We are in a bad situation right now. Andy's getting deployed for 6 months of my pregnancy and I have no idea on how I'm going to get to school, the doctors or any other place I need to be. I'm not supposed to drive at all.

bus? Cab? bike? No one can give you a ride anywhere?

Im at his permanant duty station so I dont have family here. Andy wants me to drive but I dont want to take the chance. Do you know how much it will be to catch a cab everytime i need to go somewhere

can't drive? why not?

there are ladies there i'm sure that they could give you a ride when you need to

I sympathize, that happened to me during my last pregnancy :( I just had to make appointments and stuff during days and times when people could give me rides. It was a hassle, and I felt awful about asking for rides, but it was the only way I could get around.
Hope it works out hun.

I cant drive because my legs get numb on occasion and it did once and caused me to total my car.

Let him cammand know your situation, they can try and work it out. Im sorry you are going through this, but people get around without cars a lot. They make it work, I did it for almost a whole year.

What would his command suggest because its not only just the car its that we havent been doing well financially since we got in the navy. It stopped me from school because I had to move constantly in the middle of semesters. I'm thinking of going back home and just staying put and not depending on the navy to stay still, but Andy will be very angry if I do, I know.

if he's not going to be home, why does he care? and if it's for your benefit, wouldn't that be a POSITIVE thing for him?

why would it stop you from school? You can do online schooling or just take a semester off for PCSing......plus most duty stations you only move every 3 years or so.....

You don't have any friends?!?!?!?! How about that handibus, since you do have a medical disability.........

Maybe going home during his deployment would be better for you anyway.. that way you could be near family during your pregnancy, and they could make sure you're taken care of. A lot of wives do that...

I would go home during the deployment (in fact that's what I did last 7 monther). DH preffered it, since he knew me and the kids would be taken care of in case of an emergency, and it was actually easier on both of us (not to mention financially).

Yeah it would, I dont understand why hed get mad but he would. Id be able to get around alot easier because Ill know the area and I wont have to move from state to state with him. He's just selfish i guess.

um yea! he should be worried about YOU and the BABY....

You shouldn't let a man control you, especially when it comes to YOUR health and your baby's health too.

Sounds to me like if you went home you would be better financially and you would have people to help you get around. I'm not sure why you mention "depending on the navy" because it's not the Navy's job to take care of you. I'm sorry if I sound so blunt.

Maybe you should take the Budgeting for Baby course offered via the Navy Marine Corps Relief Society.

It sounds like your husband isn't thinking of you and the baby AT ALL. He wants you to drive, but yet you have a disability that puts you in danger if you do...he'll get mad for you moving back home WHILE HE IS GONE so you have help to get around...No offence but it sounds like he has some problems he needs to get worked out ASAP.

Do you live on base? Is your Ob on base? If so what are your chances of your legs getting numb if you can zip across base real fast for the commy and the doctor I don't see what the problem would be?

It stopped me from going to school because we lived a distance from the school so i either had to drive myself there (did got in an accident) or ride the bus (theres no buses in Eastern Shore, its just a bunch of trees!). I got the advice to talk to his commander to try to get compassionate reassigment then maybe he could get the job he really wanted and be here to help. I think thats the best choice. Im not going to let him control me, thats not me at all, so if that doesnt work out I'll go back home.

no offense but there are a ton of people with disabilities or difficult pregnancies who have deploying or deployed SOs. They usually go home or seek friends help....

I just said I was going to go home. I was just thinking of which would be best staying here or going home. No we do not live on base.

I doubt the Navy would pull him off deployment because you have no transportation or you're pregnant; there are many people who are pregnant and without transportation with deployed SO's. Your best bet would be to just move back home while he's gone so you have support from friend's and family.
I dont' see why he would get mad if that's the best thing for you, the baby, and finances.

Good luck though, sounds like a tough place to be at.

