...if their minor child breaks the law?

in houston right now they are trying to pass legislation saying that parents should be fined if their children are damaging property (we have a large problem with graffiti). do you think this is right? do you think there should be a restriction?

i believe that the parents should get in trouble if it is a minor child and the parents don't know where they are going. i know it is difficult to know what your child is doing at every single moment that they are not with you but if you know your child sneaks out, put an alarm on the windows and doors, if you know your child is in with a bad crowd do something about it (like if your kid is involved with animal sacrifices, a violent gang, etc etc move if you have to). i believe that your childs life and future are one of the most important things you as a parent can do. if you teach your child right from wrong and you instill that fear of disappointment as the most serious consequence i believe your child will be more upset of disappointing you (this is how i was in high school).

so overall do you think parents should get in trouble if they have a minor child who is out past curfew and who is doing criminal acts?

I'm on the fence & I can't put words on how I feel. Maybe I'll come back to this later.

yes i do. i think parents need to be held responsible for their kids and not let "soceity" raise them. maybe it's the military mindset grilled into my head. but that is why i stayed out of trouble growing up. i knew that if i screwed up, my stepdad would pay the price for it. and if that happened, it wouldnt be pretty when he came home from work.

yes i do. i think parents need to be held responsible for their kids and not let "soceity" raise them. maybe it's the military mindset grilled into my head. but that is why i stayed out of trouble growing up. i knew that if i screwed up, my stepdad would pay the price for it. and if that happened, it wouldnt be pretty when he came home from work.

This is how I feel too. You can tell when a parent really is doing there best or not.

Yes.

I was always raised to respect and fear the dissapointment I would cause if I got in trouble. So YES parents should be held responsible for their minor children if they get in trouble. As a parent you are responsible for that child, you chose to bring that child into the world and to raise that child.

Personally no I dont think so... I'll just leave it at that

I dont think they should get introuble or fined because what is that teaching the kid? I mean the kid doesnt have to pay for it... its coming out of their parents pocket, yeah they might be grounded for a while... but what does that teach them. If they break the law its not their parents fault. I mean yeah they could've taught their kids better but when I look at my sister my parents taught her not to do drugs or run around with trashy ass people.. and what does my sister do? Shes a drug dealing meth whore. (sorry i'm angry with her... so yeah) But thats something we were raised to stay away from. Its not the parents fault if their kid strays away from what you teach them. Even though there is some parents that just dont give a shit what their kids do, but yeah. I dont know. Why punish a parent for having a punk ass kid? Put that kid through some good ol community service!

Sorry for the language. When I debate about things.. I get super into it! :) LOL

Just wait until you have a teenager going through a really bad time, being influenced by other kids whose parents who HAVE given up on them, start using meth, having mental health problems etc. We had a terrible 2 years with one of our daughters who went severely off track very suddenly. Running away, doing drugs, physically attacking anyone that got in her way, trashing our house, stealing, vandalizing. We did not raise her that way, we did everything we were allowed to do by the law to stop her behavior and get her help. It was very difficult to get the help we needed for her. We paid her fines, took her to court, visited her in detention. We couldn't force her into treatment here, she had to go willingly. We were finally able, with some begging and pleading, got her picked up and held in dentention so we could serve her papers to take her to court. This would put her on probation and allow us to force her go to drug and mental health counseling. If that didn't work, we were set to take her out of state where we could get her help. We were treated like loser parents even though we were doing everything we could. Not all troubled kids come from parents that don't care or don't do their job. Our daughter is better now because of our intervention and determination to help her. If it had been left up to the county or state etc, she would be a homeless, drug using runaway right now. This state has so many laws to "protect" the children that parents don't have many options when they have a troubled child. You can't just blanket blame and punish all parents for the behavior of the children. You have to look at the situation and see why it is the way it is first.

well said nikki

I think both deserve to be punished. As the child get older more of the punishment falls on them, when the child is young more punishment falls on the parent. There is no reason a parent shouldnt know what their 8 yo is doing. But I can see how a parent might now fully understand what their 16 yo is up to. But parents should be held accountable. They had the child and should be expected to raise them to be productive members of society.

