My sister has fertility problems PCOS and endometriosis, she's on a fertility drug right now (clomid) and her hubby is deployed until July, but she's been lucky enough to see him 3 times and hasn't gotten pregnant yet, they are going to try very hard when he gets home. But it's been talked about in the past that I would be her surrogate if she needed me and she just asked me again the other day. My problem is that my husband isn't supportive about it. I ended up on bedrest with my first and third babies (first due to premature labor and third due to partial placental abruption) my second one was a breeze and I really enjoyed it. He's also not sure how we would explain it to our kids.
He told me he doen't know why he's even worried about talking to me about it because I'm going to do it anyway. This has been mine and my sisters dream before my husband was even around but at the same time I don't want him to not touch me the whole time I'm pregnant and I definately can't be stressed out while pregnant with my sisters baby.
What would you do?

i offered to my aunt when she was having problems. if it comes to it being a very real possibility that you'll be asked to do it then i highly suggest that you sit down with your sister and your husband and talk to them both and lay out all the fears/concerns/worries on the table

I wouldn't do it if my husband didn't support it....
Has she thought about invetro???

If it's going to put your health in danger I wouldn't do it.. you have your own children to care for, and if anything happened to you, you can't leave them without a mother.. :tears

I would do it. My husband would have to be the type of man who would understand my motivation.

i would do it for my sister. she has had one kidney removed, has severe scoliosis and some other health problems including possible endo. our mom had it and she hasnt been diagnosed yet but im guessing she might have it. i would 100% carry her baby for her. i have never talked to db about it and i do not have kids of my own yet so im not sure if i can even have kids but if i could and if she couldnt i would. she is my sister my best friend she is part of me and i love her to death. if she asked i would. that is such a great thing of you to be willing to do for your sister. also when you told your kids you could just say that you were having the baby to help auntie so and so because she cant carry babies in her tummy like you can. tell them right off the bat that the baby inside isnt their new brother or sister but its their cousin! :goodvibes to you for being so caring!

I wouldn't do it if my husband had a legitimate reason to be against it. If you will be okay healthwise and your husband can support you, then go for it.

I wouldn't do it if my husband didn't support it....
Has she thought about invetro???

She has, but it's too expensive and there's no guarantees that it will work.

She has, but it's too expensive and there's no guarantees that it will work.

yes, but you will have to go through the invitro if you are a surrogate and there are the same guarantees!

IF my sister ever ever ever asked me that, I would do it in a hearbeat! at least as long as my body was capable of it and there were no health problems. I would just explain to my husband to look at our children and think about how much he loves them and how much they fill his life with joy, then to think if we never had them and how that would feel to not ever be able to kiss his baby girls forhead and tickle her little toes, then I would say "wouldnt you want someone else to have that experience?? wouldnt you want to be the one to help them get that love and joy that we have? and wouldnt you want to be the one to do that for them?" then he would understand.

yes, but you will have to go through the invitro if you are a surrogate and there are the same guarantees!

As far as she and I both understood was that it would be better to spend the money for me to do it because we know I can carry babies (never had a miscarriage or anything) and she's been told that she could probably get pregnant that way but not stay pregnant. The other thing we need to check on is insurance.......I wonder if tricare would cover it since I would be the surrogate or if I will have to go through my insurance.

As far as she and I both understood was that it would be better to spend the money for me to do it because we know I can carry babies (never had a miscarriage or anything) and she's been told that she could probably get pregnant that way but not stay pregnant. The other thing we need to check on is insurance.......I wonder if tricare would cover it since I would be the surrogate or if I will have to go through my insurance.

I'm thinking insurance would not cover the procedure - but your insurance would cover the pregnancy. Definitely do your research on the financial aspect.

That is a hard question. On one hand you are helping your sister and on the hand your family would possible have you out of the game for a couple of months (judging by your past pregnancys).

You said they are military, and they wont help. I have a few friends who had IVI and the military paid all but part of the cost. :dunno

This has been mine and my sisters dream before my husband was even around but at the same time I don't want him to not touch me the whole time I'm pregnant and I definately can't be stressed out while pregnant with my sisters baby.


Do you think that this would cause problems with you and your husband? I know your heart is in the right place, but I think you should have your husband's approval.

It's just not something I would consider. I would feel funny about sdomething like that. But thats just my opinion. I know of alot of people who do and it works out for them. If DH is not for it I would not even think about it anymore. I think it's something you both have to agree with 100%.

If my husband didnt want me to do it, then I wouldnt. I also dont think it would be something that I coudl handle doing. Also if it put you in bedrest before, then I wouldnt wanna take that chance.

I would do it for someone close to me. I have easy pregnancies and would definatly go through 9 months of carrying a baby to give a close friend or family member the child that they wouldn't otherwise be able to have.

i would never do it if my husband wasnt completely okay with it. but thats me.

I'm with Marnie, i honestly don't know if i could do it. I would always think of the child as my own and it would be hard to be ok with it all. I wouldn't do it without my husbands ok. It's a very tricky situation. Your heart is definately in the right place for you to even consider it. So kudos for you there. But you need to put you, and your family first. How would it affect the kids? Could you afford it with insurance, bed rest etc? How much is your husband really against it? Are YOU going to be ok afterwards, both physically and mentally.

I think you and your dh, your sister and her dh need to sit down and really discuss this if it comes a major possibility.

I would do it for someone close to me. I have easy pregnancies and would definatly go through 9 months of carrying a baby to give a close friend or family member the child that they wouldn't otherwise be able to have.

well said!

Honestly I seriously doubt I could do it. I hate being pregnant. I am one of those women that if I could just have the baby brought to me by the stork I would be the happiest person ever. It would have to be someone very very important to me before I could even consider it...

I would have done it for my sister in a heartbeat!

This is a great forum for surrogates. I'm sure you will find a lot of answers.
http://www.surromomsonline.com/support/

If I could I would do it because I know that my husband and I have tried to find a surrogate mother it can be really hard and if I could find someone who was related I would do it because I could trust them to take care of the baby while they were pregnant

My sister and I have talked about it in the past. Luckily our issues were both handled and each of us could carry our own kids. But if she could I would do it in a heartbeat, providing I wasnt in any real danger. I would never want someone not to be able to feel the love of a child especially knowing how much I love my kids. I know that my husband would be fine with it but if he wasnt we would have to sit down and really talk about it because I wouldnt want to deprive my sister of a wonderful feeling. If your not able to do this maybe help your sister thru the adoption process.

I would do it for someone close to me. I have easy pregnancies and would definatly go through 9 months of carrying a baby to give a close friend or family member the child that they wouldn't otherwise be able to have.

:agree completely with this.