Who do you/have you/would you want with you to go meet your SO when they come home from a deployment?

I am asking because my MIL said something about "going to pick him up" at the airport when he called them to tell them he's coming home...I just thought "uh.....isn't that what I should do?"

I want to be the ONLY one going to the airport to pick him up (it won't be a "real" homecoming with the whole affair and all, he's just stepping off a plane w/out any other guys from his unit). I am the one who suffered through the entire deployment w/out him in our house - it was ME who felt the most loss, so that comment just kind of rubbed me the wrong way. Also, I would like to spend at least a week re-connecting with just DH and I before he goes to see my parents/his parents, etc. I just think that since our marriage is going to need re-adjusting, we should get that underway before going to see lots of people who have lots of questions for him, KWIM?

So...what is your opinion? Am I justified? Am I being selfish? :shrug

I can understand his mom wanting to go, but I would want to be the only one picking him up for the exact reasons you stated. I mean I've never had to deal with a deployment as of now, but whenever DH would come back on leave, I would be the one to pick him up from the airport and he would spend the entire day with me and spend the night at my house.
I think you should tell his mom how you feel and hopefully she'll understand. She'll probably do the whole "well he's my son" but you can't help how you feel.

I can understand his mom wanting to go, but I would want to be the only one picking him up for the exact reasons you stated. I mean I've never had to deal with a deployment as of now, but whenever DH would come back on leave, I would be the one to pick him up from the airport and he would spend the entire day with me and spend the night at my house.
I think you should tell his mom how you feel and hopefully she'll understand. She'll probably do the whole "well he's my son" but you can't help how you feel.

She never said "for sure" - it was just a passing comment. eh. I'm just reading too much into it.

nobody...yeah she's his mom, but he's married now...to YOU! I'd talk to her, maybe she didnt really think...or has no clue how you are feeling.

She never said "for sure" - it was just a passing comment. eh. I'm just reading too much into it.

Even if it's just a passing comment, you might want to go ahead and talk to her before she starts making all these plans about picking him up and what not. That way, she'll know up front that you want to pick him up by yourself and have that moment with him, instead of worrying about if others are getting their hugs in with him.

Even if it's just a passing comment, you might want to go ahead and talk to her before she starts making all these plans about picking him up and what not. That way, she'll know up front that you want to pick him up by yourself and have that moment with him, instead of worrying about if others are getting their hugs in with him.

:yes

When my dh came home from his first deployment I shared the joy with all of his family including his grandma and a couple of aunts and my parents and sister and her husband and kids were there too so besides me on the pier I also had 14 others with me....sure I would of loved to been the only one there waiting for my husband but i'm not selfish I was willing to share the joy too and they left within a few days off Adam coming home.

I met my DB after he ended his first three years in the military, and all of his homecomings and goings were shared with his best friend. When he left last week, his friend drove him to the airport (I was gonna go but I had to move back into school!! AH!), and when he comes home his friend and I will both go to pick him up. His friend is a very nice boy, and he and I get along really well, so I don't mind sharing it with him. He isn't intrusive like I would imagine a MIL would be. :)

I understand how your feeling, Youve spent many lonely nights aching for your soldiers arms, I gaurantee hes spent many the same. a month and a half ago my Tommy got to come home 2 weeks leave, I couldnt understand why he was talking about his best friend and his parents picking him up at the airport too when him and I had originally planned on ME picking him up, JUST ME. I didnt say anything to him about it but that almost felt like he was saying "honey why dont we just put this whole thing on hold for that time" because i felt we would need as much time as we could get to keep our relationship strong, to keep me strong after spending so much time hurting without him here. when he was here we barely got half that time together. It wasnt until a close friend of mine who had been in the army before himself had explained to me Tommy's side (having been in his shoes) that i could even begin to understand. He explained: "this time has been rough for you,
you miss him and think of him always, a major part of your life has been taken from you, youve had to adapt to everyday life while the ONE you love in gone, well that one part of your life may be taken from you at the moment but His WHOLE life is taken from him right now. you miss him, you better believe he misses you too but he also misses his mom, his brother, his Dad, all of his friends,etc. EVERYTHING. Everyone else may be feeling the sameway you are because hes the ONLY ONE THEYVE been missing too, but dont forget hes been missing you ALL." So hun, the way you feel isnt selfish at all but just look at his side of the situation hes been away from everyone hes dying to see everyone, His mother coming, thats his mother, she raised him, thats her baby boy, he always will be so Im sure he wants you both there, your his 2 girls, but that doesnt make you anyless important by anymeans. Dont worry you will get your time with him but be patient, youve been strong while hes been gone I have faith you can be strong the first couple days with his anxiety of "oh my god im home, have to see everyone". I hope you were able to make sence of all of that.

