Do you get along with your ex husband?

Dave and I split Nov 05 after he returned from Iraq, Aug 05. He started the divorce Feb 06. He had a preggo gf, who of course and obvisously was a rebound gf thru out our divorce process. If gf is in the picture he and I can not get along bc of her insecurities of me and her jealousy of my children. I never lost my feelings for him and never stopped thinking about him. I have dated other guys since the seperation and had one that I was serious about. All to no evail, something happened and they all ended. I feel stupid bc its like I find a guy that I am interested in and I talk to him for a while but then I find myself stuck on Dave again. We didnt start talking and being civil to each other until December. Our divorce was finalized Oct 27, 2006. I have told him somethings about my feelings that I probably shouldnt. And we both agreed to be civil and be friends. But all my feelings for him came rushing back a few weeks ago. I have always felt in my heart that he is the man God made for me. I still feel that way. When I look at our pictures I see us growing old together. I can't even think about having a long term relationship with another man. I know Dave did some AWFUL things to me, some things I can never forgive him for nor will I ever forget them. But I can't help it that I still love him with all my heart. I think about him all day, even while talking to someone else and trying to move on. I've tried moving on, I've tried forgetting. Its been overa year since we split. I know he and I have our problems but they all stem from money or lack there of. I've grown up tremendously since he and I split and changed for the better in many ways. His sister, whom I never got along with, has more respect for me nowadays than she does for Dave. Which is unbelievable. I dont know if I could ever take him back but I can't help that I love him. I have only admitted this to 2 people. If I were to tell my family they'd freak I'm sure. My sister is in the same boat bc her DB has treated her terribly and they are still together and having their 2nd child together. But my family deals with it. So I'm sure mine will too. But I know none of us will ever forget nor will my family ever let Dave forget that he left me onthe delivery table so he could go to a wedding. My family is just like that. They "jokingly" bring it up but when they do they are dead serious. If that made any sense.

Anyways, Dave and I and the boys went to eat last nite and it was very nice. We went to a nice mexican restaurant and he paid. Then ran an errand. And the boys and I dropped him off at home and we went home.

I don't know if I am just dumb for feeling this way or if it is God's way of telling me to believe in myself and what I feel. I just don't know. But I had toget that off my chest.

Thanks for listening if anyone made it this far.

:hugs I am being honest I think that you will always love him because he is the father of your boys. You have to respect yourself. If you feel that you might want to work things out then lay the rules down for him and let me know up front that you will not take him crap anymore and the first thing he does you will leave and he won't get another chance. But you have to figure that out on your own if you want to try or not. Many people have married their ex husband and the second time was totally different. Good Luck

Sounds to me like your doing the right thing by keeping the peace. Feelings...true feelings dont just stop. You have children and a history and it is likely that you had/have love. I say continue on with the peace keeping mission and if your meant to be together it will happen. The most important thing is keeping a strong parental relationship. Good luck. Hang in there.

Wow this has to be emotionally tough for you right now. Is he still with this GF that was pregnant with his baby?

She had the baby back in Oct. No, they broke up last week or the week before. She nagged him too much and bitched at him when my boys were around bc he spent time with them and not her. So he finally got fed up and couldnt handle it and broke up with her. Now he risks not ever getting to see the youngest son. He asked my opinion and I said honestly she's killing you. He was highly depressed and has PTSD really bad. She was only making it worse. I told him he had to do what made HIM happy. No matter what it is. And not to worry about how people would look at him. Just make himself happy. He says he's trying to figure the happy part out. But I think he needs counseling for his PTSD bc he doesnt know how to deal with it.

Thank you for your advice and replies! I appreciate them. It is very tough emotionally. I cry at EVERYTHING. Literally. We went to a movie the other day, my parents and I and the boys, and it wasnt a sappy movie and I bawled. Oh it was Flushed Away. It had a happy ending and I bawled. I went and saw Flags of our Fathers (alone) and I bawled. I got in the car and all I could think about was Dave and his PTSD and what he went thru in Iraq. Granted I have NO idea what he went thru I can only imagine. He was a sniper, so I'm sure it was HELL. Anyways, thank ya'll!!!!!!!!!

