... who's husband just got extended... Just thought I'd share in liu of the bad news we all got today... I hear number 8 ALL THE TIME:mad and I hate it when people say that to me...


1. "Aren't you afraid that he'll be killed?" (This one ranks in at number one on my "duh" list. Of course we're afraid. We're terrified. The thought always lingers at the backs of our minds ---but thanks, you just brought it back to the front. Maybe next you can go ask someone with cancer if they're scared of dying.)

2. "I don't know how you manage. I don't think I could do it." (Though this is really annoying, I feel bad about mentioning it because I know that it is intended to be a compliment. Still, it's not like all of us have been dreaming since childhood of the day we'd get to be anxious single moms who carry cell phones with us to the bathroom. We're not made of some mysterious matter that makes us more capable, we just got asked/told to take on a challenging job and we rose to the challenge.)

3. "At least he's not in Iraq." (This is the number one most annoying comment for my friends whose husbands are in Afghanistan. As one friend put it, "What do they think is happening in Afghanistan? A huge game of golf? Guys are fighting and dying over there, too."

4. "Do you think he'll get to come home for Christmas/anniversary/birthday/birth of a child/wedding/family reunion, etc?" (Don't you watch the news? No. They don't get to come home for any of these things. Please don't ask again.)

5. "What are you going to do to keep yourself busy while he's gone?" (Short answer: Try to keep my sanity. Maybe there's someone out there who gets bored when her S.O. leaves, but I have yet to meet her. For the rest of us, those with and without children, we find ourselves having to be two people. That keeps us plenty busy. We do get lonely, but we don't get bored.)

6. "How much longer does he have until he can get out?" (This one is annoying to many of us whether our men are deployed or not. Many of our men aren't counting down the days until they "can" get out. Many of them keep signing back up again and again because (gasp!) they love what they do. It's not like they are have a prison sentance they are serving.

7. "This deployment shouldn't be so bad, now that you're used to it." (Sure, we do learn coping skills. And we figure out ways to make life go smoother while the guys are gone. But it never gets easy and the bullets and bombs don't skip over our guys just because they've been there before. The worry never goes away.)

8. "My husband had to go to Europe for business once for three weeks. I totally know what you're going through." (This one is similar to number two. Do not equate your husband's three week trip to London/Omaha/Tokyo/etc. with a one-year deployment to a war zone. Aside from the obvious trip length difference, nobody shot at your husband or tried to blow him up with an I.E.D., your husband could call home pretty much any time he wanted to, he flew comfortably on a commercial plane, slept between crisp white sheets and ate well, paying for everything with an expense account. There is no comparison. We do not feel bonded to you in the slightest because of this comment and, if anything, we probably resent you a bit for comparing a combat deployment to a business trip.

9. "Don't you miss him?" (Like number one, this one gets a big "duh" from me. Of course we miss our husbands. If we didn't, we'd get divorced.)

10. "Where is that?" (I don't expect non-military folks to be able to find Anbar Province on a map, but they should know by now that it's in Iraq. Likewise, know that Kabul and Kandahar are in Afghanistan. Know that Muqtada al Sadr is the insurgent leader of the Mahdi Army in Iraq and that Sadr City is his home area. Know that Iran is a major threat to our country and that it is located between Afghanistan and Iraq. Our country has been at war in Afghanistan for six and a half years and at war in Iraq for four years. These basic facts are not secrets, they're on the news every night and in the papers every day ---and on maps everywhere. You've had time to learn it. Do your part by at least knowing what is going on.)

11. "He's extended? Now he'll be gone for a whole nother summer" (Thanks for the NEWSFLASH Dan Rather.. I didn't do the math..)

12. "He got extended? I'm sorry he's not coming home." (Listen up, here, numbnuts.... He IS coming home. Maybe not in March, but he WILL BE HOME. Don't sit there and talk about him like he's dead, cause he'll be back in August..)

13. "Has he killed anyone yet?" I got that one a few times.

number 8 is the one that infuriates me the most.

lol, those are really good... Thanks for sharing it.... :)

13. "Has he killed anyone yet?" I got that one a few times.

DH said that when someone asks him that, it's comparable to taking a little girl's favorite doll and ripping it's head off in front of her while cackling insanely..

You go girl. It pisses the shit out of me as well. I got hit twice because both of my mine are in. My father an LT in the Navy is over in Anbar and we dont know when he will be coming home. He thinks maybe next October. And then my boyfriend up in Chicago. I have also gotten the, "Do you think he is in trouble?"
I understand it is difficult for civilians to not fully understand everything, but come one... alot of it is common sense and courtesy.