I would talk to your husband and see what he thinks. maybe you can pick him up, then that night his mom can have a huge welcome home party and everyone can welcome him home then. I was the one to pick DH up from leave the last time but his brother picked him up from the airport when he came home for good...and I missed that. DH's family understands though, and just asks that they see him within 24 hours fo return..but then they grew up military too.

Goood luck sweetie! Are you going to be able to go to the gate and get him? Maybe you can go to the gate and his mom can be waiting at the baggage claim too..then you get your few minutes of privacy and his mom also can help get him.

Talk to your dh to see what he wants. If he wants just you to be there, he should be the one to let his mom know. If he wants his mom there, I would respect his wishes. I know you're the one going through the deployment, and you guys are married, but it is her son. I know that even though dh and I have been married 4 years and he had been out of his mom's house for long time that she still worries as much as I do when he's gone. If he does want his mom there, maybe you guys could compromise, like maybe having a week or so by yourselves then his mom comes to visit for 4 days or so. Good luck!

I would ask your husband what he wants. I know DH said he doesnt want a big thing when he first comes home. He doesnt really want to see anyone until a couple of days afterwards. That coud solve any issues real quick. :goodvibes

Well I already talked to him about it - I guess I should have mentioned that in the post - he wants it to be just us for a week or so so we can re-adjust.

i dont think i would mind too much. but talk to her about how you feel anyway. then if she still wants to go let her, but make sure she knows that once you get back home, its your guys' time together to reconnect. and let her know that you want to be with him just the two of you for a while to get to know each other again. i hope she will understand! but i would also talk to your hubby about it. just to get his view of the situation. good luck!

Well I already talked to him about it - I guess I should have mentioned that in the post - he wants it to be just us for a week or so so we can re-adjust.

make sure you MIL knows that then.

Well both our families cant come to homecomings because they are in Hawaii. So I would pick the same person who came with me to my last homecoming. :)

I agree with you. He belongs to YOU now. :) :) :) I'm so excited for you to get to see him again :) :) :)

i would want the other military wives Ive met along that deployment journey to be with me

i may not know your sit. clearly but in ours we talked bout it before he left he said if he comes home w/the ship then just me and me only he was all "i love your family they are great but please i just want that time w/my wife" (my family gets that cause of my uncle when he returned yes everyone knew but they were told not to just drop in for a few wks, being invited was something diff. and everyone respected that and the parents of kids inforced that) and hes not close to his family so i wont have to worry bout that. as far as having the wives i've met be there that would only be if he comes home w/the ship then yeah i would want to stand w/them while we wait. if he gets to come home early (hoping) then i dont know what we will do cause he either is serious and wants this or just jokes bout having my mom or someone pick him up take him to his jeep and have him drive home to surprise me ... i flat out told him i didnt want to be surprised. what i didnt say is that i would want to go to the airport alone to pick him up. maybe that seems selfish now that im reading it but i know my family gets it and his family doesnt show that much of an interest in us anyways unless his father needs comp help, well except his sister shes awesome and no need for me to worry bout her wanting to be there.

Funny because i'm dealing with the same thing for his R&R...I know his mom misses him, but he has a wife now...and the marriage comes first. Then maybe family...I know we're not going to see any family during R&R just be together...they can see him when he gets back for good and take comfort during R&R that he's safe and with his wife.