HI all. This is my kids's first deployment with DH. My son is taking it really hard. He's acting out and just really mad and angry. HE's always asking for daddy and i'm not sure what to do to help him. I've ordered some children's books about Deployment and daddy's job. they should be in next week. I've made a big calendar with DS so that he can cross off the days and showing him that daddy is close to coming home. My Son is 3 1/2 years old. Any other ideas of how I can help my son with DH being gone right now. Anna

How long has he been gone? How old is your son?

My Husband left last weekend and my son is 3 1/2 yrs old.

My youngest son had a hard time when my b/f left too.. they are really close and he is like a dad to him. Anyhow a few things that I found have helped him over the course of this deployment are: drawing pictures everyday to send to him, making home videos, getting him involved in putting together care packages (I would take him to the store and let him pick out things to put in the box), and I put a picture of him by my son's bed and every night my son would say goodnight to the picture because he missed saying goodnight to Mike. For some reason he found comfort in all of these things. Again, these are just ideas but they have been helping Zachary cope with this deployment.

Maybe if you have a printer, you could get some of that iron on transfer paper, and make a pillow case or something with his dad's picture on it?

I guess the more you keep your ds involved with stuff, like writing letters, and drawing pictues to put in the mail, maybe that would help..

I don't have a little one that small.. Have you checked into any resources that your FRG might have?

I made a photobook (pretty easy from Walmart photo center) full of pics of DH for DD to play with/look at. It has pics of DH alone, of DH alone with DD, and of us as a family so she can see pics of just him, make her feel special with just him and her, and let her know we're still a family with all of us. I also put pics in a small photo album for her to play with, but she tends to take the pics out of those and ruin the pics.

I made a photo collage of pics of DH to put on the back of the seat in the car for her to look at during car rides (haven't put it in the car yet, though, it's sitting on the dining room table right now).

I went to make a daddy doll for DD from daddydolls.com and realized I didn't have any good pics of DH in uniform for this. Sometimes DD just wants to hug him, so when we get the doll made, I think it'll really help with this. I also wanted to make a poster of DH in uniform to hang on DD's bedroom door but ran into the same problem as the doll. We're going to take pics when he comes home for half time to make these with.

We also have a teddy bear DH made at build-a-bear that has a voice recorder in it with a message from DH to DD. Also have a travel alarm clock that u can put a pic in and record a voice message that has a pic of DH and a recorded message from him that DD can play with.

I go through her pic book of DH with DD and have an excited voice when I say, "look, it's DADDY!" And I look at pics with her whenever she's in the mood and talk to her about it. I also talk about DH a lot during the day with her telling her how much DH loves her and how proud he'd be that she's doing such and such well/being good.

Also, I let her say good night to him every night since this is what we did before he left-it was part of her routine to tell him good night before we headed off to her bedroom. We're lucky enough on this deployment that DH is in a place he has access to his cell. BUT he's usually working when she goes to bed so we just get the voicemail. I always have her leave a message for him telling him goodnight. If we didn't have access to the cell though, I'd have her say goodnight to a pic of him.

I also have her color pictures for Daddy to send him. She's still to little to really grasp this one, though. But DH LOVES the colored "pictures" we send him.

I guess having a video or DVD to play of DH helps, but we haven't done this. Another good idea is having DH record on tape or CD him reading stories that the child can follow along with the book (we also haven't done this because DH feels weird doing this).

The things we've done have really seemed to help DD. Of course she still has her moody days and days she just wants DH, but I think these things have decreased the number of those types of days.

My kids have gone through tons of long deployments. It started when they were around 3 so now they are pretty well adjusted to Daddy being gone. when they were younger I did a few different things. I always made a little photo book of them and DH to keep by thier bed in their room. I would also take a picture of them before he left and put in in a frame to keep in their room. We had countdown calenders up and they marked off the days. A candy jar filled with candy for as many days as he was gone. each night they got one piece of candy. They could see the jar get empty and that helped them with time frame stuff that they were to young to grasp. We just made a point of keeping them involved as much as we could. They would make pictures in school or daycare and we would send them. Before email they would write letters(as much as they could at that age). When they got older they sent emails(even if it made no sense i let them do it their way). DH just got done a 1 year land deployment. I got him a laptop and webcam as a going away gift so the webcam helped alot. Sometime i just turned it on and went about my day. He could check in and see the kids play or just watching tv whenever he wanted and they same with us. Some commands have Family Support Groups for the younger ones so you may check to see if thats an option for you. Hope that helps.:hugs

Let him put his own care package together.. I found a coloring book for DD that's all about how much she loves her daddy, and how much fun they have together. Inside it were coupons for her to color and give to daddy. So I let her color them and decorate a special envelope. DH calls whenever he can and she got to talk to him most of the time. I also turned her loose with color wonder and told her that she could draw pictures for daddy. (this was during a workup when they weren't recieving mail.) Then I scanned the pictures that she drew and we emailed them to daddy. They both loved that.

