I was watching an episode of Sex in the City the other day, and it reminded me of the debates that have been goin on lately.

So the episode was about Carrie, she was pondering her single life and how she spent so much money on shoes and such, yet that was her life how she liked it. Then thinking about an invitation she got for a birthday party for the child of a friend. Well when she went to this party, the friend made everyone take off their shoes at the entrance. And she didn't just ask, she pretty much made them take off their shoes. Well Carrie was hesitant because she was wearing very expensive $400+ Monolo Blanik shoes. But she did it anyway because she didn't want to be the one to make the big fuss. Well when she was leaving, because she felt out of place towards the end being with all the parents and kids, she noticed her shoes were GONE. Like someone had taken them. The friend told her 'oh they'll show up' and gave her a loaner pair of sneakers. The friend didn't offer to pay or anything. Well After a couple of days Carrie called and asked if her shoes had shown up, and the friend said no, but don't worry about it. Well Carrie did worry about it, she loved her shoes that she spent so much money on. So she went to the friend's house to ask again if they had shown up. Well the friend finally go the hint that she should at least offer to pay for the shoes. But when Carrie told her how much the shoes cost, the friend basically scolded her for being so frivelous and told her it was ridiculous and that she wouldn't give her that much for the shoes. Carrie reminded her that she used to be single and friviolous once too, and thats how much the shoes cost. ANYWAY, the whole point of the thing was, she was being judged by someone who had a family life, for the way she lived her single life and her life with no kids.

Now if you are single, or if you and your SO don't have any kids, do you feel people that do have kids judge you for the life you have CHOSEN to live?

And if you are married with kids, do you feel that maybe you do judge other people for the way they live their life or like maybe they don't know as much as you because they don't have kids?

Yes I think people judge other people who don't have children as selfish. It was in fact done on here before. I personally do not I am in fact envious some days of being able to live such a spontaneous life. Not that I regret my children but that somedays I just miss that carefree life..kwim
And on the other coin yes I think people judge me for having children and for being a SAHM. They feel I'm just mooching off my dh or that do nothing but sit all day and eat bonbons. I think judgement can go both ways.
I personally just think people should be happy for someone else's situation if they are happy in it and quit trying overanalyze it..kwim. If you're happy with no kids I'm happy for you. If you are happy with 20 kids then I'm happy for you.

I used to go out with a guy that had 3 kids, and paid $1200 a month in child support to his ex wife.. She drove a Cadilliac, didn't work and the teenage kids had ratty clothes, and wore out shoes, no winter boots, and thin winter jackets...

I thought she was a selfish bitch for driving a $40,000 car while her kids looked like little street urchins....

I feel that people without kids judge me! Its crazy. They say crap like "To have a child you sure do buy expensive things" WTF so you automatically think I'm broke because I have a child. Oh and I love this comment "Wow I don't even have babies and have a car like you guys" UM....YOU ASSHOLE...Its called having a job it has nothing with do with having a baby. Stupid Idiotics are getting on my nerves lately. Thank you for posting this! I just venting. :heehee

I'm not married, and I don't have kids, but I plan to. I'm not having children anytime soon, not because I want to spoil myself, but because of my education-and I'm just not ready whatsoever. If I were to get pregnant, I would have my children and love them just as much as if they were planned pregnancies. And I would have no problem giving up anything for them.

But I know a lot of people who are very much like the ladies in Sex and the City, and they are the most selfish individuals I know. And they look down upon women who get married and have children. So, I think as much as women who have children may say stuff about women who don't have children(or aren't married,etc), women who do not have children do the same thing. So it works both ways.

I do think I'm judged for having kids so young. But that's the norm. I'm 23 and going on kid number 3, most people feel like that is too young. Most of the time even I feel like it is too young. I had my oldest when I was 16, I still get comments on how cute my little brothers are. :no It seems to me that if you don't fit into the basic cookie cutter mold of what people consider the ideal time to start a family, whether you already have kids or don't, people tend to judge you.

Yeah, I think it goes both ways with the judgement.

A lot (not all) of women WITH children think that those of us without can not possibly understand what it's like (flashbacks anyone?) and on the other side, there are a lot of childless women who judge Mothers in certain ways.

But I have to state....I do feel judged when people who don't know me from a stick grass make rude or stupid comments about me being married and having a child. This question always come up..."Did you get married because of the baby?" I cursed a few out for asking me that crap cus apparently they can't add to see that Layla was concieved 9 months after we were married.

But my friends that are single with no kids...will just say I'm behind you on whatever you decide with your life. We have a good understanding never to cross each other boundaries when it comes to lifestyles. :)

But I have to state....I do feel judged when people who don't know me from a stick grass made rude or stupid comments about me being married and having a child. This question always come up..."Did you get married because of the baby?" I cursed a few out for asking me that crap cus apparently they can't add to see that Layla was concieved 9 months after we were married.

