I have acutally experienced them being on the ground in IRAQ that is TOTALLY different. Sarah, Britt and Crystal will soon experience it too.
Submariners Have a different view cause that life is different than Surface as is Seals and Seabees. That is all I am saying!
I am sorry IF I offended you by speaking my opinion but I thought that is what Katie asked for!

But I was wondering for those of you who are new to the situation..how are you likeing it?


this sentence in the first post is why i said nothing here.

And for everyone..how do you kids take it? With your husbands gone a lot and the moving all of the time, I was just wondering how your kids seem to take it.
and that is why I posted

Thats ridiculous, Sarah. I think we all have equal insight on this subject and are all equally entitled to share our advice and opinions.


Ok Brandi, no need to jump all over me here. I wasn't pulling the "I am a more seasoned wife" card on Katie or anyone for that matter. I was simply stating that if she wanted to know what this life is like, then the best person to ask is a seasoned wife, since they have been around this lifestyle longer & experienced more than someone who has only lived the life for say maybe a year or two. We all have equal rights on the topic, but what I find rediculous is I just stated an opinion like Kristi, you and some other wives, yet I get a new ass chewing! WTF?! I will not sugar coat ANYTHING, but I will be helpful and be courteous when someone asks for advice. So, PLEASE don't make me look bad here. I didn't do anything wrong and I will not apologize for stating MY opinion!

And for everyone..how do you kids take it? With your husbands gone a lot and the moving all of the time, I was just wondering how your kids seem to take it.
and that is why I posted


That too is why I posted!

To answer your question about how kids react Katie, I am an Army brat and the military life is all I know. My dad joined the Army when I was 2 because he got laid off at his factory job and he realized that he had a family to support and had to do something. We moved from BFE North Dakota to what used to be Fort Ord, California when I was 3. The moving was hard, but it was always fun to go to new places. I loved meeting new people and seeing new places. I went to 4 schools in 7th grade alone. My dad was gone for 2 of the 3 years I spent in High School and he wasn't there for my graduation, but I dealt with it. You woldn't believe how easily kids adapt to things, especially if it's all they know. I can't imagine living in one place all your life. To me, that would be the hard life to chose. Not being military scares the hell out of me. Joe talks about getting out and I start hyperventilating. I have never lived close to my family. My uncle lives 45 minutes away from me right now and I've seen him and his family once and that was only because my parents were here. I'm not comfortable around my extended family without my parents being there and I'll probably never go visit him again or my grandparents in North Dakota. Mara is 3 and she loves seeing Daddy's ship and tells everyone who will listen that her Daddy is in the Navy. I think it would have been harder on me if my mom didn't support my dad in his career though.

As far as being a Navy Wife, you don't want me to answer that. Deployments are just another thing that happens to me. Yeah, I miss him when he's gone, but I roll with it. Joe's gone for the week right now and I'm enjoying my time alone with Mara. Today we had a "make over day". lol We went to the mall and she got her bangs cut and I got my eyebrows waxed. Then we came home and painted our nails. She asked where her Daddy was at bedtime, but I told her that Daddy has to stay on the ship this week and she just said "Ok". Joe keeps texting me today and I'm just like damn, leave me alone. You're supposed to be pretending that you're deployed.

I think being an Army brat made me more independent and helps me to deal with this stuff a little better. Joe wants to go to Culinary School when he gets out of the Navy and I'm scared as hell about that. The civilian world is completely foreign to me. I'm going to have to find a "Civilian Wives" message board to ask all my questions on.

When Ashtin was 4 months old Phillip went on a deployment,and she was sooo young she didn't know what was going on. she actauully had said Dada for her first words while he was away. When he came home she was 10 months old. and she was fine. when she was 2 1/2 yrs old he left again for another deployment,and she was still fine. she would ask about him,and I would tell her daddy was gone away with his work. And she was still so young she would just say Ok.

Now she is almost 6,and Phillip has been gone almost 4 months, and she tells me everyday that she misses her daddy. and asks me when he will be back home. But she does fine. She knows that this is his Job, and she can understand a little more now why he is away. And when she talks to him(which is every night). She tells him what she does at school that day,and she tells him she misses him,and she loves him and can't wait to see him.So it really hasn't been hard on her.

Gavin took it a little hard when Phillip left. He's a daddy's boy.But he alright now. He knows his daddy. He takes his Picture and points to it and says daddy, and gives the picture a hug and a kiss.He talks to his daddy everynight too.So really I think Kids can handle it. Ecspecailly when they get older ,and have school,and other activities they do. It's keeps them busy. Yes it's hard and,and they do miss them,but as thye get older they start to understand why they're parent is gone.JMO I hope yall can figure out what yall want to do. Good luck Katie.

