So, we made it through boot camp. Nine weeks of waiting, crying, anticipating, and staring out the window waiting for the mailman to get that one letter a week. But I made it. Boot camp sucked. I was upset to find out how different each division was, and it didn’t matter whether one division scored higher on a test, or ranked higher on their PT.. Their phone calls were given based on the DIV leaders’ discretion. Our friend who is in another division called home at least once a week, sometimes twice. I just so happened to be so damned lucky as to have my boyfriend be in the division with the ones who felt it demeaning to give out rewards. So, I, nor his family, got no phone calls through out boot camp. But his division was ranked first out of the ones to graduate. Go figure. And of course as you know on top of that it took about 2 weeks for the first letter to finally come… I was a mess.
So we finally made it through. Graduation weekend was ok, I was just so happy to see him. We only got a few hours a day because they had watch, duty and had to report back in at 7:30 every night and were allowed out at 8am every morning… It sucked, but we made it work.
Is it wrong to feel worse after seeing him again? Is it wrong to already be questioning if I can do this and he hasn’t even finished A-school? I thought A-school was supposed to be better, but it seems to be just as bad as boot camp! He was assigned night class so he goes from 4pm-12am, and also assigned watch and something from 8am-12pm.. So the only time, if he isn’t busy catching up on sleep and doing the other things in life like eating and everything else he has to do, I could talk to him would be from 12:30 pm – 3pm. I work full time and go to school full time. There is maybe 5 minutes while I am driving from class to work that I can talk to him, if I can catch him. But we are also in two different time zones. Please some one tell me, how this is supposed to be easier? I feel like I have more bad days than good. He seems to have no idea what is going on half the time and it drives me crazy so I don’t even want to talk because I just want to know what is going on. I just want answers, and apparently no one in the military has answers. I just get absolutely frustrated beyond means talking about anything to do with what is going on with the future because he has either no idea, or the concrete facts are never concrete and get changed frequently.
I just don’t know how to have a good day. I want to be supportive. He asked me what size ring I wear, and whether I liked the princess cut or square cut diamonds. We have been talking about it for a long time, and I know it should be sometime as soon as he gets stationed. I am just worried about now. We both know I am not going to leave. I just do not know how to cope with these feelings. How to be happy for him, and not dwell on the negative. I know someone here would know better than I. Because this is a long haul that has only started and I feel like giving up already.. I don’t know how to not get upset and frustrated over the small things. I know I should be happy that we can even talk for five minutes. But I am so used to how we used to be when we lived together for over 2 years, this is so different.. I never used to be a short tempered or really emotional person, but I guess taking the person you love away will do that to you?
Someone please help me. How do you do it because I love this man with all my heart and I know it is stressing us both out physically and mentally with me losing it all the time.
:depressed *Lise:tears

First :hugs I know your very stressed, as I would be too !!

But congrats on making it through bootcamp! thats a start!!

And its going to be hard, but it will be worth it. Keep your head up and stay strong, talk to him when you can and instead of getting angry that its only 5 minutes..be thankful that you get those 5 minutes!! I know its hard but try to be positive and things will start falling into place for you!

I was questioning my strength do this just like you are now, but you can make it work!! !

PM me if you wanna talk!

You dont know anything about me but I'm not one to give advice on relationships right now. But I just wanted to say being married or involved with a man in military is tough. real tough. It will defintly test you both on so many levels. I read in your profile you've been together 8 years. That is a long time. Have ya'll thought about counseling? Maybe for also just yourself.:dunno Like I said I am not the one to give advice when it comes to love right now. But definitly look into counseling, I will say that I have learned that it is good to ask earlier in the start of your problems if he is up for counseling. I waited too long I guess to suggest it to mine b/c he said no in the end to the idea. I am sorry your having trouble and I hope it gets better for you, for both of you. :cheerup Sorry for not being able to help more than that but if ya need an ear to vent, p.m. me anytime. :hugs

good luck:goodvibes

I would also like to add, stick to this board. These ladies on here are awesome, you will gets lots of love and good advice. It is the only board I belong too.