Well, when a child has an undiagnosed mental health issue it is very hard to take the blame for something you have no control over. Parents should be expected to do all they can to rectify the situation. Make sure the child gets the help they need, increase their supervision if necessary. In my experience, there are a lot of parents out there with troubled kids who are NOT doing all they can, are not being responsible parents, those are the parents that should be held accountable for their children's actions. So much is so easy to say until you have been in the situation yourself.

Well, when a child has an undiagnosed mental health issue it is very hard to take the blame for something you have no control over. Parents should be expected to do all they can to rectify the situation. Make sure the child gets the help they need, increase their supervision if necessary. In my experience, there are a lot of parents out there with troubled kids who are NOT doing all they can, are not being responsible parents, those are the parents that should be held accountable for their children's actions. So much is so easy to say until you have been in the situation yourself.
yeah I agree.. but when do you know who is accountable or not. Personally I dont think it should be any of the parents fault and nor do I feel that parents should pay for the kids actions. They are already paying enough if the situation is bad enough. My sister has had a lot of mental issues and we've helped as much as we possibly can since day one. She refuses to talk to us.. and has threatenedn me of my life. But I dont blame my parents for that. So I agree what you're saying.. but I dont think a parent should ever be accountable for their actions because dealing with the child themselves is enough of a punishment for me

Just wait until you have a teenager going through a really bad time, being influenced by other kids whose parents who HAVE given up on them, start using meth, having mental health problems etc. We had a terrible 2 years with one of our daughters who went severely off track very suddenly. Running away, doing drugs, physically attacking anyone that got in her way, trashing our house, stealing, vandalizing. We did not raise her that way, we did everything we were allowed to do by the law to stop her behavior and get her help. It was very difficult to get the help we needed for her. We paid her fines, took her to court, visited her in detention. We couldn't force her into treatment here, she had to go willingly. We were finally able, with some begging and pleading, got her picked up and held in dentention so we could serve her papers to take her to court. This would put her on probation and allow us to force her go to drug and mental health counseling. If that didn't work, we were set to take her out of state where we could get her help. We were treated like loser parents even though we were doing everything we could. Not all troubled kids come from parents that don't care or don't do their job. Our daughter is better now because of our intervention and determination to help her. If it had been left up to the county or state etc, she would be a homeless, drug using runaway right now. This state has so many laws to "protect" the children that parents don't have many options when they have a troubled child. You can't just blanket blame and punish all parents for the behavior of the children. You have to look at the situation and see why it is the way it is first.


Well said http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a242/SFerreira/Smilies/tumb.gif

yeah I agree.. but when do you know who is accountable or not. Personally I dont think it should be any of the parents fault and nor do I feel that parents should pay for the kids actions. They are already paying enough if the situation is bad enough. My sister has had a lot of mental issues and we've helped as much as we possibly can since day one. She refuses to talk to us.. and has threatenedn me of my life. But I dont blame my parents for that. So I agree what you're saying.. but I dont think a parent should ever be accountable for their actions because dealing with the child themselves is enough of a punishment for me

I agree with this too... for me punishing the parents for something their kid did isnt gonna stop the kid from doing it.

I agree with this too... for me punishing the parents for something their kid did isnt gonna stop the kid from doing it.
Thank you thank you!!!

I dont think a parent should ever be accountable for their actions because dealing with the child themselves is enough of a punishment for me

During this experience we went through we dealt with a lot of runaways, homeless, drug addicted kids. Many of these kids did not have a single parent doing anything for their child. They just gave up, let them go because they didn't want to deal with it. These are the parents I am talking about. They aren't dealing with the situation. These kids are typically neglected, abused, have drug addictions or mental health problems. The state feels they are mature & responsible enough to make their own medical decisions. So the parents can't make the kids get help but they have options in dealing with that as difficult as that may be, the "powers that be" can't make them get help unless a court dictates it, and the kids are left to make these decisions for themselves. It is sad that there are so many troubled kids that no one is willing or able to help. These parents that just give up should at least be forced to turn their kids over to the state so that someone else can be their advocate. For the parents that are doing all they can, they should supported, not punished.

