leftover
11-28-2006, 08:02 PM
The trip to the airport is always the same, and so overwhelming everytime. You take the same exit off the freeway you've taken before with him, park in the same short term parking lot...maybe a few rows down from the last time you were there together..
But last time you were picking him up, now it's different, you know that you are going to be leaving alone...Without him..You know that you will be taking this walk back by yourself...
The escalators are still the same,as they were two weeks ago, only the people are different.. The same ticket lines.. Boarding pass for him, gate pass for you.. "Do you have an ID miss?"
If you're lucky, they will have the employee checkpoints open so you can be hurried through a little quicker.. Today they weren't open, so you stand in line with everybody else....
Standing in line with the big man in ACUs.. People stare....and stare..and stare some more.. You try so hard to keep the tears inside because you know what they're thinking. You can see by the looks on their faces that they feel sorry for you, they know why you are there with him.. To say goodbye..
A few quiet tears sneak out and run down your face, but they quickly get wiped away by your sweater. You try to hide your face behind his rucksack so people won't see you cry. There's nowhere to hide.
But you peek up real quick and catch the eye of a middle aged woman. She throws you a knowing smile, but you don't return it.. You don't feel like being polite today..
You don't want to embarass him by having a crying jag in the security line.. So you hold his patrol cap and run your finger across his name on the back, hoping your hair will fall over your face, so all those strangers won't look you in the eye again..
He makes a joke, "You're supposed to be happy at airports, all these people going on vacation. Good times had by all around here..Where are you off to, Sir? oh, Bahamas? Yea, I'm going to the beach too. Hahaha.. See, babes? Good times.." So you look around real quick and fake a smile, hoping you might see another Joe, but there's none around..
Shoes come off, so do belts... You think back to last night, when you got undressed together before bed. But he doesn't kiss you on the neck this time, and you have to undo your own belt..
There's no bed for him to lay you down on.. No passionate kisses today as your shoes hit the floor...
Some TSA agent might say "Thank you, Sergant."
Maybe and older man, possibly a vet himself, will pat him on the back and thank him too.. But he's always so humble about what he does, he just mutters a "You're welcome.", as he puts his boots back on..
No words are spoken during the walk to the concorse. You hold hands and watch the floor. Your head is spinning so badly, that you just let him lead the way **as he always does for you**
"Echo eleven..Where is E concourse?" he mutters..
"Whoa, babes.. Look out.", as a golf cart drives in front of you. He pulls you back to let it pass, "I'd hate to see you end up a greasy spot on the airport floor."
You think to yourself it might feel better to get run down then to watch him get on another plane..
"You okay?", he asks...yes, Sir..
"Are you sure?"...yes, Sir.
"Do you need anything?"..no, Sir..
"Cup of coffee?"...no, Sir...
"You gonna be okay to drive back?"..yes, Sir..
"Promise me then." I promise I'll be okay.
Oh, your heart hurts.. Your tummy hurts.. People are still staring, you'ld think they've never seen a Joe before. You find two seats in the concourse waiting room, way in the back corner.. It's about as private as you can get in an airport..
Here come some more tears.. Damn, why didn't you bring kleenex??
"Stop that now.. There's nothing to cry about, babes."...okay..
He pulls his Norelco out of his rucksack and runs it swipes it across his face a few times. He forgot to shave this morning. He pretends like he's going to put it away, but instead, he wraps his arms around you and "shaves" your face too while he laughs and tickles you.
"If this gets all rusty from your slobbery, wet face, you're going to have to send me another one."..another faked smile..
You hold his hand, and look at all his freckles.. You look up at him, and notice how many more grey hairs he has since a year ago. He gets more and more grey hair everytime you see him. Even with his high and tight, they still come through.. He was never grey before, it's one of the many things that's changed about him.. He's only 31, he's too young to be so grey..
