Hi all! I'm not actually sure which forum category this falls under, but I figured it was about relationships, so...? If this is in the wrong place, I'm so sorry!:scared

I've noticed a lot of threads coming up about relationship stuff where the girl has gone out and hung out with boys (or gone to clubs or movies or whatever) while her SO was away. What intrigued me was how many people seemed to classify this as "cheating.":oogle

:dunno Now, I know that sometimes we exaggerate a little to make a point, so I'm honestly curious:

How do you define cheating?:confused


Since I'm asking, I'll throw my personal views out there first. JMO, not saying that anyone else has to agree, of course. That's why I'm asking this, I'm curious for people's personal opinions on the matter.

I define two kinds of cheating:

Emotional - where your SO has come to love someone else.
and
Physical - where your SO has kissed/more with someone else.

Emotional cheating I find unforgivable. If they love someone else, that's pretty much it, right? As for physical, I think it depends a little. If there was a kiss, my reaction level would depend on who initiated it/the situation. But I would be EXTREMELY upset. :reallymad Anything beyond kissing and the SO would be gone. :kickcan Point Blank. :heartbreaker


P.S. If anything doesn't make sense, forgive me - I'm still a little :sick. Ask and I'll try to clarify.

I agree with what you said and as for other people saying that hanging out with guys is considered cheating I think most of them feel it is cheating if it's someone you dont know. :shrug I could be wrong but hanging out with a bunch of guys you just met and flirting with them MAY not be cheating but it's still very wrong to me. :dunno

I totally agree!! either way is not good and i would be hurt either way but the whole emotional thing would be much harder to deal with!!!

If he shouldn't being doing it with anyone but me, its cheating. If he shouldn't be feeling that way about anyone but me, its cheating.

:shrug I could be wrong but hanging out with a bunch of guys you just met and flirting with them MAY not be cheating but it's still very wrong to me. :dunno

I don't think that's cheating, it's just acting like a slut.. And it is wrong to act like a slut, if you're someone's GF/wife...

I just look at this way..If your SO had girls that were friends and you werent home would you be ok with him going to the movies and dinner with them all the time, would you be ok with him dancing all up on other girls?

I know I dont want that to happen, so i think its wrong!

If he shouldn't being doing it with anyone but me, its cheating. If he shouldn't be feeling that way about anyone but me, its cheating.
I just look at this way..If your SO had girls that were friends and you werent home would you be ok with him going to the movies and dinner with them all the time, would you be ok with him dancing all up on other girls?I know I dont want that to happen, so i think its wrong!
I agree with both of you. If he should be doing it with me then he should not be doing it with some else.

If he should be doing it with me then he should not be doing it with some else.

A bunch of you have said this. I agree that there are definitely things that should be done with the GF only! :devil

But do you all have differences between "wrong" and "cheating"? Or does wrong = cheating? :dunno

I don't think feeling something for someone is cheating, as long as you don't act on it and make out or sleep with that person. I also don't think hanging out with opposite sex is cheating either. I personally wouldn't like it if my DH hung out with a girl or a bunch of girls alone without any other guys, but I wouldn't consider it cheating, just something that I personally would not like him doing. I don't think people in a serious relationship should go to clubs and bars without there SO but I dont think that is cheating as long as no inapporiate touching or making out etc go on. So Basically I think kissing, making out, sleeping with, and having any other kind of intimate moments with each other is cheating..everything else is just pre jealousy feelings.

I don't think that's cheating, it's just acting like a slut.. And it is wrong to act like a slut, if you're someone's GF/wife...

I agree I didnt say hanging out with a bunch of guys you dont know is cheating I said it's very wrong. If you are with someone you shouldnt be going out and flirting and hanging out with a bunch of random guys. :shrug

I am not a jelous person. But if DH is out with other girls just as friends it is wrong. It is not that I dont trust him. It more that I dont trust other girls with him. Now if we go out together as a group that is diff. There is a line between wrong and cheating but it is very thin.

Every couple has their own comfort level. Like for us we don't go to bars or clubs unless we're together. No ifs and or buts about it. That works for us. If in a moment of stupidity one of us breaks it we wouldn't consider that cheating. It would fall under disrespect.

hard question I think it depends on what the situation is. If the person loves or has meaningfull feelings then yeah it is hard to forgive.

Thanks girls! I appreciate all the honest responses... keep 'em coming!