I'm late as always...but anyway for what it's worth here's my take on our situation. My husband and I were married 2 years prior to him going active duty and we had one child age 2, almost. At first I thought it would be great to get out of my home town and experience life differently. Boy was I wrong! I ended up getting very depressed, we had marriage issues, and in general I hated living. So I went back home, I thought living at home would fix everything. I wanted him to get out of the Navy. He didn't he was persistant with me voiced his love & concerns. I wanted to just live out his enlistment separated, he convinced me other wise. So after some deliberation I came to realize I loved him to much to let him go. I realised I couldn't live with my mom forever and that I would be ok as long as my husband and I were together.

We have now been married almost 8 years, he has been active duty since 2000. We have 2 children now and have moved 3 times.

Each time we move it's always exciting to go at first, then we get to the new place and it becomes a little depressing until we learn our surroundings and meet a few people. Our kids go thru the same feelings we do...almost exactly. We always miss the people & place we just left. But returning at a later date is always odd...it's not the same, things change, people change. Even going back to visit family in Indiana is odd at times.

We grown so much together in the last 8 years that I think we can handle just about anything that get thrown our way. Now don't get me wrong we still disagree and all but when we moved away from home and have no one else to rely on except each other it made us grow stronger & closer together.

But also think about this Katie what if he gets a job with a company and then 4-5 years into they want/need to transfer him to Alaska due to a promotion he is due and where his position is needed. No matter where he works there is always a chance of him needing to relocate, the only difference with the Navy/military is that you know to accpect the move. Now yes some get lucky and stay in one place but for the most part people move.
Marriage is hard enough in itself...consider all possibilties and most of all talk to him about all of your concerns...atleast this way you will know where he stands on different issues at this point in his life, but also remember as people change and grow there opinions change also.

Each time we move it's always exciting to go at first, then we get to the new place and it becomes a little depressing until we learn our surroundings and meet a few people. Our kids go thru the same feelings we do...almost exactly. We always miss the people & place we just left. But returning at a later date is always odd...it's not the same, things change, people change. Even going back to visit family in Indiana is odd at times.

I agree with that...I know when I moved from CA to WA at the beginning of this year, I was depressed for about a month. This was the first time I had to move anywhere and it wasn't my choice! However, I realized what a beautiful area I was living in and that I needed to think positive. I missed my friends greatly back in CA, BUT, as Brooke said, you adjust & you learn to find good things about where you are. If you were to choose this life, I'm pretty sure you'll go through similiar feelings but have faith b/c you will learn to adjust and find the good in where your at.

Just when you think you can't deal with something, your thrown in it and you learn you can :) You gain something from those experiences, you don't leave empty handed.

People will always change, just like she said, and I have to agree w/ the part about returning home to find that it's not what you thought it'd be. Lives go on. I know the first time I went back home after being gone for 6 months, I was itching to get back to CA! I surprised myself feeling like that.

I have to agree with Kristi.. David is due to get out in July but we decided to stay in for one more term. I know for a fact that he will want to make it a career till the 20 yrs are over, and job security and benefits are what concerns him the most. Now, with a child on the way, its alot harder to live a civilian life and have him start from zero. He is happy where he is and so am I , and I know that though I was scared in the beginning to live the navy wife life, I have to stay that I prefer the military lifestyle than the civilian one. I know its hard to be away from the family, but when you have the support from them and can have a caring husband and a family to care for, it will all be worth the sacrifice.

very well said Brook

wow, I don't check this for a day or so and it explodes..LOL

First of all, I'd like to thank EVERYONE for their opinions. You have given me a different perspective, and it has helped greatly. I'm glad to know I'm the only one who has had these feelings.

Just to make it clear, my first post said this:
"I was wondering for those of you who are new to the situation..how are you likeing it? And I was also wondering if there was anyone who was against it when you got married....how is it now, has it gotten better--worse? And for EVERYONE..how do you kids take it?"

I'm sorry this turned in to a bit of an arguement. I really was looking for all sorts of opinions..likes/dislikes as well as being in for less than a year all the way up to those who have been in for life.

Seeing other people's experiences will help me better understand what it might be like in the future. No, I can't completely base my decisions on the responses that I get on here. But maybe something someone would say would make me think about something in a different way..think about something I didn't think about before. People who have been in my position before can give great advice. Which is why I asked for everyone's opinion.

We have ALL been where you are at some point katie
Like I said I thought my dh was stupid for joining but I love him unconditionally and would follow him to the end of the earth. That was not my thoughts in the beginning though.
Now I can't imagine having to live any where for more than 3 years

I wanted to also add that what some of the girls said about moving is true. While I do LOVE living close to family for selfish reasons (spending holidays with them, free baby sitting, etc), I have really found myself wanting to move around. Its a bit too cold here for me, but I like experiencing something new. I'm actually anxious to move again!

I miss my family and have seen my mom a total of 2 weeks in the past 3 years. She has yet to see Juliana who is over 1 year old now. So you have to think if this is possibly something you are willing to deal with and if YOUR marriage would survive. Sacrifices are made out of love but don't give up on your dreams to make things work. I had to give up alot to be with DH and I am happy I did but I still have my days when I am sad depressed and feel like I am doing NOTHING but sitting in front of the computer and watching kids ALL day :D.