It stopped me from going to school because we lived a distance from the school so i either had to drive myself there (did got in an accident) or ride the bus (theres no buses in Eastern Shore, its just a bunch of trees!). I got the advice to talk to his commander to try to get compassionate reassigment then maybe he could get the job he really wanted and be here to help. I think thats the best choice. Im not going to let him control me, thats not me at all, so if that doesnt work out I'll go back home.


ohh i didn't get the "i'm going home" out of that statement. sorry.

It definitely sounds like a good idea to go home, It just seems like common sense...if you are unable to drive, have nobody to really help you out, and husband is leaving.

How will you grocery shop and do other necessities?!

I agree w/ the other gals, it may be best for you to move back home. What happens if your legs fall numb and you can't get to baby who's screaming his/her head off in the other room?!

Yeah thats exactly what I was thinking Victoria. I don't want to end up laying on the street or not being able to get to a hospital when I need to. I believe thats best too.

Yeah it would, I dont understand why hed get mad but he would. Id be able to get around alot easier because Ill know the area and I wont have to move from state to state with him. He's just selfish i guess.

Wait, are you talking about moving permanently home and never moving with him again? If he doesn't want you to do that, I don't think that's selfish. I could see it being selfish if he didn't want you to move while he is deployed, but to move permanently home because you don't want the inconvenience of PCSing with your husband and moving with his career, that sounds a little strange to me.

Oh no no no.....I wasn't talking about permanently either!!!

Yeah I did mean not temporarily, only because I want to finish school and I got accepted to one in Maryland. I don't want to be moving state to state now that Im going to have a baby. The navy has not really helped with stability, so far I've been to Chicago, Pensacola now Virginia. I would like to be able to have a permanant job and a permanant home. Stability is everything to me. I really dont want to leave him though, it was okay moving over and over just me and him but now we have a kid. He's not going to want to move from school to school, thats not good. I'm not certain the navys going to move us again.

What is your diagnosis? The docs can't put you on any kind of medication to stop your legs from going numb?

Yeah I did mean not temporarily, only because I want to finish school and I got accepted to one in Maryland. I don't want to be moving state to state now that Im going to have a baby. The navy has not really helped with stability, so far I've been to Chicago, Pensacola now Virginia. I would like to be able to have a permanant job and a permanant home. Stability is everything to me. I really dont want to leave him though, it was okay moving over and over just me and him but now we have a kid. He's not going to want to move from school to school, thats not good. I'm not certain the navys going to move us again.

Ok stability may be everything to YOU, but I can see your husband not being around HIS CHILD causing more problems...
I would NEVER take that away from my husband. I think you moving away PERMANENTLY is a bit selfish on your part...

Yeah I did mean not temporarily, only because I want to finish school and I got accepted to one in Maryland. I don't want to be moving state to state now that Im going to have a baby. The navy has not really helped with stability, so far I've been to Chicago, Pensacola now Virginia. I would like to be able to have a permanant job and a permanant home. Stability is everything to me. I really dont want to leave him though, it was okay moving over and over just me and him but now we have a kid. He's not going to want to move from school to school, thats not good. I'm not certain the navys going to move us again.

Oh i'm sorry about your situation sweetie but you guys should have discussed that before you decided to have a baby. No military job has stability so I guess you are biting off more than you can chew. I had to choose family and his military first then focus on school second. I guess you have to decide which one you want most. A career or a family. Good Luck though!:goodvibes

I've had every test in the book since middle school. Its just to the point now where if it happens I just deal with it and do some natural remedies.

Yes I realize it is a little selfish, but i dont want to end up buying a house in Norfolk and Andy gets reassigned somewhere else and we already have everything set up here because once I'm enrolled in school its hard to transfer. Andys being an ass about it and its not like i can talk to him because he just wants what he wants and doesnt want to think of other ways. thanks for the luck

Well that's what comes with the military life. I put my college on hold, FOR MY SON, until we get to Norfolk. You can always look into an online university like Thomas Edison State University-online. There are TONNNNNNNNNNNNNNSSSS of universities online.
It's all about sacrifices. You and your husband need to have a long talk. You two OBVIOUSLY aren't on the same page...

BUt you married a man in the military, did you not know you would be moving around a lot?