I think there is emotional and physical cheating. I have no problem with DH have girl-friends as I have guy friends. I think it all depends on the couple. To me though- cheating (emotional=feeling the way he feels about me to someone else/invest the time and physical=kissing and beyond) equals :slap :kungfu :handup :flippa and it only happens once and good bye!

I definetely don't think flirting is cheating.

Cheating to me is how you classified it.

Also, like I said in the one post, some people are naturally flirtatious and their SO knows that about them and is ok with it. And those people who are flirtatious might just see it as them being outgoing & friendly :shrug I don't think their slutty b/c of it!

BUT<, if your flirting just b/c your an attention whore, than yeah- that's exactly what you are- an attention whore :mrgreen

DF and I both define cheating as having feelings, sexual or not, for another person. We're also kind of strange because we consider looking at others bodies naked cheating(even if it's in movies, on tv, magazines) Kind of strange but that's just something we believe. LOL

IMO cheating can be both physical and emotional. It just depends on what emotions are involved.

I agree with what you said and as for other people saying that hanging out with guys is considered cheating I think most of them feel it is cheating if it's someone you dont know. :shrug I could be wrong but hanging out with a bunch of guys you just met and flirting with them MAY not be cheating but it's still very wrong to me. :dunno

I agree, I wouldn't feel comfortable if DH went out with a bunch of girls he didn't know. I trust him, I would just feel disrespected. If it's some old friends than sure, I understand. Most of his friends are female anyways.

Hmmm I'd actually say that cheating starts with a kiss, but then again if your spouse flirts - not just a casual flirt - then I'd call it cheating as well.

I don't think feeling something for someone is cheating, as long as you don't act on it and make out or sleep with that person. I also don't think hanging out with opposite sex is cheating either. I personally wouldn't like it if my DH hung out with a girl or a bunch of girls alone without any other guys, but I wouldn't consider it cheating, just something that I personally would not like him doing. I don't think people in a serious relationship should go to clubs and bars without there SO but I dont think that is cheating as long as no inapporiate touching or making out etc go on. So Basically I think kissing, making out, sleeping with, and having any other kind of intimate moments with each other is cheating..everything else is just pre jealousy feelings.

I agree... kissing and beyond is cheating in my book

DF and I both define cheating as having feelings, sexual or not, for another person. We're also kind of strange because we consider looking at others bodies naked cheating(even if it's in movies, on tv, magazines) Kind of strange but that's just something we believe. LOL

Goes w/ the whole religious thing, right? I feel the same way. As one of the verses say, even lusting after another person is sin. (well, that was worded in my words :lol)

I appreciate all the clarifications. The religious thing is very interesting. It's good that you both have such strong agreements to each other.

Basically, it all seems to be dependent on the couple (which I expected and respect completely). Still, I appreciate all the points of view - it's always good to get other's perspectives. Especially when this topic seems to be coming up a lot!

I guess the next question is: what do you do if your SO "cheats" (by whatever your definition is)?

i think its ok for girls to hang out with their guy friends, like i do..but when it comes to the idea of db hangin out with girls that i dont know, i HATE that idea..i dont consider it cheating, but its just something i would rather him not do..lol..i consider cheating anything physical, or anything that involves him making any kind of effort to see someone else on an emotional level or physical..he should only want those things with mua!

Cheating is an emotional and physical thing like everyone else has pretty much stated. However, if I'm going out and hanging with all my guyfriends without my DB, I'm not respecting what him and I have. I know I am a flirtatous woman by nature. Knowing that about myself, I just don't put myself in that situation. Being a flirtatous person doesn't count as an excuse in my book. But that's just me. DB feels the same way. If his girlfriends want to hang out and I can't come (like if it will just be him and her) he cancels the plans. We figure, if we don't put ourselves in the situation, it won't happen.

Now if he ever cheated emotionally, it would be over. Physically, if would depend on the circumstance.

TIMO,

There are times the my husband or I might go...wow....that person is very good looking. You might get the "Tingles". It is when you starting acting on the "Tingles" is when I find cheating. Trying to get to know the person on more of an intamate *sp* level.

What it boils down to....I wouldn't want to put myself or have my husband put himself into a situation that something could happen. Emotional and Physical are very harmful. Look in the Bible when the "Tingles" happened.

Look in to the book "5 love languages." :whew