I want to add that it is hard at times to be away from family. My children have for the most part have always adjusted very well. It really helps when you have phone calls & pictures between the families. It does sadden me at times that my mom and Bill's mom and other family members miss out with the kids, but we always do what we can to make them feel very much involved in their lives. Honestly Katie, it's what you make of it, and the attitude you have going into this situation ;)

Hello. I am a new Navy wife too. We got married in Aug and he went to boot camp in Sept. It is scary thinking about moving and how the kids will handle it. I have a 12 yr old who is so scared about moving and making new friends she has told me she wants to move in with her grandmother. Our 8 yr old has ADHD and does not deal with changes in his life very well at all. Even a sub teacher at school can set of days of whinning and crying and not doing his work. So I really worry about all the moving. I am from a very small town and don't know how well I will adjust to big city life. If anyone can give me advice on how to help my kids I would appreciate it. I have tried to find Navy website just for kids to try and help them.

I've been a navy wife as long as I've been a wife. Almost 2 and 1/2 years. I recently became a mom, not long after my husband left for 6 months. He just got back in October and is gone again for a few weeks. I can't begin to tell you how hard it is to be by myself with such a small child. I decided to stay with family over his long deployment, but now I'm having a hard time adjusting to being alone with our daughter. I also think him being gone has really hindered their relationship. It took her along time after he got back to feel comfortable around hi since she is so young and never remembered him. Now I'm afriad that with him leaving for a week here and a month there, that they will never really develop a strong relationship. I recently found out that he will probably miss her first bithday and he is going on deployment again next year right before the holidays, so he will miss her first holiday where she will actually understand what is going on. I totally support my husbands decision and I had no problem with the navy when we didn't have kids and I buried myself in work while he was gone. But now that we have kids it has totally changed my view. He has two years left before he can get out and wants to re-enlist for his shore duty. After that he will be close to his half way point and it will be harder to leave. I honestly can tell you I don't like it now. I feel isolated from family and friends. My husband is on a small ship and almost all the guys he works with are younger and single so I don't have a support group of other women around me for help and friendship. I feel akward when I'm around them since we married young, all the other married couples are older and much higher ranked then my husband. (Which makes it hard for us to find other couples to hang out with and women I can talk to when he is gone). Well, I hoped that helps some. I know a lot of it is negative, but I did enjoy the navy life before I had kids and looked forward to moving around and seeing the US.)

DH decided 5 months after we were married to join the Navy. We already had 3 children-collectively. I was TOTALLY against it, I resented him for making the decision-even hated him for awhile, and told him I would be there waiting when he returned from active duty 5 years later. HAHAHAHAHAHA! (That was almost 3 years ago)

I prayed about it and of course, decided to support his decision and move with him. He did boot camp after we had only been married for 5 months, went to A school for an additional 3 months after boot camp. It was grueling in the beginning.

Now we live in Maine, about 20 hours from home in Southern Indiana. I have days when I cry a lot. I miss my brother, niece and nephews-who lived 1/2 block away when we lived at 'home'. I miss my mom, whom I have seen maybe 10 days total in the past year and a half.

But the days of tears are fewer and farther between these days. I got my oldest son involved in the local youth football league. It really helped me to get to know people in the community and feel like I am a part of it for real, and not just temporarily, especially since I joined the Board of Directors! Football season has ended for us, and I miss the nights of practice for him and socializing for me. But I met some awesome people and I still keep in touch.

I went to Nicaragua back in February on a mission trip with my church. I would not have had that opportunity back home, and maybe church and missions aren't your thing, but something is. And doors will open for you along the way. Not to say they wouldn't if you stayed put, but there will definitely be opportunities abounding if you give them the chance!

The kids do have times when they don't understand why we can't go and visit Granny tonight like we used to. Especially my 3 year old daughter. But we do a lot of phone conversations, and they get a lot of mail from family-which they LOVE to open! My oldest understands that we'll move a lot and he'll have friends who come and go, but he also looks forward to living in different oceanic communities. Coming from Indiana, the ocean definitely wasn't anywhere close by! My middle son (5 yrs) is a pretty laid back kid, and not much bothers him.

All in all I'd have to say, the kids adjust well if you do. If you're having a really hard time, they will also. If you remain positive, so will they. Make it an adventure. Make a point to get to know non-military families in the area as well as your military friends whom you will obviously make. People are interesting! Eat the local foods, visit the little eateries together, go to museums, plays, etc.. immerse yourself in the culture. Even in the US, different geographical locals have very diverse ways of life!

So I'd have to say that even though I do still have my off days, I have learned to love this life. I don't love it all the time. Some days I feel like I hate the Navy and all it stands for. I think that's pretty normal. But I am an immensely proud Navy Wife and wouldn't give it up for the world.

Hope this helps.