Yeah I did mean not temporarily, only because I want to finish school and I got accepted to one in Maryland. I don't want to be moving state to state now that Im going to have a baby. The navy has not really helped with stability, so far I've been to Chicago, Pensacola now Virginia. I would like to be able to have a permanant job and a permanant home. Stability is everything to me. I really dont want to leave him though, it was okay moving over and over just me and him but now we have a kid. He's not going to want to move from school to school, thats not good. I'm not certain the navys going to move us again.

well, you signed up for the life when you married a military man. Now deal with it. How long have you been in virginia? why not apply to local schools or just finish your associate's degree there and get your bachelor's at the next duty station? A baby is not going to care about moving for the next 3 years or so. You are being incredibly selfish to move home and abandon your husband because you decided you don't like his career anymore. It is possible to change schools once you start, I am doing it right now. Yes, it's hard, but you can deal with it.

well, you signed up for the life when you married a military man. Now deal with it. How long have you been in virginia? why not apply to local schools or just finish your associate's degree there and get your bachelor's at the next duty station? A baby is not going to care about moving for the next 3 years or so. You are being incredibly selfish to move home and abandon your husband because you decided you don't like his career anymore. It is possible to change schools once you start, I am doing it right now. Yes, it's hard, but you can deal with it.

I agree. I dont understand why you think its OK to move and leave your husband, and not let him be around his child, because you want to be stable.

You make the best with what you have

Alright I understand your point of view, that does make sense.

Yes I realize it is a little selfish, but i dont want to end up buying a house in Norfolk and Andy gets reassigned somewhere else and we already have everything set up here because once I'm enrolled in school its hard to transfer. Andys being an ass about it and its not like i can talk to him because he just wants what he wants and doesnt want to think of other ways. thanks for the luck

You two are so not on the same page when it comes to your marriage and priorities. Relationships take work and sacrifice; and frankly, it seems the both of you are not putting in your equal share of both. You both need to communicate your personal goals and your expectations of each other in your marriage. You are right that education and stability are important factors to have in life, however, the military is not always stable. Perhaps before you got married and pregnant you should have weighed those factors in and how they would affect your life.

Yes I realize it is a little selfish, but i dont want to end up buying a house in Norfolk and Andy gets reassigned somewhere else and we already have everything set up here because once I'm enrolled in school its hard to transfer. Andys being an ass about it and its not like i can talk to him because he just wants what he wants and doesnt want to think of other ways. thanks for the luck

He is selfish for not wanting you to live away from him permanently? When you married someone in the Navy you knew you'd have to move every few years. With or without kids. Countless people have done it before you.

I didn't necessarily want to move to Italy and leave all of my family and friends behing but I did it because I signed up for this lifestlye when I married my husband. I'll deal with this lifestyle because it's what he wants to do. It makes going to college, doing normal things hard, btu I deal wiuth it.

well, you signed up for the life when you married a military man. Now deal with it. How long have you been in virginia? why not apply to local schools or just finish your associate's degree there and get your bachelor's at the next duty station? A baby is not going to care about moving for the next 3 years or so. You are being incredibly selfish to move home and abandon your husband because you decided you don't like his career anymore. It is possible to change schools once you start, I am doing it right now. Yes, it's hard, but you can deal with it.


:yeehaw :yes

I said I REALIZE I AM BEING A LITTLE SELFISH goodness gracious people dont be so quick to judge and assume the worst of people

Have you even thought about talking with your Ombudsman? They might be able to point you in the right direction as to the how's and where's. I am sure that it will be hard, but you are a military wife... it is a LIFESTYLE! I grew-up a PROUD Navy Brat, we moved every 3 to 4 years, and I still had a "stable" life. I now have 4 very stable children in this Navy life. Life is only what you make of it. Good luck to you and all that you do and chose to do. Just look at all your options before you make a decision that may very well change your life... TALK TO YOUR HUSBAND and don't forget to LISTEN also.