You look around again... Everybody is staring at us.. He says, "No, they're staring at YOU. They're wondering why such a pretty girl is crying like you are. Now stop." As he wipes another tear away from your cheek.
"I'll be back again before you know it, babes, then we won't have to do this again for a long time. I'll be home for at least a year once this tour is done. You'll be sick of me before you know it.." He smiles..
You put your face in his neck, inhale deeply, trying to make sure that you will remember his smell, because it will be gone soon.. You exhale, but a sob comes out..
Before you know it, it's time to walk him to the gate.. You realized that you sat there for an hour with him, and didn't say a word..
When the ticket agent takes his pass, she says, "Row 29? No, that's not right. We'll bump you up to business class, Sergant. Seat 1C.." She looks at you, "We'll take good care of him, Sweet Pea. Don't you worry."
But you don't care.. It doesn't matter to you.. No one could take better care of him then you do.. She doesn't know how to scratch his back, or rub his feet... and don't call me Sweet Pea..
You hold on to him until she says, "You need to board the plane, Sir. I'm sorry."
He kisses you, looks down at you and smiles again.. "Stop it now. I love you, I'll see you soon. I'll call you frm Atlanta." You can't think of anything to say but ..have fun..??? That makes him laugh.. "I'll have a GREAT time.. Send me pictures of the snow, babes. I'll think of you while I'm working on my tan."
...bye... I love you..
"Bye, babes..I love you too.." Then he walks away again, and disappears down the hallway to the plane..
As you stand there with your face pressed to the window, overlooking the tarmac, you try to distinguish what shadow in the plane is his.. The glass starts to fog up from your breath. You wait for the plane to taxi away, then decide it's time to go..
Another ride back home without him. It always feels the same, if it's the first time, or the tenth time. You wonder if you really are okay to drive... But it's something that you must do, because you promised him.. The radio isn't a distraction today.
Another first night spent alone. Dinner for one again. It will be silent in your bedroom, there's no big snoring moose next to you. It was only last night that he was here, eating Raisinettes on the couch, giving you whisker burn, singing goofy songs to you...
It was 236 days apart last time.. Now it's time to start back over at day 1..
But last time you were picking him up, now it's different, you know that you are going to be leaving alone...Without him..You know that you will be taking this walk back by yourself...
The escalators are still the same,as they were two weeks ago, only the people are different.. The same ticket lines.. Boarding pass for him, gate pass for you.. "Do you have an ID miss?"
If you're lucky, they will have the employee checkpoints open so you can be hurried through a little quicker.. Today they weren't open, so you stand in line with everybody else....
Standing in line with the big man in ACUs.. People stare....and stare..and stare some more.. You try so hard to keep the tears inside because you know what they're thinking. You can see by the looks on their faces that they feel sorry for you, they know why you are there with him.. To say goodbye..
A few quiet tears sneak out and run down your face, but they quickly get wiped away by your sweater. You try to hide your face behind his rucksack so people won't see you cry. There's nowhere to hide.
But you peek up real quick and catch the eye of a middle aged woman. She throws you a knowing smile, but you don't return it.. You don't feel like being polite today..
You don't want to embarass him by having a crying jag in the security line.. So you hold his patrol cap and run your finger across his name on the back, hoping your hair will fall over your face, so all those strangers won't look you in the eye again..
He makes a joke, "You're supposed to be happy at airports, all these people going on vacation. Good times had by all around here..Where are you off to, Sir? oh, Bahamas? Yea, I'm going to the beach too. Hahaha.. See, babes? Good times.." So you look around real quick and fake a smile, hoping you might see another Joe, but there's none around..
Shoes come off, so do belts... You think back to last night, when you got undressed together before bed. But he doesn't kiss you on the neck this time, and you have to undo your own belt..
There's no bed for him to lay you down on.. No passionate kisses today as your shoes hit the floor...
Some TSA agent might say "Thank you, Sergant."