DH said that when someone asks him that, it's comparable to taking a little girl's favorite doll and ripping it's head off in front of her while cackling insanely..

Yep, I just looked at her and blinked, I had no idea what to say. (this was shortly after he left for Iraq)

I asked dh if he killed someone. It put him in tears so i never asked again.

Me and my big mouth :banghead

I asked dh if he killed someone. It put him in tears so i never asked again.

Me and my big mouth :banghead

Oops, that's just not done, but you didn't know.

I feel ya.

Ive had so many people tell me " why marry someone in the military, even one in the service gets killed"

it makes me so mad.

Yeah, it was when we first started dating and dh was telling me about his previous deployment- he was ok talking about it at first, and then he burst into tears, and i apologised and he said it was ok - but just painful to talk about. So i never mentioned it again. Oh how i was naive.

Yeah, it was when we first started dating and dh was telling me about his previous deployment- he was ok talking about it at first, and then he burst into tears, and i apologised and he said it was ok - but just painful to talk about. So i never mentioned it again. Oh how i was naive.

Dh already told me I was never allowed to talk about that part of it, mention it, bring it up, even hint around it.

I keep my mouth shut.

Hubby told me that he would answer any questions he has, but I can tell when something is striking a nerve, so I know not to go any further. It's not like we talk about it all the time, but there are times when he opens up and needs to talk, but I know how far I can go.

:hugs Those people suck.

People are seriously idiots! I'm sorry you have to deal with that!

A friend of mine started a drunk ramble about a kid with a gun and well basically they all shot so they don't know who had the bullet that killed him. I don't think I ever asked him about it while he was sober though...

I can relate with all of that. My favorite is, so, how is your wife doing on the ship? My response is always the same, shes fine! Then the second question is always, well, when is she coming home, like what day? I told this person, now do you think I would tell you and furthermore that could potentially put the ship in danger. I just tell people, she will be home when she gets home. Trust me you WILL KNOW when she is home because I will not be on this stupid computer playing poker with you all. I lost count how many times I told this same thing to the SAME PERSON! :inshock :inshock

I can relate with all of that. My favorite is, so, how is your wife doing on the ship? My response is always the same, shes fine! Then the second question is always, well, when is she coming home, like what day? I told this person, now do you think I would tell you and furthermore that could potentially put the ship in danger. I just tell people, she will be home when she gets home. Trust me you WILL KNOW when she is home because I will not be on this stupid computer playing poker with you all. I lost count how many times I told this same thing to the SAME PERSON! :inshock :inshock

ahhahha i hate that. so many people ask over and over again, like they think its gonna change.

Dh already told me I was never allowed to talk about that part of it, mention it, bring it up, even hint around it.

I keep my mouth shut.


See, that breaks my heart, knowing that someday there might be a part of him that I can never touch. :sigh

See, that breaks my heart, knowing that someday there might be a part of him that I can never touch. :sigh

i understand that, but if he dosent want me talking to him about it or asking, then Im not. If he brings it up then ok, we can talk. But I wont bring that kinda stuff up.

ahhahha i hate that. so many people ask over and over again, like they think its gonna change.

I know, as if anything is going to change. I mean sure my wife had a reaction to the anthrax vaccine and had a toenail removed but thats it. Question, is there a way to reach through this screen to strangle people? *** taps screen......hello.....come closer........like homer simpson does......why you lil......***

I know, as if anything is going to change. I mean sure my wife had a reaction to the anthrax vaccine and had a toenail removed but thats it. Question, is there a way to reach through this screen to strangle people? *** taps screen......hello.....come closer........like homer simpson does......why you lil......***

hahhah yeah or whem my mil keeps telling me that her son wont get deployed even though he has orders, i wanna smack her through the phone. People just dont listen ever.

Oh, I wouldnt push it, either. It would just hurt, but not nearly as bad as it would hurt him.

Oh, I wouldnt push it, either. It would just hurt, but not nearly as bad as it would hurt him.

yeah, thats why we dont even talk about it now, and he hasnt left for deployment yet. I just dont want to talk to him about it if I know it would hurt him.

hahhah yeah or whem my mil keeps telling me that her son wont get deployed even though he has orders, i wanna smack her through the phone. People just dont listen ever.

No they don't. My brother is in the Army national guard and is due to deploy in 2009. My family seems to think it will be over then, I dont think so but you never know. Sorry to thread jack.

I always thread jack.. lol

i've been married only 6 months and i have heard almost all of them. i hate the when is he coming home??? or why aren't you there with him... if i could i would.

