The love of my life is almost done with Parris Island's Marine bootcamp and I'm entirely excited about that. I'm going to Family Day and graduation with his family. I can't wait to see him again, but at the same time I feel like I am supposed to be happier that he's being more open about his plans with me.

I got a letter the other day and he was talking about how he wants me to marry him when he gets out so that we can be together when he goes back in. I was really torn because it's such odd timing for him to say that. I hadn't heard from him in a while and I had written him this letter telling him that I want him to stop saying we're engaged because we aren't, no one's going to acknowledge that we're engaged if he hasn't asked my family, told his own, or given me a ring.

I told him in this letter that I am just his girlfriend and I distanced myself a little from him because I was scared. I got that letter and read about all these dreams he has for us and I sobbed for the longest time.

I feel so ill-equipped to be in his life. I'm terrible at being a military girlfriend, I can't even imagine being a military wife.

I guess what I'm looking for is some kind of reassurance that I'm not a terrible person.

wow that's certainly different it's good you explained to him how you feel and you want things to happen give it some time and just see how things go when you see him!

If you aren't ready, you aren't ready, and he can't force it. If he loves you, he'll be patient. :)

That's good that you told him that your not ready for it yet. I hope that he'll understand and respect you for what you believe. Same thing with my guy before he left for bootcamp we talked about marriage and well I told him straight out I wasn't ready for it plus I wanted to do what I wanted to do in life. Which was to get a college education and persue whatever I wanted to do with life. So then we both decided that after his 5 years in the Marines we're planning to get married and live together finally. Though I have a feeling he's going to respect what you say and go with it because it really does show that he cares and loves you! I wish you best of luck! :goodvibes :hugs

you also got to remember that when they are in boot camp the DI's make em' feel like s**T so they emotionaly break them down, and they are at a vounarable state of mind . . . .

I can relate cuz my DB would always write in his BC letters things like: "to my future wife . . ." and he even once said he wanted to get my named tattoed on him (didnt happen). . . . it kinda weirded me out.

just wait till he graduates and he gets back in to a normal state of mind and tell him how you feel and he loves you so he will understand

I really appreciate your replies. They're helpful and have given me a lot of food for thought.

But I'm not sure I made it entirely clear the emotional mess this has made me. :tears

I'm nervous and anxious because I don't know how to feel.:banghead

I feel like I'm being two-faced because he asked me to marry him back in October and I was the one who was all excited about it. I think he was just afraid that he'd lose me if he didn't make his intentions known. Now that I've come to terms with the possibility that, as an 18 year old guy, he might not be serious about it, he starts acting more dedicated to "our future" than ever before.

I realize that it may just be because of all the stress he's under. That's the main reason I'm afraid to be excited about it. I feel like the moment that I let myself be happy and imagine all the dreams we discussed coming to life, he'll go back to telling me "well, I love you, but four years is a long time... Maybe we'll be together still, maybe not..." I would be more than happy to be his fiance, I just don't want to set myself up to be hurt. :tears

Has anyone else been through this? I just want to know how I'm supposed to deal with all the emotional and mental confusion that comes with this.

take things as they come...

2 months before DB left for Iraq, he told me that he wanted to get married before he leaves. at the time i was really shocked, mainly because i didn't expect him to ask me this soon. i was thinking this deployment was scaring him so much. we're both committed to the relationship and knew it was gonna be for the long haul. he ended up not being able to come home here in SD for the holidays, so the wedding didn't happen. it just wasn't the right time according to God's time. also i was thinking it's better for us to wait until he comes back, because then we're not getting married cuz of fear--that we might lose each other during this deployment. it would be nicer to know when we eventually get married, that we got through a deployment w/ flying colors and we're absolutely sure that we wanna get married.

last month i've been having a hard time because i was worried bout our future. i started having doubts about his love for me, and his plans for our future. i told him about it and it took a few days for him to reply, which worried me more cuz i thought he stopped caring. he told me he was hurt more than disappointed because after all this time i'm still having doubts about us. he reassured me that he's always thinking of me, misses me so much, can't wait til he can have me in his arms again..and most importantly, that he loves me.

ok..this is getting pretty lengthy..sorry, i love talking bout my man! hehe. but yea... if you're really not ready, tell him the reasons why you're not and try to work through them together. also, if he's wants to spend the rest of your lives together, what's a few months or a few years compared to that?

but also take this in consideration, my friend told me this:

"he'll pressure you intentionally or not, and you'll resist intentionally or not.. you just gotta take a leap of faith and trust him and your love for each other"

I feel so ill-equipped to be in his life. I'm terrible at being a military girlfriend, I can't even imagine being a military wife.


Sometimes I feel the exact same way. And it's scary, yeah, but you've all got lots of time to figure it out. I know that I, personally, had to consciously not distance myself because of my own fears (about me). It's up to you what you need to do emotionally to try and keep yourself sane right now!

Bootcamp.... it just messes with our DBs. Honestly. Plus, the letters probably got crossed (that happens a LOT), so he almost definitely sent you that letter before he got yours.

And they don't have much time in BC, so I wouldn't take this as a sign that he's less than serious, ya'know? You'll see him soon, and just see how that goes. It's gonna be a transition, but once you two can sit down face to face and be honest about your feelings, you might get a lot sorted out.

It'll get better. BC is just emotional turmoil for everyone! Egawds! lol. :hugs

I have greatly appreciated all of the advice that I have gotten on this matter. It's helped me to calm down and relax about this. I'm trying so hard to look at it reasonably and take things as they come.

This whole situation has helped me to look inside my heart to see what I really want and evaluate my priorities.

(L) I love my Marine so much and I do want to be his wife- when the time is right. However, we still have a while to wait with him just embarking on the journey of being a career military man and me being only 2 semesters into my college education.

I know it will be a long hard road (I just found out that he told his mom he's headed for Iraq after all his training and I'm scared :ohno ) but I know that with faith and love, we can get through it.

I will get to see him graduate on Parris Island in only 12 days now, so I'm just trying to do it day by day until I can be in his arms again. I have no idea what will happen next for us, but I believe in us.

sometimes i feel ill-equipped to be my husbands wife but i realize that i do the best i can...sometimes i have my weak moments and sometimes i don't. just realize that you don't have to be perfect to be a wife or a girlfriend. don't stop supporting and loving him because you are afraid (i hope that didn't sound harsh). marriage is a HUGE committment, if he loves you he'll wait. talk about it when y'all are together and see if y'all can get on the same page. dh and i are having the "common page" issue with children. :hugs if you want to talk pm me

oh and about the college thing...there are so many opportunities to finish college...dh is in the navy and i'm finishing through the navy college (basically the navy college has affiliations through major universities and you can take classes either online or where you are). i don't know if the marines have something similar, though i'm sure they do, but look into that if you are worried. for example i'm hoping to finish my degree through chapman university which is based in CA but offers classes on base where dh is in WA.

I would say dont rush into it. Just explain to him that you want to finish school before you get married. And once you are married he'll be out of the military and you can spend every day together. Waiting a few years is nothing in comparison to the joy you'll get fromspending every day together for hte rest of your lives. If he loves you and it's meant to be it will happen, at the right time. Good luck!