During this experience we went through we dealt with a lot of runaways, homeless, drug addicted kids. Many of these kids did not have a single parent doing anything for their child. They just gave up, let them go because they didn't want to deal with it. These are the parents I am talking about. They aren't dealing with the situation. These kids are typically neglected, abused, have drug addictions or mental health problems. The state feels they are mature & responsible enough to make their own medical decisions. So the parents can't make the kids get help but they have options in dealing with that as difficult as that may be, the "powers that be" can't make them get help unless a court dictates it, and the kids are left to make these decisions for themselves. It is sad that there are so many troubled kids that no one is willing or able to help. These parents that just give up should at least be forced to turn their kids over to the state so that someone else can be their advocate. For the parents that are doing all they can, they should supported, not punished.
Alright yeah. I agree that those parents should be forced to give their kids to the state. But any other parent that is doing the best they can, I dont think they should be punished but I totally agree with you about the parents that are just not caring.

I agree with what NikkiD has said because of what I've seen my parents go through with my sister. Most of it has been after my sister was 18 and older though, but still... It's not my parents fault. I didn't turn out bad and we were raised in the same house.

I honestly think the children should pay by community service. That's part of letting the punishment fit the crime. It is a hard call to make though when there are parents out there who don't give two hoots about what their children are doing but the child does need to learn that they have to pay for their crimes.

I agree with what NikkiD has said because of what I've seen my parents go through with my sister. Most of it has been after my sister was 18 and older though, but still... It's not my parents fault. I didn't turn out bad and we were raised in the same house.

I honestly think the children should pay by community service. That's part of letting the punishment fit the crime. It is a hard call to make though when there are parents out there who don't give two hoots about what their children are doing but the child does need to learn that they have to pay for their crimes.
agreed

No i don't agree, kids are going to do what they want anyways! You can tell a child no, he is going to do it! a parent gets fined! Do you think the child id going to know or listen anyways! I don't think so!

Community service would be a really good idea but there needs to be a program for it, at least here. My daughter was sentenced to so many hours of community service and all we were told was to get it done, and make sure it is a non-profit organization where it is done. No help with where to go, who to call. I spent hours on the phone trying to find a place that would take her. Many did not take teenagers for community service. Others would only do it during the week days and not on weekends. Other insisted the parent be there at all times to supervise. It had to be done within a certain time frame and I was having a terrible time getting something set up for her. I could not believe there was not a set deal for community service for teens even though it is a punishment given to nearly everyone. The kids, especially teens, need to be the ones to give back in some way and a community service program just for this would be really great. It would have saved me that much more stress than I was already going through which eventually landed me in the hospital.

Well, if the parents aren't held responsible, who would be? It can't be the minor, obviously, because he/she is a minor.
And the city is also obviously tired of taking the responsibilty for these kids' actions, so...yeah. I'd say the parents should be held responsible.

Well, if the parents aren't held responsible, who would be? It can't be the minor, obviously, because he/she is a minor.
And the city is also obviously tired of taking the responsibilty for these kids' actions, so...yeah. I'd say the parents should be held responsible.

:yes

what i'm talking about is the parent who says oh i didn't even know my child was out of the house! why doesn't a parent or guardian know where an 8, 9 or 10 yo is at midnight? a minor isn't going to understand community service. if the parents keep getting fined for their child's action hopefully that'd make the parents start being parents.

as for mental health issues, the child shouldn't be punished but the child should be forced into some sort of health care treatment. a parent needs to take care their child! i have bi-polar but when i started getting into stupid stuff they put me into therapy and kept a closer watch one me

so how about this question for those that say they shouldn't be held accountable...what if your 10 yo goes and gets your gun that you did NOT have in a safe and shoots someone? that's a crime correct? it is your responsibility because you did not have it locked up. what if your child takes liquor from your liquor cabinet and gets drunk and drives? that's a crime correct, the drunk driving part? what about in situations like those. what about if your child is stealing a car after they are on probation for something similar already and you said oh whatever sure you can go and hang out with the same people you were with when you stole your first car.

if a parent can do something to prevent the criminal action from taking place then imho i think 100% they should get into trouble for it.

