Alright. I have been dating the love of my life for 3 years this april and we have had a really hard time all these years with money and parents and all sorts of problems, so this past year, after he got back from boot camp has been amazing. we're both moving up in our careers, we were closer than we ever have been, and have started speaking about marriage on a few occasions. He left at the end of october for Iraq. About a month earlier, around sept. 3rd, we had alot of trouble. I had no idea why, but later found out it was his ex-girlfriend coming back into his life basically trying to get him back. I know that he flirted with the idea and even considered leaving me. It was very hard for me to deal with, as i found all this out about a month after he left. So i felt like here's this guy, he's confused about life, he's about to go to war, yeah i'm pissed but i can forgive him. Lately though, a good friend of mine broke up with her boyfriend because he cheated on her and she was telling me some of the ways that she knew he was up to somehting that night, and my mind automatically went to the night of september 22nd. My boyfriend and i lived about an hour away from eachother and on this particular night he wanted to have a guy's night. Which is totally normal for us, however some things about that night really bugged me. Every other time he's ever had a guys night out i ALWAYs would get the call at the end of the night "baby i love you i wish you were here..'" etc However i didn't get a call this time. I called him i think twice and he never answered or returned my calls. The other strange thing, is the next afternoon when i was up there to visit, i found a receipt for a motel 6 in his car. I was looking at it thinking "uhh..." He seemed a little nervous to me and said that he and 2 other guys were too drunk to drive back on base so they got the motel room. ok ok. I asked him who he went out with and they were all names of guys i had never met. And finally the way i found out he was talking to this girl was because he forgot to shut off his phone before he left, so i took care of it and i saw her number all over it. Well on that particular day she called him several times throughout the afternoon and then in the evening they suddenly stopped. OK so i feel pretty sure that maybe she was the one he stayed with that night. So here's the question. DO i get it out in the open? If he denys it and swears on his mother's life that he didn't do it, well then all evidence is circumstantial and i can believe him and sleep at night. If he confirms my fears however, how do i live with knowing less than a month before he left for iraq he cheated on me and lied so well to my face? How do you love someone that could do that? Part of me wants to know so i can go to the doctor because i know this girl used to cheat on him when they went out, so we know she gets around. Should i ask him? And if the love of my life says yes he did cheat on me and he's so sorry and he loves me and it was a mistake, how do i go about forgetting it. If i get this out in the open will i ever be able to stop visualizing them together? will it be easier to put it in the past if i know?

Well you need to ask him. Don't beat around the bush about it, that will just get you wondering and assuming even more. It sounds like the evidence piles up, but it could be all innocent. As for the cheating thing - if it DID happen, it's up to you what to do. Everyone handles that differently. For me, I would NOT put up with that, and he would be gone immediately. I know that you love him and care for him and have spent 3 years of your life with him, but cheating is just inexcusable, IMO. As for going to the doctor...since it IS his Ex - and you KNOW that she cheated on him, even if she wasn't with him a few months ago, she still could have given him a disease while she was with him the first time. I would definitely get tested, either way.

Good luck with everything...I know it's hard, and a huge ego-blow to think that someone cheated on you, but you'll feel much better after learning the truth and taking action upon that.

Well you need to ask him. Don't beat around the bush about it, that will just get you wondering and assuming even more. It sounds like the evidence piles up, but it could be all innocent. As for the cheating thing - if it DID happen, it's up to you what to do. Everyone handles that differently. For me, I would NOT put up with that, and he would be gone immediately. I know that you love him and care for him and have spent 3 years of your life with him, but cheating is just inexcusable, IMO. As for going to the doctor...since it IS his Ex - and you KNOW that she cheated on him, even if she wasn't with him a few months ago, she still could have given him a disease while she was with him the first time. I would definitely get tested, either way.

Good luck with everything...I know it's hard, and a huge ego-blow to think that someone cheated on you, but you'll feel much better after learning the truth and taking action upon that.

Well said!!!! :yes I would def. go get tested. Trust me....I had to do it when my ex-husband cheated and it does put a little ease on your mind. I hope everything works out for you. Good luck sweetie. :hugs :goodvibes

I would def get tested. And I would def talk to him.
Only you can decide if you are going to leave him over it.

Thanks for the good advice. ok so i get tested every time i go to the doc anyway, so that's not much of an issue for me. I've been a cheater in the past so i kinda feel like there's alot of gray area. I guess it is all up to me. But i do agree that i need to be direct and quit "wondering and assuming". Because that is just driving me crazy!

I'm really sorry you're even having to think about this especailly b/c he's not here. I just don't think I could personally forgive him, but then again I've never been in that situation so I don't really know. Follow you're heart though because as the saying goes...once a cheater always a cheater. Protect yourself from getting hurt and if he's the one, then he needs to be honest with you so you can both hopefully put this behind you and move on! I'm hoping for the best, but I see where your train of thought is coming from. Good Luck and you're in my :prayers!!

good luck honey. i think you really just need to talk to him, get tested, just so you can get some peace of mind, you know?

Dont drive yourself crazy with the what if's. That can all be put to rest real quickly once you ask him. Goodluck girl and Im sorry you are going through this. :hugs

I would ask him but just with all this details things I know I would just keep all that in my mind and if it's true that he did it, I know I would not live with it, that's not respect, but it's up to you on what to do. I hope you can get everything straight.

I would get tested. I would flat out ask him about it and tell him all the evidence you have and then I would leave his sorry ass. Sorry, but I stand firm about the whole cheating thing.

UPDATE: I asked that fool directly about what happened that night and he had a very good explanation, names, why they got a hotel, all that jazz. I believe him 100%. THanks so much for all the support, I'm gonna be wary though, don't yall worry about me! I"m watchin him!!! hehe. BUt i'm very glad not to be dealing with that huge of an issue right now. ahhh

I once had an ex-boyfriend who had an ex-wife. One night he didn't answer any of my calls, he didn't talk to me at all, and I wanted to know what was up. He told me he'd just been drunk and had crashed and left his cell phone off. A month later he told me that he had an ex-wife (I hadn't known about her), and that earlier in our relationship (around the time of that night) he'd talked with her and she'd asked him to come back. He told me he loved me and he'd never go back to her, because he'd once found her in bed with another man. Two months after that, I found out that he'd still been married the entire time, and was cheating on her with me the whole time from a friend of his. Then, two years later, after I met my dear husband, I developed a rash and went to the doctor. It was herpes, which I have probably given to my now-husband. I hate that son-of-a-bitch ex boyfriend of mine. Moral of the story: If he was lying about it the first time, when he gave you his story about his drunk friends, etc, there isn't much of a chance that he'd tell the truth now. He'll be comforting, etc. But ask around: his friends would know if he was cheating, and they can be convinced to tell you the truth. For your sake, i hope he was not, but if was seriously considering leaving you for her, that's never a good sign. :pray