My husband had been a Marine for 3 yrs when we met.

Your guy is at the bottom of the totem pole, that's how it works. If there's crap jobs or duties to do, he'll be doing them. That's just how it goes, and eveyone has been that low guy on the totem pole.

As he advances, it gets better, promise ;)

Stick to this message board!! It's been such a great help for me, it passes the time and you get all the support you could ever need.

My only advice is to keep busy. I'm sure you've heard this before but its really something you need to do. If you keep busy, you have less time to think about the negative.

Also, I am always here to talk if you need advice or to vent to someone. PM me anytime, i'd be glad to talk you. Stop by the chat room here some night, a bunch of us go there every night just to talk and stuff.

My boyfriend had been in the Navy for 5 years when I met him. when we first started going out I knew that someday soon he would be going away. Little did I know that going away soon was 4 month into our relationship. That being said I could never be happier. Yes, there are some really hard days that I cry for what seems like hours, but I get through them. What gets me through is knowing that it will soon be over and that he loves me and that I have the people here on this board. These people here are some of my best friends and see me through the hard days and there have been some really hard days. This will get better you will see. Plus he wants to marry you so that shows that he is willing to go through and still spend the rest of his life with you.

Be strong girl things always end up working out it the end.

If you ever need to talk you can PM me.

Things do get easier over time. One thing to remember is that he has little control of what he is asked to do, how much he will work, where he will go when. That is one of the most difficult things about dealing with the military, at least for me. I too always want answers and want to know things but it is unpredictable and they have control of him! I hate it, I think most of us do, but things will get better. He is at the bottom of the totem pole like it was mentioned above, and once he's been in a while he will get a regular routine going and you will get more used to it. The other ladies also said stick with this board, I agree with that 110%, since I have joined it has been so great to have the support here, and also they said to keep busy. Sounds like you are and I agree with that too. Hang in there, you can do it, military life is TOUGH, but it sounds like you are a strong lady and you can get through this! :hugs :hugs :hugs

hang in there girl :hugs
i almost gave up when my ex db was in bootcamp, but i surprised myself by being soo strong.

i agree with the other girls, stick to this board, the ladies here are great!

I too always want answers

Even now, married 11 yrs, he's been in 14 yrs. I'll ask him "why?" about something and he'll say "I don't know". So I say "well why didn't you ask?".
It doesn't occur to them to ask - lol - they just do it.
And honestly, they don't care "why" as much as we do ;)

Well first of all- I know you won't give up.

Second of all- it only gets easier because YOU do get used to it.

When dh (df at the time) went to Iraq, i had been with him for a year and a half- most of it was long distance but just before he was deployed, i was with him for quite some time. I had to go home, and he went to Iraq, and those few months after he left were some of the toughest months i had ever experienced. I thought i would be ok because we had been doing long distance for so long- but it was so much harder, i went into a slump and i was VERY emotional- unlike how i have always been.. a happy go lucky kinda girl. As the months went on, I got used to not knowing, getting dissapointed, and being at the bottom of the totem pole. But finally- things got easier and we got to see each other for a very well deserved 2 weeks and we got married.

So i know what you are going through, and I know it does get easier. Things will be ok, you just gotta stick it out. Good times come with the bad. Especially in the military. One thing they are good for is giving the SO's a rough time.

Pm me if you need to talk or vent or anything.