Number 8 makes me want to kill people, and so does the "I don't know how you do it" one. Gah, just leave me in peace!

Speaking of the death toll.... My dad's a vet. He NEVER talks about it. That missing piece is always hard and scary. I hope and pray DB doesn't end up with his own missing piece that can never be spoken...

Yeah, 8 pisses me off. My head instructor was like (she's a ditz too) "OMG Rich had to go scuba diving off the coast of Australia one time for research for like two weeks and I only talked to him like six times!!!"

It took all I had not to :fight her in the mouth

I know, as if anything is going to change. I mean sure my wife had a reaction to the anthrax vaccine and had a toenail removed but thats it. Question, is there a way to reach through this screen to strangle people? *** taps screen......hello.....come closer........like homer simpson does......why you lil......***

If I could invent a device that could punch people in the face over the intarwebz, I'd be a bajillionaire.

...

9. "Don't you miss him?" (Like number one, this one gets a big "duh" from me. Of course we miss our husbands. If we didn't, we'd get divorced.)



I'm not even kidding, I've used this answer on more than one occasion when I've been in a less than peachy mood:

"NO!! As a matter of fact, I'm on my way to pick up the keg for the next installment of Sam's Not Home House Party Extravaganza! Tonight at 7pm, bring chips!"

I love the "Your husband is in the Army, right?" "No, Air Force." "Oh, right. So what does he do in the Navy?" "Not a damn thing. He's Air Force." "Oh, right. Does he like the Army?"

I've heard every one of these. I hate I don't know how you manage, or the oh so similar "I'd never marry someone in the Military. Why do you do it?"

...uh...because I can't stand having a husband around all year. I figure if I could pack his ass off and send him to the red zone at least twice a year, I'll have enough "alone time" in my bed to be able to handle when he's home.


Anyone have this question yet? : He has life insurance, right? / So how much is he worth? / What would you do with the money if he died?

ARE YOU F**ING HIGH?!?! Do you HEAR yourself?!?

I love my friends, they don't know what to day. So they just keep their mouths shut. They have no idea what it's like to not even be able to hear DH's voice when he's underway. Or how much it hurts when he can't be at my graduation, anniveraires (or god forbid the birth of our children in the future.)

I love the "Your husband is in the Army, right?" "No, Air Force." "Oh, right. So what does he do in the Navy?" "Not a damn thing. He's Air Force." "Oh, right. Does he like the Army?"

I've heard every one of these. I hate I don't know how you manage, or the oh so similar "I'd never marry someone in the Military. Why do you do it?"

...uh...because I can't stand having a husband around all year. I figure if I could pack his ass off and send him to the red zone at least twice a year, I'll have enough "alone time" in my bed to be able to handle when he's home.


Anyone have this question yet? : He has life insurance, right? / So how much is he worth? / What would you do with the money if he died?

ARE YOU F**ING HIGH?!?! Do you HEAR yourself?!?

When I was in high school I refered to the whole military as the Army. that was until I was involved with the Navy. THen I was educated. I know people who are my age and older who STILL refer to the whole military as the Army. I just tell them their dumb, and to know their military branches (Especially in SAN DIEGO)!!

thanks for sharing! i looove #8 because i hate when friends say that. i just wanna slap them! :teehee

I always here "how does your fiance like being in the Army?"

After I explain my fiance is in the NAVY. Army is a branch. Navy is another branch. Dumbasses :fight

#1 bothers me the most. It's like, NO, I'm not worried at all, I enjoy knowing the man I love is in harms way and might not come home. Thanks for really making me think of it after I've managed to not let my hyseria show. I know people don't mean to be cruel, but they should really think before they say things.

The one that I got...that pissed me off most in this deployment was:

"So, when you watch the news, and you see that a soldier died in Iraq, what goes through your head"......... :no

Needless to say this was one of my very good friends....I told him how I felt about what he had said to me....and he blocked ME from all messaging systems, myspace, facebook, everything afterwards. :rolleyes. Drama queen.

When Dh was deployed in 05, I was talking to a former co-worker and she was complaining that her DB was going to be gone for 6 months for CHP training, but he got to come home every weekend and she'd be able to talk to him nightly. I just rolled my eyes while I was listening to her. I finally said "well, at least you'll get to see him."

The other one I love to hear is that because I have numerous magnetic ribbons on the back of my truck I must automatically support the policies behind the war. I just look at them and say "No, I support the troops defending our freedom" Then I've had people say why do you support the troops. I'm like "I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't since I'm married to one"

ETA: thought of something else

As much as I hate it in Georgia, I'm almost glad I don't live back home right now. At least when people here ask where DH is, and I say Iraq, there's a look of respect, not pity and no dumb questions, but Ft Benning is 5 min away.