It is ok to feel this way- I had love for my daughter's father for a while as well however remember what he did do and what has been done. There is now a third child that he has fathered... what can he offer you and your sons? Where is he living, how is he going to pay child support for this third child, where is he working- what can he honestly offer you?

It is ok to have feelings for him but just remember, he treated you like shit, left you to give birth alone while he met her at a wedding, left you for her and got her preggo. You don't need someone right now, you are trying to build up yourself and become self sufficient for you and your boys. Get yourself together, get on your feet, and when you least expect it- the man that will treat you like a queen will come along. Don't push for dating right now- you have other priorities. Get a place for yourself, find good daycare while you work, and provide for your sons- they need you the most right now.

I will be honest - IN MY OWN HONEST OPINION - I think if you go back with him, it is going to be a long road of unhappiness and drama. You deserve better. That isn't what love is and love would have never put you in the position you are in now.

thank you!!!!!!!!! I do appreciate your honesty. And agree with all the questions! I know I don't need a man to make me happy and I know I don't need one right now. I'm trying to lay low and not really date anyone, I'm trying to get outta that loop and just focus on the task ahead. I just wish all the feelings hadnt come back. It just makes things harder. Ya know. thank you again!

fortunately for me, i don't have that problem LOL

zoe's dad is scum of the earth and i have NO reason to harbor any lingering feelings for him, LOL.

guess that's what happens when you're abusive, you don't see your daughter or support her in 2+ yrs, and you live in the mountains growing pot.... LOL

I agree with the opinion that you will always love him because he is the father of your children. It's ok to feel this way - but you need to remember the reasons you are NOT together. You may be feeling lonely - and he is rebounding off of a relationship. Don't let that cloud your judgement. You may Love him, but are you In Love with him, and can you see yourself 'with' him for the rest of your life? You need to ask yourself these questions if you are thinking of continuing a relationship with him that is other than a co-parenting relationship.

Thats my problem - I can honestly see us growing old together. I can see us together til we die. But I don't know if I could ever take him back bc of the things he did. I know I wasnt perfect in our marriage. I had my faults and he holds them against me. But I do not think mismanagement of money is as bad as leaving your pregnant wife while she is in labor to go to a wedding outta state. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I shouldnt hold it against him. But I can't help it. I just dont know if it came to us giving it another shot, I don't know if I could do it. I think thats where all my questions come from. I question myself as to why I still love him and think about him and care for him after all the shit that happened. And why would I even want to try again with him. But then my heart answers "because love conquers all". I know that sounds corny but its true.

you SHOULD hold it against him... that's why you're NOT together.

honestly, and please don't take this wrong, but it sounds like you're lonely and looking for comfort...and because he's on a rebound, he'll tend to be a bit more flowery and nice to you to gain your trust/support in his time of need.

good luck!!! i'm sure this is very confusing for you.

I am divorced but luckily we did not have any children together. Once the divorce was over we talked a few times. Luckily we live in different areas. I will always love him, I can't just turn that off, but I am in no way IN love with him. We have gone different directions. I understand how you feel though and having children together would make it that much harder. I wish you the best with it. How is he fealing about you? Would you guys even want to work on a personal relationship again? I think it is wonderful that you are able to stay friends for your kids sake. I thought for a few years after my divorce that I would never find someone again, but I did. I love my husband now more than I ever thought I could. It is possible to find happiness again. Give yourself some time to find it.

you SHOULD hold it against him... that's why you're NOT together.

honestly, and please don't take this wrong, but it sounds like you're lonely and looking for comfort...and because he's on a rebound, he'll tend to be a bit more flowery and nice to you to gain your trust/support in his time of need.

good luck!!! i'm sure this is very confusing for you.


I agree. I'm sorry I cant relate sweetie, when i divorced, my ex really showed his true colors, and I would never, never get involved with him again, knowing now what he's really capable of. Hang in there honey, be patient, God will bring you happiness without conditions one day! :hugehug

thank you ladies! your replies help alot. talking thru this helps alot. its all so confusing and i'm such an emotional wreck right now. i am surprised i know which way is up........ i really appreciate everyones responses.