Remind him that feeling sad, and angry is NORMAL, and let him feel what he's feeling.

Get yourself a copy of the Talk, Listen, Connect, DVD from Military OneSource. www.militaryonesource.com It's free, and it's something he'll be able to relate to. Elmo's daddy deploys, and it shows how Elmo and his mommy get through with help from Elmo's other sesame street pals. It's helped DD A LOT!

Make a paper chain (this works if you've got a tentative return date) and let him tear off a link each day to remind him that he's one day closer to seeing his dad again.

I try to keep things as normal as possible. We blow kisses to daddy and say goodnight to him every night just before bed. Even though Daddy's not always able to be here, we still keep him a HUGE part of our daily lives.

It sounds like you are doing a very good job so far. Let him know that it is ok to feel angry. It is ok to cry if he wants to. He will feel better being able to express his feelings freely. Sometimes even us wives need to take a moment to express our anger and our sorrow. It is healthy to let this feelings out. I tell my children it is ok, I understand they are angry. There is nothing wrong with that. My daughter sees a counselor, and she told my daughter to beat up her pillow when she feels angry, or go outside and blow bubbles. The blowing bubbles is almost like a breathing exercise, and it sort of takes her mind off of things. It really helps.

It sounds like you are doing a very good job so far. Let him know that it is ok to feel angry. It is ok to cry if he wants to. He will feel better being able to express his feelings freely. Sometimes even us wives need to take a moment to express our anger and our sorrow. It is healthy to let this feelings out. I tell my children it is ok, I understand they are angry. There is nothing wrong with that. My daughter sees a counselor, and she told my daughter to beat up her pillow when she feels angry, or go outside and blow bubbles. The blowing bubbles is almost like a breathing exercise, and it sort of takes her mind off of things. It really helps.

i'm going to have to try the bubble thing w/ my girls maybe that will help them.:thinking anything at this point will be great!!

this is what we are doing, instead of counting down until he gets home, we are filling a jar with M&M's to bring to daddy on the pier, my kids are deployment veterans but this one is harder they are older, we made movies of him. and they have a picture of him in a snowglobe, so they can play with it as well lol. my dh has his digital camera and a jump drive so he can send us pictures from the ship which is flippin' awesome we didn't have that before and its been great.

:hugehug

I know how hard this can be right now... to be honest, get him out.. and get him active.. If you contact your local Fleet and Family Support Center they should have weekly/monthly meeting where even kids can meet. Check with the local spouses club they usually offer "play" groups..
As far as the Ombudsman side of me I would say spend alot of quality time together. When DH is gone the kids and I (3 of them Oldest 7 youngest 9 months) have Movie night on Friday, We go to the park once a month atleast for a "picnic", and we make special cards, paintings for daddy.
I know it is hard b/c of his age so just try and make it age appropriate in a sense... I can forward you some other links if you would like.. Just let me know..
Bren

this is what we are doing, instead of counting down until he gets home, we are filling a jar with M&M's to bring to daddy on the pier, my kids are deployment veterans but this one is harder they are older, we made movies of him. and they have a picture of him in a snowglobe, so they can play with it as well lol. my dh has his digital camera and a jump drive so he can send us pictures from the ship which is flippin' awesome we didn't have that before and its been great.


AWSOME IDEA... NOT COUNTING DOWN BUT UP-- I LOVE IT

thanks i thought it was better than down becauses we have had our date change before or found out he has had duty on homecoming day or for whatever reason we can't see him when he pulls in, this year we might be at my baby brothers wedding, and both our kids are in it. we decided that the boys need to be there as much as it would SUCK. but to go to NY that is what he wants and he will pull duty for someone with a family there. cause he is a nice guy like that. but its happened to us way too often and now they are old enough to count and be like OH we didn't rip a chain off or there are more on, and not really old enough to understand why. so i like my fill up the jar idea. it still gives them a visual without really setting a date so if hes not home when he should be, they don't really know. my boys are 10 and 6