I certainly do agree with the gun/alcohol issue that's for sure. If parents are keeping things locked up or out of the house and a child ends up hurting someone, definitely should be held responsible. For younger kids, parents should be keeping a closer watch on them of course. It just seems so hard to make a blanket judgement on everything & every situation. Guns, alcohol surely make sense. What about a kitchen knife, a baseball bat? Should parents be expected to keep every potentially harmful item locked up out of children's reach? Almost anything can be a weapon and could be used to inflict harm on someone or an animal. There are so many variables, so many different situations.

:yes

what i'm talking about is the parent who says oh i didn't even know my child was out of the house! why doesn't a parent or guardian know where an 8, 9 or 10 yo is at midnight? a minor isn't going to understand community service. if the parents keep getting fined for their child's action hopefully that'd make the parents start being parents.


Exactly...it's time to stop putting all the blame on the kids....I don't know how you could NOT know where your child is at midnight...if they're not 18, they're butts need to be IN THE HOUSE!

very true nikkid

i think part of the reason i feel so strongly about the parents being held responsible in most situations is because i saw so many of my friends end up hurting themselves and others because when they got in trouble their parents said don't do it again and went on their merry way. i'm very sure that if some if not all of these parents were held accountable for what their minor children do their kids wouldn't have done have the crap that they did. no not everything needs to be locked up but if you know your child(ren) is hanging out with a bad group or a gang you might need to take extreme measures. something that gives me my p.o.v. is the book about that girl that was killed at columbine because she said yes she believed in God--she said yes. in their case it was extreme but they did everything they could to save their child from self-destructing. its really good and fairly short.

:yes

what i'm talking about is the parent who says oh i didn't even know my child was out of the house! why doesn't a parent or guardian know where an 8, 9 or 10 yo is at midnight? a minor isn't going to understand community service. if the parents keep getting fined for their child's action hopefully that'd make the parents start being parents.


There is a HUGE difference in not knowing where a child that young is, and being woken up by the police at 2 am with your kid in handcuffs when you thought he/she was in bed. I never did anything bad, but I don't know how many times my friend and I would go to the bowling alley only to be picked up by her boyfriend and brought back before our parents ever arrived to take us home. My parents nor her parents never had a clue that we weren't where we were supposed to be. We also snuck out many times without ever being caught...granted all we did was walk around the neighborhood with some other kids, but the point is, our parents thought we were sleeping and at home and had no clue that we weren't. I think that instead of punishing parents along with the children, they should be given the chance to deal with it on their own for the first offense, and then once the second offense occurs, the children and parents need to attend mandatory counseling or something along those lines to help adjust the behavior. Some kids don't care if they get punished, but if parents and officials actually work with the kids to break them of their bad behavior, they might have a chance at it.

There is a HUGE difference in not knowing where a child that young is, and being woken up by the police at 2 am with your kid in handcuffs when you thought he/she was in bed.

I don't understand how a child could sneak out of the house...even if I could've gotten away with it, I was too damn scared of what my parents would do to me if I got caught...fear is what kept me from doing it.

I don't understand how a child could sneak out of the house...even if I could've gotten away with it, I was too damn scared of what my parents would do to me if I got caught...fear is what kept me from doing it.

Oh trust me...I was scared shitless of getting caught but did it anyway...and my parents were definately the up your ass, where, when and with who types. I never drank, smoke, did drugs, the only thing illegal I did was speed by like 5 mph over the limit, and I was in the National Honor Society at school. So it's not like I was a bad kid and one of the reasons I was how I was was because I didn't want to let my parents down. I'm just saying though, that no matter how up your ass your parents are or how good of a kid you are, there are still things that slip under the radar and things that you can get away with. Like I said, I was scared of getting caught, but did it anyway. That's why I think that punishing the parent, especially on the first offence, is unecessary and that repeat offenders just need to be followed and worked with(both the parent and child) to improve their behavior.