I hate ignorance!!

I'm so happy I live in a military town while my Marine is gone, nobody asks stupid questions because they're all going through the same thing.

UGH even though I am not married I completely get these questions all the time....

as long as this thread is, I'm surprised MY favorite hasn't come up yet... "Well, you KNEW what you were getting into (when you married him)" Even my Ombudsman dared to utter that phrase to me... Luckily (for her), we were on the phone...

13. "Has he killed anyone yet?" I got that one a few times.

Oh yes, same here :neutral. Bill still has a hard time talking about some of his experiences when he was in Iraq. I know when it gets hard for him to talk about it any further, and we don't talk about it.

Actually, I have been asked every single one of those, and I had a friendship end over number 8. She still thought we were going through the same thing :shock . She would call me crying that her husband was on a 5 day business trip to Chicago, all the while she knew Bill was on a 7 month deployment right after 9/11. That pissed me off to no end!

I hate ignorance!!

I'm so happy I live in a military town while my Marine is gone, nobody asks stupid questions because they're all going through the same thing.

I am really thankfull I live where I do, because everyone is going through what I go through, and no one ever says stupid things.

as long as this thread is, I'm surprised MY favorite hasn't come up yet... "Well, you KNEW what you were getting into (when you married him)" Even my Ombudsman dared to utter that phrase to me... Luckily (for her), we were on the phone...

Ooooo I hate that one too! I got the same thing...and another variation of: "Well, you CHOSE this life. You CHOSE to marry him...so you shouldn't complain...etc..." I didn't CHOOSE to fall in love an army man. :vent Ugh.

as long as this thread is, I'm surprised MY favorite hasn't come up yet... "Well, you KNEW what you were getting into (when you married him)" Even my Ombudsman dared to utter that phrase to me... Luckily (for her), we were on the phone...

OOOOOhhhhh! I HATE that one too!!!

If I could invent a device that could punch people in the face over the intarwebz, I'd be a bajillionaire.

LMFAO!!! Awwww hell no............too funny but I understand that all too well. Some people are just soo stupid.

as long as this thread is, I'm surprised MY favorite hasn't come up yet... "Well, you KNEW what you were getting into (when you married him)" Even my Ombudsman dared to utter that phrase to me... Luckily (for her), we were on the phone...

I hate that one too. I can't believe the ombudsman would say that to you.

After we got extended back in January, we had a meeting at base.. One of my friends got in the Major's face about the way the notification was handled.. He told her "If the Army would have wanted your husband to be married we would have ISSUED him a wife."

I always get the "I know I could never do it" and a pity look.

Amen to that, I get that whole "at least he's not in Iraq" shit all the time....well he's been there too!!GOD!

I get the don't you miss him and how do you do it ALL the time. I also get the well can he come home to visit one too. Thankfully both my parents and my in laws are military but the rest of the world just really sucks some days.

I think at some point in time someone has said those things or something similar to me. Makes me want to slap them.:lol

Amen to that, I get that whole "at least he's not in Iraq" shit all the time....well he's been there too!!GOD!

people say that to me, and I just look at them and go, I just said he IS going to Iraq. err

I haven't had to face a deployment with my bf yet but i will soon... i have gotten a couple of questions similar to those already which is weird.

one thing that people use to say to me when i first got with him was, "i would never be with someone in the military, they always go away" I kept telling them, "i understand that is apart of his job and i am willing to go through it because i love him dearly"
why couldn't people just be happy that i found someone i love and loves me also:depressed ....

i actually had someone ask me today if my dh was having fun over there.... OMG i wanted to slap him.... i said.... well i guess as much fun as he can have over there... what does he think he is doing visiting disney in the sandbox? some people need to grow a brain.

as long as this thread is, I'm surprised MY favorite hasn't come up yet... "Well, you KNEW what you were getting into (when you married him)" Even my Ombudsman dared to utter that phrase to me... Luckily (for her), we were on the phone...

I get this from MY MOTHER of all people. Yes, I knew it when I married him...but I fell in love with him before he even joined the military. It's not like you can just STOP loving someone once you find out they are in the military... (or, like you can NOT support them in their decision to join the military...)

As much as I hate to hear all this crap, I usually oblige whomever is asking. I just chalk it up to ignorance and I know those people are not strong enough to endure the things we have to as a military couple. A lot of those are pretty ridiculous questions, and anyone with tact and common sense should know not to ask, but.... what are you gonna do?

sometimes people cant help being stupid you know.