Today saw the emergence of one of my childhood fears; marriage. When I was younger, my parents were divorced. My sister and I never saw them fighting or anything like that. Since I was about nine I was afraid of getting married because I did not want a divorce. Maybe if my parents were still together I wouldn't feel this way. Both my parents are now happily remarried so I guess I have some sort of model to look at, plus now I have two loving step-parents. :hugs :hugs
I still want to marry my fiance very much. I'm afraid that I won't be able to make it work, that we might "grow apart", and that everything that happened to my parents will happen to us. My df is the only guy I've ever loved, and we're still crazy about each other. I think divorce is also the driving force behind my adamant stand against having children. I don't want to be a single parent, and I want my children to have a normal relationship with their father.
I just really needed to get that out and my df is asleep on his ship right now. :sigh I think I feel slightly better now.

It will all work out! :hugs :hugs

I think it's pretty normal to be worried. Most people are to some degree and some more than others. If you want to make it work you and your DF will make it work. You can always go to a 'marriage class' not for counceling because there are problems but to know what makes a marriage work and kow to avaoid and solve problems.

I have the same worries - what if it doesn't work out....what if we cant handle the distance...marriage is a big step and I think it's normal to worry a little. I'm glad you feel better now that you've got it off your chest :)

Don't worry about the child issue right now: you don't have to decide everything right away. Make sure your DF knows about your reservations, but don't freak over that.
I'm 29 and I'm just now starting to sort of feel the urge to have children. Up until a year ago I couldn't imagine it, and when I was say 20 I would have SWORN there was no way I was ever going to be anyone's mom. I was scared, too.

On the marriage issue: you are NOT alone, many women feel freaked about getting married but not many talk about it. My best friend and I both felt very, very scared. She's a child of divorce and my parents are still together. There is no rule about that.

To be honest, I'm still ambivalent abut being someone's wife. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my husband, but the whole marriage thing is still something I'm adjusting to, even though we've been married for like 3 years. If it was up to me we would have continued to just live together, (that seemed like less of a risk, lol), but he wanted to make it legal, and of course the military almost requires it.

If you go into marriage with the desire to make it and lots of love, you're already ahead of many people. If you are sure you love him, you realize that there will be tough times no matter how great your marriage is, and you think you can put up with his bad habits for the rest of your life then I say go for it :)
Remember you're not the only one who feels like this, and most importantly, give yourself time to adjust.

Today saw the emergence of one of my childhood fears; marriage. When I was younger, my parents were divorced. My sister and I never saw them fighting or anything like that. Since I was about nine I was afraid of getting married because I did not want a divorce. Maybe if my parents were still together I wouldn't feel this way. Both my parents are now happily remarried so I guess I have some sort of model to look at, plus now I have two loving step-parents. :hugs :hugs
I still want to marry my fiance very much. I'm afraid that I won't be able to make it work, that we might "grow apart", and that everything that happened to my parents will happen to us. My df is the only guy I've ever loved, and we're still crazy about each other. I think divorce is also the driving force behind my adamant stand against having children. I don't want to be a single parent, and I want my children to have a normal relationship with their father.
I just really needed to get that out and my df is asleep on his ship right now. :sigh I think I feel slightly better now.

That's EXACTLY how I used to feel. My parents divorced and I always assumed that I would get married BUT that it would end in divorce at some point. Everytime we would argue, I would ask him if he wanted to seperate :worried . I was always afraid but ready for him to say yes. He's parents stayed together until his mom passed away so he doesn't know what that's all about. He would look surprised or, just didn't know why I would want to seperate. Then we sat down and talked and I told him that because of what I saw at home, I didn't know what a real marriage was. I grew up with parents that didn't love each other, weren't affectionate, and just miserable. I'm soooo glad my husband showed me that that's not how it works. I'm not by any means a veteran wife or anything, but I have been with my husband for 9 years and that's about 2 years shy from my parents whole marriage. My dad can't believe I figured out what he couldn't. You just have to be honest with your husband. I know at first we had a hard time because I was expecting the ball to drop and for us to go our seperate ways but now I look back and can't believe I actually thought like that. Because of this, I am always hesitant to post that I know my husband and I will be together forever and all that because I'm pretty sure at some point my parents did too and look at what happened to them. I've now learned that your marriage is your marriage, you make of it what you want. It will take some time to get over it but with your DH's help, you will start to see the brighter side. Looking back, I think it's kinda funny that I would pull out the seperation card over the stupidest things cause I always wanted to be the one to leave. Oh the minds of a jilted newlywed :no ;) Everything is pretty smooth sailing now.

Thanks everyone. I started to think that it was a bad idea to get married if you start to feel nervous. Now I see that its normal. We both really want it to work, in fact he tells me that everything he's doing now is for our future. I both love him and am in love with him.

Well I must say this my parents divorced when I was 9 months old
My mother and stepfather divorced when I was 13
My father and stepmother are still together but not really sure how
YOU can't base your relationship on your parents
If that was the case dh and I wouldn't be celebrating our 10th anni today
You will have hard times but you both have to communicate and get it all out in the open
Good luck

:happy Congratulations on your anniversary!

I have to say sometimes I feel nervous too! I think OMG I'm going to be married, how am I going to do this... what happens if... what if... what if... That's one thing I know I need to get past... the what if's don't get you anything except grey hairs and stress and wrinkle lines... I don't really talk about being nervous much either. It usually only takes me thinking about how much I love him and how happy we are together to get me past it, but the butterflies and the nerves are still there. I'm sure it will take a while to get past all that even after we're married as well, since he'll be gone for 5 months or so and I'll be living with my parents still. We're all in this nerve wrecking pre-marital thing together!!! You're not alone, but we'll all get through it!!!

I felt exactly the same way you did. I remember crying to dh (df at the time) that I didnt want to get married b/c we'd just end in Divorce anyway. We just had our 4 year anniversary 3 days ago and I still worry about it. Growing up my parents were divorced and when they were with someone all they did was cheat. Very sad.

I just wanted to say that is normal and I dont think it matters if you're parents are divorced or not. My parents are not divorced (my dad was in the military too) and NO ONE in my family (I have 9 married aunts and uncles) has ever been divorced and I STILL WORRY ABOUT GETTING DIVORCED!! It is so crazy. I am more worried about breaking the chain in my family!

Maybe that is why I said no to Steve... :(