I said I REALIZE I AM BEING A LITTLE SELFISH goodness gracious people dont be so quick to judge and assume the worst of people


No one here is judging or assuming the worst of you. We are all just giving you a reality check into what life as a military spouse is about. If you cannot handle truth, perhaps you should not have asked for advice to begin with!

I did want advice, thank you for the advice

I said I REALIZE I AM BEING A LITTLE SELFISH goodness gracious people dont be so quick to judge and assume the worst of people

I dont think you are a selfish person...i just think you worded your situation wrong. Just do whats best for you and your family sweetie. You know what you want and don't let anyone let you think different.

Thank you Jay's wifey. that is good advice.

This will sound harsh but you are being very selfish. You married a military man now you need to suck it up. Why are you talking about buying a house in Virginia? You know the Navy will be moving you again in three years, you don't buy a house, you either live in base housing or you rent something out in town. I think it's awful that your using school and the baby as an excuse to not move around. You will have five years before your child starts school, he may not even be in the Navy then. Why would you want to keep his child away from him because you don't want to move. School is a sorry reason too, there are tons of online univiersities.

I kinda think the replies were harsh, however I think your expectations are so off.

You didn't know he would deploy, and you would move, with him in the Navy?
PLENTY of people start and stop and start school again. Not saying it's easy, or cheap, but they do it.
And kids - we do it with 4 kids ages 8 and under - plenty of people do it with more kids, with kids in the exceptional family member program, etc, etc.....Someone always has it harder than you but they do it anyway.

Did you not discuss any of this before you got married, or before you got pregnant?

Going home *while he's deployed* sounds like your best option.
Good luck.

Seems like you didn't realize marrying into the military would mean moving a lot, being away from family, etc. That's something obviously you have to discuss with your spouse. It's something that just comes with the territory, it's something we all do, it's the lifestyle we live.
Moving back home while he's deployed is the best idea, but moving permanently just because you don't want to move around...that is probably not going to happen as long as you're married into this lifestyle.

Either way, good luck on your pregnancy and whatever happens with the moving and such.

I didn't know we'd move alot, i thought permanent duty meant just that and that we'd be able to make a life for ourselves and I'd be stable while hes deployed. That doesnt make sense that youd be okay with moving over and over again. I'm trying to be nice but, it just doesnt make sense that you wouldn't want to have a stable home for your child. School, your child and your health is not a poor excuse for me, thanks for the advice, but you all aren't really giving me advice that's going to help me your just complaining. You all must be forgetting we are only 19, and don't have money like that to be moving over and over. You might be okay with it but I am not.

I didn't know we'd move alot, i thought permanent duty meant just that and that we'd be able to make a life for ourselves and I'd be stable while hes deployed. That doesnt make sense that youd be okay with moving over and over again. I'm trying to be nice but, it just doesnt make sense that you wouldn't want to have a stable home for your child. School, your child and your health is not a poor excuse for me, thanks for the advice, but you all aren't really giving me advice that's going to help me your just complaining. You all must be forgetting we are only 19, and don't have money like that to be moving over and over. You might be okay with it but I am not.

The NAVY will move you. You won' have to pay for it as long as he has orders to wherever you are going. And even with moving you still will be able to give your child a stable home.

You all must be forgetting we are only 19, and don't have money like that to be moving over and over. You might be okay with it but I am not.

That's why most people don't buy houses at their duty stations. They live in base housing or use their BAH to go out into town and rent a house/apartment.

The navy hasn't moved us on into any of those states, we had to do it because his command wasn't sure how long he'd be there. And to this permanent duty, which is Norfolk, they didn't because Andy's got his orders but he was still in training, he had to go through A-school, Itt training now C-school so thats a fluke. Theres conditions with everything.

I didn't know we'd move alot, i thought permanent duty meant just that and that we'd be able to make a life for ourselves and I'd be stable while hes deployed. That doesnt make sense that youd be okay with moving over and over again. I'm trying to be nice but, it just doesnt make sense that you wouldn't want to have a stable home for your child. School, your child and your health is not a poor excuse for me, thanks for the advice, but you all aren't really giving me advice that's going to help me your just complaining. You all must be forgetting we are only 19, and don't have money like that to be moving over and over. You might be okay with it but I am not.