I think that stems from the growing bitterness people feel toward being married. People start to believe the ONLY reason to get married is because you got pregnant. That's just ridiculous. They forget that you can actually get married because you *gasp* LOVE each other!

Well I'm kind of whatever on this one. I have friends who are single or don't have kids, then I have cousins and a friend who are young married and have a kid. But I have never felt judged by any of them of how I live my life. I like my life the way it is, with NO kids. I love being 'selfish' and only sharing with my husband. I love being able to be free and with no worries or what I do will affect my child. I Chose this life and I like it. And people who are close to me respect that. Noone judges me or questions what I do and how I chose to spend my money, like getting lipo and buying a sports car. They are truly happy for me and happy to see that my hard work and education have paid off and just happy to see me happy. And I am happy for them in return. They chose to have children and they are very happy with them, so I am happy for them.

However, I can't say that about people who are not close to me. I'm not sure if 'judged' is the right word, but I do feel like some people sometimes questions the decisions I and my husband make. Like "you don't want kids? but WHY?" And it gets annoying to have to explain myself every time. Or like when I got my car, it was like, "oh NICE car" but then from some I felt like I got a look of "hmm must be nice". So I do feel sometimes people who are not close to me might look at my life from the outside and think, oh nice clothes, nice car, etc....frivelous. To me its not frivelous, its how I CHOSE to live my life, and I like it.

Well I'm kind of whatever on this one. I have friends who are single or don't have kids, then I have cousins and a friend who are young married and have a kid. But I have never felt judged by any of them of how I live my life. I like my life the way it is, with NO kids. I love being 'selfish' and only sharing with my husband. I love being able to be free and with no worries or what I do will affect my child. I Chose this life and I like it. And people who are close to me respect that. Noone judges me or questions what I do and how I chose to spend my money, like getting lipo and buying a sports car. They are truly happy for me and happy to see that my hard work and education have paid off and just happy to see me happy. And I am happy for them in return. They chose to have children and they are very happy with them, so I am happy for them.

However, I can't say that about people who are not close to me. I'm not sure if 'judged' is the right word, but I do feel like some people sometimes questions the decisions I and my husband make. Like "you don't want kids? but WHY?" And it gets annoying to have to explain myself every time. Or like when I got my car, it was like, "oh NICE car" but then from some I felt like I got a look of "hmm must be nice". So I do feel sometimes people who are not close to me might look at my life from the outside and think, oh nice clothes, nice car, etc....frivelous. To me its not frivelous, its how I CHOSE to live my life, and I like it.

I never understood why some people with kids feel like they have to state their opinions about having kids when no one has asked for it. I would love to have waited another 3 years until having my daughter but she came when God wanted her to come and I don't regret her at all. The people that is making those smart remarks or thinking those thoughts are just envious or to close minded to see that there is a life outside of The infamous family with 2 kids and a dog name chip.

I never understood why some people with kids feel like they have to state their opinions about having kids when no one has asked for it. I would love to have waited another 3 years until having my daughter but she came when God wanted her to come and I don't regret her at all. The people that is making those smart remarks or thinking those thoughts are just envious or to close minded to see that there is a life outside of The infamous family with 2 kids and a dog name chip.

Holy crap that is a wonderful point! :thumbsup

I personally don't care whether or not someone else has kids, or how many they have.

I don't automatically assume someone without kids is selfish, that's nuts.
I think it takes as much guts to go against society and not have kids as it does to have more than the acceptable 2 children - boy then girl 'natch - yes that's sarcasm ;)

As others said, the judging goes both ways.

You (the general you) also don't know why I have the number of kids *I* have, yet people judge <shrug>

I'm young and not married but very much in love with DB and I dont plan on having kids for at least a couple more years. At least a couple of my friends or people that I know judge me because they have kids and are married. Its true I am not married and do not have kids yet, but don't judge me for something that you have already done with your life. I know that people believe that since I am not married and dont have kids I don't know what I am talking about, but I have worked in childcare for most of my life, I have pretty much raised my cousins, I have also been there there my mother who went through the worst divorce known to man. I know I am young and some of the things that come out of my mouth are not always the correct thing to say but thats my right as a college student and as a young person. My whole life I have had to be the adult cause others could not be the adult. I have had to take care of my mothers house because she could not.

If I get married now I would greatly stop acting completely silly and if I got pregnant I would be happy to be a mommy, but until all that happens I will continue to be an adult that acts like a kid every now and then.

Holy crap that is a wonderful point! :thumbsup

Thanks!

If I get married now I would greatly stop acting completely silly and if I got pregnant I would be happy to be a mommy, but until all that happens I will continue to be an adult that acts like a kid every now and then.

I like what you wrote, I still act like a kid sometimes...but only when the time calls for it. :heehee

I like what you wrote, I still act like a kid sometimes...but only when the time calls for it. :heehee

Thanks. We all need to act silly every now and then cause if we didn't life would be a little boring and who wants a boring life.