Maybe and older man, possibly a vet himself, will pat him on the back and thank him too.. But he's always so humble about what he does, he just mutters a "You're welcome.", as he puts his boots back on..
No words are spoken during the walk to the concorse. You hold hands and watch the floor. Your head is spinning so badly, that you just let him lead the way **as he always does for you**
"Echo eleven..Where is E concourse?" he mutters..
"Whoa, babes.. Look out.", as a golf cart drives in front of you. He pulls you back to let it pass, "I'd hate to see you end up a greasy spot on the airport floor."
You think to yourself it might feel better to get run down then to watch him get on another plane..
"You okay?", he asks...yes, Sir..
"Are you sure?"...yes, Sir.
"Do you need anything?"..no, Sir..
"Cup of coffee?"...no, Sir...
"You gonna be okay to drive back?"..yes, Sir..
"Promise me then." I promise I'll be okay.
Oh, your heart hurts.. Your tummy hurts.. People are still staring, you'ld think they've never seen a Joe before. You find two seats in the concourse waiting room, way in the back corner.. It's about as private as you can get in an airport..
Here come some more tears.. Damn, why didn't you bring kleenex??
"Stop that now.. There's nothing to cry about, babes."...okay..
He pulls his Norelco out of his rucksack and runs it swipes it across his face a few times. He forgot to shave this morning. He pretends like he's going to put it away, but instead, he wraps his arms around you and "shaves" your face too while he laughs and tickles you.
"If this gets all rusty from your slobbery, wet face, you're going to have to send me another one."..another faked smile..
You hold his hand, and look at all his freckles.. You look up at him, and notice how many more grey hairs he has since a year ago. He gets more and more grey hair everytime you see him. Even with his high and tight, they still come through.. He was never grey before, it's one of the many things that's changed about him.. He's only 31, he's too young to be so grey..
You look around again... Everybody is staring at us.. He says, "No, they're staring at YOU. They're wondering why such a pretty girl is crying like you are. Now stop." As he wipes another tear away from your cheek.
"I'll be back again before you know it, babes, then we won't have to do this again for a long time. I'll be home for at least a year once this tour is done. You'll be sick of me before you know it.." He smiles..
You put your face in his neck, inhale deeply, trying to make sure that you will remember his smell, because it will be gone soon.. You exhale, but a sob comes out..
Before you know it, it's time to walk him to the gate.. You realized that you sat there for an hour with him, and didn't say a word..
When the ticket agent takes his pass, she says, "Row 29? No, that's not right. We'll bump you up to business class, Sergant. Seat 1C.." She looks at you, "We'll take good care of him, Sweet Pea. Don't you worry."
But you don't care.. It doesn't matter to you.. No one could take better care of him then you do.. She doesn't know how to scratch his back, or rub his feet... and don't call me Sweet Pea..
You hold on to him until she says, "You need to board the plane, Sir. I'm sorry."
He kisses you, looks down at you and smiles again.. "Stop it now. I love you, I'll see you soon. I'll call you frm Atlanta." You can't think of anything to say but ..have fun..??? That makes him laugh.. "I'll have a GREAT time.. Send me pictures of the snow, babes. I'll think of you while I'm working on my tan."
...bye... I love you..
"Bye, babes..I love you too.." Then he walks away again, and disappears down the hallway to the plane..
As you stand there with your face pressed to the window, overlooking the tarmac, you try to distinguish what shadow in the plane is his.. The glass starts to fog up from your breath. You wait for the plane to taxi away, then decide it's time to go..
Another ride back home without him. It always feels the same, if it's the first time, or the tenth time. You wonder if you really are okay to drive... But it's something that you must do, because you promised him.. The radio isn't a distraction today.
Another first night spent alone. Dinner for one again. It will be silent in your bedroom, there's no big snoring moose next to you. It was only last night that he was here, eating Raisinettes on the couch, giving you whisker burn, singing goofy songs to you...
It was 236 days apart last time.. Now it's time to start back over at day 1..