The Navy pays your husband to move, moving is part of the job. I'm sure we would all love to be settled in one place, but just because we move a lot doesn't mean that we don't have "stable" homes. We just learn to adapt very quickly to our new homes every 3-4 years. It's not about "being ok" with moving over and over...it's about "accepting" that it's part of the job, we do it because we have to, and we try to make the best of it. :dunno

As long as he has orders to somewhere for more than 6months they will pay for you to move. So yes, they will move you to his permanent duty station. To move tp all his lil schools etc was your choice.

How could you not realize that being in the military would mean moving? Even people who have never had any dealings with the military know that it requires moving from time to time and separation due to deployments ect... I havent seen anybody complaining here but you! You chose this life and I think it will be horrible for you to take your child away from your husband just because you didnt "realize" what you were getting into.


I didn't know we'd move alot, i thought permanent duty meant just that and that we'd be able to make a life for ourselves and I'd be stable while hes deployed. That doesnt make sense that youd be okay with moving over and over again. I'm trying to be nice but, it just doesnt make sense that you wouldn't want to have a stable home for your child. School, your child and your health is not a poor excuse for me, thanks for the advice, but you all aren't really giving me advice that's going to help me your just complaining. You all must be forgetting we are only 19, and don't have money like that to be moving over and over. You might be okay with it but I am not.

Yeah Yeah Yeah well get over it MSkm you dont wanna hear me complain move on to another page.

my husband is 19, and im 21. We dont have money either. But thats not an excuse. The military pays to move you. I dont understand why they didnt pay for you. THats not right, nor does it sound right.

The navy hasn't moved us on into any of those states, we had to do it because his command wasn't sure how long he'd be there. And to this permanent duty, which is Norfolk, they didn't because Andy's got his orders but he was still in training, he had to go through A-school, Itt training now C-school so thats a fluke. Theres conditions with everything.

I'm not that familiar with the navy but Is your Hubby in the Reserves or something or AD Navy? I really dont know why they didnt pay for you guys to move.

The navy hasn't moved us on into any of those states, we had to do it because his command wasn't sure how long he'd be there. And to this permanent duty, which is Norfolk, they didn't because Andy's got his orders but he was still in training, he had to go through A-school, Itt training now C-school so thats a fluke. Theres conditions with everything.

If the military didn't pay, then y'all could've claimed all those moving expenses on your past tax returns.
You should buy the book, Married to the Military!!!

They wouldn't pay to move us to his permanent duty because they werent sure if he was going to stay here or not after training. We wont be sure that his is his permanent duty till after C-school.

They didn't get paid because he wasn't on permanent duty orders, he was just going through A-school, C-school training, etc. I'm going to assume he's just out of bootcamp.

I just read through this whole thread and I have a few things to say.

1)When your SO goes to school and it is for less than one year the Navy will not pay to relocate the family. It is at the families expense if they chose to relocate with the SO. When you make a PCS (permanent change of station) then the Navy will pay you to move. They will move your belongings and give you money for food, hotel and dislocation allowance OR they will pay you to move all of your stuff and they will pay you for food, hotel and dislocation. If you choose to move when he is TAD (temporary assigned) then you have to pay thos expenses yourself.

2)DH and I were 18 and 19 when we got married and had our first baby. We were young but we didn't use that as an excuse. It can be done. We lived where we had no family and moved across three states at 19 & 20 with two babies. It can be done. To many times people look at young adults and think that they can't do it because of their age. Don't do that to yourself! You're better than that.

3)If you are at a PCS station then your DH should know when his PRD (rotation date) is. That's when he is up for orders again. The Navy doesn't usually just arbitrarily pick people up and move them every few months. They can't afford to do that.

4)Since you have medical issues you need to make sure that you are enrolled in the EFMP (Exceptional Family Member Program). They will make sure that you are close to th emedical care that you need.

5)At many duty stations they have volunteers who will give rides to SO for medical appts and shopping while a military member is deployed. Talk to the ombuds and find out what kind of resources are in your area.

