I am not yet married to the father of my child. I have been dating him for almost eight months now. Before I explain why I stay with him, I just want to say, that when I read in the bible that you are truly in love when you "love someone anyway" instead of love them because. You can love them for their faults and troubles. I am also half korean and carry that part of culture on my shoulders on what to believe. But I am wondering when is enough. I am 5 1/2 months pregnant and our relationship has been bad since July. His ex put him in jail for false charges and that changed him. He used to be abusive physically and stopped. Now, its emotional abuse. I'm breaking down more and more everyday but I love him. I know everyone says I will know when it's enough. We fight daily now because of his problem. I really think he needs some kind of medication. He's given me the best, but now I've been given the worst. I worry about losing my baby girl because of this, and when I tell him this, he keeps yelling and saying he's changing. How do I know if I have become blind to seeing his changes? I get pains in my stomach from yelling. I dont know if its my muscles or my body telling me something. I know someone out there will say I am selfish for not thinking of my baby. And I do, everyday. I want to pack up and leave, but I want him to get the most help he can. He says he will, but when? He's already been put in care classes for his anger through the military and the court system. But I want him to see a counselor one on one. Is that selfish of me to ask even though we arent married? I think Im blind by love...or stupidity

Where did you find that in the bible? I'm just curious. If he's abusive you need to leave him - even if you DO love him - it will tear you down, and you'll have a baby to raise. Better to raise that baby alone with your head held high, then with a man that beats you down for the rest of your life.

Imagine your baby is a little girl - imagine how you'd feel if she came to you 20 years down the road and said to you exactly what you just said to us. You'd tell her to get out and be strong. That's what you need to do.

:hugs

abuse only gets worse. i hope you do what's best for you and your baby. i know there is a post on here somewhere that has a link to a youtube movie that i think you should watch...it'll hit home. just remember that when your child is born that if it is a girl she will learn that that is how she should be treated by a man and if it is a boy that he will learn that is how he should treat women. please realize that abuse won't stop. get out before your child is born, it will get harder. :hugs

If he won't go get help then there is no point in you staying. It will just get worse. Him saying he will go and him going are two totally different things so he needs to show some action. You may also need to just take a step back while he does get some help. If he does go. I'm not saying completely cut it off with him but give you both a break to work things out on your own. You should seek a therapist's help as well (whether the 2 of you stay together or not). Him being verbally abusive and having been physically abusive in the past has no doubt left scars on you that you are going to need to be worked through. And you don't want you child witnessing him treating you like that, thinking it is ok, and/or him treating your child like that. Good Luck and Best Wishes. :goodvibes :hugs :goodvibes :hugs

Honey, I hate to say this, get out now. Especially if he refuses to get help. This kind of thing does NOT go away on its own. He needs to figure out where his anger is coming from within him (because do NOT let him think it's your fault).

My ex-husband was verbally and emotionally abusive. I would cry nearly every day because he would call me stupid and socially retarded. You don't talk like that to someone you love!! He insisted that *I* was the one who made him so angry and made him say the things he said. He never hit me but sometimes I wished he would just so I would have a reason to leave, because I felt like "they're just words, they're not abuse". Turns out that words are abuse too, and the wounds they leave behind take A LOT longer to heal than bruises...

I'm rambling now. My point is that no matter if you're pregnant, no matter what he says he'll do to change, you need to think about you and your child.

If he treats you so badly, how is he going to treat a child that demands attention or won't stop crying?

I would leave. But if you really love him and don't feel ready to give up on your relationship entirely just explain to him that when he's willing to get counseling and stop treating you like trash you'll be willing to consider trying this relationship again. You don't want to raise your daughter in a home where her mother is being abused. There is always hope but you have to get out of there for the well being of your daughter now. You shouldnt be so stressed and for no good reason while your pregnant. You shouldnt be yelling and fighting EVERY day. I would leave and let him do what he feels is right. After he takes care of his own problems consider souples counseling and see if you can't be a family. Good luck and please take care of yourself and your daughter. It won't get better by itself. You have to make the first step.

PLEASE think of your kid! Get out of this terrible situation. Violence escalates.

My mother was in an abusive relationship with my father. It took a doctor telling her after numerous visits to the hospital ER that the "next time he would be signing her death certificate" for her to kick my father out. It wasn't that easy for her cause then they didn't have the domestic violence laws that they do now. It is easier to protect yourself now. You have your baby to think of and that baby needs a mother. There are plenty of abused women shelters that you can find that will protect you and your child. You may love him but his opinion of love is all screwed up you deserve better your child deserves to live in a happy home not live in fear. I remember chasing my father through the house begging him not to beat my mother. What is even worse when I was 15 I stayed with him for a few months he started beating me. Get out now while he is still just emotionally abusive. He could revert back to his old ways anytime.

Becca really knows how to hit the nail right on the head...

The bible also says that a man should love his wife and treat her as a precious treasure..

You need to think about the home that you provide for your daughter.. Whatever she sees growing up, she'll conceive as "normal".

This is all Im going to say, how would you feel if he treated your daughter the way he treats you?

:hugs I know this is hard for you. My Cousin went through this and it took her over 4 years to finally completely walk away. And him throwing her through a window really helped her to see how bad it was. My sister is now going through this and has a 9 month old little girl. I can only tell you what I have told them.....RUN!!! Run hard and fast and do not look back. Abuse gets worse. He needs a lot of help. I wish you a lot of luck with this. :hugs

Im sorry you have to be put through that. My sister is in almost the same exact situation minus military. I really think you need to leave him untill he agree's to go ahead with treatment With couseling and if he needs meds that too. If he doesnt change for the better with Noticable change then you need to just leave him. I know easier said than done.It never too late and you are foruntate to not be married and you should get out I think to be safe and to keep your baby safe. To me it sounds like he would just be dangerous to the baby as well And neither of you deserve that..Stay strong :hug PM me if you ever want to talk.

If he's treating you like this now he'll either treat you like this in front on you're daughter or treat you're daughter like this. I wouldn't just walk I would run.