Even now, married 11 yrs, he's been in 14 yrs. I'll ask him "why?" about something and he'll say "I don't know". So I say "well why didn't you ask?".
It doesn't occur to them to ask - lol - they just do it.
And honestly, they don't care "why" as much as we do ;)

I agree with that!!! DB sometimes just doesn't even ask, and when I ask why he tells me he doesn't know. So I tell him to ask, he does and bam we have an answer. That whole mess could have been avoided if he would just ask in the first place!! He has gotten better tho..probably because he gets tired of my asking him to ask :giggle men...:sigh

I just got out of bootcamp too...not me, but my heart. Jon was there for 10 weeks and i got to talk to him for 32 minutes that whole time. I got about 7 letters too. I hated it. I can't describe how much i hated it. I hated him for leaving me and i blamed myself for not being a good enough girlfriend to him. He's at AIT now and we can at least talk on the phone sparatically. That's nice...but i would much rather have him home. He'll be there for 12-16 weeks and it's going to be hell. But because i love him, i'm gonna make it through. I figure that my life will be much worse if i broke up with him. I love him with everything i have and i decided that i am going to stick with him through thick and thin. He'll only be in for 4 years and then you have the rest of your lives to be together. Right now it may seem like you will never see an end to this...but in the long run, it's only a small part of your life.
I really hope things get better for you. No matter what, don't give up. He's missing you just like you are missing him. Everything is going to be ok!

I am right there with you sweety. My John just graduated bootcamp and it would have been soooo much easier if I had not gone to see him graduate but at the same time I wouldn't give up those few hours of pure bliss for the world. He is at AIT now and we thought AIT would make it easier for both of us. I fell into a slump too for about 2 weeks. This past week I have been much more spirited and accepting. I live phone call to phone call. And I am thankful for every minute because even if he just calls for 30 seconds, I know he is ok and I know that him hearing my voice is going to get him through the next day. Being a military girlfriend is hard. At this point you are in a relationship by yourself. I know that seems like an oxymoron but there is nothing he can do right now. You are the one that has to stay strong for the relationship, you have to support his dreams and his goals. Think of it this way, my Nana always says you should never get married thinking everything is going to be 50/50. You should always go in giving at least 60%. As soon as you only try to give 50 you will always end up short. Some times you have to give 90% and other times he has to give 90% but in the end it averages out to 50/50. I just keep telling myself this is my 90% for the time being. (I don't mean that in a "i'm keeping score" sort of way at all) I know that when he gets back he will be there for me no matter what life throws our way.

Treasure every moment, and remember being without him for the time being is better than not being with him at all. Thats another thing that keeps me going. I can't imagine being with anyone else so I am just going to sit this storm out until I can have the man of my dreams back.

Also just as everyone else has said, feel free to PM me or whatever. We are all here to help.

Wub ya!

BC sucked. Definitely. A school was better because... well, look at it this way - he's less stressed. That should make it better. Heck, it's better than deployment right?

(Oh the things we have to look forward to. :rolleyes)

My family has spent several generations dealing with military duty, deployments, and stuff. It is so difficult when we are left out and wondering "why" because most of us just don't have that mentality to do without question. I have also noticed that sometimes when my Dad was gone or even my fiance now that I can make "homecoming" be more than it really is. I get all nervous and worked up and then it is like hey babe! and that's it. I mean I was always happy when Dad came home and I am excited and jumping for joy when my fiance comes home but all the anticipation of the first moment just wears me out and then it is like he is up and gone again whether it is back out to sea or just plain duty. I am kind of like you though I am looking for support and friends so that I can bus myself with interests that will be productive and this website is my hope with some of that. Also meeting other military wives in your area helps although some are up to no good and they are a disgrace to all of the faithful men and women out there that dutifully perservere through all of these seperations and keep their families and homes strong for their spouse while he or she is away....but that is another discussion entirely. Hobies, friends, being commited to your home and family all help that is the best advice I know.

i'm just sending you :hugs

Think of it this way, my Nana always says you should never get married thinking everything is going to be 50/50. You should always go in giving at least 60%. As soon as you only try to give 50 you will always end up short. Some times you have to give 90% and other times he has to give 90% but in the end it averages out to 50/50. I just keep telling myself this is my 90% for the time being. (I don't mean that in a "i'm keeping score" sort of way at all) I know that when he gets back he will be there for me no matter what life throws our way.

i like that! your nana is smart.

good luck with you and DB. sending you :goodvibes

before i got married i was told it isn't 50/50 by any means it should be 100/100. both people should be giving 100% to the marriage/relationship.