6)If you are having financial problems I would suggest moving into housing and going to NMCRS (navy Relief) where they have excellent budgeting classes. They will help you with all of that stuff.

7)Look into online classes. There are many out there and some that will give discounts for military spouses. My DH has gotten his AA and BA from online accredited colleges. There are options out there beside on campus classes.

8)Before you make a decision to move home permamently really look at your life and the resources that you have access to. As a military spouse you have a lot of resources at your disposal. Don't be so quick to make a move like that or think that because you are young that you are doomed to fail. My DH and I have been married for over 11 years now (like I said we were 18&19 when we got married), we own a house now, have 9 kids in our home- all of who are very stable and well adjusted, and are well off financially but we weren't always here. We made a decision to make it work and we went from there. One step at a time.

Alright, I'm going to show your list to Andy to see what he says. You brought up some really good points. Thanks

Well, I def understand how shocking military life can be! I went from thinking we'd live in the states to getting stationed in Japan and having my first baby basically alone. It is very hard, BUT I think anyone can do it. You just have to be flexible!

Now that you know you will be moving a lot, I would try to look at it from a positive point of view. While your child will not be in the same house or city all his/her life there are PLENTY of advantages to moving a lot and I personally think stability of a home comes from the parents, not the place of residency!

Whenever we move my kids think we are going on an "adventure" and I try very hard to make it fun for them. Like moving overseas, you are without your furniture for 2 months or so so I tell them we are "camping" out. Little things like that.

I was very slow to warm up to the military life and was bitter for months when I first began the life, but with the right attitude and perspective I cannot see living ANY other life now. Always keep one thing in mind; our SO's are protecting our country and to me that is the best reason to be away from us! ;)

Good luck!

Very Good advice! I will keep that in mind every time I feel overwhelmed. I think itll just take some time.

Very Good advice! I will keep that in mind every time I feel overwhelmed. I think itll just take some time.

It's not easy and it is very overwhelming at times. It's def an adjustment from your everyday civilian lifestyle but it can be whatever you make of it :)

Yeah I did mean not temporarily, only because I want to finish school and I got accepted to one in Maryland. I don't want to be moving state to state now that Im going to have a baby. The navy has not really helped with stability, so far I've been to Chicago, Pensacola now Virginia. I would like to be able to have a permanant job and a permanant home. Stability is everything to me. I really dont want to leave him though, it was okay moving over and over just me and him but now we have a kid. He's not going to want to move from school to school, thats not good. I'm not certain the navys going to move us again.

um.. you married a man with the WRONG job then...

I didn't know we'd move alot, i thought permanent duty meant just that and that we'd be able to make a life for ourselves and I'd be stable while hes deployed. That doesnt make sense that youd be okay with moving over and over again. I'm trying to be nice but, it just doesnt make sense that you wouldn't want to have a stable home for your child. School, your child and your health is not a poor excuse for me, thanks for the advice, but you all aren't really giving me advice that's going to help me your just complaining. You all must be forgetting we are only 19, and don't have money like that to be moving over and over. You might be okay with it but I am not.

First off... Just about every military family moves around several times. The NAVY CAN MOVE YOU. And sorry but you being 19 doesn't change anything either. I was a militray wife with a child at 19 and had to move too. That is this lifestyle. It baffles me how you would think that you wouldn't be moving around.

I married my sailor when he was 19 and I was 18 and we have moved around and all sorts of lovely stuff. The Navy did not pay for me to move down with him. Being young has nothing to do with it. I have changed colleges and addresses plenty of times. I made the Navy lifelstyle work for me by being flexible. I think instead of making excuses you need to find something that works. I wish you lots of luck.

Moving does not = instability to life or children.
It's an adventure, it teaches them how to adapt.
They meet so many kinds of people, experience so many different cultures, etc..
I'm sorry you see that as a negative thing.

Maybe you need to take a deep breath and re-read some of the replies, you actually DID get advice, not just criticism.

I would go home. I did to have my DD.